Dear Sugars

This episode was originally published on May 5th, 2018. Remembering the grocery list, coordinating with the babysitter, making food for the potluck, scheduling a get-together with the in-laws: These are some of the invisible tasks that (most) women exclusively do in their romantic relationships — and the list goes on and on. Like a modern-day Greek chorus, women from across the country wrote in to the Dear Sugars inbox echoing identical inequalities in their relationships with their husbands and boyfriends. The Sugars commiserate with this aggrieved chorus along with Gemma Hartley, the writer who set off a national conversation about emotional labor with her viral article in Harper’s Bazaar, “Women Aren’t Nags — We’re Just Fed Up.” Broaching the subject of emotional labor with a romantic partner can be tricky, especially if he feels as if he’s being blamed for the imbalance of labor. The imbalance in Ms. Hartley’s marriage began righting itself when she and her husband shifted their perspective: “This is not a problem with you and it’s not a problem with me. It’s a cultural problem. We have to unlearn a lot of things together in order to move forward." The Sugars Recommend “I Stand Here Ironing,” by Tillie Olsen “The Yellow Wallpaper,” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

This episode was originally released on June 11, 2018. Her doctor categorized her as overweight when she was 5 years old. Her grandmother always introduced her as the “chubby one.” As an adult, she vacillates between moderation and binge-eating, restricting food some weeks, and gorging on cake and ice cream during others. “It’s only when my pants are nearly impossible to button that I force myself to lose weight,” writes the letter-writer who calls herself Body Negative. “And then the pattern starts all over again.” The sinister cycle of dieting and binge-eating plagues many American women.  The body positivity movement promotes fat acceptance and attempts to reverse body-shaming, no matter one’s size. But Body Negative is skeptical, writing, “I struggle with how to be body positive after years of being told it’s wrong to be my size and weight. Is there such a thing as unconditional body acceptance?” Hilary Kinavey, M.S., L.P.C., and Dana Sturtevant, M.S., R.D., the co-owners of Be Nourished, join the Sugars to offer Body Negative and women like her some hope. Ms. Kinavey and Ms. Sturtevant present new definitions of health and discuss alternatives to the “dieting mind.” Ms. Kinavey explains that before body acceptance is achievable, “most of us who have experienced a lot of body shame … and weight stigma have healing work to do.”

This episode was originally released on May 25th, 2018. When two women in their sixties start losing interest in sex, their sex-starved partners become increasingly frustrated. Both women blame old age for their waning libidos. But is their diminished sex drive because of age or something else? The erotic lives of senior citizens are typically made invisible by our culture, which can lead to confusion and misinformation. Dr. Pepper Schwartz, the love and relationship columnist for AARP, joins the Sugars to dispel certain myths about sex and aging: Do libidos change after menopause? How does the aging body affect the way we feel about sex? Should medical interventions be considered for a declining sex drive? Dr. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and has written more than 25 books on love and sexuality. She’s also an on-air expert for Lifetime TV’s “Married at First Sight.” The Sugars Recommend “Our Souls at Night,” by Kent Haruf “Scary Old Sex,” by Arlene Heyman

This episode was originally released on July 21st, 2018. When it comes to love, money is supposed to be no object. But there’s no disentangling love from anything in our lives, and income is no exception. So how do you assess the role money should play in a relationship, and what happens when your desires and means change over time? In this episode, five letter writers want to know how to discuss money with their romantic and familial partners. How do I stop resenting my husband for his low income? How do I ask my stay-at-home wife to get a job? Should I feel obligated to share the wealth with my fiscally irresponsible parents? The Sugars answer these questions and more in rapid-fire style.

Heather Hart, a courageous letter writer seeking advice on a budding romance, joins the discussion. She reflects on her whirlwind love story and the deep bond formed in just a month. The hosts explore how her partner's traumatic past creates both excitement and fear. Listeners gain insights into navigating love that intertwines intensity with vulnerability, emphasizing the importance of communication and understanding. It's a heartfelt exploration of how love can thrive despite challenging histories.

A mother spills a childhood secret to her daughter and grapples with regret. Family vacations spark debates on boundaries when in-laws treat them like free childcare. A listener faces the awkwardness of a friend's marital request. The complexities of grief in families reveal feelings of resentment and the need for authentic connections. Finally, heartwarming stories of love illustrate the dance of mutual admiration and humor in relationships.

This episode was originally released on January 5, 2017.  How many times have you heard this: "I love him, we're great together, but..."? There's always room for doubt, even in the happiest of relationships. So in this episode, the Sugars take on some of those doubts in rapid-fire fashion.

This episode was originally released September 23rd, 2016. The Sugars often discuss letters dealing with very specific problems or struggles. In this encore episode, they take on a broader, more existential question: how to follow your heart. The Sugars discuss with the GRAMMY-winning singer/songwriter India Arie, who shares how she learned to be her own guide.

Joining the conversation are Mitchell S. Jackson, a celebrated author known for his powerful storytelling, and Rebecca Skloot, acclaimed for her groundbreaking work on ethical science. They delve into personal reckoning, sharing transformative stories that highlight the importance of introspection and support systems. Betrayal and forgiveness take center stage, exploring the complexities of relationships. Skloot also connects personal narratives to ethical science, urging listeners to confront their truths and engage in active citizenship.

An exploration of dark sexual fantasies reveals inner turmoil and shame surrounding unconventional desires. A woman grapples with her attraction to individuals with disabilities, prompting discussions on societal perceptions and sexual identity. Anxiety is tied to fantasy as a coping mechanism, linking personal trauma to sexual expression. The importance of emotional safety and communication is highlighted, alongside insights for fostering healthier sexual experiences. Light-hearted anecdotes encourage audience engagement, emphasizing the universality of complex sexual preferences.