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The One Thing Your Teen Really Needs From You: Emotional Regulation

Jan 7, 2026

In this enlightening discussion, Dr. Jody Carrington—a clinical psychologist and author known for her insights on emotional regulation—unpacks the crucial role caregivers play in children's emotional well-being. She explains why kids don’t lose their goodness but rather lose access during dysregulation. Dr. Carrington emphasizes modeling calm, the pitfalls of rewards and punishments, and the importance of empathy. She provides practical connection strategies, urging parents to engage deeply during moments like car rides and bedtime, while championing the '30% rule' to alleviate perfectionism.

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INSIGHT

Emotional Regulation Is The Core Skill

Emotional regulation is how not to lose your frigging mind and stay calm in distress.
Kids are born with fight, flight, freeze and need adults to teach the rest.

INSIGHT

The 'Flipped Lid' Brain Model

Use the hand-as-brain model: thumb=limbic system, fingers=prefrontal cortex.
When the 'lid' flips you lose access to learned skills stored in prefrontal cortex.

INSIGHT

Behaviorism Misses Relationship

Strict behaviorism can produce compliance but often sacrifices relationship and connection.
Rewards and punishments work short-term but leave relational damage if unaccompanied by repair.

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Updated to correct the music issues at the beginning:

This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.

In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.

In this episode, we cover:

What emotional regulation really is
- The “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortex
- Why kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to it
Why your regulation matters more than any parenting hack
- “If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”
- How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating us
Behavior, consequences and connection
- Why a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfires
- The shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”
Repair: the real superpower in families and classrooms
- Why the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repair
- How to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually heal
Practical tools you can use today
- The phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”
- The “collect before you direct” principle
- Everyday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interests
Hope for worried, exhausted parents
- Why kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)
- The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.

Dr Jody Carrington:

https://www.drjodycarrington.com

teenagersuntangled.substack.com

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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk