What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Helicopter moms, snowplow moms, tiger moms, free-range moms… we usually define all of these parenting types in the negative: well, at least I’m not THAT. But are there useful takeaways from each of these parenting styles that we can combine cafeteria-style to create our own? Can we reject some of the judginess of free-range parenting, or the tyranny of tiger momming, and still find things to love? What do we miss when we reject other moms' ways of doing things full-stop?  Here are links to the books and articles we mention in this episode: Frank Bruni: Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions ManiaAmy Chua: Battle Hymn of the Tiger MotherFoster Cline and Jim Fay: Parenting With Love and LogicNancy Gibbs for Time: Roaring Tigers, Anxious Choppers The Grammarphobia Blog: The Original Tiger Mother? Dr. James R. Laider for Autism Watch: The "Refrigerator Mother" Hypothesis of AutismHeather Marcoux for Motherly: 'Snowplow parents' and the lessons we can take from themJessica McCrory Calarco for The Atlantic: 'Free Range' Parenting's Unfair Double StandardClaire Cain Miller and Jonah Engel Bromwich for NYT: How Parents Are Robbing Their Children of AdulthoodArti Patel for Global News: ‘Panda parenting’ is all about giving children more freedom — but does it work?Katie Roiphe for Slate: The Seven Myths of Helicopter ParentingLenore Skenazy: Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) Emma Waverman for Today's Parent: Snowplow Parenting: The Latest Controversial TechniqueEsther Wojcicki for Time: I Raised Two CEOs and a Doctor. These Are My Secrets to Parenting Successful Children Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked you to tell us your spouses’ most unacceptable-- and also extremely minor-- household infractions.356 of you responded.Whether it’s turning off the AC because it's "too cold" at 75 degrees, creating a Sock Mountain of not-quite-dirty-enough laundry, or pausing Netflix to point out plot holes, this episode explores everything spouses do that is trivially horrible.It must also be said: while these offenses are most often properly termed as Husband Crimes, this episode proves that Wives can also be guilty of using ten water glasses in one day, or of eating potato chips too loudly. It seems that no marriage is entirely free of Spouse Crimes. You are heard. You deserve justice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most little kids have an ironclad sense of right and wrong and are most happy to report on whoever might not be sharing in the dress-up corner. But as they get older, the stakes get a lot higher- for them, for us, and for the kid being "told on."When should kids tell? In this episode we discuss: the difference between "tattling" and telling, and whether telling kids "no tattling" is causing other problems; the difference between surprises and secrets; what to do when kids say, "I'm not sure if I should tell you this"; and whom kids should tell when they can't (or won't) tell you.Here are links to some of the research and writing on the topic discussed in this episode: Amy Morin for Very Well Family: Why Parents Shouldn't Tell Kids to Keep SecretsMarisa Cohen for Real Simple: How Much Privacy Should You Give Your Kids? Valerie Reiss for Great Schools: Does Saying "Don't Tattle" Send Kids the Wrong Message? Heidi Stevens for the Chicago Tribune: Tattling is bad, except when it's notTogether Against Bullying: Telling vs. Tattling Teachers Pay Teachers: Tattling vs. Telling Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is there such a thing as a too-imaginative kid? Parenting experts say no. Dr. Paul Harris, professor of education at Harvard and author of The Work of the Imagination, says that kids’ active imaginations are “essentially positive” and represent cognitive work, the way that children make sense of the world.  But if you’ve got a kid who prefers her imaginary friend to making real ones— or who terrorizes the first grade by explaining how zombies can get into one’s home through the radiator— you might still wonder whether there comes a time to tamp it all down and force our kids to deal with reality.  In this episode we talk about  the considerable upsides of a huge imagination  why some children have imaginary friends  why some kids engage in “worldplay” for their imaginary worlds long after the other kids have moved on  how to help anxious kids whose imaginations can become overly active  how to encourage kids to engage in more imaginative play  And here’s links to the books, articles, and research we discuss in this episode:  Lauren Child's ⁠⁠Charlie and Lola book series⁠⁠, featuring the kind-of-visible Soren Lorensen Louise Fitzhugh: ⁠⁠Harriet the Spy⁠⁠ Dr. Robin Alter: ⁠Anxiety and the Gift of Imagination⁠ Paul L. Harris, ⁠⁠The Work of the Imagination⁠⁠ Joshua A. Krisch for Fatherly: ⁠⁠Brilliant Kids Visit (and Create) Imaginary Worlds⁠⁠ Michelle Root-Bernstein: ⁠⁠The Creation of Imaginary Worlds⁠⁠ Marjorie Taylor: ⁠⁠Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them ⁠⁠ Deena Skolnik Weissberg: ⁠⁠Distinguishing Imagination From Reality Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most of us have been (for better and for worse) recipients of the “only Mommy” level of attention from our little ones-- the sort of singular devotion that leaves our partners decidedly out in the cold. Many of us have also been on the outside looking in, with "Daddy’s girl" giving us none of the love, just eye rolls and the distinct impression that we rank not only second, but dead last.  Why do kids prefer one parent over the other? Why do those allegiances shift? Are we supposed to ignore it, and our hurt feelings, because it’s normal and developmentally appropriate? Or are there times when we should push back against this behavior? Will it get even worse if we don't?  Here are links to research and other writing on the topic we discuss in this episode: Janet Lansbury: When Children Prefer One Parent/ Ellen Weber Libby Ph.D. for Psychology Today: IS THERE A FAVORITE PARENT?/ Carl Pickhardt for Psychology Today: Adolescence and the Case of Odd Parent Out/ Kendra Cherry for Very Well Mind: The Oedipus Complex in Children Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

