You're Wrong About ADHD Stop Shoulding Yourself: The ADHD Language Fix That Changes Everything
Nov 26, 2025
In this insightful discussion, ADHD coach Aoife Hughes shares her expertise in neuroaffirming language. She emphasizes how words like 'should' can trigger perfectionism and feelings of shame for ADHD brains. Aoife introduces the power of declarative communication to enhance motivation and reduce pressure. She also explains practical tools, including shifting 'should' to 'could' to restore autonomy, and breaking tasks into manageable steps. By reframing language, listeners can soften their inner critic and embrace challenges with curiosity.
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Language Alters The Nervous System
- Words shape our nervous system and can become our inner critic over time.
- Aoife Hughes says language either soothes or amplifies ADHD-related shame and regulation issues.
Use Declarative, Low-Demand Language
- Try using declarative, low-demand language when supporting someone with ADHD.
- Aoife recommends phrasing that preserves autonomy and reduces pressure to improve engagement.
Executive Function Is A Drowsy Conductor
- Executive function is the brain's conductor and is permanently impaired in many ADHDers.
- Aoife Hughes likens the conductor to being drowsy, so supports should focus on what the brain needs.