TV Star Bethany Joy Lenz On Lessons Learned Escaping A Cult & Narcissistic Abuse: “I Had To Forgive Myself”

Nov 18, 2024

Bethany Joy Lenz, known for her role in One Tree Hill, shares her harrowing journey of escaping a cult and overcoming narcissistic abuse. She discusses how charlatans exploit our cravings for community and approval, isolating members through manipulation. Lenz emphasizes the importance of self-forgiveness and the challenges of walking away from toxic relationships. She also highlights the 'us vs. them' mentality prevalent in such environments, advocating for healthy boundaries and authentic connections while rebuilding her life.

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ADVICE

Seeking Validation

If you crave external validation, examine where you seek it.
Find sources that reflect your value positively and lovingly.

INSIGHT

The Lure of Cults

Cults exploit the human need for community and belonging.
Bethany Joy Lenz acknowledges the appeal of external perspective, which cults manipulate.

INSIGHT

Recognizing Narcissistic Abuse

Distance from a narcissistic situation clarifies the control dynamics.
Bethany realized she was in a cult after leaving One Tree Hill and gaining outside perspective.

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One Tree Hill star Bethany Joy Lenz knows a lot about cults – from personal and professional experience. While she stared in a show about cults, Bethany found herself in the Big House Family church covenant, a bible study group-turned-cult that isolated her from her family

and peers.

Joining a cult is much easier than you might think, and incredibly smart people join cults often. According to Bethany, cults like the one she joined prey on your desire for community, approval, and deep conversation. They use these desires as tools to isolate. But any narcissist will use the same tools, so it’s important to recognize them at work, in family, and in relationships.

Hear Bethany’s journey to recovery in her faith and relationships, and learn how she redefined her life.

05:06 Craving Approval From Others
07:24 When Community Becomes A Cult
12:57 Isolation and Rebuilding Relationships
18:31 How Narcissists Gain Your Respect
22:13 Us vs. Them Mentality
26:35 Learning How To Apologize
29:33 Relearning Relationships
33:08 Brutal Honesty

For more from Joy, follow her at @msbethanyjoylenz or her podcast, Drama Queens, at @dramaqueensoth. Find her new memoir, Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show (While also in an Actual Cult!) where books are sold.

Ready to uplevel every part of your life? Order Liz’s new book 100 Ways to Change Your Life: The Science of Leveling Up Health, Happiness, Relationships & Success now!

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If you like this episode, check out How To Identify & Deal with Narcissistic Parents, Romantic Partners, Coworkers/Bosses & More with Dr. Ramani Durvasula.

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