** defensiveness a sign of underlying shame**

Frequent conflicts can indicate a focus on what one doesn't have, leading to defensiveness as a sign of underlying shame. The need to convince someone you're not wrong or bad reflects feeling wrong and bad, indicating the presence of shame. If one truly believes a negative statement about themselves, they feel the need to defend it. Defensiveness can serve as a breadcrumb trail to identify the presence of the 'shame hot potato' in personal or team dynamics.