What do we lose when we’re not allowed to be angry?    In a lot of ways, anger is more taboo than grief. They’re deeply related, as you’ll hear in this two-part episode: both grief and anger are considered “negative” emotions, things you shouldn’t feel, and definitely shouldn’t express in polite company. But what if reclaiming our anger was the way to build the world - and the relationships - we most want? All of that and more with the best selling author of Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly.    In this two-part episode we cover:    What is the right amount of anger? Why deciding some emotions are “good” and some are “bad” isn’t really helpful  What would “anger competence” or “anger literacy” look like? (and why would you want that??)  Why Soraya says “most grief is ambiguous grief” Is anger the most social emotion? How the old split between the head (logic) and the heart (emotion) cuts us off from what we most want Finding your best community by embracing your anger   About our guest:   Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning writer and activist whose work focuses on the role of gender in culture, politics, religion, and media. She is the Director of the Women’s Media Center Speech Project and an advocate for women’s freedom of expression and expanded civic and political engagement. A prolific writer and speaker, her articles appear in Time, the Verge, The Guardian, The Nation, HuffPost, and The Atlantic. Find her best selling book, Rage Becomes Her at sorayachemaly.com. Follow her on social media @sorayachemaly Additional resources   We mention Pauline Boss in this episode. If you’re not familiar with her excellent work on ambiguous loss (a term she coined in the 1970s), check out her website at ambiguousloss.com   To read more about anger and how it relates to grief, check out It’s OK that You’re Not OK. If you want to explore your anger with creative prompts and exercises, check out the guided journal for grief, How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed.    Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do we lose when we’re not allowed to be angry?    In a lot of ways, anger is more taboo than grief. They’re deeply related, as you’ll hear in this two-part episode: both grief and anger are considered “negative” emotions, things you shouldn’t feel, and definitely shouldn’t express in polite company. But what if reclaiming our anger was the way to build the world - and the relationships - we most want? All of that and more with the best selling author of Rage Becomes Her, Soraya Chemaly.    In this two-part episode we cover:    What is the right amount of anger? Why deciding some emotions are “good” and some are “bad” isn’t really helpful  What would “anger competence” or “anger literacy” look like? (and why would you want that??)  Why Soraya says “most grief is ambiguous grief” Is anger the most social emotion? How the old split between the head (logic) and the heart (emotion) cuts us off from what we most want Finding your best community by embracing your anger   About our guest:   Soraya Chemaly is an award-winning writer and activist whose work focuses on the role of gender in culture, politics, religion, and media. She is the Director of the Women’s Media Center Speech Project and an advocate for women’s freedom of expression and expanded civic and political engagement. A prolific writer and speaker, her articles appear in Time, the Verge, The Guardian, The Nation, HuffPost, and The Atlantic. Find her best selling book, Rage Becomes Her at sorayachemaly.com. Follow her on social media @sorayachemaly Additional resources   We mention Pauline Boss in this episode. If you’re not familiar with her excellent work on ambiguous loss (a term she coined in the 1970s), check out her website at ambiguousloss.com   To read more about anger and how it relates to grief, check out It’s OK that You’re Not OK. If you want to explore your anger with creative prompts and exercises, check out the guided journal for grief, How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed.    Get in touch:   Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Errol Pierre is a corporate executive, leader, mentor, and outspoken advocate for healthcare equity in the US and Haiti. HIs new book, The Way Up, helps underrepresented individuals from all ethnic backgrounds achieve their professional goals and elevate their careers in today's workplace.    What you probably don’t know is that grief - in one form or another - plays a part in every one of those roles.  In this episode we cover:    Why a book about climbing the corporate ladder gets the spotlight on a show about grief How little kid Errol’s delayed root canal influenced adult Errol’s entire career Can we get behind the headlines and really understand the actual humans behind the crisis in healthcare access? (hint: yes, but it involves activating certain brain centers)  Building the equitable world from the ground up: Errol’s work in Haiti  Why making healthcare more accessible will prevent more grief (when it’s avoidable), and reduce suffering (when it’s unavoidable)  Navigating racism in the corporate world   About our guest:  Dr. Errol Pierre is the Senior Vice President of State Programs at a large non-profit health plan in New York. He provides leadership, mentorship, and guidance to professionals of color across various industries, ensuring the advancement of diverse professionals into leadership positions. He’s also fiercely committed to healthcare equity - building a world where systemic equity is built into the foundation of all new ventures.  Find his new book, The Way Up: Climbing the Corporate Mountain as a Professional of Color, wherever you get books.    Follow Dr. Errol Pierre at @ErrolLPierre on most social platforms, or visit errolpierre.com   Additional resources: For more on grief in the workplace, read “The Burden of Bereavement: Grief is the latest challenge for employers in the coronavirus era” and “How to Talk to a Grieving Customer”   Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Amy Choi and Rebecca Lehrer are used to exploring complexities. As hosts of the podcast The Mash-up Americans, they cover all sorts of complex intersections of identity and culture. In this episode of Here After, they join me to talk about Mashup Americans’ newest series, Grief, Collected.    In this episode we cover:    Amy’s brilliant grief avoidance/childbirth analogy & what we need in order to come out of our dark little nests into the light of grief The real nuance in whether most people are over the “acute phase” of grief after one year Will listening to “Ripple” by the Grateful Dead elicit grief bursts from everyone, or is it just us?  