What do you do when someone cuts you out of their life? How do you back away slowly from someone you really don’t want to be around? Boundaries are part of all human relationships, but they are TRICKY. This week, part one of our show about boundaries - how to make them, how to keep them, and sometimes, how to breach them - with special guest Dr. Alexandra Solomon, host of Reimagining Love.   Want your questions answered on the show? To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   In this episode we cover: Why relational self-awareness is the key to all good relationships Can step-parents and adult step-kids get along after a loss in the family?  Why relationships based on conscious choice are so important How to negotiate the relationship you want when the other people maybe don’t want you around The difference between “letting go of outcome” and setting yourself up for success   Guest Bio: Dr Alexandra Solomon is one of the most trusted voices in the world of relationships. She’s a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and the author of two bestselling books: Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back. You might know her from her popular instagram channel, or from her podcast, Reimagining Love. Find her at https://dralexandrasolomon.com.    Questions to Carry with you: Check back next week for part two of this special episode on boundaries to get your Questions to Carry With You   Resources:  Want to train with Dr. Solomon? Check out her current training courses at https://dralexandrasolomon.com Need a place to tell the whole truth about what you’re going through? Check out the Writing Your Grief course and community, from Megan Devine. Registration for the next session is open now.  Looking for more training as you navigate grief on the job and in your life? Check out megandevine.co for upcoming workshops    Get in touch:  Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TW Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s no secret that healthcare professionals and caregivers of all kinds are stretched beyond their limits. We can’t look to healthcare systems themselves to give us the care and attention we need, so where CAN we go for support (and answers)? Don’t miss this week’s episode with guests Koshin Paley Ellison and Chodo Robert Campbell of the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care.    To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   In this episode we cover:   why it’s important to look beyond the identified patient to the invisible web of caregivers the realities of caregiver burnout and stress the one practice you can do even - and especially - when you have no time to care for yourself do you stay or do you go? Making decisions for yourself inside this healthcare system catastrophe   Guest info and resources:   Sensei Chodo Robert Campbell is co-founder of the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care — a non-profit organization that focuses on the teaching of Zen and Buddhist practice with the goal to make them more accessible to people all around the world. His passion lies in bereavement counseling and advocating for change in the way our healthcare institutions work with the dying. Find Chodo and the NYZC @newyorkzencenter on IG, and online at zencare.org   Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison is an author, Zen teacher, Jungian psychotherapist, and Certified Chaplaincy Educator. Koshin is a world-renowned thought leader in contemplative care. He is the author of Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up and the co-editor of Awake at the Bedside: Contemplative Teachings on Palliative and End of Life Care. His work has been featured in the New York Times, PBS, CBS Sunday Morning, Tricycle among other publications. Find him on IG @koshinpaleyellison   If you work in healthcare, I very strongly recommend you check out New York Zen Center’s Contemplative Medicine Fellowship. Registrations for the 2022-2023 fellowship are open now.     To hear one of my favorite passages of all time, read by Chodo Robert Campbell, check out the first video at this link. The whole video is a lovely teaching from the founders of the Zen Center for Contemplative Care.    All of the Zen Center’s offerings, from books to support groups to ongoing educational opportunities can be found at zencare.org.    Questions to Carry with you:   special bonus questions and meditations from our guests! I’ll be back next week with my own QtCWY, but don’t miss this edition!   Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TW Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed - at refugeingrief.com/bookSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You ever feel like there’s not enough love and support to go around? Like, there’s a severe shortage of compassion in the world, both for you and well, everyone? Me too, friends. This episode is basically my TED talk, if I had one, on how we create that support-filled world we all want (and deserve). It’s my personal favorite episode of season one.  In this episode we cover: Why comparing divorce to death, or pet loss to child loss, is a Very. Bad. Idea. (usually) Is it ok to be sad about a musician or actor’s death, even if you never met them?  How to treat compassion like an abundant resource AND have good boundaries all at the same  The path to the love-filled, support-rich world we all want (it’s not easy, but it’s worth it)    Want your questions answered on the show? To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co Notable quote:  “It sounds pretty woo but compassion really is an expandable resource. Practicing inclusion and validation means people feel heard, and heard people hear people, which means the whole culture starts to change from one of vindictive “how dare you feel that way!” to at worst, a neutral, impartial kindness, and at best - well, being generous like this creates a world built and sustained by love.” - Megan Devine Questions to Carry with you: Fun ideas to help you seed love and compassion in the world, plus the one habit to break and re-make Resources:  Love in action! Check out this exceptionally non-extensive list of people to learn from as we grow the love filled world we all want:  Rachel Cargle, Alok Menon, Alice Wong, Free Mom Hugs, Farmer Veteran Coalition, Natalie Weaver, & Resting Waters Terminology update: in this episode, I use the term “gender fluid,” but the term  gender-expansive is more accurate. The “is there love available here?” question comes from Mark Silver.   Get in touch:  Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.  To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TW Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed - at refugeingrief.com/bookSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the show, we're talking about something that pretty much everyone can relate to: wonky interpersonal relationships. Even in the best of times, human relationships can be tricky. Honestly, it's a wonder we create the social bonds we do considering how many things get in the way of a good connection. Tune in to find out how to help nice people get better at helping you, and how to step out of endless arguments that aren’t going anywhere. Don’t miss it!  In this episode we cover: why it’s so hard to describe your personal experience so other people get it how to overcome that “crisis of translation” (including a shout out to one of my all-time favorite movies, Powder - in which I misremember who was actually in that movie) the one communication tool that helps make interpersonal communication a whole lot easier (it’s a useful trick - promise!) how to enforce your boundaries without getting into endless arguments with people who just won’t listen    IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: in the show, I say that Cher starred in the movie, Powder. Cher is not in the 1995 movie, Powder - I had a memory glitch. Still a great movie though.    Questions to Carry with you: playful, low stakes ways to practice the communication tools we talked about in this week’s show. Give it a go!    Resources: For ideas on how to help a grieving partner, check out this article in GQ magazine . Lots of stuff in the article applies to the ways you might support anyone you care about (not just a partner)    Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.  To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TW Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed - at refugeingrief.com/bookSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our early childhood experiences of grief - and how our family systems dealt with loss - have a huge impact on our adult behaviors and relationships. This week, author Allyson Dinneen (Notes from Your Therapist) joins me as we discuss generational grief stories. We also have the first of many conversations addressing your number one most asked question: how does a grieving therapist (or another healthcare provider) go back to work?  About this week’s guest:  Allyson Dinneen is a marriage and family therapist and mental health counselor is the author of Notes From Your Therapist, a book based on her Instagram account of the same name, where she shares her reflections on emotions, relationships, grief, and life. Allyson’s work has been featured in Huffington Post, Forbes, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, and more. She lives in the Berkshires, Massachusetts and works in private practice.   Questions to Carry with you: Exploring the risks and rewards of telling the truth.   References: Megan and Allyson discuss a question from a previous episode that aired on January 3rd. Click HERE for that episode!   Find all this, plus instructions for how to submit YOUR questions to be answered on a future show in this episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.  For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TW Check out Megan’s best-selling book- It’s Okay That You're Not Okay -at refugeingrief.com/book To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode 20! We made it to the end of season one! This week, a conversation with co-producer Tanya Juhasz on our favorite moments of season one, and why it’s so hard to get people to listen to a show about difficult things - like grief. Bonus: we discuss how grief gets passed down in family systems, and how grown ups can give their kids what they wished they’d had for themselves.    Want your questions answered on the show? To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   In this episode we cover:  Megan’s dad coming in with some real-life wisdom about the grief inherent in everyday life Intergenerational grief (aka: how grief gets passed down) Why so many people self-select out when they hear the word “grief”  Megan’s professional crushes, and the show Tanya wants the whole world to hear How some of this season’s Questions to Carry With You have changed peoples lives What to expect while we’re on break between seasons (deep cuts and favorite shows!)  Where we go from here: what’s coming up in season two   Questions to Carry with you: About that “small g” griefcase….    Additional resources Be sure to listen to the whole back catalog of episodes - there are so many good episodes in season one!    Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TW Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be FixedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Wait, isn't palliative care something hospice does before somebody dies? Well, yes, but that’s just part of the story: palliative care covers a whole lot of health conditions, even temporary medical health setbacks. Palliative care is like symptom relief for the emotional challenges of being alive. Doesn't that sound really interesting? Find out what it is, and why it applies to YOU in this week’s episode.    Want your questions answered on the show? To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.co   In this episode we cover:  What is palliative care and why should *anyone* outside of hospice care? Getting your colleagues to care about the emotional pain of their patients Dr. Red’s love letter / shout-out to nurses  Why a skilled surgeon also needs to be a compassionate human being How to keep your personal losses out of your workplace (sort of) Why Megan hopes you’ll start seeing the whole world through a palliative care lens   Notable quotes:  “There’s no way I could have come back to this job without being under the care of an amazing trauma informed therapist. You have to do your work or there's no way you're going to avoid bringing all of your stuff back to the job. My partner's death definitely informs who I am personally and professionally, but it cannot be all about me in the room.” - Dr. Red Hoffman on the personal/professional gray area   About our guest: Dr. Red Hoffman is a board certified trauma surgeon trained in surgical care and hospice and palliative medicine. She's one of the leading voices advocating for palliative medicine across all departments and subspecialties in medicine. Follow her on Twitter @RedMDND Questions to Carry with you: Where are your palliative care people? Go on an expedition to find out more! Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right.    For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.co For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TW Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you work in an industry where loss is all around you, do you ever get used to it? Should you get used to it? Is there any way TO get used to it? With questions from a fitness instructor that lead us into discussions about emotions and boundaries and the risks of being human in the workplace - if you’ve ever wondered if you should be better at turning off the pain around you, this one’s for you. PS: if you’ve got friends or family working in tough professions (including the fitness industry!), be sure to tune in for an inside look at what it’s like to work in a loss-filled job. Want your questions answered on the show? To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coIn this episode we cover:  Emotional numbness on the job: if you see loss all the time, shouldn’t you be used to it by now?  