Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive 138: Most of what you know about attachment is probably wrong
Jun 6, 2021
Explore the intriguing misconceptions surrounding attachment theory and its historical roots from post-World War II. Learn how early angst over parent-child attachment may stem from flawed research. The discussion highlights the role of diverse caregivers and challenges traditional views, emphasizing the importance of secure attachments in all relationships. Discover insights on the resilience of children's development, debunking the myth that early experiences dictate future well-being. A fresh perspective on parenting strategies based on solid research awaits!
01:06:04
Secure Attachment Reduces Crying
- Children who feel truly loved cry less because they trust a caregiver will come when needed.
- Responsive parenting reduces anxious crying, refuting the idea children cry for manipulation.
Misunderstood Separation Effects
- Early attachment theories conflated all separations, from brief to extreme, causing confusion.
- Abuse and adversity were mixed with separation effects, overstating harm from brief separations.
Multiple Caregivers Build Attachment
- Babies form multiple attachments securely, not just a single 'monotropy' figure.
- Primary caregiver need not be the mother constantly present; many caregivers contribute to security.
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Intro
00:00 • 3min
Rethinking Attachment: Complexities and Misconceptions
03:25 • 16min
Reevaluating Attachment Parenting and Caregiver Roles
19:30 • 4min
Reassessing Attachment Theory: A Cultural Critique
23:27 • 40min
Understanding Attachment and Its Long-Term Impact
01:03:54 • 2min
#20
• Mentioned in 329 episodes
The Body Keeps the Score
Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Bessel van der Kolk
In this book, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma reshapes both the body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust.
He explores various treatments, including neurofeedback, meditation, sports, drama, and yoga, which activate the brain’s natural neuroplasticity to aid in recovery.
The book emphasizes the power of relationships in both causing and healing trauma and offers hope through descriptions of novel approaches to treatment.
It is based on Dr. van der Kolk’s own research and that of other leading specialists in the field.
#1
• Mentioned in 1,460 episodes
1984
George Orwell
Published in 1949, '1984' is a cautionary tale by George Orwell that explores the dangers of totalitarianism.
The novel is set in a dystopian future where the world is divided into three super-states, with the protagonist Winston Smith living in Oceania, ruled by the mysterious and omnipotent leader Big Brother.
Winston works at the Ministry of Truth, where he rewrites historical records to conform to the Party's ever-changing narrative.
He begins an illicit love affair with Julia and starts to rebel against the Party, but they are eventually caught and subjected to brutal torture and indoctrination.
The novel highlights themes of government surveillance, manipulation of language and history, and the suppression of individual freedom and independent thought.
#24655
• Mentioned in 2 episodes
The Anthropology of Childhood
David Lancey
#
Attachment Volume 1
John Bowlby
#
Cornerstones of Attachment Research
Robbie Duschinsky
New parents often worry about attachment to their baby - will I be able to build it? My baby cries a lot - does that mean that we aren't attached? If I put my baby in daycare, will they get attached to the daycare staff rather than to me?
Based on the ideas about attachment that have been circulated over the years, these are entirely valid concerns. But it turns out that not only should we not worry about these things, but the the research that these ideas were based in was highly flawed.
It's often forgotten that attachment theory was developed in the period after World War II, when policymakers were trying to get women out of the jobs they had held during the war, and back into their 'natural' place in the home.
In one of his earliest papers Dr. John Bowlby - the so-called Father of Attachment Theory - described 44 children who had been referred to his clinic for stealing, and compared these with children who had not stolen anything. He reported that the thieves had been separated from their parents during childhood, which led them to have a low sense of self-worth and capacity for empathy. He went on to say that “to deprive a small child of his mother’s companionship is as bad as depriving him of vitamins.”
But much later in his life, Bowlby revealed that he had conflated a whole lot of kinds of separation into that one category – everything between sleeping in a different room to being abandoned in an orphanage. And in addition to being separated, many of the thieves had also experienced physical or sexual abuse. The fear that spending time apart from your baby will damage them in some way is just not supported by the evidence.
What other common beliefs do we hold about attachment relationships that aren't supported by evidence? Well, quite a lot, as it turns out! Listen in for more.
Link to the book mentioned:
Attached at the Heart (n.d.). Talking points/frequently asked questions. Author. Retrieved from http:// attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/faq/
Birns, B. (1999). I. Attachment Theory revisited: Challenging conceptual and methodological sacred cows. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 10-21.
Bliwise, N.G. (1999). Securing Attachment Theory’s potential. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 43-52.
Bradley, R.H. (1998). In defense of parental investment. Journal of Marriage and Family 60(3), 791-795.
Bradley, R.H., Whiteside-Mansell, L., Brisby, J.A., & Caldwell, B.M. Parents’ socioemotional investment in children. Journal of Marriage and Family 59(1), 77-90.
Buchanan, F. (2013). A critical analysis of the use of attachment theory in cases of domestic violence. Critical Social Work 14(2), 19-31
Callaghan, J., Andenaes, A., & Macleod, C. (2015). Deconstructing Developmental Psychology 20 years on: Reflections, implications, and empirical work. Feminism & Psychology 25(3), 255-265.
Cleary, R.J. (1999). III. Bowlby’s theory of attachment and loss: A feminist reconsideration. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 32-42.
Duschinsky, R. (2020). Cornerstones of attachment research. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Duschinsky, R., Greco, M., & Solomon, J. (2015). The politics of attachment: Lines of flight with Bowlby, Deleuze and Guattari. Theory, Culture & Society 32(7-8), 173-195.
Duchinsky, R., Greco, M., & Solomon, J. (2015). Wait up!: Attachment and sovereign power. International Journal of Politics, Culture, and Society 28, 223-242.
Franzblau, S.H. (1999). II. Historicizing Attachment Theory: Binding the ties that bind. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 22-31.
Gov.uk (2019). Elitism in Britain, 2019. Author. Retrieved from https://www.gov.uk/government/news/elitism-in-britain-2019#:~:text=Overall%2029%25%20of%20current%20Members,Senior%20judges%20%2D%2065%25
Hays, S., (1998). The fallacious assumptions and unrealistic prescriptions of Attachment Theory: A comment on “Parents’ socioemotional investment in children.” Journal of Marriage and Family 60(3), 782-790.
Leinonen, J. A., Solantaus, T. S., & Punamäki, R. L. (2003). Social support and the quality of parenting under economic pressure and workload in Finland: The role of family structure and parental gender. Journal of Family Psychology, 17(3), 409.
Mesman, J., Minter, T., Angnged, A., Cissé, I. A., Salali, G. D., & Migliano, A. B. (2018). Universality without uniformity: A culturally inclusive approach to sensitive responsiveness in infant caregiving. Child Development, 89(3), 837-850.
Schaverein, J. (2011). Boarding school syndrome: Broken attachments a hidden trauma. British Journal of Psychotherapy 27(2), 138-155.
Schaverein, J. (2004). Boarding school: the trauma of the ‘privileged’ child. Journal of Analytical Psychology 49, 683-705.
Silverstein, L.B. (2996). Fathering is a feminist issue. Psychology of Women Quarterly 20, 3-37.
Simonardottir, S. (2016). Constructing the attached mother in the “world’s most feminist country.” Women’s Studies International Forum 56, 103-112.
Umemura, T., Jacobvitz, D., Messina, S., & Hazen, N. (2013). Do toddlers prefer the primary caregiver or the parent with whom they feel more secure? The role of toddler emotion. Infant Behavior and Development 36, 102-114.
Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Penguin.
Van Dijken, S. (1998). John Bowlby: His Early Life: A Biographical Journey into the Roots of Attachment Theory. London: Free Association Books
Vicedo, M. (2017). Putting attachment in its place: Disciplinary and cultural contexts. European Journal of Developmental Psychology 14(6), 684-699.
Ziv, Y., & Hotam, Y. (2015). Theory and measure in the psychological field: The case of attachment theory and the strange situation procedure. Theory & Psychology 25(3), 274-291.
Cornerstones of Attachment Research (Affiliate link).