Why NOT grieving was the right move for people fleeing wars and political unrest  What Amy and Rebecca learned - about grief, about American culture, and about themselves - in producing their show, Grief, Collected (spoiler: they learned a lot!)  Why telling the truth about grief - without trying to resolve it - is the best hope we have for the future   Content note: mention of pregnancy and childbirth   Notable quotes:    “One of those bummers is you can't exercise once, and then you're done exercising. It’s like - it f*cking sucks that you just have to keep doing it. And I think that's the thing with grief - you can't mourn something once and then be like, okay, well, now, I'm done with the grief portion of my life.” - Rebecca Lehrer   “NOT grieving is actually a survival strategy.” - Amy Choi About our guests: Amy Choi is co-founder and editorial director of The Mash-Up Americans. A Korean-American married to a Colombian-Mexican-American, she is mom to two feisty Korombexican-Americans: in other words, The Future of America. She specializes in getting people to tell stories they never expected to share.    Rebecca Lehrer is the co-founder and CEO of The Mash-Up Americans. She’s spent 18+ years doing strategy, marketing, and audience development in media, arts, and culture. Her work focuses on the shared cultural experiences that bring people together, and re-centering stories on voices you don’t usually hear. Additional resources   Check out the entire Grief, Collected series at griefcollected.com and The Mash-Up Americans at mashupamericans.com For more on historical responses to loss, and ways to change the entire culture, personally and collectively, check out It’s OK That You’re Not OK wherever you get your books Get in touch:   Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever wanted to just SMASH things? Leanne Pedante and her husband Miles’ relationship was built on bravery and communication - they worked so hard to reach the next step together, excited to explore the edges of possibility in love and in life. On his way back to see Leanne after several months away, Miles’ car veered off the road, and he was killed. In the just under two years since, Leanne has continued to grow the virtual reality fitness community, Supernatural. As a late-comer to fitness, Leanne is no stranger to using movement as a way to process and express pain. In today’s show, we discuss the ways grief has upended her life, and the ways that both movement and community have kept her alive - willing, at least most days, to lean into the full experience of life.    In this episode we cover:    Punk-style relationships: how Leanne and Miles created a marriage that suited them What one friend told Leanne, and how those words kept her tethered to the world Why grief-informed fitness should really be a thing The weird world of encouraging others to do things you’re not comfortable doing yourself About our guest: Leanne Pedante is a trainer and trauma + resiliency coach, whose work focuses on connecting people to their bodies and to their full potential. She works as both coach and the Head of Fitness for Supernatural, the VR fitness platform. Her own workouts let her celebrate her physical and mental strength and she wants to show others how to access the pride and power within joyful movement. Her husband, Miles, died in a car accident in 2021.   Additional resources: Sign up for Leanne’s newsletter and check out the other community-building things she’s created at her website   Try Supernatural with a free trial (you do need a VR headset)   Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is acceptance overrated? What happens when you have to face a new year without your person in it (or without the health you used to have!)?  In this special two-part episode, we face the new year together - with a re-release of my conversation with historian, author, and queen of awkward conversations, Kate Bowler.    In this episode:  How do you have hope for the year to come when right now maybe isn’t so great?  Acceptance, moving forward, and ferocious self-advocacy The Math of Suffering: this year, last year, and measuring love Why social bonds matter, and what happens when no one sees you Notable quotes:  “Aggressive futurism prevents us from being honest” - Dr. Kate Bowler “I want my suffering to be translatable. If I can't be translated, I can't be seen.” - Dr. Kate Bowler “We weaponize acceptance. It's applied from the outside as this end goal that you need to get to in order to be palatable to the others around you.” - Megan  About Kate:   Kate Bowler, PhD, is an associate professor of the history of Christianity in North America at Duke Divinity School. Author of the New York Times bestselling memoir, Everything Happens for a Reason, Dr. Bowler stages a national conversation around why it’s so difficult to speak frankly about suffering through her popular podcast, Everything Happens. She has appeared on NPR, The TODAY Show, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and TIME Magazine. Her latest book, No Cure For Being Human), grapples with her diagnosis, her ambition, and her faith as she tries to come to terms with limitations in a culture that says anything is possible. Follow her @Katecbowler on all social Platforms. Get in touch:   Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your comments or thoughts, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The end of the year is always a flurry of resolutions and “next year will be even better!” sentiments. If your life has been anything but awesome lately, a “new year, new start” can feel impossible. In this special two part episode, we face the new year together - with a re-release of my conversation with historian, author, and queen of awkward conversations, Kate Bowler.    In this part one of this episode:  How do you have hope for the year to come when right now maybe isn’t so great?  Why New Year’s resolutions tend to make life feel like an endless self-improvement project Finding motivation to set goals for yourself The difference between transactional hope and functional hope   About Kate:   Kate Bowler, PhD, is an associate professor of the history of Christianity in North America at Duke Divinity School. Author of the New York Times bestselling memoir, Everything Happens for a Reason, Dr. Bowler stages a national conversation around why it’s so difficult to speak frankly about suffering through her popular podcast, Everything Happens. She has appeared on NPR, The TODAY Show, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and TIME Magazine. Her latest book, No Cure For Being Human), grapples with her diagnosis, her ambition, and her faith as she tries to come to terms with limitations in a culture that says anything is possible. Follow her @Katecbowler on all social Platforms.   