Understanding Bad Behaviors and Lack of Skill

Bad behaviors often stem from feelings or urges that individuals lack the skill to manage or access to manage in that moment. Consequently, rather than addressing the root cause, individuals end up punishing the behavior itself. This perspective highlights that the behavior is merely an indication of the absence of a specific skill. It is akin to attempting to teach a child to swim by punishing them for not being able to swim.

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Episode notes

In this episode, my guest is Dr. Becky Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of Good Inside, an education platform for parents and parents-to-be. We discuss actionable protocols for raising resilient, emotionally healthy kids and effective alternatives to typical forms of reward and punishment that instead teach children valuable skills and strengthen the parent-child bond. These protocols also apply to other types of relationships: professional, romantic, friendships, siblings, etc.

We explain how to respond to emotional outbursts, rudeness, and entitlement, repair fractured relationships, build self-confidence, and improve interpersonal connections with empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries.

We also discuss how to effectively communicate with children and adults with ADHD, anxiety, learning challenges, or with “deeply feeling” individuals.

The conversation is broadly applicable to all types of social interactions and bonds. By the end of the episode, you will have learned simple yet powerful tools to build healthy relationships with kids, teens, adults, and oneself.

For show notes, including referenced articles and additional resources, please visit hubermanlab.com.