Working Hard with Grace Beverley
Ep. 138 Why Do We People Please & What Can We Do About It? (The Science)
May 12, 2025
Dive into the psychology of people-pleasing and uncover its roots in childhood and societal pressures. A renowned psychotherapist shares insights on how these behaviors impact our well-being and mental health. Discover five effective strategies to combat the urge to please others, emphasizing mindfulness and self-assertion. Learn valuable techniques for setting boundaries and cultivating personal confidence. This conversation is all about prioritizing your own needs and finding balance in relationships.
13:45
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Quick takeaways
- People-pleasing stems from early attachment experiences and fear of rejection, influencing individuals to prioritize others' needs for approval.
- Practical strategies like 'pause and check-in' and simple refusals can help break the cycle of people-pleasing and encourage personal growth.
Deep dives
Understanding People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is characterized by prioritizing others' needs to avoid conflict and gain approval, often rooted in fear and past experiences. The psychological basis for this behavior lies in attachment theory, suggesting that early life experiences can lead individuals to seek validation through pleasing others, especially among women who are often conditioned to be agreeable. The concept of the 'fawn response' indicates that in stressful situations, some may resort to pleasing others to maintain harmony, further entrenching this behavior. Ultimately, understanding the origins and motivations behind people-pleasing is a pivotal step in addressing and overcoming it.
