Gender: A Wider Lens

Recent theories about gender often describe “third gender” categories found in other cultures. Prof Paul Vasey is one of the world’s leading academic experts on the Fa’fafine. These individuals are feminine males who live “in the manner of a woman” in Samoa. Sasha and Stella have a spellbinding discussion with Paul about how our Western constructs can sometimes completely misinterpret well-researched phenomena in other societies. This conversation actually highlights the universal truths of sex difference between male and female and helps us understand the organic, naturally emerging trait of femininity in androphilic (or same-sex-attracted) males. Links:“What can the Samoan ‘Fa’afafine’ teach us about the Western concept of gender identity disorder in childhood?” by Paul Vasey and Nancy Bartlett (2007). Pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17951883Extended NotesPaul talks about Fa’afafine and how he got interested in this culture.Is gender identity disorder in children a mental disorder? Paul shares what they found with the data they collected on their studies of the Samoan people.What is Fa’afafine? Paul shares its definition.Paul also talks about the history of Fa’afafine in Samoa and how they are socially accepted in their culture.Does Fa’afafine also exist in other cultures? Paul shares the different groups around the world that have the same identity.Paul talks about what being gay means in the cultures of Samoa and Oaxaca.Is there an equivalent of Fa’afafine for females? Paul talks about the other categories of this kind.Paul talks about the typical behaviors children from Samoa usually exhibit that helps families identify them as being of the third gender.In these societies, gender doesn’t play any institutionalized role. Everybody is responsible for themselves.Paul also talks about how sex atypical behavior organically emerges from children through the studies he has had with these cultures comparing them to Western ones.Paul also shares his findings on what is the female equivalent to autogynephilia in his research.Is autogynephilia a Western phenomenon? Paul shares his insights on this.Paul also talks about the different cross-cultural perspectives of gender and their different norms.Sexual orientation is biological but traits can be affected by the environment they are developed under.Why is same-sex attraction often paired with gender nonconformity? Paul shares his insights.Paul also talks about his Ph.D. about Japanese monkeys and how it relates to the impact on gender from social construct.Paul shares his thoughts on what is sex and what is gender and the amount of confusion it gets.To close, Stella asks Paul two questions: One, does the Fa’afafine get married or the equivalent of such in their culture? Two, is his study considered controversial in his field of study?Quotes:“Regardless of how accommodating a particular culture is, if individuals are dysphoric with respect to their sex bodies, then no amount of accommodation is going to change that sense that I’m in the wrong body.” — Paul [7:54]“Gay isn’t necessarily an identity that people draw upon to construct a sense of who they are (in Samoa).” — Paul [14:30]“Nobody makes them Fa’afafine. Their male femininity emerges and then people recognize them.” — Paul [19:30]“Male femininity is despised in the West and so androphilic males in the West don’t like talking about it.” — Paul [36:30]This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

For Sasha and Stella’s last episode of the year, they introduce a very exciting series that will be coming up in 2022. In the “Pioneers Series,” they will be interviewing experienced clinicians, researchers, and other professionals whose contributions to our understanding of gender dysphoria and sexuality are foundational. Consider this a back-to-basics 101 course on gender and sexuality. Stella and Sasha also talk about their own personal goals and priorities for the new year. They offer up 10 resolutions that listeners might focus on along with them as we all move into 2022. Links:100 days of walking: 100daysofwalking.com/FAQBrideshead revisited Goodreads.com/book/show/30933.Brideshead_RevisitedIdentity Crisis: Amazon.com/Untitled-Book-2/dp/0593073584Psychological Flexibility: Workingwithact.com/what-is-act/what-is-psychological-flexibility/  Extended NotesSasha and Stella talk about their plans for 2022 and their upcoming “Pioneers Series.”What were the criteria they considered for their list of pioneers? Sasha and Stella share their thought process.They also talk about their reflections of the previous year and their New Year’s resolutions.Sasha and Stella went to New Orleans together. How was it for them to work and spend time together in person?Sasha tells about her weight lifting program and how that relates to her New Year’s resolution.They talk more about the 10 New Year’s resolutions they are offering to the listeners. Which one would you most relate to?Stella shares about her 100 Days of Walking, a habit she wants to get back into.They also