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Even healthy couples fight — the difference is how | Julie and John Gottman

TED Health

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The Power of Softened Startup in Communication

Effective communication in relationships can significantly improve interactions through the use of softened startups. Instead of focusing on blame or resentment with statements that start with accusations, a softened startup emphasizes personal feelings, describes the situation, and articulates a positive need. For instance, rather than saying something harsh like 'You're too cheap to take me out to dinner,' a softened approach would express feelings first, such as 'I'm feeling frustrated about needing to cook dinner every night,' followed by a request, like 'Would you please take me out to dinner tonight?' This technique invites collaboration and understanding, fostering a more constructive dialogue. It is also demonstrated in real scenarios where individuals can creatively rephrase their needs in a non-confrontational manner, enhancing the potential for positive responses.

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