Probably Poly

We're diving into a reader question on creating effective community spaces.  This episode we discuss safer spaces, braver spaces and creative interventions.  Is the ban hammer the way to go or are there compassionate ways to manage safety concerns? What does success look like for a harms process?  References: chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://www.creative-interventions.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/CI-Toolkit-Final-ENTIRE-Aug-2020-new-cover.pdf https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

Episode 69 (Over Rated Sex Acts) is now live! Join us as we discuss how to navigate common events in polyamory communities.  What difficulties do attendees experience engaging in new spaces? Get a better understanding of how community leaders approach community events.  Learn ways to become more involved and how to create a space that fits you best. Don’t forget to subscribe if you want notifications when we post new episodes. Citations: - Photo by Inga Seliverstova from Pexels #NavigatingSocialEvents #EventBurnOut #ProbablyPoly #Awkward #ENM

Laugh with us as we giggle and guffaw in our 69th episode discussing overrated sex acts. We normally bring you heavy topics, but this episode is all about fun. We would like to caveat that the information presented is based on our own experiences and opinions. C*m and celebrate with us getting to number 69. Don’t forget to subscribe if you want notifications when we post new episodes. Citations: - Photo by Daria Sannikova from Pexels - The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Ultimate_Guide_to_Cunnilingus.html?id=yk9p4FqmJqwC - The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Ultimate_Guide_to_Fellatio.html?id=X8T0sglLnrAC

You asked for an episode on the ethics of Unicorn Hunting and we gave it to you! Listen to Michael, Mandee, and Sarah discuss the defining factors for Unicorn Hunting. What are the red flags and prep work needed if you are considering this relationship style or being approached to join a couple? We also discuss how to address Unicorn Hunting as a group leader. Citations: - Photo by Daria Sannikova from Pexels - OPP Episode: https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-33-the-one-eggplant-policy - Closed Relationships:https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-63-closed-relationships-ethical-otherwise - Couples Privilege Episode: https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-61-couples-privilege - Consent is Not Always Enough: https://www.probablypoly.com/post/episode-58-consent-isn-t-always-enough

Join us as we welcome back Sarah and introduce a method of creating durable, modular, and ethical agreements to help you meet your safer sex goals. Once a much talked about concept fluid bonding agreements have fallen out of favor in ethical non-monogamy for being often problematic and hierarchal, and we can’t help but agree. However, there were some valuable concepts we wanted to salvage and continue to polish into more useful and more ethical forms. Merchandise Website: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MandeeMakesMerch

In this episode we look at building up trust and open honest communication, especially how to build trust with people who have experienced betrayals in the past, from yourself or others. We also look at the power of gratitude and communication tools to make it all work.

Episode 65 (Crystal Byrd Farmer on The Token) is now live! We are very lucky to have Crystal Byrd Farmer drop by this week to talk about her book. “The Token” is a practical guide, including workshops, on how to look critically at majority communities wishing to increase diversity across any axis as well as common mistakes, how well meaning people are often still doing harm, and the best ways to avoid those harms. Citations: Crystal’s Website: https://crystalbyrdfarmer.com Buy the Token from the Publisher: https://newsociety.com/books/t/the-token

We have the amazing honor this week of interviewing five of the people who spoke up about their experiences with Franklin Veaux, who have gone collectively by the name "the Franklin Veaux survivors" (although they don't all individually identify as survivors) — Melanie, Rose, Celeste, Eve and Marissa. We talk about what went right and what went wrong during the harms process and ways in which we can apply these lessons to our communities and culture going forward. Citations: Survivor Archive: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com Jiji Judges: https://twitter.com/jijijudges Crystal Farmer on Reid Mihalko’s harms process: https://medium.com/@crystalbyrdfarmer/on-accountability-and-reid-mihalko-12bcb8afbb21 Rose on community response to Harms: https://ourbetternatures.wordpress.com/2019/06/08/community-response-to-complaints/ Survivor Statement about the Harms Process: https://link.medium.com/8g9lXLxeXbb

In this episode explore the ethics of closed relationships. This includes explicitly non-monogamous closed relationships (often called poly-fidelitous) as well as how unintentionally closed relationships that represent or see themselves as open form. Visual Resource for Boundaries, Wants & Needs Visualization: probablypoly.com/resources

In this episode we invite therapist Dr. Daniel Stillwell on the show to discuss the difference between the ways in which he applies the theories of boundaries, needs, and wants in his practice and common ways these theories are discussed or talked about in relationship help texts and the poly community at large. We separate multiple functioning ways to apply different versions of these theories for different scenarios and discuss the importance of defining your terms in discussions with partners. Join Our Next Chat Saturday November 7th from 5 to 7pm EST: meet.google.com/ftw-gpod-adc Get a copy of the visual from the episode complete with map key at: https://www.probablypoly.com/resources Check out Dr. Daniel Stillwell at StillwellTherapy.com