On Attachment #128: Why Avoidant People Tend to Struggle with Defensiveness
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Jan 23, 2024 This podcast explores why avoidant partners struggle with defensiveness in relationships. It discusses how defensiveness is a natural response to feeling attacked, how avoidant partners perceive relational needs as personal failings, and the role of avoidant attachment in emotional expressiveness. The podcast offers tips on relating to a partner's defensiveness with compassion and understanding. It also introduces a 28-day challenge for building self-worth and provides practical strategies for navigating conversations and overcoming defensiveness in relationships.
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Avoidant Defensiveness Protects Self-Image
- Avoidant people's defensiveness often arises because they perceive relational needs as personal failures.
- They protect their self-image of being good and successful by defending against perceived attacks.
Respond to Defensiveness with Compassion
- Approach your partner's defensiveness with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment and blame.
- Validate their feelings and express understanding to encourage open engagement instead of escalation.
Avoidants' Emotional Disconnect Challenges
- Avoidant people often have underdeveloped emotional awareness due to early emotional neglect.
- They struggle with others' intense emotions because they lack tools to manage emotional expression.