

What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms
Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson
When you're a parent, every day brings a "fresh hell" to deal with. In other words, there's always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you're not alone, and it won't always be this hard.We're Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn't like.In each episode of "What Fresh Hell" we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.If you've ever wondered "why is my kid..." then one of us has probably been there, and we're here to tell you what we've learned along the way.We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.We offer our best parenting tips and skills we've learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.If you're the default parent in your household, whether you're a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood! whatfreshhellpodcast.com
Episodes
Mentioned books

Mar 7, 2022 • 9min
Ask Margaret - Should I Take My Kids to Disney World?
Listeners have been discussing their trips to Disney World on the What Fresh Hell Facebook Group, and Jillian posed this question:"I’d love to hear a Disney episode: if you’ve been, if you are Disney people who go frequently, or are you a one and done type or a 'that’s a hard no' type?"Good timing! Margaret recently took her family for their "one and done" trip to Disney World.The biggest takeaway? Save early and save often for your Disney trip. Disney is one of those places where the more you spend the better your experience... and also one of those places where just when you think you're finished spending money, it's time to spend more money!Margaret and her family invested in the Genie+ Pass which saved them lots of long wait times. The pass is great for skipping lines, but it activates at 7 a.m., so be ready to set your alarm for 6:30 and be poised with your finger over the app. (And to access your inner zen when it's overloaded and you can't get in!)Margaret worked with a Disney Travel Planner and stayed at the The Boardwalk Inn. Staying in a Disney property meant early access to the parks (great for getting on popular rides like "Rise of the Resistance" first thing in the morning) and was great because there were lots of activities for the kids. including a nightly outdoor movie showing.Overall Margaret highly recommends a Disney World vacation– as long as you keep in mind that as vacations go, it's not that relaxing. Using the Genie+ app means early wake ups every day, and there's so much walking.But even for a Disney skeptic like Margaret the week was hectic but magical... which means her family may not be "one and done" after all! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 4, 2022 • 35min
Fresh Take: Amee Severson on Intuitive Eating For Our Families
Our society connects thin bodies not just with better health, but with greater happiness. And many of us have been duped into believing that the rewards of eternal thinness are available to anyone who "eats right" and tries hard enough. But teaching our children "intuitive eating" suggests a different path: putting our kids' relationship with food and their bodies and their mental health on the front burner, and appearance and weight on the back.Amee Severson is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist who identifies as queer and nonbinary. Her work focuses on body positivity, fat acceptance, and providing safe and inclusive care for the LGBTQ+ community. Amee is the co-author of the new book How to Raise an Intuitive Eater: Raising the Next Generation with Food and Body Confidence.In this epsiode, Amee explains
why the well-meaning strategies of concerned parents around food and weight usually end up backfiring
how raising kids who eat intuitively means engaging with the complicated messages around food or dieting that we may have ourselves received
the "three keys" for embracing a new path toward intuitive eating for our families
Intuitive eating is definitely a back-to-one sort of thing, a resetting of expectations that we need to revisit often. But here's why that work is worth it: our kids deserve to feel lovable, worthy, and accepted, no matter what their bodies look like. Find HOW TO RAISE AN INTUITIVE EATER in our Bookshop store!Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription. Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mar 2, 2022 • 44min
Being "Safe Spaces" For Our Kids
We know we have to be our kids’ soft place to fall. We understand why they absolutely fall apart after a long day at school. But does it really have to be Mom who always gets the worst of it? Our listener Michelle wrote in to say:I have been pondering something I call the "Safe Space Paradox,” or why children behave so differently around their primary caregiver. I am repeatedly told by grandparents, teachers, my husband, that my children were "perfect angels" for them. And yet the minute I open the door it is a cue for my children to resume the whining, fighting, and crying. I understand this is because of the deep emotional connection children form with their primary caregiver. But is there any research on ways to actually improve this? Or that I can actually enjoy this precious side of my children?In this episode, we discuss
why kids really do save their worst behavior for us (and why we're part of the reason that can happen)
how hard it can be to feel like the dirty hand towel for everyone's bad feelings
strategies that work (a little) to help out-of-control kids contain their large feelings
For more on "after school restraint collapse," check out our episode "Why 5 to 8 p.m. Is The Worst: How To Handle the After-School Crankies"Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Lauren Cahn for Reader's Digest: Here’s Why Kids Behave So Much Worse Around Their ParentsFern Weis for Motherly: The real reason your kids act worse for you than anyone else—and how to helpBeth Shaw for Psychology Today: When Trauma Gets Stuck in the BodySpecial thanks to this month's sponsors: Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of flowkey Premium for free and 20% off an annual subscription. Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants -- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.Native products keep you feeling and smelling fresh. Get 20% off your first order by going to nativedeo.com/fresh or by using the promo code FRESH.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/Laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.Thrive Causemetics high-performing beauty and skin-care products are made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 28, 2022 • 6min
Ask Amy: The Kids Make Me Nuts While I'm Driving!
Does your kids' chatter in the back seat work your last nerve? You may identify with this week's question:I feel like your wisdom could help me with the dreaded evening commute. I have a job that requires me to be on. And at the end of the day, I really need a moment of silence to re-become normal. Trouble is, the kid pickup and drive home is on me. And at the exact moment I need to hear myself think, my kids have had to shut up all day at school and have not gotten the chance to tell all of the stories. Our needs at that moment are total opposites. There's a couple things I can't do anything about, like my work schedule. I'm leaving at five when it will truly take us about half an hour to get home. No, my husband can't do the pickup. I have tried a couple of things. "Today I brought you each a book and you'll just read no talking." That works pretty well. Or "Let's listen to this cool family podcast I found today." But given that my kids also have equally valid needs, I feel like it's not fair to make all five weekday commutes free of the endless kid stories just to accommodate me. Do you have any ideas, suggestions? I'm all ears.Everyone needs to decompress at the end of a long day– it's just that, as this listener points out, her kids' form of decompression requires more attention than anyone should have to give as to who sat where at circle time.Amy suggests adding rituals at other times of the day that will both give the kids chances to share and that will give this mom time to center. Making room for both things is worth it.StrollerCoaster: A Parenting Podcast is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 25, 2022 • 37min
Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown
Taylor Harris is a writer and mom of three living in Pennsylvania. Her first book, THIS BOY WE MADE: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown, is the story of A Black mother bumping up against the limits of everything she thought she believed—about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith—in search of the truth about her son.Taylor says her memoir is "about a day where Motherhood divided into Before and After." In this episode we hear about the particulars of Taylor's continuing journey to find answers for her child, and how we can all find in that story our own feelings of fear and uncertainty as parents.Find This Boy We Made in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781948226844Special thanks to this month's sponsors:Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription. Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 23, 2022 • 44min
Better Then? Or Better Now?
This week we're discussing whether these parts of our lives (then as children, now as parents) are better then or better now:
Halloween costumes
holidays at school
jeans
what's for lunch
cleaning the house
Loved this episode? Listen to this Part One, in which we consider everything from maternity clothes to snow days:https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/better-then-or-better-now/And here's a link to Margaret's dad's vote for next year's Superbowl entertainment: Vic Damone singing "Strangers in Paradise"Special thanks to this month's sponsors:Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription. Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 21, 2022 • 5min
Ask Margaret - When Should My Kids Start Sharing a Room?
This week's question comes from Sheila:"I have a 15-month-old and an almost 3-year-old. The 3-year-old has been in a toddler bed in his own room since he was 18 months old. The 15-month-old sleeps in a crib in a separate room. How do I get both boys to sleep in the same room without risking one waking the other either in the middle of night or way too early in the morning? When is the right age to have kids share a room?"When it comes to sharing a room there is no "right age." Some kids share from infancy, some have separate rooms forever, and some parents wait to share until no one is napping anymore. Whenever room-sharing becomes the right choice, either by necessity or by preference, here are some ways to make the transition a success:
Set an expected bedtime– a lights-out time when it gets quiet and sleeping is expected.
Build in play time for the siblings sharing a room. Make sure there is enough time before bed for rough housing and fun. For an 8:15pm lights out, have the kids in their room by 7:30.
Establish morning rules, like "If your brother is still asleep, come out to the playroom as soon as you wake up."
It's unlikely that the transition to room-sharing will be totally smooth, but if you establish guidelines around sleep times and expected behavior, you'll get there! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 18, 2022 • 39min
Fresh Take: The Dumb Dads
Evan Kyle Berger and Kevin Laferriere, better known as "The Dumb Dads," are stay-at-home dad comedians who've been featured on Momsplaining with Kristen Bell, Ellen, Today and Good Morning America for their social media sketch comedy. In addition to their own social pages, they make content for Bubble, a channel on EllenTube.Margaret, Evan, and Kevin talk about finding the funny in parenting, the fresh hell that is LA naptime driving, and why the "dumb" in "Dumb Dads" is actually silent.Follow The Dumb Dads @dumbdadpod on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, and catch all their hilarious content on their YouTube channel!Special thanks to this month's sponsors:Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription. Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 16, 2022 • 44min
That's No Longer Interesting To Me
What’s no longer interesting to you? How has your life been improved simply by no longer caring about something the world definitely thinks you should? The key here is no longer interesting. James Bond movies and auto parts probably never made the list in the first place. We’re talking stuff you turned your back on after having cared perhaps a little too much.Which isn’t to say you don’t get pushback when you put things down. Just because *you* stop being interested in what’s for dinner doesn’t mean other small denizens of your home are going to stop asking you. Just because you stop caring about the scale doesn’t mean your sister will stop asking if you’ve lost weight.But whether it’s celebrity culture, making our kids dress appropriately for the weather, or what we wear to school drop-off, here are some things that are no longer interesting to us (and to our listeners). Did you know you can share this episode from whatever app you're using to listen right now? Text it to a friend! Special thanks to this month's sponsors:Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing.Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING.Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling.Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription. Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing.KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD.Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off.Parade underwear and loungewear are sustainable, size-inclusive, comfortable and fantastic! Go to Parade.com/laughing and use the code LAUGHING for 20% off your first order. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing. School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell.StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Feb 14, 2022 • 7min
Ask Amy: How Much Complaining About the "Invisible Workload" is Allowed?
How can you talk about the division of labor in your home– particularly if you're the one doing most of that labor– in a way that's less complain-y and more effective?Listeners can email us their questions at questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com, which is where we received this week's question:Where is the the line between verbalizing the “mental load” and not talking everything to death and annoying myself and my partner in the process? I want him to recognize and understand all that I do as a stay-at-home mom to keep our house and family running, but at what point should I just put my head down and do my “job”? I do view this as my job and I wouldn’t have it any other way, so it makes it confusing to decide what to verbally “offload” and what to keep to myself.Talking about the invisible workload isn't one and done. It's invisible to everyone except you, the default parent who's doing it all. So we think you do get to talk about it. But in order to keep those conversations peaceful and productive, start by considering what you hope to gain.Is it "I see what you're doing, and it's a lot, thank you?" In that case, be clear that you're asking for appreciation and gratitude.Is it that your partner needs to change little things he or she is doing ("soaking" pans in sink, we're looking at you!) because they're taking your work for granted without understanding how that makes you feel?Or is it that you're actually drowning in all that you need to accomplish on a daily basis, and you need your partner to step up and take on significant responsibilities right now?Decide your goal for the conversation, set up a time to discuss it, and then start (and end) what you have to say with your specific request. Asking for what you need will make it more likely your spouse will understand what to do next, and will hopefully leave you feeling a little less "annoying" for speaking up.In this episode Amy recommends this interview with Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/changing-the-invisible-workload-with-guest-eve-rodsky/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices


