What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

What should parents do when the return to in-person school, after a year of being home with Mommy, is sort of a disaster?This week's question comes from Carrie on Facebook:My 3-year-old just started in-person preschool after being home with us during the pandemic. I figured it would be an adjustment, but it's been brutal. As soon as you so much as mention "school," she starts crying - actual, big tears. She’s been waking up too early and hardly eating. She's never been good with change, and thanks to Covid, she's lived in this tiny bubble up until now. (Her teacher is lovely, by the way.) Will this pass? PS: I'm 31 weeks pregnant with baby number two, so there's also that.This is a lot of change for a little one all at once. Amy offers several different approaches for making this better, including books like SORRY, GROWN-UPS, YOU CAN’T GO TO SCHOOL! by Christina Geist using a three-year-old's love of defying expectations and of knowing more than grownups to your advantage working with the teacher scaffolding the transition By leading with compassion for your daughter's struggle, you'll both make it through. This is a season, and it’s definitely made more complicated by the last year. Have patience with her and with yourself. The dress-up corner is kind of a wonderful place, and we hope that pretty soon your daughter will be pulling on your hand to get inside the classroom faster. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe "Mr. D" Dombrowski is a professional comedian. He also teaches kindergarten.In other words: he knows how to work a tough crowd.You probably know Joe from his viral YouTube videos, his many appearances on Ellen, or his Social Studies podcast.In this hilarious and insightful interview, Joe tells us how this crazy school year has gone from a teacher's point of view, what skills our kids might need to relearn as they reenter a classroom, and why kindergarteners are the very best.Follow Joe on all the socials at @mrdtimesthree, and sign up to find out about all his upcoming tour dates at mrdtimesthree.com.* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What’s your mom rock-bottom? The moment when you thought I’m just going to head for the border and start a new life? We asked you all for the worst mom moments you were actually willing to share in open court. About 45% of your stories involved vomit and poop, which makes sense, since about 45% of motherhood overall includes those same two factors. But rest assured, the variety in our rock-bottoms is vast, and our listeners came through with many series of unfortunate events that, in our eyes, are all winners. At being the very worst mom life has to offer. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When we have multiple kids we dream of them romping together all day in the yard as joyful playmates! The reality is often a little more complicated.Ashley asked: How do you encourage older siblings to play with younger ones? Covid has made this even more challenging, since we're all around each other a lot. My kids are four years apart: boy age 9, girl age 5.We need to manage our expectations that siblings will be best friends. It is understandable that our kids are tired of each other's company, especially during the pandemic. But there are ways that we can encourage our kids to play together, and the best way is to model play for them. When we get in there and play with our kids, we set up an expectation that play is part of what we do together as a family. Whether it's simple card games that both older and younger siblings can play together, or showing them how to play H-O-R-S-E at the basketball hoop, we can help our kids improve their ability to play together.Once you've introduced group play to your kids, you need to create expectations around it. Set aside times of day as "playtime," during which your kids are expected to play together. Those expectations need to be consistent to overcome any protestations of "We're bored! We don't know what to do!" If it's really not working, spend the first 20 minutes playing with them. Then step out of the play with the expectation that they will continue for a set amount of time.We think of "play" as something that kids do naturally. In fact, playing together is something that needs to be modeled and encouraged in order for it to happen. Don't be afraid to have firm expectations around play, and spend some time modeling play for your kids, so that they come to value playing together as an important part of their day.* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Janice Johnson Dias is a professor of sociology at John Jay College. She is co-founder and president of the public health and social action organization GrassROOTS Community Foundation and its SuperCamp for girls. Her collaborative work on black girls’ mental, sexual, and physical health issues earned her a special Congressional recognition. Born in Jamaica, Janice moved to the United States at age twelve and now lives in New Jersey with her husband, daughter, and dog.Janice's new book is PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS: HOW TO RAISE JOYFUL, CHANGE-MAKING GIRLS.In this conversation, Janice explains how we can embolden both our daughters and our sons to find their passions– but only by finding our own passions first. Janice argues that change-making is the path to true joy.You can find PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS here in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781984819628* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are benefits to our kids making mistakes, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. Some kids have tons of flexibility and safety around trying new things, around failing. Others not so much.In this episode we discuss: how the brain lights up when a mistake is made, paying extra attention why being very wrong about a fact once ensures you will always remember it thereafter the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset– and how mistakes encourage the latter Carol Dweck and what she calls the power of "not yet" how we can make our homes "mistake-friendly environments" Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Claudia Wallis for Mind/Shift: Why Mistakes Matter in Creating A Path For LearningDr. Janet Metcalfe, Columbia University: “Learning from Errors,” Carol S. Dweck for TED: "The Power of Yet"Carol S. Dweck: MindsetJo Boaler for youcubed.org: Mistakes Grow Your BrainMelissa Taylor for Brightly: What Is a ‘Just Right’ Book? Reading Levels ExplainedDr. Jason Moser for Frontiers In Human Neuroscience: On the relationship between anxiety and error monitoring: a meta-analysis and conceptual frameworkSesame Street: Mary Had a Little Lamb* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can I encourage my kids’ creativity and self-directed play while also setting limits on the messes they make?Erin emailed us to say:My kids are 3, 5, and 7 and during the pandemic they’ve really played together well and have learned to entertain themselves. BUT they are driving me crazy with all of their “great ideas” and huge projects. I’m talking about packing for an imaginary camping trip with all of their real clothes that I will have to sort and fold later.  Putting on swimsuits on the first warm day of fake spring and filling the kiddie pool with water and ending up covered in mud in 60 degree weather. You get the idea. I love their creativity and ambition but I can’t manage and clean up these huge messes every single day. How can I put boundaries around it so it’s not such a disaster afterwards?Anyone who's ever renovated a kitchen or made a short film has heard of the "Golden Triangle" of project management. On the triangle's corners are three goals: Good. Fast. Cheap. You can pick any 2. You can't have all 3.When it comes to kids having fun, the three points on that triangle are Child-Led. Exciting. Neat. Once again, going for all three is not usually a reasonable goal. If the kids' messes are really getting to you–no shame in that, by the way– a little more parental oversight might be required in the planning stages. If you really need an hour to yourself, and they're playing happily, there might be an entirely emptied bookshelf waiting for you on the other side.Even then, there's a difference between a messy playroom and muddy footprints in the kitchen. The latter require immediate and focused effort; the former, if you can stand waiting it out, can be something the kids are in charge of cleaning up, before their next desired activity.It's okay to put parameters around your kids' big plans that work for you. When it comes to cleanup, why not let these big thinkers and team-planners come up with a group solution? Then be sure to "catch them being good" and heap on the praise when they are actually helpful in getting things back to one.* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we're talking to Michelle Icard, middle-schooler whisperer and author of the new book FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School. Michelle says that tweens have begun "the necessary and difficult work of pulling away," but they're still at an age where what their parents say can have enormous impact. Michelle's work helps parents position themselves so that our kids trust what we have to say, and that we won't freak out when they come to ask us questions or seek guidance.In this episode you'll learn what to say and how to say it when it comes to all the conversations you need to be having with your kids. The conversations in Michelle's book go well beyond the ones we all know and dread (sex, alcohol, drugs, consent) to equally crucial topics you might not have considered (friendships, creativity). You'll find tons of resources and confidence in this book and in this episode.Find FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN in our bookshop.org store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593137512* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is it okay for us to be emotional in front of our kids? Julie, one of our podcast listeners, asked this question in our Facebook group: Is it good for kiddos to see their moms have emotions? And how can we talk through our emotions with our kids? My grandmother lost her husband when my dad was 11 years old. She had four kids, no job.She had to take care of everything. Once I asked her how she coped with all of that, and she said she just held it together, always, except when she cried in the shower at night. At first, I thought, wow, how strong of her. Now that I have kids, I kind of wonder: is shower crying always good? Never good. Sometimes good? Shower crying is definitely better than swallowing emotions entirely. And there are times when our emotions, and/or the situations causing them, are too unsettling for our kids to handle. Sometimes it's good for kids to see our emotions, but we shouldn't be asking kids to hold them for us.But studies show that children whose mothers express emotions like sadness or loneliness in their presence are more emotionally literate as they grow. By serving as “emotional coaches” for our kids, and modeling how we process difficult moments in our own lives, we can raise kids more able to handle such moments themselves. In this episode we discuss when it’s okay to be emotional in front of our kids, why suppressing our emotions entirely might not work as well as we think it does, and when shower cries are most certainly called for. Good news: we don't have to fear that showing our vulnerability is a bad thing.Our listener Jennifer summed it up best: "I don’t hide the most intense parts of being human from the people I’m trying to help on their journey as humans.”Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: John Lamble for The Conversation: Should you hide negative emotions from children?Gottman Institute: Parental Meta-Emotion Philosophy and the Emotional Life of FamiliesBonnie Le for Personality and Social Psychology: The Costs of Suppressing Negative Emotions and Amplifying Positive Emotions During Parental CaregivingJudy Dunn and Jane Brown for Developmental Psychology: Family Talk About Feeling States and Children's Later Understanding Of Others' EmotionsWoody Harrelson explains how to handle unpleasant emotions on Cheers"Turn it Off" from The Book of MormonToilet-Training Toddler Declares, 'I Didn't Poop, I Peed!'* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app!* Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast* Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast* YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast* Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast* Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast* questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Leaving our kids in the care of others is stressful and tends to bring out a strong need for control. But when it comes to working with a nanny or a day care provider, this may not be the best approach.Rather than trying to control everything your nanny or caregiver does, try to be clear from the very beginning about your expectations about discipline and any other issues that are important to you. Prepare questions when you interview a caregiver that explore a range of scenarios that may come up.Some examples: When a child doesn't listen to your instructions, how would you respond? Have you worked with children who you had to discipline repeatedly? How did you handle it? What are your favorite kinds of meals to prepare? What foods do you think it's important for kids to eat? Once you've employed your caregiver, revisit these conversations often. Strategize at the end of the day about behavior problems that are coming up and how to handle them. Another good idea is to write down your expectations and then prioritize them. For your family, wearing seatbelts and using sunscreen might be non-negotiables, but when it comes to eating healthy, there might be room for the occasional ice cream cone after a day at the park.Being clear with your own expectations means you don't have to have the same conversations over and over– and allows your caregiver to feel more secure in his or her role with your child. A caregiver is not a computer that accepts "if/then" instructions. Being extremely clear on your absolutes and then allowing your caregiver to function with some degree of independence will lead to a happier relationship for everyone.In this episode Margaret cites this article from Very Well Family: https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-get-your-nanny-on-board-with-your-discipline-1095068 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices