Why You Click With Some People & How to Pursue Anything with Excellence

10 snips

Jan 29, 2026

Guest

Brad Stulberg

Guest

Kate Murphy

Kate Murphy, journalist exploring why people click, explains interpersonal synchrony and what sparks effortless connection. Brad Stulberg, performance coach and author, breaks down true excellence versus pseudo-excellence and how to pursue mastery without burnout. They also discuss phone presence, physiological signs of syncing, focus, vulnerability, and smart prioritization for long-term satisfaction.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

ADVICE

Remove Phones To Build Presence

Remove your phone from sight during important conversations to appear more present and trustworthy.
Hiding the phone prevents the quiet signal that the conversation could be interrupted at any moment.

INSIGHT

Clicking Is Physical Synchrony

Clicking is interpersonal synchrony: matching expressions, posture, breathing, and even heart rate.
Scientists can now measure neural and physiological syncing during meaningful conversations.

INSIGHT

Synchrony Can Be Instant Or Grown

We usually get a social read within 30 seconds but can move into synchrony later based on context and shared activities.
External synchronized activities (walking, singing) make deeper internal syncing more likely.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

If you want a conversation to feel more engaging and connected, there’s a small, often overlooked detail that can quietly shape how the other person experiences you before either of you even says a word. And it all has to do with your phone. This episode begins with research revealing what that detail is and why it matters more than most people realize. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12110250/

You’ve likely experienced that rare moment when you just click with someone. Conversation flows. It seems effortless – it’s feels magical. But what’s actually happening in those moments — and why doesn’t it happen with everyone? Journalist Kate Murphy joins me to explain the science behind interpersonal synchrony, the conditions that make clicking more likely, and why these moments feel so meaningful. Kate has written for The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal and is author of Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony. https://amzn.to/4sM4a04

We hear the word excellence everywhere — but what does it really mean to pursue it? Do we need to strive for excellence in everything we do? Is it okay to be average at some things? And how do you avoid chasing what looks like excellence but actually leads to burnout or dissatisfaction? Brad Stulberg explains the difference between true excellence and what he calls “pseudo-excellence,” and how to pursue mastery in a way that leads to both high performance and deep satisfaction. Brad is a writer, researcher, performance coach, and author of The Way of Excellence: A Guide to True Greatness and Deep Satisfaction in a Chaotic World. https://amzn.to/4qY237s

When you spend discretionary money, you probably think you know what you’re buying. But there’s another way to think about those purchases — one that research suggests can have a big impact on how satisfied and balanced you feel about spending that money. We wrap up with a shift in perspective that may change how you decide what’s worth spending money on. https://www.nbcboston.com/news/national-international/outsourcing-household-chores-happier-relationship/3871202/

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS

SHOPIFY: In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify! Sign up for your $1 per month trail and start selling today at ⁠https://Shopify.com/sysk⁠

PLANET VISIONARIES: We love the Planet Visionaries podcast, so listen on Apple, Spotify, YouTube or wherever you're listening to this podcast! In partnership with The Rolex Perpetual Planet Initiative.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices