119 - ABANDONMENT - The Abandonment Wound Pt. 1 - How It Forms + Pulling People Closer + Being ‘Clingy’ ft. Stephanie Therapy
Oct 9, 2023
47:43
auto_awesome Snipd AI
Stephanie Therapy, a therapist specializing in abandonment wounds, joins Louise to discuss how the abandonment wound forms and drives us to overcompensate, cling, and pull others closer. They explore the neurobiological roots of abandonment, patterns of overcompensating, and the concept of pulling and keeping people close. Understanding your abandonment wound is crucial for healing and creating healthier relationships.
Read more
AI Summary
AI Chapters
Episode notes
auto_awesome
Podcast summary created with Snipd AI
Quick takeaways
The abandonment wound can manifest in various ways, including overcompensating and manipulative behavior in relationships.
The fear of abandonment is a central theme in the abandonment wound, leading to hyper-vigilance and insecurity in relationships.
Deep dives
Understanding the concept of the abandonment wound
The podcast episode explores the concept of the abandonment wound and how it can manifest in different ways. The abandonment wound is not limited to physical abandonment but also includes emotional abandonment or neglect. It can stem from experiences in our early years, particularly in our pre-verbal stage, where our dependency on caregivers for survival and connection plays a crucial role. The impact of these early experiences can result in various behaviors and coping mechanisms in adulthood.
Overcompensating and manipulation
One of the ways the abandonment wound shows up is through overcompensating and manipulation. People with this wound may feel the need to overcompensate by going above and beyond for their partners, trying to control their partner's actions or emotions, and molding themselves to fit their partner's desires or interests. This overcompensating behavior stems from the fear of being abandoned and the belief that their worthiness is directly tied to their ability to please and keep their partner close. However, this behavior can be manipulative, as it often comes with expectations and a desire for a certain outcome.
Fear of abandonment and hyper-vigilance
The fear of abandonment is a central theme in the abandonment wound. People with this wound often experience a constant fear that their partner will leave them, even when there is no evidence to suggest such a possibility. This fear can lead to hyper-vigilance, where they closely monitor their partner's actions, seek constant reassurance, and overreact to perceived signs of potential abandonment. The fear can distort their perception and create a cycle of clinginess, emotional intensity, and insecurity in relationships.
Healing the abandonment wound
The podcast episode emphasizes the importance of healing the abandonment wound to achieve healthy relationships. Healing involves recognizing and acknowledging the wound, understanding its roots in childhood experiences, and working through deep emotional healing. The hosts provide resources, guidance, and support to help individuals on their healing journey, encouraging them to develop self-acceptance, self-worth, and healthy boundaries. By addressing and healing the abandonment wound, individuals can cultivate authentic connections, experience true intimacy, and break free from manipulative patterns.
Do you need people close to feel safe? Do you think they might always leave? They’re probably not going to stay. If these statements are relatable, this episode is for you. Today, Louise and Stephanie discuss the abandonment wound, how you can have the wound *without* being abandoned and how it can drive us to overcompensate, cling, and pull others closer.
The pair talk about the concept of ‘overcompensating’ to the abandonment wound, as well as:
The neurobiological roots of abandonment
The roots of clingy behavior and over giving
The concept of pulling and keeping people close
The subconscious patterns at play, as well as repeating cycles
Why if it's hysterical, it's often historical
And more
This is a critical episode to help you understand how your abandonment wound shows up in your life, and how you can start to work to heal it. Understanding & conscious awareness is the first step in the healing journey.