Pure Desire Podcast 192 - Tools For Betrayal: Commitment To Change & Double Bind
Mar 9, 2021
Jen Howey, an expert in betrayal recovery, shares her insights from lived experience and group work. She elaborates on the powerful tools of Commitment to Change and Double Bind, helping listeners understand how to heal from betrayal trauma. Jen emphasizes the importance of manageable weekly commitments and suggests practical strategies for betrayed spouses, like reaching out for support and setting realistic goals. The discussion also highlights how transformation can empower those affected and promote healthier future relationships.
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Understanding The Double Bind
- A double bind is a lose-lose choice where both options cost you and often involve fear.
- Identifying the unchosen option reveals why you picked the easier, painful route and where change is possible.
Break Goals Into Weekly Steps
- Break big recovery goals into weekly, specific commitments to make progress manageable.
- Use tiny, concrete actions (e.g., call a support person, practice gratitude) to build momentum.
Jen’s Personal Double Bind With Dan
- Jen describes her own double bind about telling Dan painful truths that might increase his shame or trigger relapse.
- She balanced wanting to be known with the fear of harming his recovery while learning healthier communication.