Explore being human-sized for a more fulfilling life; the impact of getting bigger, smaller, or inhuman on relationships; lighting a candle to increase connection; gratitude for God's presence; surviving the 2024 election; understanding reactivity as chronic anxiety; managing reactivity in personal relationships through listening and connecting with oneself and God.
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Quick takeaways
Reactivity, characterized by getting bigger or smaller than human-sized, hinders meaningful relationships and disconnects us from ourselves, others, and God.
Recognizing our false needs and the contagious nature of reactivity is key to breaking the cycle and fostering healthy connections with others and God.
Deep dives
Reactivity and Disconnection
Reactivity, or chronic anxiety, causes disconnection in our lives. It is characterized by getting either bigger or smaller than human-sized, which leads to disconnection from ourselves, from our relationships, and from our awareness of God. Reactivity can manifest in various ways, such as overcompensating, interrupting, dominating conversations, and giving unsolicited advice. These behaviors prevent us from truly connecting with others and understanding their needs for human connection rather than fixing their problems. Reactivity also includes getting smaller, which can involve self-protection, flattery, and not speaking up in certain situations. Such patterns of reactivity can become predictable and recurring, hindering our ability to maintain healthy and meaningful relationships.
False Needs and Contagious Reactivity
Reactivity is unique among anxieties as it is based on false needs that we believe are necessary for our well-being but are actually unnecessary. These false needs, such as the need for constant approval or the need to always be right, fuel our reactivity and disconnect us from reality. Another distinct feature of reactivity is that it is contagious. We catch reactivity from each other, and this affects our relationships, workplaces, and even social media interactions. Reactivity spreads quickly, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and dehumanization of others. Recognizing our false needs and the contagious nature of reactivity is key to breaking the cycle and fostering healthy connections.
The Power of Deliberative Response
Between stimulus and response, there is a space where we can consciously choose our reactions. This space offers the opportunity for growth and freedom. Deliberate response involves pausing and reconnecting with ourselves and God, rather than reacting impulsively. Reactivity is driven by false needs and puts us in a false reality, whereas connecting with truth and reality allows us to experience God's presence and love. By becoming aware of our reactivity triggers and developing deliberate response practices, we can break free from automated reactions and cultivate deep connections with others and God.
Managing Reactivity in Challenging Situations
Managing our reactivity is especially important in challenging situations like navigating election cycles. Core values and judgmentalism play significant roles in generating reactivity. Acknowledging our core values, including political ones, and recognizing the potential violation of these values enables us to notice our reactive responses. Judgmentalism is another trap that hinders connection with others. By intentionally practicing non-judgment, asking curious questions, and intentionally engaging with diverse perspectives, we can lower our reactivity, grow in understanding, and maintain connections even in the face of differing opinions. Setting behavioral values for ourselves when our values are violated helps us respond with grace and love, leading to more peaceful and connected relationships.
Steve digs deeper into the anxiety known as "reactivity" and the different ways we all respond when our values are broken by others. He uses the 2024 presidential election as an example, giving viewers a couple of tools to manage reactivity. For more about Steve, and to download his video ‘The 4 Spaces of Anxiety’ visit stevecusswords.com
Being Human with Steve Cuss, in collaboration with Christianity Today.
