What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Some of the ways we imagined motherhood turned out to be pretty accurate (like how much we’d enjoy Santa Claus back in our lives). But some of it was wayy off base, like how long it takes to lose a muffin top. (It's like the Tootsie Roll Pop question: the world may never know.) In this episode we discuss what lived up to, exceeded, and confounded our mom expectations with special guest Betsy Stover, mom of three boys and co-host of the hilarious podcast Why Mommy Drinks.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether it’s the science fair, the pinewood derby, or a pre-K shoebox diorama, sooner or later every kid gets assigned a school project that is, without question, a PARENTS' project. What four-year-old can fashion her own “Dress As Your Patron Saint” costume? What sixth-grader can attempt proper MLA citation format without extreme maternal participation?  It’s not so much the projects we mind- it’s the feeling that however we handle it, we’re doing it wrong. If we make the origami cranes for the kid, we’re snowplow parents. If we send them in with a social studies project they made entirely themselves out of paper plates and crayons, we also own their cheek-burning shame when their projects pale in comparison to the professionally-produced ones of their peers.  In this episode we discuss how to discern the right amount of help such projects require: not too much, and not too little. Sure, we can help our kids win the battle of the pinewood derby… but we really want to win the war of having our kids who can someday accomplish things all by themselves. Here’s links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:  Susan Messina for Huffington Post: That Fake Science Fair Poster That Went Viral? I Made It. Here's WhyDana Goldstein for The Atlantic: Don't Help Your Kids With Their HomeworkThe Broken Compass: Parental Involvement With Children’s Education Dr. Keith Robinson and Dr. Angel Harris for the New York Times: Parental Involvement Is OverratedWendy Wisner for Scary Mommy: It’s Obvious When Parents Complete Their Kid’s School Projects, So Please Stopeasybib.com (Amy recommends for an easier way to create bibliographies) sciencebuddies.org (Amy recommends as a resource to choose science fair projects)  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode we discuss all the reasons we’ve felt like failures as mothers, why we’re never as hard on others as we are on ourselves, and what we have done to mitigate these feelings of failure in our own lives.   “I feel like I’m failing at parenting fairly often,” our listener Becky wrote when she suggested this topic.  If it makes you feel any better, Becky, you’ve got plenty of company. These self-inflicted guilt trips are nearly universal among mothers.But why? Is it the 24/7 nature of the job? Is it the admittedly high stakes that come from nurturing small humans towards successful adulthoods? Is it our parenting culture, which tells us no matter how much we do, how hard we try, there’s another mother doing it just a little bit better? We think it’s all of the above. We also think talking to other mothers is the best solution. Thanks for being part of our mothering community. Here’s links to research and other writing on this topic discussed in this episode:Regan Long for Motherly: To the Mom Who Feels Like She's Failing: You're Not. Promise.Heather Marcoux for Motherly: 66% of working parents feel like they're failing—but the system is actually failing themDoug Parker for Babble: I Feel Like I'm Failing This Parenting Thing Every Damn DayDenise Rowden for Empowering Parents: “I Feel Like a Failure as a Parent.” How to Turn That Hopeless Feeling Around Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners to tell us the best relationship advice they've ever gotten- for romantic and platonic relationships both. In this episode, we discuss the advice that has worked best for us in the past- and what we're going to try going forward. Stuck on what "prioritizing your spouse" really means? Tired of never going to bed angry? Looking for some time-tested fight-avoiding techniques from our listeners' great-grandmothers? You'll find much to think about in this episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anxiety is a natural response to stress. Sometimes it’s even useful, like when it alerts us to danger. But when anxiety grips our children, they often don’t (can’t) explain how they’re feeling, and their inner turmoil can take over.As psychotherapist Lynn Lyons explains:Anxiety is a normal part of growing, changing and learning. But worry and anxiety can also become powerful and restrictive, disrupting families in ways that lead to avoidance, missed school, outbursts, conflict, and often depression if left untreated.In this episode we discuss coping strategies for all ages and stages how anxiety in children can be easy to miss the negative behaviors anxious kids might exhibit  why letting our kids avoid anxiety-causing situations is counterproductive how anxiety "lives in the future” We also interview Dr. Lisa Damour about her book Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. Dr. Damour’s book is full of empathetic insight and useful takeaways for helping our anxious daughters (and sons). We discuss how to help anxious kids "settle their glitter" and how to use our own moments of stress and anxiety as opportunities for modeling.Here’s links to other research and writing discussed in this episode:Lindsay Holmes for Huffington Post Life: 10 Things People Get Wrong About Anxiety Liz Matheis for anxiety.org: Identifying Signs of Anxiety in Children CDC: Data and Statistics on Children's Mental HealthMetropolitan CBT: About Anxiety  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most people believe middle children are prone to feeling insecure and left out because they get less attention. Their primary emotional state? Jealousy of siblings. Studies show that we think these problems are real and inescapable. A City College of New York study found participants were most likely to use words like “overlooked” to describe middle children— while completely unlikely to use the word “spoiled.” Psychologist Dr. Alfred