share the different ways we can lovingly communicate that are beyond just words.How can you move valuable connections from online to real life? Stella and Sasha share their thoughts.What is digital hygiene? They share their definition and how they incorporate this now in their routine.Sasha also talks about dancing and how she wants to make it more regular in her life.Stella shares about the book Brideshead Revisited and how it helped her understanding of life.Being able to disconnect is just as important as being seen or your pain being reflected somewhere.Stella recommends another book, something funny this time, called Identity Crisis, by Ben Elten which is about gender issues through comedy.How can we become more aware of our biases and the traps we fall into when talking about controversial political and personal issues?Stella shares more on Psychological Flexibility, being the hallmark of well-being.Staying in the moment vs. worrying about the future. Stella shares her realizations on this topic.Enjoying the little pleasures in life also reflects on how you can genuinely enjoy your children. And when you do, they will feel enjoyed, welcomed, and wanted.Lastly, Stella and Sasha talk about their invitation for everyone to get our minds out of gender and think big-picture! Let’s try to understand what is really going on.Quotes:“I know a lot of people crap on New Year’s resolutions; oh, New Year’s resolutions don’t work, the research shows nobody sticks with them, I get all that. But the New Year is this really important marker of what might offer a fresh start or an opportunity to build a new... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Lisa Selin Davis is the essayist, journalist, and author of Tomboy: The Surprising History and Future of Girls Who Dare to Be Different. Like many other open-minded, liberal Americans, she has undergone a familiar arc in her understanding of gender issues. She has experienced, first-hand, the current trend of silencing those who seek a deeper understanding of childhood gender nonconformity. In this conversation, Lisa describes how she came to write her book, examines the current state of journalism, and recounts how our understanding of gender rebels has evolved in society. Lisa reminds us that we are not done learning, and we must keep the conversation going on how to best support those who question their gender or exhibit gender nonconformity.Links:Tomboy: The Surprising History and Future of Girls Who Dare to Be Different Amazon.com/Tomboy-Surprising-History-Future-Different/dp/0316458317Future-Different/dp/0316458317WPATH Standards of Care, Version 8 Wpath.org/soc8 Some selected articles of Lisa Selin Davis: Salon.com/2020/04/23/how-researching-tomboys-and-gender-helped-me-prepare-for-a-pandemic/Salon.com/2020/08/08/going-back-to-school-dont-forget-to-ditch-gender-normsBusinessinsider.com/how-gender-and-sexuality-standards-changed-views-on-tomboys-2020-8?r=US&IR=TNbcnews.com/think/opinion/think-baby-s-gender-determines-personality-s-dangerous-ncna814841Theguardian.com/us-news/2017/apr/03/identity-theft-racial-justiceExtended Notes:Why did Lisa decide to write her book, Tomboy?Lisa received a lot of backlash and she was called a child abuser for the way she decided to parent her child.Tomboy helped young girls experiment with masculinity.However, there isn’t a male version of tomboy. So what do the boys do?The word tomboy seems to have been phased out and it has now been replaced with the word, “trans.”What happens to Lisa’s reputation after she publishes her book?Lisa talked to a lot of successfully transitioned trans people, but in the back of her mind, she knew things were going wrong.Lisa noticed that the trans people she spoke to were no different than the butch older lesbians she had spoken to. The only difference is that this younger generation had access to a newer technology.Anyone writing about trans kids should know that we do not have good research on this topic.We have to ask: Does everyone have a gender identity or is it only those with dysphoria that do?Lisa knew if she were to write more about these topics and actually have them published in the New York Times Magazine, there would be consequences for her and her family.In 2013, gender dysphoria and trans children were not big topics. However, this exploded in 2017.It’s crazy to think that a doctor or a therapist can come between a... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

In this conversation, Lisa joins the show to talk about the difficult task of finding appropriate therapy for a gender-questioning teen or loved one. What is it like working with indoctrinated clients or those under the influence of a partner, belief system, or ideology? Lisa highlights the parental expectations of what therapy should look like, contrasted against the complex and subtle relational dynamics between therapist and client. Stella, Sasha, and Lisa examine some of the common traps therapists fall into: either being too affirming or too challenging before sufficient rapport and exploration have taken place. The three also make an exciting announcement about GETA, a new Gender Exploratory Therapy Association.Links:Jonathan Shedler on This Jungian Life: Podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/does-analysis-work-a-conversation-with-jonathan/id1376929139?i=1000538533899Gender Exploratory Therapy Association: Genderexploratory.comExtended Notes:What does good therapy look like for an adolescent questioning their gender?Parents often assume the therapist will explore all the options available to their gender-questioning teen. Instead, they are shocked that they pushed medicalization right away.There isn’t a biomarker for depression. Lisa explains how professionals really determine if someone is depressed.Why aren’t we doing the same process for gender-questioning teens?Therapists are being trained to not think of gender dysphoria as an unhealthy coping strategy. Instead, they’re being trained to go straight to helping them find “the cure.” If someone comes to a therapist for anxiety, the goal is to reduce that anxiety. If someone comes to a therapist for questioning their gender, the goal isn't to reduce their inner conflict.What is the true job of a therapist?Lisa talks about multiple personality disorder and how therapists handled it in the ’70s and ’80s.Patients who were diagnosed and labeled with multiple personality disorder were more likely to commit suicide than those who exhibited the same symptoms but didn’t have a label to it.However, sometimes by giving people a diagnosis, that revelation gives them relief.Lisa talks about the problems the Vietnam veterans were running into when they came home from war. Everything from being spat on at the airport to suffering from PTSD.Therapists are working with indoctrinated clients, and how you approach it is an incredibly sensitive topic.It’s one thing to explore everything going on in a teen’s life beyond their gender. However, these clients are watching hours of YouTube transition videos and trying to educate themselves. The approach has to be different.When you have an indoctrinated client, they split off their ambivalence and feel 100% sure in their decision to medically transition.Lisa talks about the Gender Exploratory Therapy Association and how it aims to help parents, therapists, and de-transitions.There are many teens who are not good candidates for therapy. Lisa explains what she means by this.Lisa shares her WAIT acronym: WAIT = Why Am I Talking. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Sometimes parents come to realize that the affirmative approach hasn’t worked out for their gender-distressed child and they could benefit from alternative approaches. In this episode, Sasha and Stella discuss the many complicated reasons some parents reluctantly affirm their child’s gender and how difficult and brave it can be to rethink the strategy. Parenting styles are explored, and Sasha and Stella point out the importance of finding your confident voice and parenting authority. They also offer tips and suggestions for steering the ship in a better direction once a family has gathered more information and observed an unfavorable outcome of the affirmative approach. These strategies include mitigating powerful influences on your child, broadening the family’s perspective on what overall well-being looks like, and modeling that it’s OK to change your mind once you get better information.Links:High Warmth, High Expectations lead to the best outcomes: Developmentalscience.com/blog/2015/6/28/the-only-parenting-model-you-needBook Recommendation for parents: Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers Amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288 “4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids” Verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045“Diana Baumrind’s Parenting Styles”: Iastate.pressbooks.pub/parentingfamilydiversity/chapter/chapter-1-2/Extended Notes:Is affirming the best way to support a gender-questioning teen?Affirmation is often a bandage approach to a much bigger underlying problem.Do you think you made a mistake with affirming your child’s gender? Let’s discuss this openly.Parents have been steered wrong on this issue and it takes a certain level of strength and rebelliousness for parents to go against doctor’s orders.Some parents give in because they’re so tired of being called transphobic.Sometimes children are just trying to test the boundaries, and saying they’re transgender is one of those “boundary-pushing” things.Stella admits we’re in no man’s land. It can be tough to know what’s right and what’s wrong.What do you do with the whole pronoun issue? What should parents use?Are you afraid of your child’s distress and their tears? Does your parental instinct kick in to do everything in your power to make them feel better?What happens if you have a more authoritative parenting style? How does that work in a gender-questioning teen?How do you tell your friends and family you have a gender-questioning teen? If you tell half of your circle of friends and the other half you don’t, your teen will perceive that as transphobia instead of “this is a complicated issue.”Sasha explores whether being honest about your distrust in this “gender-questioning thing” is a good thing or not.It’s okay to change your mind on your approach to this tricky process. Sasha breaks down how you can communicate this to your child.A young person is constantly searching for their identity and what makes them who they are.If you want to slow things down, take the focus away from gender and then see what happens.Do you want a pause or an undo on the medical process? Stella talks about interventions with your child and how to best approach... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Dr. Lisa Littman coined Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) in her seminal 2018 parental report survey. ROGD is a descriptive term for the phenomenon of young people suddenly announcing a transgender identity and experiencing gender dysphoria for the first time around adolescence. Dr. Littman’s latest ground-breaking study on the experience of 100 detransitioners was published in the last few weeks and we reflect on some of the most astonishing findings. In this conversation, Lisa also reflects on what she’s learned since getting embroiled in a controversy she wasn’t expecting. She shares some possible reasons why the topic of affirmative medical care has become so polarized. Lisa points out that patients get hurt when clinicians pledge an allegiance to a particular approach rather than prioritizing the well-being of dysphoric people.Links:Dr. Littman’s Website:Littmanresearch.comInterview in Quillette: Quillette.com/2019/03/19/an-interview-with-lisa-littman-who-coined-the-term-rapid-onset-gender-dysphoriaExtended Notes:Why has Dr. Lisa’s study on detransitioners received so much controversy? Dr. Lisa shares how she now feels about this.There are a lot of ways to support people who are transgender but fast-tracking access to hormones in an effort to support transgender people, regardless if it’s more beneficial, is transphobic.Dr. Lisa shares a bit about her background and what led her to the detransitioner’s study.There are parents who believe transition will help their children and there are parents who don’t. We need to understand that they just want to help their children and there are multiple ways to do that.Dr. Lisa shares further how her study was not accepted. She recruited respondents on social media where they orchestrated an event that undermined her data.Dr. Lisa defines further what detransitioning means as this area of research is still early.Affirmative model vs. exploratory model. The latter tries to understand why you are gender dysphoric whereas the former immediately concludes that you should transition.Mental health conditions don’t have a targeted fix.Psychosocial factors could contribute to the development of gender dysphoria.Dr. Lisa also shares the effects of social influence such as pressure from a person, a group of people, or society on the interpretation of one’s own feelings. Can this lead to a misdiagnosis?There are a variety of ways people can live their lives and they cannot solely be defined by rigid gender roles and stereotypes.Language can be very powerful and if it was used in a way that doesn’t confine people’s feelings to a specific label, it wouldn’t create such a problem.Where are the differences between male and female detransitions? Dr. Lisa explains further.Stella concurs that if a detransition was because the person was more comfortable with their biological sex, this could have been avoided through a proper approach during therapy.Exploring discomfort around sexual orientation would be a great place for trans therapists to help their patients. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

UK transwoman Debbie Hayton discusses how she came to the decision to medically transition when she was a 44-year-old father of 3 children. We discuss Debbie’s appearance in Stella’s film, Trans Kids: It’s Time to Talk and the intense public reaction to her story. Male sexuality, shame, and autogynephilia are explored openly in a bid to gain a deeper understanding of the complicated mosaic of traits that encompass MtF transition. She also shares how she became disillusioned with transgender ideology and coined the phrase, “trans women are men. Get over it.” Links:Critically Examining the Doctrine of Gender Identity with Rebecca Reilly-Cooper: Youtube.com/watch?v=QPVNxYkawaoMagdalen Berns on Alex Drummond:Youtube.com/watch?v=JkK7zisjoDkMiranda Yardley:Youtube.com/watch?v=Bn66yhFoov4Debbie’s Website: Debbiehayton.comExtended Notes:Stella talks about the 2018 film, Trans Kids, and how people misinterpreted how Debbie emerged in that film.How is it for a family when there is a late transition? Debbie transitioned at 44 years old with a wife and three children.Debbie shares the answer to the big question on why the chronic condition of the dissatisfaction of her sex and body suddenly became acute.Could there have been a therapy or experience that may have pulled her back from transitioning?Debbie shares how she used shame, guilt, and fear as powerful emotions to control her desire to dress as a girl at four years old.Debbie describes how she sees autogynephilia as a sexuality and how you can be attracted to your own body where it can be the focus of your sexual interest.The male sexual drive is so powerful and there is a need to control it. Has Debbie now been freed from that after her transition?Sasha wonders, if Debbie stumbled upon gender dysphoria or autogynephilia and how it manifests in some male people before her transformation, would it have changed what she felt she needed to do or how she managed her feelings?Stella and Sasha also discuss how people can be compulsive with their feelings about gender and ask Debbie about her thoughts on gender euphoria and the “pink mist.”Is there a way for the autogynephilic to operate in the world without asking other people to buy into the narrative that they’re a woman? Debbie shares what helped her lift her pink mist.Should transwomen go through synthetic menopause and, if so, what are the potential negative effects of that?Debbie shares how she feels about her body now, her current beliefs about her sexuality, and how she interacts with it in the world around her.This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics:Rethinkime.orgLearn more about our show: Linktr.ee/WiderLensPod This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

The holiday season is often associated with big expectations and high hopes. It can be fraught for families, whether they are going through challenging times with a child’s gender identity. Sasha and Stella discuss the meaning of extended family, big celebrations, and how to keep the stakes low and reasonable during the holidays. They also discuss the holidays as a time some young people try to ‘come out,’  while others feel hesitant to reconnect with loved ones who haven’t yet seen their new ‘gender presentation.’ Sasha and Stella also provide practical strategies that families can use to recruit loving trusted adults who also have the child’s best interests in mind. Links:  What happened in LeRoy https://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/11/magazine/teenage-girls-twitching-le-roy.html Stop That! It's not Tourette's but a new type of mass sociogenic illness: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34424292/ Debbie Nathan’s Lecture:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLKAIObPWJEGenspect’s Brief Guidance for Friends and Family: https://genspect.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Friends-and-family.pdfSasha’s Newsletter on Extended Family: http://eepurl.com/dKNAScWhale Rider Movie:https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298228/Extended Notes:The holidays are really hard for a lot of gender questioning children. Our families are our lifeblood to connection, and if there’s conflict within it, it’s hard for everyone involved.People are coming together for the first time since COVID. There’s a lot of things going on.People are more isolated than ever, and when there’s a conflict within the family, it really burdens the parents because they can not rely on their extended family. What do you do when you haven’t seen your extended family in a while, and you’ve...transitioned? Families who are ashamed of their child transitioning will try everything they can to keep it a secret. Some children want their parents to tell the world, others feel betrayed if their parents let out their secret. How do you navigate when each case is so personal and individualized? What should you talk about at Thanksgiving? Are you estranged with your child? Sometimes sending a small gift to remind them of home is all that's needed. Sasha offers suggestions. If you’re planning to see your family this holiday season (or if your children plan to visit you) and you know you’re going to get triggered, find someone close to you who you can call beforehand/during these events. Let them know you will need a ‘lifeline’ on this day. Families are complicated in general, add tension to the mix and you have a mini explosion waiting to happen. The holidays just intensify these feelings. Remember, pick your battles. Do you really wanna die on this hill?How do you deal with the grandparents? How do you tell your mom and dad about your gender questioning teen? Stella shares how her mother was trying to understand the field of work Stella is in as a therapist.Sasha shares resources on how you can help the older generation understand... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Over the last number of years, Benjamin Boyce has become known for his prolific and powerful video content on the impact of social justice. Among his most-watched content is a huge series of conversations about sex, gender, identity, and transition. He was among the first to platform detransitioners’ stories and investigate the issue of childhood transition. In this episode, we delve deep into Benjamin’s childhood and find out why he has committed to exposing the underlying problems associated with identity politics. Links:  Benjamin’s YouTube: Youtube.com/channel/UCm13xHVNFVwzHzK3QHSaZ3Q Benjamin on Apple Podcasts: Podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/calmversations/id1447774150  Playlist: gender, sexuality and transition Youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRdayXEOwuMH3f0pmZqVQUU62rgJIzvt9  Evergreen playlist: Youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRdayXEOwuMG1jaAtJE0KbpyY_Kh-JTUl  VeeraYoutube.com/watch?v=YLkBk2bBp_c Father and son, Ash and RaphaelYoutube.com/watch?v=FoEWbVviOpkExtended Notes:A little bit about Benjamin and why he got started in this kind of work. What was he like as a child?Benjamin’s father was deeply devoted to his town’s pastor, but as time went on, this man became more and more controlling over Benjamin’s family. They accused his mother of being possessed and rearranged family structures in the community. Benjamin “inherited” two siblings.After leaving that town, Benjamin’s family moved around constantly. He always felt like an outsider.Benjamin, following in his dad’s dreams of wanting to be a pastor, also always wanted to be a pastor.Why did Benjamin decide to start a YouTube channel?Benjamin talks about his experience at Evergreen State College and why it was so chaotic.In California, there were a ton of weird cults happening in the ’70s and ’80s.Benjamin talks about a weird cascading effect that happened around pronouns and Jordan Peterson. It was all about the trans issue. He noticed some patterns between Evergreen and how people were addressing the trans issue.If you want to get good at any craft, you have to create. You have to take action.What is this trans thing all about, really? Benjamin was curious.Have the activists attacked Benjamin for his opinions?In the end, Benjamin just wants to have good conversations.Benjamin does believe that there is an erosion of masculinity in today’s society and the way certain trends are currently going.This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics:Rethinkime.orgLearn more about our show: Linktr.ee/WiderLensPod This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

When an adult comes out as trans, it might be a liberating moment in their lives that has felt long overdue. Sometimes, however, the sudden nature of the identity change can feel destabilizing to their loved ones. In this episode, Sasha and Stella discuss the many complex factors in adult transition. Are there elements of liberation, freedom, and independence, or might indoctrination or identity crisis be playing a role? And how can families try to stay connected if the adult begins throwing up rigid barriers which create distance and estrangement?Links:Love Lives Here: A Story of Thriving in a Transgender Family, by Amanda Jette Knox Amazon.com/Love-Lives-Here-Thriving-Transgender-ebook/dp/B07L2HK8D9/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=love+lives+here+knox&qid=1634062673&s=books&sr=1-1Somebody to Love: A Family Story, by Alexandra Heminsley Amazon.com/Some-Body-Love-Family-Story-ebook/dp/B087LVTMH5Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving, by Christine Benvenuto Amazon.com/Sex-Changes-Memoir-Marriage-Gender-ebook/dp/B0085UCVKY Extended Notes:It’s tricky for everybody involved when you know somebody who is leaving their “old self” to become a radically and visually different person.Let’s talk about the demographics of those who transition. What’s happening if someone transitions in their late 20s?What’s going on in a man’s mind when he transitions at middle age?For many parents, it’s a complete shock that their child wants to change genders. And since they’re no longer living at home, the child doesn’t want to have an “open discussion” about it.When children tell their parents they’re switching majors after three years, that’s a huge shock to parents too! Parents want to talk to their children about what’s going on.When we’re terrified we can act very intensely.Some children don’t want to talk to their parents about it because they don’t want their fragile or uncertain opinion to be swayed.When someone decides to transition later in their life, they are typically men.Stella shares a story of how a man transitioned shortly after his wife had a baby. It appeared he was envious that he couldn’t care for the child in that feminine way.There is a community out there for women who were married to men that have now transitioned.Sometimes people do strange things just to keep the family together.Parents can sometimes feel “abused” by their transitioning teen. What does this typically look like? How do you spot it?For some households, it might make sense to let go with love, or else you and everyone in your family unit will crumble.Watching someone transition is a really disorientating process. It can also really affect younger siblings.There are two sides to the coin. Some children transition okay and continue to lead happy productive lives. Other... This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe