Finding You: by Dr. Brad Reedy

Dr. Reedy talks about preparing for your children coming home after treatment. He explains the principles of a good behavioral contract; he also talks about the value and the pitfalls of contracts.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions on objectifying your children, what to focus on when your child gets home, and how to intervene when siblings are estranged.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Sanford Shapiro in the first of a series of episodes talking about parental anxiety. Sanford talks about fixing children versus treatment. He talks about how wisdom from working with learning disabilities can be applied to the general population.

Dr. Reedy talks about awareness and accountability and how we focus on one or the other for parents and children. He talks about the place that children occupy in a parent’s mind vs. the weight of the parent in the child’s mind and psyche. He talks about the qualities of a good apology and the gift of an amends or an accountability letter. He talks about paradigms of power in families and how parents who are hesitant to write an accountability letter to their children are held hostage by family systems that emphasized right and wrong over the development of the self.

Dr. Reedy talks about coming out as and LGBTQ+ person. He talks about the impact of how family members, parents in particular, respond and the impact that has on the young person. He talks about the approach from a therapeutic lens in contrast to other paradigms such as religious or cultural.

Dr. Reedy defines narcissist wounding as the wound of not being seen. While narcissism is used casually and often as an insult, it comes from deep childhood wounding and attachment fractures. He debunks myths that suggest that narcissism comes from overindulging children or permissive parenting. Dr. Reedy explains that we all have some wounding and all have some attributes of narcissism.

Dr. Reedy takes live questions on trust children, coming home after wilderness, and parenting control. He talks about suicide and learning to listen to children as if they are telling you about their dreams.

Dr. Reedy discusses the common ways people exhibit borderline patterns of thinking and functioning. Ge talks about the divisiveness and trauma present in our culture and how borderline thinking, all or nothing/black and white thinking is a sign of trauma. He talks about how we make the badness external to make ourselves feel comfortable instead of focusing on and owning our own issues.

Dr. Reedy welcomes Dr. Harriet Lerner to the podcast. In this interview, they talk about the history and culture of mother-blaming, developing self-compassion, and how an authentic apology leads to healing for both parties. Dr. Lerner uses her personal story and her unique voice to talk about how she got into therapy and writing. Brad asks Harriet about how triggers don't equate to blame and Harriet talks about how to "not take yourself too seriously."

Dr. Reedy share research on child development and parenting and how talking about race with our children makes a difference. He suggests that we not wait to talk about race with our children and that the uncomfortable discussion is important to have. He suggests that we learn to listen to others (and our children) so that they don't think that violence is the only way they will be heard.