Jump to highlights: 03:30 Download the free Right From The Start Roadmap 06:11 Dr. John Bowlby, who is known as the founder of attachment theory 06:40 A brief overview of attachment theory 08:06 What is attachment theory 09:44 A closer look at the word attachment 12:55 Five aspects out of Freud's psychoanalytic theory 14:32 44 Juvenile Thieves - One of the major ideas about separation from parents 17:50 What is the word monotrophy 18:49 The four dimensions that distinguish African-American views of motherhood from American views by Dr. Patricia Hill Collins 20:49 Aka Pygmy tribe in Africa 21:37 What is PIC or Parental Investment in the child Questionnaire by Dr. Robert Bradley 24:19 The Strange Situation Procedure developed by Dr. Mary Ainsworth 30:30 White middle class mothers in Baltimore stand for what attachment should look like in families of all types around the world 33:36 Two main cross cultural studies 40:13 The cognitive thinking component of the attachment relationship 47:29 What is Outcomes 01:01:25 Summary References Ainsworth, M.D.S. (1985). Patterns of infant-mother attachments: Antecedents and effects on development. Bulletin of The New York Academy of Medicine 61(9), 771-791.Attached at the Heart (n.d.). Talking points/frequently asked questions. Author. Retrieved from http:// attachedattheheart.attachmentparenting.org/faq/
Birns, B. (1999). I. Attachment Theory revisited: Challenging conceptual and methodological sacred cows. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 10-21.
Bliwise, N.G. (1999). Securing Attachment Theory’s potential. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 43-52.
Bradley, R.H. (1998). In defense of parental investment. Journal of Marriage and Family 60(3), 791-795.
Bradley, R.H., Whiteside-Mansell, L., Brisby, J.A., & Caldwell, B.M. Parents’ socioemotional investment in children. Journal of Marriage and Family 59(1), 77-90.
Buchanan, F. (2013). A critical analysis of the use of attachment theory in cases of domestic violence. Critical Social Work 14(2), 19-31
Callaghan, J., Andenaes, A., & Macleod, C. (2015). Deconstructing Developmental Psychology 20 years on: Reflections, implications, and empirical work. Feminism & Psychology 25(3), 255-265.
Cleary, R.J. (1999). III. Bowlby’s theory of attachment and loss: A feminist reconsideration. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 32-42.
Duschinsky, R. (2020). Cornerstones of attachment research. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Duschinsky, R., Greco, M., & Solomon, J. (2015). The politics of attachment: Lines of flight with Bowlby, Deleuze and Guattari. Theory, Culture & Society 32(7-8), 173-195.
Duchinsky, R., Greco, M., & Solomon, J. (2015). Wait up!: Attachment and sovereign power. International Journal of Politics, Culture, and Society 28, 223-242.
Franzblau, S.H. (1999). II. Historicizing Attachment Theory: Binding the ties that bind. Feminism & Psychology 9(1), 22-31.
Gov.uk (2019). Elitism in Britain, 2019. Author. Retrieved from https://www.gov.uk/government/news/elitism-in-britain-2019#:~:text=Overall%2029%25%20of%20current%20Members,Senior%20judges%20%2D%2065%25
Hays, S., (1998). The fallacious assumptions and unrealistic prescriptions of Attachment Theory: A comment on “Parents’ socioemotional investment in children.” Journal of Marriage and Family 60(3), 782-790.
Leinonen, J. A., Solantaus, T. S., & Punamäki, R. L. (2003). Social support and the quality of parenting under economic pressure and workload in Finland: The role of family structure and parental gender. Journal of Family Psychology, 17(3), 409.
Mesman, J., Minter, T., Angnged, A., Cissé, I. A., Salali, G. D., & Migliano, A. B. (2018). Universality without uniformity: A culturally inclusive approach to sensitive responsiveness in infant caregiving. Child Development, 89(3), 837-850.
Schaverein, J. (2011). Boarding school syndrome: Broken attachments a hidden trauma. British Journal of Psychotherapy 27(2), 138-155.
Schaverein, J. (2004). Boarding school: the trauma of the ‘privileged’ child. Journal of Analytical Psychology 49, 683-705.
Silverstein, L.B. (2996). Fathering is a feminist issue. Psychology of Women Quarterly 20, 3-37.
Simonardottir, S. (2016). Constructing the attached mother in the “world’s most feminist country.” Women’s Studies International Forum 56, 103-112.
Umemura, T., Jacobvitz, D., Messina, S., & Hazen, N. (2013). Do toddlers prefer the primary caregiver or the parent with whom they feel more secure? The role of toddler emotion. Infant Behavior and Development 36, 102-114.
Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Penguin.
Van Dijken, S. (1998). John Bowlby: His Early Life: A Biographical Journey into the Roots of Attachment Theory. London: Free Association Books
Vicedo, M. (2017). Putting attachment in its place: Disciplinary and cultural contexts. European Journal of Developmental Psychology 14(6), 684-699.
Ziv, Y., & Hotam, Y. (2015). Theory and measure in the psychological field: The case of attachment theory and the strange situation procedure. Theory & Psychology 25(3), 274-291.