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Gabor Maté: Why Your Trauma is Showing Up as Guilt, Fear, and Shame & How to Untrap Yourself from the Past
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Pain of Dependence and Independence
Fear of breaking dependence leads to accepting the pain of guilt in relationships for the sake of dependence. Choosing between the pains of suppressing oneself to be accepted or being oneself and risking non-acceptance is inevitable in life. The speaker believes that the pain of not being oneself is more chronic than the short-term pain of authenticity, which leads to liberation and genuine independence in relationships. The idea of familiar pain versus unfamiliar pain is discussed, where the fear of unfamiliar pain often leads people to choose familiar pain. Both being independent and dependent involve pain, but the pain of dependence outweighs the pain of independence. The discussion differentiates between rugged individualism, which is self-sufficient and isolating, and individuation, which is about being genuine in relationships and desiring human contact without losing oneself.
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