Focus on the Thing, Not the Superlative

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It's remarkable how removing superlatives like 'most' or 'best' from questions can eliminate unnecessary pressure and allow for more honest, relaxed conversations. By focusing on the essence of the topic rather than ranking or comparing, individuals can communicate more freely, especially with deeper topics where emotions are involved. This approach not only minimizes mental energy spent on ranking but also allows for a more genuine exchange of ideas and experiences. When people are asked about what they care deeply about rather than being pressured to rank things, the quality and depth of the conversation improve significantly. This method is highlighted as beneficial for engaging with children as well, emphasizing the importance of asking open-ended questions to encourage honest communication.

Andrew Warner: Stop Asking Questions Andrew Warner is an entrepreneur and host of the Startup Stories podcast, where he uncovers the secrets of the world’s best founders. Over the course of 2,000+ episodes, Andrew has interviewed everyone from Barbara Corcoran, to Gary Vaynerchuk, to the founders of Airbnb. After building two startups of his own—one successful and one that failed—Andrew started Mixergy as a way to learn from other entrepreneurs. Today, Mixergy is a place where successful people teach ambitious upstarts through interviews, courses, masterclasses, and events. He is the author of Stop Asking Questions: How to Lead High-Impact Interviews and Learn Anything from Anyone*. In this conversation, Andrew and I discuss what he’s learned about getting people to talk from thousands of hours of interviews and research. We explore some of the key tactics that he uses to help people open up in a genuine way. Plus, we discuss some common questions to avoid that may work against your goal to connect well with the other party. Key Points Help others get comfortable talking about themselves by revealing something about yourself first. They may not reciprocate immediately, but it often opens the door for future depth. Just a word or two can open up an entire new level of a conversation. Try using “Because?” or “How so?” as ways to hear more. People expect leaders to show up and have a direction for the conversation. Not everything needs to be phrased as a question — you may consider making requests like, “Tell me more,” to direct to conversation. Avoid asking questions that try to get people to articulate “most” or “best” answers. People spend too much mental bandwidth trying to rank-order instead of just engaging with the dialogue. When potentially uncomfortable situations come up, allow people an easy way out by giving them two paths they can go down. Resources Mentioned Stop Asking Questions: How to Lead High-Impact Interviews and Learn Anything from Anyone* by Andrew Warner Interview Notes Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes The Way to Have Conversations That Matter, with Celeste Headlee (episode 344) How to Ask Better Questions, with David Marquet (episode 454) Four Habits That Derail Listening, with Oscar Trimboli (episode 500) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.