The Allure of Unstable Love

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Love can be one-sided, with one person feeling a strong bond while the other remains distant. In some cases, people enjoy being pursued and will intermittently show affection to reinforce the connection. This creates a psychological concept called invariable reward, similar to how casinos entice people to gamble more. The inconsistent behavior of the pursued person can create addiction and interpret anxiety as excitement and passion. However, as we mature, we realize that love should be easy, consistent, and safe, not marked by intense emotions and chronic stress. It's important to examine whether there is genuine friendship and care or if someone is using us to fulfill their emotional needs.

Love and attachment feel very similar, and it's very easy to confuse the two especially in the early stages of dating when we are overwhelmed by infatuation and the novelty of a new relationship. However, they are very different. Whilst love is a deliberate choice, mutual, selflessness, and long lasting, attachment is unconscious, can be one-sided and based on what serves our needs. Confusing these two feelings can cause us to pursue the wrong people, invest too quickly and, at times, end up hurt and disappointed. Today we're going to explore how to tell the difference, why we need to protect ourselves from getting attached too quickly, especially when we are prone to fantasy bonding or bread crumbing, and how to detach and let that bond develop slowly. We're also going to talk about the 6 questions we can use to answer the question: am I in love, or am I just attached? Listen now!

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