The Science Behind Why Relationships Last Or Fail - Drs John & Julie Gottman
Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal
The Four Strongest Indicators of a Doomed Relationship
Criticism is one of the main predictors of relationship demise./nContempt destroys the immune system./nStonewalling is the fourth horseman of the apocalypse.
What makes for a loving relationship that lasts? For over 40 years Drs. John and Julie Gottman have devoted their life to answering this question with the research and practice of fostering healthy, long-lasting relationships. Through studying thousands of couples, publishing over 200 academic articles, more than 40 books on the topic and co-founding the Gottman’s Institute, John and Julie have created interventions to change the way that couples relate to each other to help people succeed in the future of their relationships. In the conversation, John and Julie give me a masterclass in everything there is to know about building long lasting relationships, we cover the four key reasons why relationships fail, communication strategies, rituals to cultivate deeper connection and their latest book The Seven Day Love Prescription which distills their work into a seven-day action plan for deeper intimacy. Enjoy :)
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(00:00) Intro
(02:06) Why do we need research about love and relationships?
(04:37) Research methodology for analysing couples
(06:42) What are the things that predict a relationship will be happy?
(07:52) The 4 reasons why relationships fail
(16:04) Strategies to overcome anger
(18:35) What can people do to overcome conflict in relationships
(24:30) Why logic vs emotion is a false dichotomy
(33:10) Common mistakes men make in relationships
(38:12) Your research into LGBTQ+ relationships
(40:18) The biggest difference between men and women in relationships
(43:40) Decision making in relationships
(48:01) Rituals of connection
(51:01) Relationship reviews
(56:35) What is the function of marriage?
(01:07:31) Is there an ideal age gap?
(01:10:44) Relationships therapy and pre-commitment counselling
(01:14:12) The love prescription formula
(01:26:06) Book writing
🔗 CONNECT WITH JOHN AND JULIE
📕 The Seven Day Love Prescription
📱 The Gottman Card Decks App
💻 Website
🐦 Twitter
📸 Instagram
🔗 CONNECT WITH ALI
📚 Download my FREE 100 Books To Live Your Best Life Reading List
🎥 YouTube Channel
💻 Website
📸 Instagram
🐦 Twitter
👥 Linkedin
Find the show notes and the transcript on the website: https://aliabdaal.com/podcast/
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Creators & Guests
- Amber Baxter-Clarke - Producer
- Ali Abdaal - Host
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