What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

We asked the listeners to tell us their extremely minor annoyances of motherhood-- the smaller and more seemingly inconsequential, the better, because it turns out those are things that really make us loco. From soggy bath toys, to pushing swings, to the toddler who spins around and offers the wrong arm to be put into the held-up coat sleeve, here are many of the teeny-tiny things that drive moms insane. Join the fun on our Facebook page! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anyone old enough to remember TV antennas and New Coke usually says that things were way better in the free-wheeling, simple-living, “don't come home till it's getting dark outside” days of our childhoods.But were they really? And what about for our parents?From maternity clothes to snow days to school nights to movie nights, in this episode we decide whether the things that loom largest in our lives as kids (and now as moms) are Better Then or Better Now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The "invisible workload" has become shorthand for the never-ending to-do list that moms keep in our heads-- because much of that work is invisible to the people we do it for, let alone the larger world.That work falls to us because moms tend to be the default parent, whatever our outside-the-home workload (or that of our spouses) might be. Are you the one who leaves work when the baby throws up at day care? Do you know which closet the wrapping paper is in- and if you're almost out? Is it your calendar that keeps track of when your kid has to bring the snack for soccer? Yup, us too.Most of us get majorly resentful about this invisible work. Some of us make lists of it all (to make it more visible). Those lists make us mad. Not very much changes. We start to think that this is just the way it has to be.But we don't have to fall for the old chestnut that women are just better at multitasking, and so we might as well keep doing it all. As professor of neurogenetics Dr. Pat Levitt explains:"I don't know of any research that shows women are better multitaskers than men. In fact, multitasking is bad for everyone because our brains are not built to deal with more than one complex thing at a time."This week's guest tells us how to effect actual change in our household distribution of labor by putting new systems in place that work for everyone. Eve Rodsky is author of the new book Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution For When You Have Too Much To Do (And More Life To Live), and she's showing us all a path forward to create the relationships and households that we deserve. Don't miss this interview! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

No matter what ages our kids are, when they need rescuing, they look to Mom. And whether we rescue them or not, we’re left second-guessing whatever it is we just did. Did you bring that forgotten lunch to school? Nice helicoptering, loser! Did you leave your kid to figure out his own way home from baseball when it was getting dark? Really, how can you live with yourself? In this episode, we talk about all the situations our kids have (and will) want rescuing from, and whether or not each requires our stepping in-- and how to know. We discuss: why “natural consequences” for your forgetful kid doesn’t mean she’ll remember her cleats next time; the structures and scaffolding you can put in place so kids can start rescuing themselves; and why “muscle confusion” isn’t just for the gym.Basically, we think that if your kids blow it once in a while, you should go ahead and bring them the right shoes. But don’t forget to give your kids the gifts of solving their own problems once in a while.  As parenting expert Dr. Robin Berman explains: "If you want to have happy kids, you have to teach them to tolerate being unhappy."Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:Dr. Robin Berman for Goop: The Misguided Desire of Wanting Our Kids to be HappyCarolyn Dalgiesh: The Sensory Child Gets Organized: Proven Systems for Rigid, Anxious, or Distracted KidsDr. Sarah Sarkis for Hey Sigmund: ‘I Just Want Them to Be Okay’ – Why Rescuing Our Kids Can Get in Their WayDr. Michael G. Thompson: When Should A Forgetful Nine-Year-Old Suffer Consequences? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever felt coerced into parenting in a way you usually wouldn’t because you were in public? Does the tsk-ing disapproval of Aunt Joan feel even worse than eyerolls from strangers? Do you discipline your kids differently in front of friends who might hold a tighter line, even if it's in your house? Do you ever give a "now you listen to me, young man" lecture to one of your kids primarily for the benefit of his or her siblings? For better and for worse, parenting with an audience means doing things differently.  In this episode we discuss what to say to well-meaning (but still interfering) onlookers with front-row seats to your kid's tantrum without making What That Lady Must Think your primary focus. As parenting columnist Sarah Coyne reminds us, we should focus on strengthening our connections with our kids rather than pleasing the onlookers. Kids need consistent, reliable, trustworthy parents who don’t change their game plan based upon who’s acting as witness."Here are links to other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Sarah Coyne for The Joplin Globe:  Parenting with an audience changes the rulesDr. Laura Markham for Aha! Parenting: 14 Tips for Parenting in PublicOdd Loves Company: Parenting For An Audience Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What is it about the kid who throws sand that other kids find so irresistible? How do we keep our kids away from bad influences in their lives, especially as they get older? And why do parents sometimes peg exactly the wrong kids as good influences? In this episode we discuss what age groups are most susceptible to peer influence (good and bad), how to approach the parent of a suspected bad-influencer, and how to teach our kids to approach these situations on their own. As Timothy Verduin, a professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU, explains: "If you want kids who are resilient, you can’t isolate them from social pathogens. Think about the long view, that you’re training them to handle less-than-ideal people and solve their own problems."Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Jennifer Bleyer for Real Simple: 9 Bad Influences on Your Child (or You)Diana Simeon for Your Teen Mag: When to Call Another Parent About Teenage Behavior ProblemsLaurence Steinberg and Kathryn C. Monahan, Developmental Psychology: Age Differences in Resistance to Peer InfluenceLaurence Steinberg, Temple University: Peer influence on risk taking, risk preference, and risky decision making in adolescence and adulthood: an experimental studyGeorge Packer for The Atlantic: When The Culture War Comes For The Kids Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked the members of our Facebook group for your "hot takes"- that is to say, the things you feel insanely strongly about while the rest of the world is seemingly indifferent. From athleisure to mayonnaise to french-fry consistency to the enduring fame of Coldplay, these are your extremely fervent hot takes and unpopular opinions. Should pizza ever, under any circumstances, be topped with pineapple? Should trophies for mere participation be forever banned? Was Dr. Seuss not that great of an actual writer? Here's what all of you really, really want the rest of us to know.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What should we as parents do when the well-meaning grandparents in our lives are overindulgent of their grandchildren? Or undermine our parenting choices?And what do we do with our own hurt feelings when our parents don't seem very interested in our kids at all?In this episode we talk about how to create a grandparent relationship that works for everyone. It's worth the effort. Take it from our friend Belinda Luscombe, who when it comes to navigating this relationship, reminds us of the ever-present upside:"Don't let the opportunity of getting to know your in-laws or parents in a different way pass you by."Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:Susan Newman, Ph.D: Little Things Mean a Lot: Creating Happy Memories With Your GrandchildrenJaycee Dunn for Parents: What to Do About Uninvolved GrandparentsJo Piazza for Parents: From Toxic Mother to Loving Grandmother: How I Learned to Forgive My Mom After My Son Was Born Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Kids don't usually seek to lose their dependence on us as parents- and why should they? Doesn’t a grilled cheese taste so much better when Mom makes it? So it’s up to us to teach our kids independence, and that means showing them how an ATM works sometime before they leave for college. How do we start the nest-leaving process early and often?Our guest is Lisa Heffernan, co-creator of the parenting-older-kids website Grown and Flown. She and Lisa Heffernan are the co-authors of the new book Grown and Flown: How to Support Your Teen, Stay Close as a Family, and Raise Independent Adults.Lisa says yes, we should start preparing our kids now to survive without us— but she’s not arguing for tough love as the only answer, whether our kids are three or twenty-three. “Being involved in your kid’s life does NOT make you a helicopter parent,” Lisa says. "It makes you a loving, supportive parent.”  It’s often harder, longer, and more complicated to make our kids do something than to just do it for them. But this week we’re going to find a moment, allow a bit of extra time, and walk our kids through a task they are eminently capable of doing for themselves. The pride they’ll feel— even if the results are imperfect— will be worth celebrating.  Here are links to some other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:  Melissa Deuter for Psychology Today: 5 Steps to Help Your Teen Leave the NestRachel Martin for Your Teen Mag: The Perfect Present: Fostering Teen Independence Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Helicopter moms, snowplow moms, tiger moms, free-range moms… we usually define all of these parenting types in the negative: well, at least I’m not THAT. But are there useful takeaways from each of these parenting styles that we can combine cafeteria-style to create our own? Can we reject some of the judginess of free-range parenting, or the tyranny of tiger momming, and still find things to love? What do we miss when we reject other moms' ways of doing things full-stop?  Here are links to the books and articles we mention in this episode: Frank Bruni: Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions ManiaAmy Chua: Battle Hymn of the Tiger MotherFoster Cline and Jim Fay: Parenting With Love and LogicNancy Gibbs for Time: Roaring Tigers, Anxious Choppers The Grammarphobia Blog: The Original Tiger Mother? Dr. James R. Laider for Autism Watch: The "Refrigerator Mother" Hypothesis of AutismHeather Marcoux for Motherly: 'Snowplow parents' and the lessons we can take from themJessica McCrory Calarco for The Atlantic: 'Free Range' Parenting's Unfair Double StandardClaire Cain Miller and Jonah Engel Bromwich for NYT: How Parents Are Robbing Their Children of AdulthoodArti Patel for Global News: ‘Panda parenting’ is all about giving children more freedom — but does it work?Katie Roiphe for Slate: The Seven Myths of Helicopter ParentingLenore Skenazy: Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) Emma Waverman for Today's Parent: Snowplow Parenting: The Latest Controversial TechniqueEsther Wojcicki for Time: I Raised Two CEOs and a Doctor. These Are My Secrets to Parenting Successful Children Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices