Charisma can make everything smoother, easier, and more exciting in life. It's a quality that makes people want to listen to you, to adopt your ideas, to be with you.

While what creates charisma can seem like a mystery, my guest today, communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards, says it comes down to possessing an optimal balance of two qualities: warmth and competence.

The problem is, even if you have warmth and competence, you may not be good at signaling these qualities to others. In Vanessa's work, she's created a research-backed encyclopedia of these influential signals, and she shares how to offer them in her book
Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. Today on the show, Vanessa and I discuss some of the verbal and nonverbal social cues that make you attractive to others, and keep you out of what she calls the "danger zone." She explains what the distance between your earlobes and shoulders has to do with looking competent, how using uptalk and vocal fry sabotages your ability to convey power, how to put more warmth in your voice, how to trigger the right response with a dating profile picture, and more.

Resources Related to the Episode

• AoM series on the elements of charisma 
• AoM Article: Gut Check — Are You a Contemptible Person?
• AoM Podcast #72: The Charisma Myth
• AoM Article: How to Use Body Language to Create a Dynamite First Impression
• AoM Podcast #694: The Fascinating Secrets of Your Voice
• JFK vs. Nixon presidential debate
• AoM article on the generational cycle

Connect With Vanessa Van Edwards

• The Science of People Website 
• Vanessa on Twitter
• Vanessa on IG