#668 - David Pinsof - How To Leverage The Psychology Of Power & Status
Aug 17, 2023
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David Pinsof, a research scientist at UCLA and co-creator of Cards Against Humanity, dives into the murky waters of human motivation and status. He reveals how our desires are often dressed in flattering narratives that don’t quite hold up. The conversation explores why we chase status, the complexities of self-awareness, and how societal perceptions skew our understanding of happiness. Pinsof also highlights the paradox of seeking meaning over fleeting joys and the significant impact of mundane connections in our lives.
Understanding our true motivations and desires can be challenging due to the limits of introspection and the stories we create about our desires.
Status games are inherent in human nature, driving us to compare ourselves to others and strive for higher status, but understanding the dynamics of status games can lead to better outcomes and foster empathy.
Pursuing happiness as a goal is futile as happiness is not the true goal but a reaction to unexpectedly positive outcomes, and accepting this can free us from the pressure to constantly chase an unattainable state.
Deep dives
The Illusion of Understanding Ourselves
Our motivations and desires are often a mystery to us, as our brain's design limits our introspection. We create flattering stories about our desires, but they are often just bullshit. Additionally, we cannot truly know the motivations of others. This lack of self-understanding challenges our ability to understand ourselves. Bullshitting and lying are not the same - bullshitting is when the truth is irrelevant and doesn't concern us, while lying is intentionally misrepresenting the truth. Accepting our lack of self-understanding can be disempowering, but it can also lead to a clearer understanding of ourselves and more compassionate interactions with others.
The Intricacies of Status Games
Status games are inherent in our human nature, and we constantly compare ourselves to others. We seek to be better than our rivals and strive for higher status. However, our desires are relative and competitive, driving us to outcompete others in various domains. The paradox is that successful status seeking requires concealing our competitive nature. Sacred values and ideologies protect our status games, creating narratives that make them appear high-minded and altruistic. Understanding the dynamics of status games helps us choose status games that lead to better outcomes and fosters empathy towards others who are driven by the same desires.
The Fallacy of Seeking Happiness
The common pursuit of happiness as a fundamental goal is fundamentally flawed. We are wired to seek external things in the world, such as food, sex, and status, rather than an abstract concept like happiness. The experience of happiness is actually a recalibration of our expectations based on prediction errors. Happiness is not the actual thing we want, but a reaction to unexpectedly positive outcomes. Pursuing happiness as a goal is futile and can lead to dissatisfaction and depression. Instead, we often pursue appearing happy as a status-seeking tactic. Accepting that happiness is not the true goal can free us from the pressure to constantly chase an unattainable state.
The Inescapable Nature of Desire and Competition
Our desires are inherently relative and competitive. We constantly compare ourselves to others and strive to be better than our rivals. Evolution has wired us to maximize our biological fitness by outcompeting others. While this may seem discouraging, recognizing the reality of our competitive nature can lead to greater compassion and empathy towards others. Embracing the fact that desires are competitive and perpetual competition is unavoidable allows us to understand human behavior and work towards creating a world where intergenerational competition leads to progress and prosperity.
The Pursuit of Happiness and Our Inability to Achieve It
Despite our desire for happiness, research shows that we are not very good at pursuing it. We often overlook moments of joy and fail to appreciate what we have. We consume more negative news than positive news, even though good news makes us happier. We dwell on anger instead of focusing on happy moments. We struggle to predict what will make us happy and how long that happiness will last. Despite scientific evidence on happiness, many people are not interested in studying it. We engage in behaviors that make us unhappy, such as overworking or maintaining relationships with negative people. Our inability to pursue happiness effectively prompts us to question what we should prioritize instead.
The Importance of Peace of Mind and Meaning
While happiness may not be attainable, peace of mind and meaning offer a more practical and scalable approach to well-being. Peace of mind is the sense of contentment and satisfaction that comes from getting what we want and no longer desiring other things. Meaning, on the other hand, is the pursuit of long-term fitness value, like caring for a child or creating a strong tribe. These endeavors require effort, persistence, and patience, but they provide a deep sense of fulfillment. Ultimately, our pursuit should focus on the combination of peace of mind and meaning, as they facilitate a positive and purposeful life.
David Pinsof is a research scientist at UCLA, co-creator of Cards Against Humanity and an author.
Humans want things. Then we tell ourselves stories about why we want those things. And these reasons are often very flattering, but almost exclusively bullshit. We do not understand our motivations, and this is part of our brain's design. So, given this limit on introspection, is it possible to ever truly understand ourselves?
Expect to learn the difference between bullshitting and lying, why we can’t we admit that we want status, why human desires are so fickle and silly, how the modern world has hijacked our status games, why we find certain things interesting, why you actually don't want to be happy no matter how much you claim that you do and much more...
