Life Kit

Dear LK: My parents ran a background check on my boyfriend

Sep 24, 2022
Nedra Glover Tawwab, a renowned therapist and best-selling author, dives into a listener's dilemma: her parents conducted a background check on her boyfriend. They explore the emotional fallout and ethical concerns surrounding trust and boundaries within families. Nedra highlights the importance of setting healthy boundaries and the complexities of navigating parental involvement in adult relationships. Discussions emphasize rebuilding trust through vulnerability and accountability, ultimately encouraging a path toward mutual understanding.
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ADVICE

Addressing Concerns with Adult Children

  • Parents should address concerns directly with their adult children, not through secret investigations.
  • Open communication is key, focusing on potential harm or specific worries rather than prying.
INSIGHT

Respecting Adult Children's Autonomy

  • Background checks by parents violate trust and disregard adult children's autonomy.
  • Allow children to make their own choices and learn from their experiences, even mistakes.
ANECDOTE

The Awkwardness of Unsolicited Googling

  • Nedra Glover Tawwab shares a personal story about a neighbor who Googled her.
  • The experience felt invasive and created a sense of imbalance in their interaction.
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