Why shaming your colleagues for NOT being numb to loss is maybe not the best way to build community How working in the fitness industry actually exposes you to a lot of loss Standard responses for emotional-relational judgment, aka: one liners to shut down the haters Excellent workplace boundaries: what to do when your clients lives affect you & you need to both keep it together and show your compassion Questions to Carry with you:A sneakily simple-seeming reflection question about emotions in the workplaceAdditional resourcesDoes your workplace need help dealing with loss? If humans are part of the workforce, then grief is ALSO part of your workforce. Skillfully navigating workplace grief can be daunting. Megan can help! Visit megandevine.co and drop us a note. From employees returning from bereavement leave to on-the-job grief and loss, we can help you figure out how to communicate, advocate, and still get work done that needs to be done. Get in touch:Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right. To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coFor more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.coFor grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TWCheck out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The division of labor inside a family system is never equal, is it. What happens when grief hits the main caregiver, and they just can’t keep giving? This week on the show, we discuss gender roles, invisible labor, and the redistribution of the workload inside families, with special guests Eve Rodsky and Dr. Aditi Nerurkar of the Timeout: A Fair Play podcast. Want your questions answered on the show? To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coIn this episode we cover: The long history of invisible labor, and what that means for women right now How systems, boundaries, and communication can help redistribute the workload inside families Why women’s time is spent like sand, and men’s time is valued like diamonds How grief intensifies the workload on the identified “I keep this family rolling” person Guest Bios:Eve Rodsky is a New York Times bestselling author and the creator of Fair Play: a step-by-step approach that helps partners rebalance their domestic workload. Find her at everodsky.com. Special note for therapists and other healthcare workers: Eve’s Fair Play system can be adapted to working with your clients. Follow the Fair Play link above for details. Dr. Aditi Nerurkar is an internal medicine physician, public health expert, and medical correspondent with an expertise in stress, resilience, and mental health. Find her at draditi.comTogether, Eve and Aditi host the new show, Timeout: A Fair Play Podcast, which maps the ways caregivers can reclaim their time inside families and other systems that often invalidate women's contribution. Find Timeout wherever you get your podcasts. Questions to Carry with you:Mapping your own workload (so you can clearly see where you need help!) Resources: Need a place to tell the whole truth about what you’re going through? Check out the Writing Your Grief course and community, from Megan Devine. Registration for the next session is open now. Looking for more training as you navigate grief on the job and in your life? Check out megandevine.co for upcoming workshops Get in touch: Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right. To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coFor more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.coFor grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TWCheck out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

PROLONGED GRIEF DISORDER! It’s everywhere - social media, The New York Times, The Washington Post… it’s the hot new medical condition everyone’s talking about. But why is everyone so mad about it? This week on the show, an overview of this hotly contested “new” human disorder, and what it means for the average person, for healthcare providers, and honestly - for the whole world. This is one medical diagnosis that affects everyone. Want your questions answered on the show? To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coIn this episode we cover:  Why anyone should care what the APA thinks about grief The actual diagnostic criteria for prolonged grief disorder (translated from psych-jargon into the way real people speak) Access to care + funding for research: two of the main reasons people think this diagnosis could be helpful (and why it isn’t)  The real world impact of the DSM: doubling down on shame and misunderstanding Why launching new rules about how long it’s ok to grieve is more than a bit problematic while we’re still in the middle of a mass death and mass disabling event (aka the pandemic) One surprise reason this diagnosis *could* be seen as a good thing Click here for the episode webpageNotable quotes: “Grief makes you less productive, and what we value above all else is productivity.” - Megan DevineQuestions to Carry with you: Read up on the unfolding public conversation about prolonged grief disorder - how do *you* feel about it? Let us know! Call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coAdditional resourcesFor an interview with both Megan and the author of the NYT article, Ellen Barry, on WGBH TV Boston, click here. To read Megan’s more detailed response to the NYT article, including tweet-by-tweet takedowns of most of the major “pro disorder” points, check out the original Twitter thread, and the extended thread. Versions of these threads are also on the blog. Want to read even more about our culture’s deep avoidance of human emotion, and all the ways that messes with day to day life? Maybe more important, want to know what’s actually normal inside grief? Check out Megan’s best-selling book, It’s OK that You’re Not OK, and follow @refugeingrief on IG/FB/TW We recommend you check out the Perfectly Normal campaign, serving up just the validation you need when you’re feeling like the only person in the world doing that “weird” thing you do. Therapist, clinician, or other healthcare provider? Be sure to check out upcoming trainings that address PGD and re-humanizing grief. Follow Megan Devine on LinkedIn, too. Other articles on prolonged grief disorder include Medicalizing Grief May Threaten Our Ability to MournGet in touch:Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, send in your questions, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right. To submit your questions by voicemail, call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit megandevine.coFor more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at www.Megandevine.coFor grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, & TWCheck out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.