David Meessen, a certified life and executive coach, helps high-achieving men navigate the complexities of finding love. He discusses the growing intimidation men face when approaching women and how dating apps can be detrimental. Meessen introduces progressive desensitization as a key strategy to build confidence. He emphasizes the value of radical honesty in attraction and the importance of maintaining personal values while dating. The conversation also highlights the significance of genuine communication and the alarming trends in modern romantic relationships.
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insights INSIGHT
How Dating Apps Really Work
Dating apps favor men with good profiles and clear intent, not just looks.
Self-esteem can plummet when users misunderstand the dynamics of these platforms.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Beat Approach Anxiety Gradually
Use progressive desensitization by starting conversations with less attractive people first.
Build momentum gradually to reduce approach anxiety and improve social skills.
insights INSIGHT
Abundance vs. Scarcity Mindset
Men often pedestalize women due to scarcity mindset and lack of options.
Abundance mindset helps men negotiate and choose better relationships.
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Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a framework created by Marshall Rosenberg that aims to enhance communication by promoting compassion and empathy. The book outlines a four-step process for effective communication: observing what is happening without judgment, identifying and expressing feelings, recognizing and articulating needs, and making clear requests. Rosenberg emphasizes the importance of separating observations from evaluations to avoid defensiveness and promote genuine human connections. The book includes practical exercises, role-plays, and real-life examples to illustrate how NVC can be applied in various relationships and situations, including personal, professional, and conflict resolution contexts. It also discusses how NVC can help in developing self-compassion and resolving conflicts by focusing on the underlying needs rather than the actions that trigger emotions[1][3][5].
Lying
Sam Harris
In 'Lying', Sam Harris explores the consequences of dishonesty, from small 'white lies' to large-scale deceptions. He argues that lying, even with benevolent intentions, damages personal relationships and public trust. Harris advocates for honesty in all interactions, suggesting that it simplifies life and improves society. He also discusses the psychological and social impacts of lying, emphasizing that maintaining lies can be stressful and ultimately harmful. The book promotes 'skillful truth-telling' as a better alternative to lying, even in situations where tact is required to avoid harm[1][3][4].
It’s no secret that most men want to find love in life and someone they can partner with throughout life. But the reality is that far-fewer men are doing the work required than ever before. And, for those who are actively looking for love, many of them are floundering when it comes to approaching women and building interest that could potentially lead to a long-term relationship. David Meessen is a man who has made it his life’s work to help men understand why they struggle and why society, at large, seems to be continually stacking the deck against the type of relationships the men listening to this podcast are looking for. Today we talk about why men seem to be so intimidated in approaching women, the skills (and, they are learnable skills) you can develop to have a more successful dating life, why “Progressive Desensitization” is such a valuable option in love and in life, the alarming statistics around romantic relationships and young men’s increasing aversion to them, and how radical honestly (not overly-agreeableness) is what creates attraction.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS
00:00 – Opening & Dating Stats Alarming for Men 01:34 – The Harsh Reality of Dating Apps 03:09 – How Dating Apps Work Against Most Men 04:27 – Learning to Play the Dating Game 05:26 – Sacrificing Values for Connection 06:37 – Approach Anxiety and Desensitization 08:51 – Start Small: Building Momentum Through Socializing 10:01 – Rejection is Often Kind – and Necessary 11:23 – Don’t Pedestalize Her – Have Options 12:46 – We Live in a Friendly or Hostile Universe 14:16 – Oversharing as a Powerful Connection Tool 15:21 – Men Struggle to Share Their Strengths 16:29 – Assume the Burden of the Conversation 17:51 – Bitterness Towards Women & Scarcity Mindset 19:58 – Reality is Better Than Fear-Based Fantasies 22:13 – You Crave the Experience, Not the Person 23:31 – Compatibility vs. Chemistry 25:16 – Communication is a Learnable Skill 26:29 – Influence vs. Manipulation 30:54 – Authenticity in Style & Presence 32:34 – Confidence is Just as Authentic as Humility 33:10 – Radical Honesty and Sharing Values Early 35:42 – Relationships Built on Aligned Values 37:27 – Disagreement is Attractive 39:33 – Common Mistakes in Online & Real-Life Dating 41:39 – Learn Humor to Boost Social Skills 43:03 – Don’t Skip the Ask – Get the Contact 44:59 – Women Get Approached Less Than You Think 46:11 – How to Approach in the Gym the Right Way 47:52 – Meeting Quality Men Matters Too 49:03 – Why Intelligent Men Struggle with Connection 52:15 – Expression Freedom & Compatibility 53:22 – Choose to See the Best in Each Other 54:26 – Final Thoughts & Where to Find David
Order of Man 
