Delusions Of Grandeur

THE EXCITING CONCLUSION* to this novel has arrived! Han Solo botches a mission to sacrifice himself for the greater good and loses a great number of molars in the process. Luke Skywalker is paired with his soulmate, R2D2, for a romantic rancor ride and makes a meaningful connection with a lizard. And Leia finally chooses who she wants to marry—a decision not based on diplomacy or love, necessarily, but mostly based on whose pants fit best. *We would say "climax," but let's be real. There's none of that here.

This week, our heroes are doing some sexy cave camping; arguing over who they get to sit next to on their rancor field trip; breaking INTO prison via berry-picking hoppers; and trying (unsuccessfully) to unhear C3P0’s original multi-versed ballad about Han Solo. That instant classic is either an homage to the Star Wars galaxy’s Frank Sinatra—or Dave Wolverton listened to a lot of Salt-N-Pepa in the mid-90s, who can say? Delusions of Grandeur: come for the promise of courtship, stay for the unhinged nonsense!This episode was scored by June Jones.

The galaxy’s hottest club is…Dathomir. Literally everyone is crash landing there (on purpose, for some reason?). There’s an evil warlord in the skies and warring witches riding rancors on the ground. Luke has been hiding a maxi dress in his jumpsuit THIS WHOLE TIME. Han is captured but actually kind of enjoys being put to work fishing freaky Tremors/Dune worms out of beer-filled holes in the ground. And despite this book having Leia in the title, we hear surprisingly little from her in these (and uh…future) chapters.BUT in better news: we got our first fan mail!

OH BOY. This is where things really take a turn for the absolute worst. Han Solo makes all of the galaxy's worst decisions, from the innocuous—asking C3P0 for relationship advice—to the insane—zapping his on-the-rocks-girlfriend with a mind control ray, stuffing her in a smuggling compartment with no oxygen, and flying her to a planet blockaded by a vicious warlord. Coooool. Cool cool cool.It's enough to make one pull a Padmé (aka just...die of sadness). Transcript here.

**New Novel Alert!** Join us as we (somewhat willingly) return to the book that answers the pressing question, “Did Princess Leia and Han Solo end up getting married? How did that…happen?” The first five chapters feature a lot of really hot, deeply cis and celibate people trying to do diplomacy; a trip to a Jedi archive in a bombed-out bunker where we discover some hard truths about Yoda; Han Solo winning a planet in a game of Space Poker; and some foreshadowing of the toxic masculinity to come.

Did you know that you can just CALL UP YOUR FAVORITE LIVING CHILDHOOD AUTHOR and have a chat with them?? You can—and we did. Join us and our plus one, Kathy Tyers, author of the New York Times bestselling novel The Truce at Bakura! Listen to us gab about everyone’s favorite family of force-strong farmboys, how Kathy developed Dev and the Ssi-ruuk, and the different rules that governed how to write 1990s Star Wars novels. You can find out more about Kathy and check out her Firebird series at kathytyers.com!

In this thrilling conclusion, Luke teams up with Dev to confront the sinister Ssi-ruuk. Han and Leia's misadventures in malfunctioning repulsor chairs add humor to the chaos. A hilarious but unfortunate bureaucrat faces a punishment more cruel than fate: being tethered to Threepio for an entire day. The 132-year-old hacker Eppie leads a clever uprising with R2D2 and her aide. Tension rises as Luke battles parasitic foes, while Dev confronts his morality in a heart-wrenching act of redemption. The galaxy's future hangs in a delicate balance!

In a thrilling turn of events, Governor Nereus's plot to poison Luke with mysterious worms is unveiled. Eppie Belden, an unexpected emo-hacker-grandma, leads a rebellion from her cozy home. Leia's daring resistance lands her in capture, while Threepio becomes an unlikely hero with a secret plan. Meanwhile, Han Solo's stealthy antics lead to his own heroic moment. As tensions rise, the fearsome Ssi-ruuk make their long-anticipated arrival, leaving listeners on the edge of their seats!

The team lands on Bakura and dives into a whirlwind of formal events, reminiscent of a high-stakes dinner from a favorite film. Skywalker family drama escalates as Leia confronts Vader's legacy while Luke struggles with a crush on a woman who wants nothing to do with him. Surprisingly, locals recognize what a Jedi actually is! Tensions rise with a dinner party where major news shakes things up, and Luke faces a moral dilemma following a prophetic dream that hints at betrayal. It's a blend of politics, romance, and intrigue!

Luke Skywalker is grappling with exhaustion after emotional turmoil, facing a droid replacement if he doesn’t catch a break. The Rebels intercept a chilling Imperial message, unaware of their leader's demise. Their mission is layered with intrigue, involving an alien race intent on soul capture. The hosts explore the fan-fiction tone and Luke's vulnerabilities, while analyzing the dynamics between Han and Leia. As they arrive on Bakara, they delve into its unique politics and economics, ultimately highlighting Dev's moral questioning amidst conflict.