Probably Poly

Episode 61 (Couples Privilege) is now live! If you have at least one relationship then you have couples privilege. In this episode we look at what causes couples privilege, why it is so hard to see in yourself, and what we can do to help alleviate the sorts of harms that couples privilege is likely to cause. Join Our Next Chat tomorrow Saturday November 7th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/ftw-gpod-adc

We attempt to provide both theory and application advise in relationship ethics. One of the best ways to do that is to take information from one or more of our theory episodes and apply them to a detailed case provided by a listener. This is the first of our case study series and it looks at a very difficult and intertwined situation of a person realizing they are non-monogamous after 17 years of marriage and investigating what options they have in the bounds of ethics if their partner is unwilling to open their marriage. Join Our Next Chat tomorrow Saturday September 26th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/zta-qeiw-kbn

One of the most common confusions we hear in Ethical Non-Monogamy is, what exactly are boundaries, needs, and wants. How can you tell them apart? How can you tell if your partner really has a need or if it’s just a want? In this episode we tackle these questions and more as we attempt to clearly explain boundaries, needs, and wants. Join Our Next Chat on Saturday September 26th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/zta-qeiw-kbn Citations: First Video Episode at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKjr-doAGKk&t=36s Donate at: https://www.probablypoly.com/donate

Consent is one of the most difficult and important topics in interpersonal ethics. Join us as we try and work out some of the more difficult questions associated with this tangled topic. What exactly do we mean when we say “consent”. What sort of consent can we give? When is consent alone not enough to guarantee that an interaction is ethical. Citations: First Video Episode at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKjr-doAGKk&t=36s

Sharing emotions with the people around you is a cornerstone of authenticity but its easier said than done (especially in a culture which unfairly praises apparent objectivity), and much easier said than done to do it ethically. This week we look at all the benefits of that emotional content, the myth of the neutral “logical” position, and how to engage that content as ethically as possible. Next Group Chat will be August 22nd from 5 to 7 pm est. on Google Meets Link: meet.google.com/nyk-uzex-wkf Citations: Episode Referenced for Manipulative Emotions: https://soundcloud.com/probably-poly/gatekeeping-and-shame Episode on Holding Space through the lens of Mourning: https://soundcloud.com/probably-poly/mourning

This week we look at the origins of shame and other judgmental moral emotions. What role they played evolutionarily and the ethical problems they present and how these harmful emotions are bound up in the desire and problems with gatekeeping the term polyamory itself.

While everyone deals with mourning, as non-monogamous individuals we also need to be able and willing to support our partners through the loss of other partners. In this episode we deal with loss and how to mourn losses and integrate those adjustments into your own life as well as some of the best ways to support others do the same. All forms of loss cause morning and being able to morn and help those we are in relationships with mourn is one of our most important abilities. Next Online Chat Saturday July 25th from 5pm to 7pm. We’ll have more details for you soon, but we are changing platforms (shockingly for ethics reasons). But also going to a monthly format because our children return to activities bi-weekly meetings are no longer reasonable for us. Citations: Jail Support Arrests: https://www.wbtv.com/2020/06/18/deputies-arrest-more-than-people-jail-support-sit-in-outside-mecklenburg-county-jail/ Black Militia as Stone Mountain Park: https://www.newsweek.com/armed-black-demonstrators-challenge-white-supremacist-militia-georgias-stone-mountain-park-1515494

Join us this week for a lighter, but still socially responsible, discussion of how to use relationship games to improve your long distance relationships by adding depth and allowing emotional bonding on par with in person relationships. This episode is of course a little more explicit than our regular content. This episode both introduces these concepts and explores the philosophy that undergirds their use and appeal. No zoom chat this upcoming week. We meant to announce that but forgot. More details coming soon. YouTube Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1NHcAWO10cYQQ5DBYIYGmQ? Sex Toy Link: https://www.lovense.com

I do not have a pithy teaser for you this week. This episode was difficult to record and difficult to edit. We explain why all of us who want to lay a claim to being ethical must participate in the Black Lives Matter movement to the best of our ability, why all oppression must be fought everywhere and every time we find it, and why ENM and Polyamory are fundamentally radical and anti oppression. If we made any mistakes in dealing with this extremely complex and sensitive material please let us know so we can correct them as fast as possible. Join us again next Saturday, June, 20th from 5 to 7 EST live on Zoom using the following link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82068272449 Citations: NPR details the history of Race and Policing: https://www.npr.org/2020/06/13/876628302/the-history-of-policing-and-race-in-the-u-s-are-deeply-intertwined CNN shows white wealth at 10 times black wealth and black income at only 60% of white income in the USA: https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/03/politics/black-white-us-financial-inequality/index.html NYT describes the history of the racial wealth dived in the USA and how it has been maintained: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/08/14/magazine/racial-wealth-gap.html?mtrref=undefined&assetType=REGIWALL&mtrref=www.nytimes.com&gwh=75B09384540BDF2327841A1263870EE4&gwt=pay&assetType=REGIWALL “A Potent interaction of socialist, feminist, and antiracist radicalism converged with new conceptions of sexuality from the 1910s to the 1930s to produce a period of openness in the United States that allowed sex radicals to convey explosive messages about the centrality of sex to human well-being, about women’s sexual desire and autonomy, and about the sexual rights of African Americans and same-sex lovers.” Quote From: “Making Marriage Modern: Women’s Sexuality from the Progressive Era to World War II” by Christina Simmons

This week we made our first episode in a new series we are calling Probably Poly Particulars. This is basically a zoomed in topic done as a video and we were so fortunate to have Ash Williams of Charlotte Uprising, a local organizer working in the BLM movement on the show to talk about the amazing work they are doing in charlotte. The only problem is no one knows we do video's yet. So we are releasing it as a podcast as well to signal boost to as many people as possible. Check out the Video at: https://youtu.be/AdYsvxalOW0 And Connect with and support Charlotte Uprising at: Facebook @Charlotte Uprising Twitter @CltUprising DO NOT GO to CharlotteUprising.com Bail fund info Cash app: $MeganVanFleet19 Venmo: @Megan-Van-Fleet-19 (Edit: Donation Links Updated at @Charlotte Uprising's request) Jail Support Hotline Number: (980)224-2097