What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Dr. Christine Koh, in her own words, is a "music and brain scientist turned multimedia creative." Christine creates content to help people live better, happier, and with elevated purpose and intention, including the Edit Your Life podcast. She's also someone who grew up with adverse childhood experiences, and has experience in building a family when our family of origin was not the kind of family we want.In this episode we discuss the measurable physiological detriments of toxic stress; the importance of safe, stable, nurturing environments; and most importantly, that it is possible for significant challenges of early adversity to be met once they are no longer cloaked in shame. As Vincent Felitti, co-founder of the ACE Study, explains: “When we make it okay to talk about what happened, it removes the power that secrecy so often has.”Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:Christine Koh: The Adults Who Saved Me And What You Need To Know About ACEsDonna Jackson Nakazawa for Psychology Today: 8 Ways People Recover From Post Childhood Adversity SyndromeDr. Nerissa Bauer for healthychildren.org: ACEs- Adverse Childhood ExperiencesNPR.org: Take the ACE Quiz- And Learn What It Does And Doesn't MeanCDC.gov: Adverse Childhood Experiencesand follow Christine and her work at christinekoh.com* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! *Join us on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, TikTok @whatfreshhellcaston Twitter @WFHpodcastquestions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Having the same fight doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. But it is totally annoying. In this episode we discuss the modes of negativity at play when we repeat the same conflicts- and what we can do to break the cycle, whether it’s our partners or kids.Conflict may be unavoidable- but it can be at least a little more productive.Here are links to some of the takes on this topic that we discuss in this episode:We The Norths on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights: The Number SystemEsther Perel for Cosmopolitan: How to Stop Having the Same Fight With Your Boyfriend All the TimeKristine Fellizar for Bustle: 7 Hacks To Avoid Having The Same Fight Over & Over In Your RelationshipCharlotte Latvala for Good Housekeeping: More Fun, Less FightingTed Lasso on Apple TVEckhart Tolle on Oprah Super Sunday: How To Identify And Stop Your Pain Body* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's parenting question comes from a listener in our Facebook group:I have a clingy 9-year-old. I love her more than life itself, but I am having a hard time with feeling totally smothered. I go for a walk every morning for about 30 minutes (for sanity) and every morning she asks, "How long will you be gone? 30 minutes? Can I come? Pleeease?"I stress the importance of alone time for me and that it makes me a better mama. She watches for me out the window. It's like having a puppy. Yes, it's anxiety related. I had anxiety as a kid and I recognize it, but we are together 24 hours a day and I feel like I'm starting to crack. You're right to suspect that your super-clingy kid is motivated by anxiety. We can meet anxiety with empathy, but we need to beware accommodating it. Don't let those goalposts get moved: a half-hour walk is definitely good, both for your parental sanity and for your kid's realizing she can survive 30 minutes without you.Amy offers a few suggestions that worked with her own clingy kid: "catch her" being independent and offer praise, rather than provide negative attention for the clinginess offer quality time doing her preferred activity when she doesn't complain about your alone time earlier in the day create "special time" for this child and another adult during which No Mommies Are Allowed get your child a pet (a big ask, for sure, but for kids who are physically clingy, something cuddly can be an effective Mom substitute) There are more great suggestions in this Very Well Family article by therapist Amy Morin:https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-deal-with-a-clingy-child-3863401Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we're delighted to be talking to Dr. Edward M. Hallowell– one of the world's leading experts on ADHD. Dr. Hallowell's new book, co-authored with Dr. John J. Ratey, is ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--From Childhood Through Adulthood.Dr. Hallowell gives us concrete strategies– and tons of optimism– for those lucky enough to possess what Dr. Hallowell calls the "Variable Attention Stimulus Trait."Whether you have a child with ADHD, suspect you might, or even have had some lingering thoughts about your own ability to focus– Dr. Hallowell's cutting-edge research and surprising new strategies will fascinate you.Read the transcript of our entire interview with Dr. Hallowell on our website:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2021/01/dredwardhallowell/grab your copy of ADHD 2.0 from our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780399178733and connect with Dr. Hallowell:https://drhallowell.com * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This podcast is always here to support moms in their righteous anger at all the completely infuriating and totally trivial things that people all over the