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ADHD and kink might seem like an unexpected pairing, but for a lot of people, they go hand in hand. From rituals that help with focus to play that taps into the need for stimulation, BDSM can be more than just fun — it can be a real tool for regulation and connection.

In this episode, host Cate Osborn chats with author and forensic sexologist Stefani Goerlich about how BDSM can actually support ADHD brains by offering structure, sensory input, and clear communication.

Related resources

Stefani’s website, stefanigeorlich.com
Stefani’s books

Timestamps

(02:46) The broad umbrella of ‘kink’

(04:16) Focusing on BDSM in particular, and breaking down the acronym

(08:38) Kink is always relational, only sometimes sexual

(09:48) Why might someone gravitate towards kink/BDSM?

(12:30) Common kink myths

(15:44) Power exchange, and consent as foreplay

(16:32) The benefits of BDSM/kink

(18:24) How kink can help with claiming agency

(21:10) How negotiated arrangements can take some of the strain off executive function challenges

(23:39) What to do when one partner is kinky, and one is not so much

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org.

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

The New Topping and The New Bottoming books

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