According to the US Department of Labor, more than a third of college-educated women pause their careers for some amount of time to raise their children. But the jobs we leave behind aren't usually waiting for us with open arms. How do we own the time we've spent out of the workforce raising kids without apologizing for it? How do we re-enter careers that have shifted in our absence- or create entirely new opportunities for ourselves? We talk it all out with guest Christina Geist, a brand strategist, entrepreneur and children’s book author who lives in New York City with her husband, NBC and MSNBC host Willie Geist, and her two children. Her second children's book, Sorry Grown-Ups, You Can't Go To School!,is just out from Random House.  In this episode Christina tells us how she bridged the mom gap and launched "a 2.0 version of myself in my 40s that my 20s self would have been so relieved to meet." Find out more about Christina, her new book, and Boombox Gifts on her website: christinageist.com. Here are links to the research and writing on the mom gap that we discuss in this episode: Katie Weisshaar for Harvard Business Review: Stay-at-Home Moms Are Half as Likely to Get a Job Interview as Moms Who Got Laid OffDorie Clark for Harvard Business Review: How Stay-at-Home Parents Can Transition Back to WorkLisa Evans for Fast Company: 5 Ways To Eliminate The Stay-At-Home Mom GapLisen Stronberg: Work PAUSE Thrive: How to Pause for Parenthood Without Killing Your CareerWendy Wallbridge: Spiraling Upward: The 5 Co-Creative Powers for Women on the Rise Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most parenting experts say being our kids’ safe space includes letting some amount of their snarkiness roll off our backs. It’s normal. Don’t take it personally. And knowing that it’s universal helps. Sometimes. A little. But we still struggle. Shouldn’t we insist on respect from our kids? And what happens when the eye-rolling and "God, Mom, don't you know anything?" really starts to wear us down? In this episode we discuss why kids take things out on us as parents (spoiler alert: it gets worse before it gets better) and how we can lower our reactivity in order to respond more effectively.Here’s links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss:Christa Santangelo, PhD: A New Theory of Teenagers (book)Alice G. Walton for The Atlantic: 12 Ways to Mess Up Your KidsSara Bean for Empowering Parents: “I Hate You, Mom! I Wish You Were Dead!” — When Kids Say Hurtful ThingsKim Abraham for Empowering Parents: Anger, Rage and Explosive Outbursts: How to Respond to Your Child or Teen’s AngerJanet Lehman for Empowering Parents: Do Your Kids Respect You? 9 Ways to Change Their AttitudeStephanie Klindt: 10 Ways To Set Appropriate Boundaries With TeensDr. Wendy Mogel: Mothers, don't take teen rejection personally Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What is empathy, exactly? It involves both emotion and action. For our kids, it’s an acquired skill- one that needs our guidance and encouragement to be cultivated. Here’s how to model and teach empathetic behavior.In this episode we discuss why empathy needs to be taught in the first place, when is the right age to start, the difference between pity and empathy, and how becoming more empathetic can benefit yourself (and your own kids) just as it benefits others. Amy Webb says that establishing sameness is a great place to start: "Once your child has some understanding that some people are different, now is a great time to find some common ground: 'I bet she likes a lot of the same toys/games/food that you like.' You can then ask the child or the child’s caregiver what they like to do. Establishing sameness is KEY. This is when the light goes on and children realize, 'Oh, she’s just another kid, like me. We are more alike than different!'"Here are links to research and other writing on empathy that we discuss in this episode: Jacqueline Woodson’s Each Kindness is an award-winning book for school-aged children about what happens when empathy is not chosen Amy Webb for A Cup of Jo: How To Navigate a Special Needs Encounter Katie Hurley for Scary Mommy: How Can I Teach My Child Empathy?Sumathi Reddy for the Wall Street Journal: Little Children and Already Acting MeanDr. Chris McCarthy: Turn Around AnxietyPhoto by Charlein Gracia on Unsplash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners to tell us their go-to House Rules. Whether these words to live by are hanging in your kitchen written in cutesy script on a faux-weathered piece of wood (“in this house we give hugs”) or have been implanted in your children’s brains simply by your repeatedly screaming them, here are your (and our) best House Rules for: screens, fighting, pets, personal space, the dinner table, sleep, Saturdays, secrets, and being nice. Join the conversation in our Facebook group! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mom tribes are a thing… for some of us. Others find it harder to make and maintain fun, easygoing friendships with other parents. But should we feel bad if we don’t have a “Sex and the City”-style group that are all equally close and whom we see three times a week?  Our listener Hester describes a mom tribe this way:  like-minded moms with similar age kids who have one another's backscan be one or many, depending on your comfort level  more precious than ever when the traditional support system of close family is not availableIn this episode, we discuss our listeners’ advice on how to find mom tribes, how to deepen connections with the one you may already have-- plus whether online tribes count (yes).  In a day and age when our siblings and parents might live far away, it’s worth investing ourselves in the communities that can happen wherever we are. Here's how writer Jenny Anderson explains it: I used to think that community was as simple as having friends who bring a lasagna when things fall apart and champagne when things go well. Who pick up your kids from school when you can’t. But I think community is also an insurance policy against life’s cruelty; a kind of immunity against loss and disappointment and rage. My community will be here for my family if I cannot be. And if I die, my kids will be surrounded people who know and love them, quirks and warts and oddities and all.By the way, our Facebook group is a tribe of really cool, funny, supportive parents- join us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices