Dear Dr. Tracy Assertiveness vs. Defensiveness – with Greg Stewart
Mar 30, 2023
Greg Stewart, an in-house defensiveness expert and husband of Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, dives into the nuances of assertiveness versus defensiveness in communication. He emphasizes how personal history shapes current interactions and highlights the critical role of self-respect in fostering healthier relationships. Listeners gain insights on identifying defensive responses, the emotional weight of words, and the gender distinctions in communication styles. Practical strategies encourage asserting needs and understanding partners better, ultimately enhancing connection.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
Communication Is A Learned, Layered Skill
- Communication is a learned, multi-layered skill that most people never truly master.
- Nonverbal cues and implicit family scripts shape how we argue and repair in relationships.
Defensiveness Is Self-Protection, Not Rejection
- Defensiveness functions as self-protection driven by shame, avoidance, and fear rather than malicious intent.
- Defensive moves include deflection, minimization, and failure to take responsibility which block connection.
Different Attachment Concerns Shape Defensiveness
- Men and women often bring different attachment concerns: women seek connection; men fear adequacy.
- That adequacy shame can drive male defensive reactions when criticized or requested of.
