Anita Sandoval, a Licensed Professional Counselor and EMDR certified therapist, dives deep into the intricate relationship between ADHD and people-pleasing. She reveals how these behaviors stem from neuroadaptive responses and discusses the fawn response's impact on individuals. Anita introduces her 'Empower → Resilient → Authentic' model and highlights the importance of setting boundaries, particularly with narcissistic family dynamics. The conversation also brings attention to therapies like EMDR that cater to ADHD brains, promoting personal empowerment and emotional regulation.
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People-Pleasing As A Survival Pattern
People-pleasing is a learned compulsion that prioritizes others' needs and approval at the expense of identity and autonomy.
Anita Sandoval ties this pattern to multigenerational abuse, trauma, and nervous-system survival strategies.
insights INSIGHT
Fawn Response Is An Autonomic Reaction
People-pleasing can be a fawn response governed by the autonomic nervous system, not just a personality quirk.
Anita Sandoval explains pleasers over-accommodate to chase safety rather than merely avoid conflict.
insights INSIGHT
Masking Versus People-Pleasing
Masking overlaps with people-pleasing but is distinct: masking is social camouflage often tied to neurodivergence.
Anita Sandoval says people-pleasing is a modifiable habit, while masking reflects broader neurological coping.
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People-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw—often it’s a nervous-system strategy. Licensed Professional Counselor and ADHD-CCSP Anita Sandoval joins Eric to unpack how the fawn response shows up with ADHD, trauma, and RSD; how it differs from masking and conflict avoidance; and what real change looks like. We cover Anita’s “Empower → Resilient → Authentic” model, ADHD-friendly EMDR adaptations, and the messy-but-worth-it work of boundaries (including with narcissistic family dynamics). Resources, Anita’s links, and a quick survey about a potential evening coaching group are in the full notes at ADHDreWired.com. Guest: Anita Sandoval, LPC-S, EMDR-Certified, ADHD-CCSP — therapist, supervisor, and author of Broken Chains (English & Spanish). Host of Empowering Women in Conversations and creator of Empower Her Pathways. We cover: People-pleasing as a neuro-adaptive response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) People-pleasing vs. conflict avoidance vs. masking ADHD & RSD: why “neutral” feedback stings and how regulation shifts it Differentiating from personality disorders (dependent/BPD) Hypervigilance, ACEs, and emotional regulation circuits Boundaries with narcissistic dynamics (including the “victim narcissist” pattern) Anita’s staged model (Stages of Change × grief work): Unaware → Aware → Ready → Action → Maintenance → Integration (Empowered → Resilient → Authentic) Therapies that help ADHD brains: EMDR with resourcing, IFS/parts work, polyvagal-informed regulation Eric’s EMDR story: from trigger spirals to co-regulation Try this: Notice your next automatic “yes.” Ask: Is this aligned with my values, or is my nervous system chasing safety? Then practice one tiny boundary this week and track before/during/after. Resources mentioned: Anita Sandoval — (course: Empower Her Pathways) Broken Chains (English/Spanish) Dr. Ramani’s work on narcissism (Should I Stay or Should I Go?) Modalities: EMDR, IFS/Parts, Polyvagal-informed approaches Coaching & community: Evening Coaching Group — interest survey We’re exploring a fall evening section (proposed Wed, Sept 18 • 5pm PT / 8pm ET) led by ADHD reWired Coach & LCSW Kristin Marts, at a budget-friendly rate (starting at $999) if we move forward. Deadline to weigh in: Aug 15. Take the short survey at . Complete the survey to enter to win 6 months free in our Alumni community ($240 value) or 1 year free of Adult Study Hall ($240 value). Adult Study Hall (ASH) — virtual co-working & body doubling. Free 1-week trial, then $19.99/mo or $150/yr at . Connect with Anita: | Podcast: Empowering Women in Conversations
ADHD reWired 