Challenges of Bringing the Best to Relationships | 2min snip from The Tim Ferriss Show

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#755: Hugh Jackman and Esther Perel

The Tim Ferriss Show

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Challenges of Bringing the Best to Relationships

In relationships, people often bring their best selves to various aspects of their lives like work, friends, and hobbies, but fail to bring the same level of effort to their partners. This discrepancy in behavior raises questions about why people invest less in their relationships while expecting them to be successful. The speaker highlights how individuals sometimes treat their partners poorly, yet hold them up as their best friends, showing a lack of respect and care. The concept of marriage is discussed as a potential factor in enabling subpar behavior, as people may take their partners for granted, unlike how they would with friends or colleagues. The speaker emphasizes the importance of accountability in relationships and challenges the idea that being married gives license to mistreat one's partner, calling it 'marital sadism.' Overall, the insight raises awareness about the disparities in behavior within relationships and the need for individuals to bring their best selves to their partners.

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Episode notes

This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #444 "Hugh Jackman on Best Decisions, Daily Routines, The 85% Rule, Favorite Exercises, Mind Training, and Much More" and #241 "The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)."

Please enjoy!

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Timestamps:

[00:00] Start

[05:46] Notes about this supercombo format.

[06:49] Enter Hugh Jackman.

[07:22] What books has Hugh gifted most?

[10:35] Hugh's meditation practices.

[14:07] Summoning and maintaining the emotional and physical energy necessary for performing.

[19:59] What lessons did Hugh's father teach him about being an example to others?

[25:32] The contract Hugh made with himself at the end of drama school.

[29:13] Best decisions Hugh made in the first years of being an aspiring/working actor.

[34:23] How has Hugh learned to trust his intuition?

[37:07] The design of the day and the efficacy of manifestation.

[39:38] The most efficient exercises Hugh knows.

[40:53] The importance of incorporating relaxation into physical activity (the 85% rule).

[44:17] Enter Esther Perel.

[44:41] Esther's background.

[46:11] Growing up among Holocaust survivors in Antwerp.

[53:45] Her parents' survival: chance vs. choice.

[1:02:27] Trust or vulnerability: which comes first?

[1:04:24] Impermanence as motivation for living fully.

[1:06:24] Esther on being counterphobic.

[1:09:35] Studying in Jerusalem.

[1:14:02] Seeking and approaching mentors.

[1:22:39] Eroticism as an antidote to death.

[1:26:04] Options for couples with sexual listlessness.

[1:33:04] Too much honesty in relationships? American vs. European views.

[1:39:07] Complete sharing vs. caring in relationships.

[1:40:16] Guiding patients through infidelity disclosure.

[1:45:29] Overcoming fear of abandonment in non-exclusive relationships.

[1:52:23] Quarterly relationship report cards.

[1:53:54] "Don't ask, don't tell" in polyamorous relationships.

[1:55:46] Innovation and flexibility over rigid ideology in relationships.

[1:58:43] Relationships as power dynamics.

[2:02:20] The research process for Esther's book on adultery.

[2:08:36] Arguments for marriage today.

[2:13:47] Divorce rates in second marriages.

[2:15:13] Marriage's effect on relationship behavior.

[2:17:54] Human questions explored through infidelity in Esther's book.

[2:21:48] Books Esther frequently gifts and rereads.

[2:22:42] Esther's billboard.

[2:23:15] Parting thoughts.

For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.

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Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, Margaret Atwood, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Thiel, Dr. Gabor Maté, Anne Lamott, Sarah Silverman, Dr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.

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