Acknowledging and welcoming our protective systems is essential for maintaining healthy relationships during times of distress.
Understanding the neuroceptive warning state and its impact on connection and bonding is crucial in navigating challenging times.
Grief and fear require social support and connection for effective processing, emphasizing the importance of acceptance and creating a safe space for oneself and loved ones.
Deep dives
Understanding the impact of isolation, fear, and grief on relationships
The podcast episode explores how extreme isolation, fear, and grief resulting from the pandemic are affecting relationships. The host and her guest therapist discuss the role of implicit memory and protective systems in navigating these challenging times. They emphasize the importance of welcoming and acknowledging our protective systems instead of rejecting them, as they serve a purpose in keeping us safe. The discussion highlights the physiological limitations of connecting and bonding when in a neuroceptive warning state, and suggests pausing and offering care and shelter to ourselves and loved ones to create an environment of safety and connection. They also emphasize the significance of completing the circle of communication, even if the answer is a no, in order to maintain relational growth and intellectual intimacy. Lastly, they discuss the role of grief and acceptance in processing the current reality and the need for social connection in navigating emotions like grief and fear.
Navigating the protective systems and finding connection in distress
The podcast episode delves into the role of protective systems in times of distress and the impact it has on relationships. The host and her guest therapist emphasize the importance of understanding the neuroceptive warning state and how it hinders connection and bonding. They stress the need to welcome and acknowledge our protective systems without judgment, as it is vital for maintaining healthy relationships. The discussion highlights the significance of pausing and offering care, shelter, and touch to ourselves and loved ones in moments of distress, while respecting boundaries and the ability to say no without punishment. Additionally, they explore the dynamic of offering and receiving, emphasizing that a true offering requires the space for refusal without consequence. Overall, the episode emphasizes the role of protection, acceptance, and connection in navigating distressing situations and maintaining healthy relationships.
The importance of grief, fear, and social connection during challenging times
The podcast episode highlights the significance of grief, fear, and social connection in difficult times, particularly during the current pandemic. The host and her guest therapist discuss the deep and pervasive grief experienced by many due to the contrast between expectations and reality. They emphasize that grief and fear are emotions that are not easily processed alone, but require social support and connection. The discussion emphasizes the need for acceptance of the current situation and the importance of creating a safe and non-judgmental space for oneself and loved ones to process emotions. They also highlight the role of touch, hugs, and shared nervous systems in providing comfort and regulation during moments of distress. Overall, the episode underscores the necessity of social connection and understanding in navigating grief, fear, and challenging circumstances.
Acknowledging and Welcoming Protective Systems
In this podcast episode, the speaker discusses the importance of recognizing and welcoming protective systems in ourselves and our partners. She shares an example where she and her partner were able to navigate their different ways of processing emotions and find alternative ways to discharge and take care of themselves. It is emphasized that in moments of tension or irritation, it is not the right time for a meta conversation, but rather a time to move back into welcoming and understanding our own protective systems and recognizing them in our partners.
The Power of Curiosity, Connection, and Integration
The speaker highlights the significance of curiosity in relationships as an antidote to judgment. By pausing and dropping into curiosity, we can observe our protective systems and effectively communicate with our partners without agenda or control. The integration of our brains is crucial, as it allows for a deeper connection and understanding. The speaker also introduces the concept of polyvagal theory, explaining the evolution of the autonomic nervous system and the importance of neuroceptive safety. Additionally, the podcast emphasizes the value of tone of voice, touch, and eye contact in creating neuroceptive safety and fostering connection in times of fear and grief.
Juliane Taylor Shore, LPC, LMFT, SEP (AKA Jules) joins Rebecca to discuss the impact of being quarantined at home, experiencing isolation, fear and grief. How these experiences work in tandem with our implicit memory systems, and the effect it all has on our relationships.
It's such a quick process, we can’t preempt it. Instead the focus shifts towards slowing down and coming into enough relationship with ourselves that our brains hook back on.
In order hold this level of fear and grief, we need to practice a lot of grace around how often we all will be flipping into protective systems — into neuroceptive danger — it’s constant right now.
Jules breaks down Polyvagal Theory for us, a theory of the evolution of the autonomic nervous system and she’s shared a PDF so you can follow along (click here to download).
Jules is a therapist and trainer of therapists in Austin, Texas. She specializes in applying Interpersonal Neurobiology to the healing of trauma and the creation of relational health with the people who comes and see her from all over to do depth work in a brief format. To date, all of Jules’ trainings have been offered in person, but she’s planning to offer online trainings within the year. If you want to join her mailing list email Jules@IPNBaustin.com with the subject line “mailing list” and she'll be happy to make sure you know about offerings once a quarter or so. Find Jules online at IPNBaustin.com
Learn more about my connectfulness counseling practice, intensives, and our collective for therapists in private practice at connectfulness.com/work-with-me.
This episode is brought to you in partnership with Coronavirus Online Therapy, a collective of thousands of experienced, licensed, private practice therapists who provide free/reduced cost short term online therapy to those serving on the front lines in all 50 US states. If you’re on the front lines, or a therapist who’d like to join the initiative, go to CoronavirusOnlineTherapy.com to learn more.
The podcast is not meant to be a substitute for counseling from a licensed provider.
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