How to Talk to Yourself When You're Frustrated

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We often talk to ourselves in a way that we would never accept from someone else. We subject ourselves to punishing self-talk that comes from internalized negative voices. This self-talk can hold us back and limit us. However, we can unlearn this behavior. Going to therapy can help us let go of the limiting stories we've been carrying around. We need to unknow ourselves and let go of what we think we know. The way we talk to ourselves is often learned from the people who have spoken to us the most in our early years. If our kids hear us talk to ourselves or our partners in a negative way, they will internalize this behavior. Therefore, it's important to be mindful of how we talk to our kids as it sets the framework for the stories they carry around as well.

Ryan speaks with Lori Gottlieb about the profound effect that stories have on our lives, why we are all unreliable narrators, how we can make real steps toward positive change by practicing self-compassion, understanding other peoples’ experiences by listening to their stories, and more.

Lorr Gottlieb is a physiotherapist, writer, speaker, and podcast host whose work focuses on the role that stories and storytelling take in shaping our mental landscape. She obtained an undergraduate degree at Stanford University and a Masters of Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University, and she is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She published the New York Times bestseller, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone in 2019, which she repurposed into a journal version in 2022 titled Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: The Journal. She also writes the weekly “Dear Therapist” advice column for The Atlantic and is the co-host of the iHeart Radio podcast "Dear Therapists." Her TED Talk was one of the top most-watched talks of 2019. Her work can be found on her website lorigottlieb.com.

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