Episode 353: Dating And Relationship Tips For Gay Men

7 snips

Dec 13, 2024

In this engaging discussion with Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, listeners gain insight into the unique dynamics of gay men's relationships. They explore the various stages queer relationships undergo and tackle topics like 'daddy issues' and the challenges of moving past the honeymoon phase. The importance of understanding attachment styles is emphasized, alongside tips for finding gay-affirming therapists. Prepare for a thoughtful dive into relationships crafted for queer experiences!

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INSIGHT

Need for Queer Relationship Advice

Most relationship advice and research focuses on heterosexual couples, leaving queer relationships underrepresented.
This lack of representation necessitates relationship guides tailored specifically for queer individuals.

INSIGHT

Unique Stages in Queer Relationships

While queer relationships often follow similar stages as heterosexual relationships (bonding, navigating differences, reconnection, interdependence).
Tom Bruett suggests two additional stages specific to queer couples: "second queer adolescence" and an "agreement stage".

ADVICE

Creating Custom Agreements

Queer couples should create custom relationship agreements.
This allows them to define their own relationship structures rather than conforming to heteronormative expectations.

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Most relationship advice is tailored to heterosexual folks. And while some of that is also applicable queer relationships, not all of it is. Queer relationships are unique and therefore need relationship advice that’s tailored to them. My guest today has a forthcoming book that offers a relationship guide for gay men, so that’s what we’re going to be talking about in this show.

I am joined by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, and author of the book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment, which will be published in March 2025.

Some of the specific questions we answer in this episode include:

What are the unique stages that gay men’s relationships go through?
What’s the deal with gay men and “daddy issues?”
For gay men who struggle to make a relationship last beyond the honeymoon stage, what do they need to know?
How can understanding your attachment style help in navigating dating and relationships?
How do you find a sex or relationship therapist who is knowledgable and gay-affirming?

You can learn more by checking out the Queer Relationship Institute’s Linktree.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.