Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting 2674: Healthy Dependence as a Path Toward Healthy Relationships by David and Constantino Khalaf of Gottman on Intimacy
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Jul 28, 2025 Healthy dependence is the key to deeper intimacy in relationships, according to David and Constantino Khalaf. They discuss how shifting from self-reliance to collaborative support strengthens emotional connections. Vulnerability and mutual influence are essential for couples to combat feelings of isolation. The idea that relying on one another is inherent in our nature resonates throughout their conversation. Instead of asserting independence, embracing interdependence can lead to a richer, more fulfilling partnership.
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David's Initial Independence Story
- David was very independent and rarely asked Constantino for help initially in their marriage.
- This made Constantino feel unneeded and disconnected, illustrating the challenge of balancing independence with emotional connection.
Biology of Emotional Dependence
- Emotional dependence on loved ones is biologically ingrained and persists despite adult self-reliance.
- Rejecting dependence can lead to self-isolation and hinder intimate relationships.
Healthy Dependence as Turning Toward
- Healthy dependence is a form of turning toward your partner, fostering intimacy through vulnerability.
- Expressing need creates closeness and makes partners feel appreciated, strengthening security.