Get in touch:   Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your comments or thoughts, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My dad used to read ‘‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” every Christmas Eve when I was a kid, after dinner and before we opened our Christmas pjs.    So many of you are missing your dads, or grandparents, or the father of your kids. This year, I asked my dad to record the Christmas Eve classic for the show. I wanted you to have a stand-in grandpa, in case you were missing one of your own.    From my family to yours, may you have the best holiday season available to you.    (‘Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore was first published in 1823)   Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your comments or thoughts, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever wonder what doctors say about their patients when they think no one can hear? Dr. Rana Awdish doesn’t have to wonder - as a patient, she overheard a lot of distressing things. Her experience led her to change how medical providers speak about - and to - their patients, spreading compassion through communication (which we know is a mission dear to my heart). Listen in to hear Dr. Awdish’s take on the pressure on healthcare workers, too.    “I've come to know that people call you a hero when they're going to force you to betray yourself, and that that is a signal that you are being sent into a situation that will not leave you whole.” - Dr. Rana Awdish   In this episode we cover:    The “two educations” of Dr. Awdish - med school and a life threatening illness Why miscommunication is such a dangerous medical practice The well-intentioned, but wrong approach of trying to help people survive a violation of their values and their beliefs by reminding them of their strengths Being present is only the first step - validation is where the real healing begins Why compassionate communication helps doctors - maybe even more than it helps patients  The very cool CLEAR program - it uses trained actors to help doctors and medical providers learn how to connect with patients going through some of the hardest times of their lives Content note: mention of life threatening illness, pregnancy loss, and the medical industry.   Notable quotes:  “The work is to grow a heart that can hold all of it, even now. Even this.” - Dr. Rana Awdish   “The best medicine in the world doesn't work on the wrong story - so you better know your patient's story.” - Dr. Rana Awdish, citing Jay Baruch’s work in narrative medicine About our guest:   Dr. Rana Awdish is a critical care physician operating on the front lines during COVID-19 at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, MI. Her own serious illness in 2008 has informed her belief in the power of compassion, sacred listening, and community. As medical director of the Care Experience for the Henry Ford Healthcare System, she is training staff to practice empathy in critical care. Find her book, In Shock: My journey from death to recovery and the redemptive power of hope, at ranaawdishmd.com.  Additional resources: Read “restoration in the aftermath” from Dr. Awdish here  Read “the shape of the shore” here Creative Writing as a Medical Instrument - paper by Jay Baruch, cited by Dr. Awdish Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s been ten years since the massacre at Sandy Hook elementary where 20 children and 6 adults were murdered in an act of public gun violence. While we’ve got your attention in this flurry of ten year anniversary media reports, Sandy Hook parent survivor Nelba Márquez-Greene wants you to know what survival really looks like.    This is a re-release of the first episode of season two. On this week’s show, Nelba and I discuss what it’s like to live such a public grief, and what it means to find joy - and hope - in an often violent world.  In this episode we cover:  Supporting each other: the difference between an “inside the house” friend and an “on the porch” friend.  Why no single form of advocacy for survivors is right for all survivors  What’s missing from our ideas about “resilience” Where your money goes when you donate funds in the wake of a tragedy The importance of telling your own story in the ways you want to tell it (no matter who demands a soundbite)  What to do when the next act of gun violence happens Notable quotes:  “My son was eight when his sister was murdered. He has every reason to not hope. In this country, boys who look like him are murdered with impunity more often than we report. And my son still has hope. And that gives me great hope when I can't find it.” - Nelba Márquez-Greene “What’s the aim of a media outlet, or a news outlet, when they tell a specific (often traumatic) story? Like, yes, they want clicks & advertising, but they need emotional impact to get those clicks. Do you know what has emotional impact? The f*cking truth.” - Megan Devine About our guest: Nelba Márquez-Greene is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma and their impact on individuals and systems. What her official bio doesn’t say is that her child was murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary.    In 2018, she was profiled as one of “100 Women of Color” and a YWCA (CT) Women’s Leadership Award recipient. She was featured in People Magazine’s October 2019 issue as one of Ten Women Changing the World and also recognized by Chelsea Clinton and Hillary Clinton in their Book of Gutsy Women.   Find Nelba at thisgrievinglife.com Follow her on Instagram and Facebook @anagraceproject  Follow her on Twitter at @Nelba_MG and @anagraceproject    Additional resources   There are many organizations fighting to end gun violence. Here are just a few:  Moms Demand Action, Change the Ref, and Brady United. As Nelba suggested, if you want to support survivors of gun violence, find ways to support survivors in underserved communities, especially if their tragedy didn’t make the national news.    Get in touch:   Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co   For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT   Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.