Our understanding of love and relationships today is shaped by social and cultural tensions and contradictions, rather than solely by personal experiences and psyches.
Romantic misery is not solely an individual's responsibility, but rather a result of social and institutional arrangements that impact romantic experiences and outcomes.
Deep dives
Changing Views of Love Over Time
The podcast episode explores how romantic relationships and love have been viewed over the last few hundred years. It emphasizes that our understanding of love and relationships has changed significantly and that the way we feel and think about them today is shaped by social and cultural tensions and contradictions.
The Shift from External to Internal Sources of Worth
The podcast discusses how our worth and sense of self today is often validated by romantic interest and acceptance. It highlights that rejection in romantic relationships is seen as a deep personal rejection, causing feelings of profound inadequacy and questioning of one's self-worth. This is contrasted with the past, where worth was more intrinsic and rejection did not affect one's sense of self to the same extent.
The Role of Psychology and Self-Help in Romantic Misery
The podcast explores how psychology and self-help have contributed to the cultural belief that romantic misery is primarily an individual's responsibility. It suggests that the focus on internal factors and personal deficiencies as the cause of relationship issues has become deeply ingrained, with countless self-help resources offering techniques to overcome personal romantic failures. However, the podcast argues that it is necessary to shift the analysis and recognize the impact of social and institutional arrangements on romantic experiences and outcomes.
In this episode, we discuss a few highlights from “Why Love Hurts” - a book which argues that our relationships go wrong due to 'institutional forces', rather than our dysfunctional childhoods or our insufficiently self-aware psyches (which is the more commonly accepted modern belief).
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