Ask Amy: When Your Kid is Super-Clingy

This week's parenting question comes from a listener in our Facebook group:

I have a clingy 9-year-old. I love her more than life itself, but I am having a hard time with feeling totally smothered. I go for a walk every morning for about 30 minutes (for sanity) and every morning she asks, "How long will you be gone? 30 minutes? Can I come? Pleeease?"

I stress the importance of alone time for me and that it makes me a better mama. She watches for me out the window. It's like having a puppy. Yes, it's anxiety related. I had anxiety as a kid and I recognize it, but we are together 24 hours a day and I feel like I'm starting to crack.

You're right to suspect that your super-clingy kid is motivated by anxiety. We can meet anxiety with empathy, but we need to beware accommodating it. Don't let those goalposts get moved: a half-hour walk is definitely good, both for your parental sanity and for your kid's realizing she can survive 30 minutes without you.

Amy offers a few suggestions that worked with her own clingy kid:

• "catch her" being independent and offer praise, rather than provide negative attention for the clinginess
• offer quality time doing her preferred activity when she doesn't complain about your alone time earlier in the day
• create "special time" for this child and another adult during which No Mommies Are Allowed
• get your child a pet (a big ask, for sure, but for kids who are physically clingy, something cuddly can be an effective Mom substitute)
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There are more great suggestions in this Very Well Family article by therapist Amy Morin:

https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-deal-with-a-clingy-child-3863401

Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.

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