world are constantly doing to annoy us. Usually someone related to us. But this week, we're looking inward– because sometimes we totally annoy ourselves also. In this episode we come clean about the things we do that are so irksome that we even annoy OURSELVES. (And then keep doing them anyway.)We also explore some of the confessions of self-annoyance from some of our listeners, like Alexa, who rarely refills the Brita pitcher and so then has to stand there getting old waiting for her next glass of water; or Rachel, who ruins her own life by only ever pulling out of parking spots in a single direction; or Karen, who loads the kids in the car and then goes back inside to do one more thing and who, for all we know, is still in there doing who knows what.Who knows why we do these things? We see you. We feel your self-annoyance.Special thanks to Heather, who wrote in to tell us that if you keep a small bottle of isopropyl alcohol in the car, and have anyone who feels carsick take a deep sniff, you can usually head the vomiting off at the pass. Really!  https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/13/well/live/a-cure-for-nausea-try-sniffing-alcohol.html* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's question comes from Crystal in our Facebook group (facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast):My six-year-old son is very difficult at the end of screen time. He gets one hour in the afternoon, but always fusses, grunts angrily, or melts down when time is up. I feel like in a normal world, I'd just take screen time away when he gives me attitude. But these days, we are home all the time, and it’s the one thing he enjoys.How do I help him develop the ability to regulate his emotions in this situation?The biggest thing a parent can do to help a child regulate their emotions around transitions is to provide runways. Doing this will ensure that the transition of getting off screens isn't a sudden splash of cold water for your kid.Try using a visual timer - so that kids who struggle with the hypothetical concept of "one hour" can easily see how much screen time they have left.You can also verbally count down the hour by saying "45 minutes left", "30 minutes left," et cetera, but we think it's always better to let the timer be the bad guy.Once it's time to turn screens off, allowing a brief grace period for your child to finish their current level or video helps give them some sense of control. Once that happens, transition immediately to another preferred activity. This does not have to be elaborate; it can be as simple as "let's have a glass of milk together in the kitchen."If your child still melts down after you've implemented these strategies, then it's time for consequences– but make them immediate. Saying "if you fuss now, you'll have no screens later" provides a delayed consequence that doesn't work as well, especially for younger kids. Try addressing the behavior with an immediate consequence– a time out, or loss of access to the preferred activity that was coming up next.Finally, apply all of these techniques consistently. Keep the time remaining clear, allow for grace periods, enforce immediate consequences when necessary, and this behavior should improve.Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mirna Valerio is a runner, adventurer, speaker, and anti-racism educator. In this Fresh Take interview, Mirna tells us how she fell off the fitness wagon after becoming a mom, how that first mile went once she made herself lace up her running shoes again, and her path to becoming an endurance athlete since then. Even if we’re not all cut out to run 100 kilometers in the desert– or even want to– Mirna tells us why fitness is worth it, and how to reacquaint ourselves with fitness, no matter how long we’ve been out of the game. “I believe in having the long view. Look, I'm still a big girl. I’m going to be a big girl. But my long view, my overarching goal, is long-term health and wellness. What am I doing to put long-term health and wellness in the bank for later? What am I doing today to ensure that I have long-term health and wellness?”We also discuss how we, as women, are entitled to name what we need– and how that well-timed help, especially when we ask for it, is the very thing that will allow us to get back up and keep running.Acknowledge how you're feeling. Give yourself some grace. Start today.Find Mirna on her website: https://themirnavator.com/and at @themirnavator on Instagram and TwitterCatch Mirna’s winter workout on @thev1ve: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKCGndXj-oS/and join the Fatgirlrunning group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Fatgirlrunning-939724599403584Here are links to some of the other things we discuss in this episode:Mirna Valerio for Self: Open Letter To Women Who Aren’t Putting Their Needs Firsthttps://www.self.com/story/mirna-valerio-open-letter-to-women-who-arent-putting-their-needs-firstKate Martin at Unheard LA: The Rescuehttps://www.thekatemartin.com/storytellingCaravaggio’s Conversion on the Way to Damascus https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_on_the_Way_to_Damascus* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners to tell us how life with Covid has affected their own parenting. Some of us have gotten more socially anxious; others, like the moms of kids with severe allergies, have found the isolation reassuring. Some of us have treasured the extra time with our children; others are nearing their breaking point. Some of us are stressing about the screen time; others are thrilled we’re not interrupting our kids to go to travel soccer for a change. This topic was inspired by Kristen Howerton’s essay for The New York Times, “I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Me.” Kristen explains how she’s become THAT mom, the kind who spies on her own teenagers and yells at them for not wearing masks. She thought she hated that kind of parent– and now it’s her. How has Covid changed your parenting? Will those changes be longer-term than this pandemic? Here are links to some things we discuss in this episode: Kristen Howerton for The New York Times: I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Mehttps://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/28/opinion/covid-parenting.htmlTomas Pueyo: The Hammer and the Dance https://tomaspueyo.medium.com/coronavirus-the-hammer-and-the-dance-be9337092b56Neil Kramer’s photograph series of life in quarantine: https://petapixel.com/2021/01/09/a-photographers-hilarious-photos-of-being-stuck-in-quarantine-with-ex-wife-and-mother/David Foster Wallace: This is Waterhttps://fs.blog/2012/04/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/as well as our episodes with Katherine May, author of Wintering: http://bit.ly/WFHwinteringand "What This Has Taught Us About Our Kids": http://bit.ly/WFHep162* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s question comes from Jaclyn in our Facebook group (facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast):"Would love some advice for the "monsters under the bed" phase. My three-year-old is worse than he was as a newborn, waking me up 30 times at night! If I ignore him, he will scream and cry, then come into our room. I could let him sleep with us, but he doesn't sleep well when he is in our bed, and neither do we. I tried to put a bed for him on the floor of our room, but he kept asking for more items-water, blankets, pillows, etc. Help!"In his book The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Jonathan Karp considers kids' developmental stages as a replay of humanity's evolutionary stages. A 12-18 month old is a "charming chimp-child," 18-24 months is a little Bam-Bam, and by 3 years old, kids have gotten about as sophisticated as someone alive during the Middle Ages might have been.To people alive in the Middle Ages, vampires were real. They didn't have the luxury of going to therapy to unpack what was behind their fear of someone coming to drink their blood; they put some garlic around their necks and went to bed feeling a little better about their chances of waking up in the morning.For kids who still believe in magical things as being fully possible, the best "protection" parents can offer them from something scary but imaginary might be something equally unreal and totally wonderful.For Amy's daughter, drawing a picture of her guardian angel to put next to her bad was enough to move her past her absolute certainty that Edward Scissorhands was coming to get her. All the rationalizing that Amy had tried before that faile, but to her daughter, the angel's protection was real. Instead of talking her daughter out of it, Amy found that a little "good magic" was the far more effective response.To be clear: a preschooler waking up at night that much might have something else going on, from a soaking-wet Pull-Up to something that might be worth mentioning to your pediatrician. But a spray bottle full of water, also known as No-Monsters-In-Here Magic Elixir, might be more effective than you'd think.Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we’re talking to Ned Johnson, co-author (with William Stixrud) of THE SELF-DRIVEN CHILD: THE SCIENCE AND SENSE OF GIVING YOUR KIDS MORE CONTROL OVER THEIR LIVES, which explores how fostering children’s autonomy can help solve two challenges seemingly endemic to kids today: handling anxiety and developing intrinsic motivation. Ned's research underlines a surprising paradox: when we try to remove stress from our children's lives by smoothing over the bumps in their paths, we inadvertently create MORE stress for our children. As Ned explains:“A sense of control strengthens the regulation of the amygdala. It is by successfully handling stressful situations in a supportive environment that kids develop strong stress tolerance and resilience."In this episode we discuss how one's levels of stress are affected by novelty, unpredictability, and our overall sense of control the difference between "tolerable stress" and toxic stress how to be "homework consultants" for our kids without controlling the outcome why "radical downtime" is so crucial for kids' development Not sure when you should back off, or not? Here's Ned's overall takeaway:"When we talk about kids having a sense of control, it's not that we want to put a toddler in charge of the household, or tell her "you've got to go hunt for your own food" or something. It's simply that we don't want to do for kids that which they can do for themselves."The Self-Driven Child is available from our What Fresh Hell Bookshop page: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780735222526* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices