Episode 174: Self-Differentiated Leaders Know How to Ask for Help
May 9, 2022
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Non-anxious leaders know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or incompetence. They are open and vulnerable, deepening emotional connection. Explore the concept of self-differentiation and debunking the negative beliefs about seeking assistance. Learn about the importance of self-differentiation and the challenges and benefits of asking for help. Understand the distinction between requests and demands, and how self-differentiated leaders create a healthier system for expressing needs.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; instead, it allows non-anxious leaders to deepen emotional connections.
Challenging negative assumptions and feelings about asking for help can lead to greater comfort and more effective assistance-seeking behaviors.
Deep dives
The Importance of Self-differentiation
Self-differentiation is about finding a balance between emotional connection and self-definition. It means acknowledging that we can't do everything by ourselves and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. While dependence on others for validation or independence without connection can be problematic, interdependence allows us to be ourselves while staying connected to others in healthy ways.
Overcoming Reluctance to Ask for Help
Many people feel reluctant to ask for help due to negative assumptions and beliefs. These assumptions, such as being seen as incompetent or burdening others, are often inaccurate. Research shows that people are more willing to help than we think, and asking for assistance can actually lead to deeper emotional connections. Asking for advice is seen as a sign of competence. By unpacking these assumptions and challenging our negative feelings, we can become more comfortable asking for help when needed.
Steps to Asking for Help
When asking for help, it is important to consider your values and goals, and align them with the decision to seek assistance. Choosing whom to ask involves considering relationship dynamics and trust. Giving people time to respond and decide freely is important. Asking in the face of discomfort requires self-awareness and acceptance of the discomfort. Being clear about what you need and receiving the help gratefully, without trying to control the process, are also key steps. If the request is denied, it is important to be gracious and consider other options. Lastly, being prosocial and offering help to others can create collaborative and supportive cultures.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or incompetence. Non-anxious leaders are able to be open and vulnerable in ways that deepen emotional connection. This episode shows you how.