Adler first proposed a “middle child syndrome” in the 1920s, and ever since, most of us have assumed the Jan-Brady worst. But Dr. Adler also believed that middle children’s place in the birth order made them “uniquely poised to succeed.” Are we getting it wrong? Are there lifelong benefits for kids who grow up neither the pressured oldest nor the coddled youngest? In this episode we discuss: “middleborns” vs “classic middles,” and how both are disappearing from the American demographicthe negativity of the “middle child syndrome,” and whether or not it bears outwhy middle children are more independent and open-mindedwhy middle children have a greater appetite for riskhow the “ambient neglect” a middle child sometimes receives can be an incredible giftWriter Adam Sternbergh, himself a middle, says that "being a middle child is not something you aspire to; it’s something that happens to you.” While that may be true, it also turns out that we should perhaps all be jealous of them. Being a middle kid can be secretly great. Here's links to research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode: Adam Sternbergh for The Cut: The Extinction of the Middle ChildDr. Catherine Salmon:The Secret Power of Middle Children: How Middleborns Can Harness Their Unexpected and Remarkable AbilitiesLindsay Dodgson for Business Insider: 'Middle child syndrome' doesn't actually exist — but it still might come with some surprising psychological advantagesRisk-taking middle-borns: A study on birth- order and risk preferences Abi Berwager Schreier for Romper: Do Middle Children Really Have More Issues? Jan Brady Wasn't The Only OneAlphaparent: Optimum Family Size Facts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sometimes you gotta consult the experts. We asked our listeners to tell us their best life advice, and as usual, you all delivered! This episode is full of great advice on-making choices-doing what matters-ignoring the haters-and liking ourselves a little better.Join the conversation in our new Facebook group! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When it comes to disciplining our kids, having "the punishment fit the crime” seems like a reasonable goal. But what if the “crime” in question is hitting a sibling? And what makes a punishment good in the first place? Is our primary goal dissuasion or providing insight? How can our approach to discipline help our children make a better choice next time- even if they’re not worried about being caught?In this episode we talk about what does and doesn’t work for punishing kids of all ages, and discusswhy once you’ve threatened a punishment, you have to follow throughwhy shaming is unproductive (and ineffective)why punishments for younger children need to be “logical and immediate"why punishments for older children need to go beyond taking their phoneswhy, once a kid has served the time for her crime, a parent needs to let it goIn the end, we think punishments work best when we keep our eyes on our longer-term parenting goals: teaching our kids accountability and helping them learn to self-regulate, while also ensuring domestic tranquility (and providing for the common defense).  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners to tell us their best tips (and hardest struggles) around returning to the workplace— whether it’s been six weeks, six months, or a few years.Our listener Greta suggested this topic. After three-and-a-half years at home with her child, she "moved across the country, started kid in preschool, and started back at work at the same time.” Dr. Lisa D’Amour says that change equals stress, and if that’s the case… that's a whole lot of change.In this episode we discuss: dealing with the guilt (right or wrong, many mothers feel it)the surprising usefulness of the commutewhy your first day back at work should be a Wednesday the layers of challenge that breastfeeding can add. To those of you about to pump, we salute you. Here’s a link to breastfeeding-at-work rights by statehow to approach your boss about a job share If you’re a mom contemplating a onramping attempt after a quite lengthy stay-at-home gap, we talked about that a little in this episode- and then decided that deserves its own conversation! That episode is coming soon.In the meantime, here are two back-to-work resources suggested by listener Gretchen: - iRelaunch- Career RelaunchWhen all else fails, listen to our listener Rachael: "I went back after 12 weeks. It was tough, but I can say now that it’s been another 12 weeks, it gets easier. You get a routine. And the baby honestly does great at daycare."What helped with your own back-to-work transition? Tell us in the comments? Photo by Nastuh Abootalebi on Unsplash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenthood is hard. Different stages have different challenges. But there’s one particular phase that is of legendary, Kilimanjaro-climbing difficulty: surviving the first few months as the parent of two children, a toddler and a newborn. This episode was suggested by Raya, who says: "At one point I had a newborn and newly-turned-two-year-old. With my husband working seven days a week, I found myself alone the majority of the time with both kids. My kids are now one and three and it is getting easier, but those first eight months where probably the hardest thing I have experienced.”We agree on both counts: it gets easier. It may also be one of the hardest things we ever experienced. But here’s how to get through it! We asked our listeners to tell us their best advice for the toddler/newborn stage, and in this episode we discussthe best gear to have on handthe sanity saversthe things to do ahead of time in the moments you have one or both hands freehow to let people helpthe singular importance of consistent napping (for you too Mom)why Moana is apparently the movie to have on repeatIf you survived this stage and lived to tell the tale, take a bow (seriously, you deserve it). If you’re in it now: we see you, and you got this. If you’re about to enter this stage: okay, yes, it’s really hard. But you’ll get through it as long as you- in our listener Rachel’s words- “give yourself so much grace.”  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices