Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler

Episodes

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Mar 26, 2022 • 1h 18min

Episode 510: David Shill, Queer BYU Student, LGBTQ+ Resource Advisor

My friend David Shill (RM Italy, 3rd-Year BYU Student, AZ native) joins us to share his story as a queer Latter-day Saint and someone who is very involved in the intersection of being at BYU as a queer student. He is co-founder of Cougar Pride Center (IG / FB @cougarpridecenter), an LGBTQ+ resource center for BYU students, and will soon be stepping into the role of Resource Advisor, which he discusses in today’s episode. Please consider following Cougar Pride Center on social media and donating by using the link in their bio. This will help connect more LGBTQ+ students to the resources they need. David talks about BYU’s recently released (March 2022) “Report of the Campus Climate Survey on Sexual Assault” (see https://t.co/CI8AKoMIv5). There is a subset of questions (see page 6) regarding the experience of LGBTQ+ BYU students (compared to straight students) that is eye-opening and helpful to improve the experience for BYU LGBTQ+ students. David shares insights on this survey and suggestions—all supportive of church doctrine—to help us do better. I encourage everyone to read this report, which could be used to discuss this topic in our circles of influence. David also offers suggestions to queer Latter-day Saints considering BYU and for parents and allies to better support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. David is a remarkable man with great insights on being a queer Latter-day Saint and how to better create Zion and gather Israel—for Israel includes queer Latter-day Saints. You can connect with David on Facebook (facebook.com/davidrshill/); on IG @davidrshill; and on Twitter @davidrshill. Thank you, David, for being on the podcast and for your insights to help us do better. ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Mar 22, 2022 • 1h 35min

Episode 509: Clayton Rasmussen, Gay Latter-day Saint, BYU Student

My friend Clayton Rasmussen (Age 21, New York City RM) talks about figuring out his sexual orientation during Junior High and High School and then serving a mission. Clayton talks about his successful mission (including effectively using social media during Covid). Clayton talks about coming out to this mother and father after serving 18 months and then his Mission President (very positive experiences). Clayton talks about what led him to come out and they joy/love he felt afterwards. Clayton also shares some difficult mission experiences. Not long after being home from his mission Clayton came out in this FB post: https://www.facebook.com/clayton.rasmussen.376/posts/575332603885993 Clayton decided to attend BYU—knowing that it can be a difficult place for queer Latter-day Saints. Clayton is out to all his roommates (good support) and have excellent family and friend support. Clayton is involved in RaYnbow Collective (on IG @raynbow.collective) at BYU and talks about the groups work for support queer BYU students. Thank you Clayton for being on the podcast. The world is a better place with you here and your contributions to make Zion. You are a good man! ** Please Check Out My LGBTQ Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Mar 18, 2022 • 1h 4min

Episode 508: Adam Garrett, Age 29, Gay Latter-day Saint

My friend Adam Garrett (RM, BYU Grad, Physician Assistant, Active LDS) shares his story as a gay Latter-day Saint. Adam came out publicly in June 2021 via this FB post: https://www.facebook.com/agarrett93/posts/10220746190700360 Adam talks about what he is learning, personal revelation he is receiving, scriptures and Church leader quotes that are helpful. Adam also shares great insights on the difference between shame and guilt and how to find hope and purpose. Adam talks about the possible roads he can choose as a gay Latter-day Saint and how to best support LGBTQ Latter-day Saints. Adam includes helpful suggestions to allies—and for all of us to better come together to create Zion, and help to make sure everyone feels like they belong in an LDS congregation. Thank you Adam for being on the podcast. Even after 500 episodes, I continue to be struck with additional insights that LGBTQ Latter-day Saints have about the gospel of Jesus Christ and how to better bring us together as the same human family. Your podcast will help many. You are a good man with a wonderful future. ** Please Check Out My Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Mar 14, 2022 • 1h 10min

Episode 507: Alexa Norton, Tragic Death of Her Father Daryl on May 3, 2017

My friend Alexa Norton bravely shares the story the sudden and tragic death of her father while skiing in May 2017 (https://www.serenityfhs.com/obituaries/Daryl-Norton-2/). Alexa is sharing her story to help others working through trauma and grief. Alexa shares about the actual experience, what she’s learned, validating grief, finding people that relate, the importance of reaching out and dreams. If you are dealing with the death of a loved one, Alexa’s story will help you. If you want more insights on how to help others walking this brutal road, Alexa’s insights will help you help others. Please check out Alexa’s IG account @griefshine for her blog and other resources to others. Thank you, Alexa for being on the podcast and your courage to share your story. I was glad to learn more about your good father Daryl—what a wonderful man—your effort honor him. Thank you for your efforts to bring hope and healing. You and Kohlmann are a wonderful couple. ** Please check out my new book that talks about improving our culture: deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-love or amazon.com/dp/1462139566**
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Mar 8, 2022 • 1h 2min

Episode 506: Richard Ostler’s New Book: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture

This episode launches “Listen, Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture.” The book is available at Amazon amazon.com/dp/1462139566 (paperback and kindle) and Deseret Book (late March). The purpose of the book is to improve our culture so more are able to connect with and benefit from our restored doctrine—and the healing and hope it brings into their lives. The chapters are: Chapter 1: Improving our culture to be nonjudgmental and more loving Chapter 2: Measuring progress by coming to Christ, not callings Chapter 3: Women in the Church (written by Susan Hinckley and Cynthia Winward) Chapter 4: Ending pornography use Chapter 5: Hope-filled repentance Chapter 6: Creating better understanding of mental illness and suicide Chapter 7: Overcoming scrupulosity (religious OCD) Chapter 8: Variations in missionary service Chapter 9: Manifest love – even in politics (written by David L. Cook) Chapter 10: Ministering to those with questions Your can read the introduction at: https://www.dropbox.com/s/r2aho5uzn6uin2k/Listen%20Learn%20and%20Love%2C%20Improving%20Latter-day%20Saint%20Culture%20Released%20March%202022.pdf?dl=0 Thank you for all who made this book possible—I hope it helps us better create Zion.
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Feb 27, 2022 • 1h 12min

Episode 505: Smith Alley, Age 18, Solving Porn, Finding Hope and Purpose

My friend Smith Alley braving shares his 5-year experience with pornography—why it started, why he didn’t tell anyone, and what finally helped him stop, and why he is sharing this story. Smith also helps us understand the role of our Savior and His atonement, his parents, why we need to see ourselves as enough now. Smith talks to those who are suicidal to give them hope and perspective. Please stay my friends. Smith talks about deciding to talk about his pornography use which has led to speaking to 1000s and 1000s across the United States and to start a non-profit (https://www.livelifebigger.org/) and a company called PROTECHT (https://www.protechtstrong.com/) with a goal to kids all over the world. You can connect with Smith on IG at @live.life.bigger and @protechtstrong Thank you, Smith for being on the podcast and your life-saving work. I was deeply moved hearing your story. You are doing great work to bring hope, healing and better tools and understanding to help others. ** Please check out my new book that has a chapter about solving pornography: deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-love or amazon.com/dp/1462139566**
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Feb 19, 2022 • 1h 1min

Episode 504: Dr. Tyler Lefevor & Sam Skidmore. Research to better support LGBTQ Members

My friends Dr. Tyler Lefevor (Utah State Professor) and Sam Skidmore (Utah State PhD Student) join us to talk about their new research to help Ward/Stake Leaders better support their LGBTQ members. If you are interested in learning more about Tyler and Sam’s research, you can find more at www.4optionssurvey.com or www.lgbtqmormonresearch.com. Tyler and Sam have also put out a one-page handout of “best practices” for ward and stake councils in ministering to LGBTQ+ members that you can find at usu.box.com/s/vpjyc7pl1yfolcm66olic0k746mytv89. They are currently recruiting LGBTQ+ Latter-day Saints to be part of a 10-year study to understand how gender, sexuality, and faith impact health over time, which you can learn more at www.4optionssurvey.com. They are also looking to share what they have learned about ministering to LGBTQ+ members with ward and stake councils, which you can learn more about at lgbtqmormonresearch.com/participate-in-research/. I wish I had read their research before a gay Latter-day Saint walked into my office in 2014 to share his story. It would have helped me better lift his burden versus possible add to his burdens because of my lack of training. I encourage local leaders, parents and all church members to listen to this episode and connect with their research (https://usu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0wZctI2sKCGVhhs) It will help you to better minister to LGBTQ Latter-day Saints—giving them more support, understanding and hope. When we know better, we do better. Thank you, Tyler and Sam for your great work. Look forward to learning more from both of you!
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Feb 14, 2022 • 1h 23min

Episode 503: Jaxon George, Age 20, Gay Latter-day Saint, plans to pursue a Ph.D. in Chemistry.

My friend Jaxon George (chemistry student at Dixie State University, RM) bravely shares his story. Jaxon starts with his childhood including a brother with Spina Bifida and Lincoln logs. Jaxon then opens up about gay pornography use in his youth and realizing he is gay (Jaxon points out that pornography use didn’t make him gay). In High School, Jaxon worked tirelessly (swim team, college classes, etc.) to kind of escape and/or overcompensate for the realities of his life. That dissonance led Jaxon to consider suicide during high school. Jaxon shares how he was able to get out of that dark spot and find hope and purpose in his life along with the love and hope he felt from his Heavenly Father and Savior. Jaxon talks about starting to come out in High School (mostly positive experience), helping to ease the dissonance as he became authentic. Jaxon talks about the role of poetry and authentic connection with men to help end his pornography use. Jaxon talks about his decision to serve a mission, his mission in Japan being cut short by COVID, and his hope and plans for the future. If you are in a dark place—if you feel no one is like you or walking a similar road—if you feel suicidal, please listen to this podcast. Jaxon’s story—based on gospel principles—will help you! Thank you, Jaxon for your courage to be on the podcast. Respect for being real, honest and vulnerable. Your story will help many. You have a great life ahead of you. ** Please Check Out My Book At: ** Deseret Book: www.deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-and-love-embracing-lgbtq-latter-day-saints Amazon: www.amazon.com/dp/1462135773 ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143
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Feb 9, 2022 • 59min

Episode 502: Dr. Terryl Givens, New Book “The Doors of Faith”

My friend Dr Terryl Givens (Senior Research Fellow at Maxwell Institute at BYU) joins us to talk about his new book “The Door of Faith”. Here is a description of the book: “In The Doors of Faith, Terryl Givens teaches that the surest route to a meaningful and enduring faith is a “witting” understanding of Jesus Christ and His gospel. Givens bears a strong personal witness of many unique aspects of the restored gospel, demonstrating that the Restoration provides us with the most morally compelling, intellectually satisfying, and aesthetically appealing account of the universe and each person’s place within it. He shows that such knowledge is a powerful catalyst to a more profound appreciation of Jesus Christ’s love, grace, and Atonement.” Brother Givens also talks about the importance of President Russel M. Ballard’s CES talk and the shift in how we teach the gospel and answer questions (see www.churchofjesuschrist.org/broadcasts/article/evening-with-a-general-authority/2016/02/the-opportunities-and-responsibilities-of-ces-teachers-in-the-21st-century ) Thank you for being on the podcast Brother Givens and all your contributions to help us build Zion—and better understand the power and expansive potential of our restored doctrine to create Zion and bring more hope and healing. The book is available at www.amazon.com/Doors-Faith-Terryl-Givens/dp/0842500553; and deseretbook.com/p/doors-of-faith-maxwell-institute-ppr)
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Feb 4, 2022 • 1h 13min

Episode 501: Tonya Baker Miller, Healing From Church Trauma, Strong LDS Families

My friend Tonya Baker Miller (Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Active LDS, Married Mother of 4) joins us to share insights and principles to heal (and help others) who have experienced church/leader pain/trauma. She explores the possibility that what we often refer to as "faith crisis" could more accurately be framed as "trust crises", and talks about academic differences between faith and trust. She also has helpful insights on how the family can be a safe and healing place when trust in the Church is damaged. And how to keep the family full of hope, support and understanding even if some members of the family are not participating in the Church. Tonya’s story of the being the mother of a gay son is on the Church’s web site. There is a video about the family, and essays written by Tonya, her son Andy, and their bishop at the time. The video and essays were included in the original "Mormon and Gay" website that was released in 2016 and can be found at: www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/gay/videos/tonyas-story www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/gay/videos/andys-story www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/gay/videos/robins-story Andy was also interviewed on this podcast last year; his episode is #382. I encourage everyone to listen to this podcast. So full of insights, stories and scripture to help bring us together and improve the culture and discussion in our congregations. Thank you Tonya for being on the podcast and your great work! ** Want to develop church-supported LGBTQ activities in your local area? Please join our FB group below ** https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433556613672143 ** Please check out my new book about improving LDS culture: deseretbook.com/p/listen-learn-love or amazon.com/dp/1462139566**

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