Marriage After God - Biblical advice, practical tips, and inspiring stories to strengthen your relationship and deepen your spiritual connection

If you have been blessed by our podcast, please consider supporting it by grabbing a copy of our 30-Day marriage devotionals.https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/collections/frontpage/products/husband-and-wife-after-god-devotional-bundle How to pace: Don't start out full force - reserve your energy for longevityMake a priority list - to set up for success - cut off outliersInclude rest - or else burnout Be patient - allows for disruptionDon't compare - it steals joy Check expectation - avoid disappointmentREAD TRANSCRIPT- Hi, and welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast. - We're your hosts, Aaron and Jennifer Smith. - We have been married 15 years and have five sweet children, who are growing up way too fast. - We love God and we love marriage. - And we love to be honest about it all. - Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose. - So our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage. - Especially in light of the gospel. - We certainly don't have all the answers, But if you stick around, we may just make you laugh. - But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together. - This is "Marriage After God". - Hey, welcome back to another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast. We're glad you're here, Jennifer's laughing. 'Cause she gets nervous when we're starting these things. Every time. She's like, "This isn't in my notes. What do I do? What do I do?" You just talk to them. Play "Little Diddy". - I was hiding that from you for a long time. - Or you were waiting to pull that out of me? Well, - You're welcome. - Yeah. All right. So today we're gonna be chatting about this little idea of the importance of pacing ourselves. - For the purpose of peace. Peace in our lives. - Pace and peace, is that intentional? You think God was like, "I want those words to be real close together"? So that's what we're gonna be talking about today is peace and pace, or pace to get peace. That's really what it is. - It's not a funny episode, but I feel like I got the giggles. - You got the giggles? - Yeah. - You've been looking at a computer screen for quite a while, so you're like- - I'm delirious. - A little bit delirious, I think that's okay. So you take it from here. - Well, before we get started, I just wanted to let you guys know that one of the, - You got this. All you gotta do is read it. - I don't know why this is so hard for me right now. - Okay. - Sorry, guys. - But you just do it, you got this. - Okay, redo. - Take a breath. - Can we cut that? - Pace yourself? This is gonna work. You guys, she's laughing hard right now. - What's in those gummy bears? - They're all natural, so, all right. I'll do it, it's okay. So we just wanna let you all know that one of the ways that we support this podcast, is by you all picking up copies of our books. We've written quite a few books and we wrote them to bless and benefit marriages around the world. And so we wanna invite you, two of the books that we have that actually helps with pace, is our devotionals, "Wife After God" and "Husband After God." They are 30-day marriage devotionals with daily topics to focus on based off specific scriptures. And there's also an included daily prayer. They're brief, but they're doable, and you can do them alone, or you can do them with your spouse. We've been selling 'em for years, people have loved them. Why don't you read some of these reviews real quick? - Yeah, since I got myself together over here. - You got yourself, yeah, you got it. - So this first one is from Travis, he said, "Wonderful materials, very helpful to my marriage. God used these books to really help us out of a dark place. Biblically based and true to God's word and character." And then Heather said, "We have been using the books together each night since we received them. After nearly 25 years of marriage, we are looking at God's design with fresh eyes and reaping the benefits of seeing our marriage as a reflection of his love story." - Well those are awesome, and that's our hearts for these, is that we would draw people back to God's Word, that we would help people see God's vision for their marriage like God's shown us. We're not marriage experts, but we do love leading people to Christ and pointing them back to the thing that changes us, which is the Word of God. So this show is supported by people like you purchasing our books. If you wanna go pick up a copy of our books today, our devotionals, you can go to shop.marriageaftergod.com. - So today's topic was actually my idea. I was inspired by it from an experience that I had that I'll go into in just a little bit. And it's probably something that we all should revisit every year. Maybe multiple times throughout the year. Just this idea of evaluating our pace and how fast or slow we're going in life, what's pressuring us to do that? And really after last week's episode on life transitions, I feel like this is a really good follow-up. - It's a great follow-up actually. - Yeah. - And I think it's super necessary in this day and age. I was literally in the car just talking to the kids and I was saying, "You know why we have you guys do work with me and we work out?" I was like, "If it was 200 years ago, guys, you'd be out working in the fields all day, and all of you'd be washing clothes out of a bin with a wash board." She's like, "A what?" And I'm like, "Well, that's how they used to wash clothes, it was with their hands." Life forced pace generations ago. But nowadays, we have so many things that help us with things, that we can fill our lives with a lot of things. - Yeah, so I was also thinking about everybody like me, who are preparing their kids for going back to school, maybe a lot of you already started, but just- - Yeah, 'cause that's coming up. - Yeah, and trying to figure out what your pace going into the new school year. And so I hope that you specifically find gems in today. I hope that it really blesses you with that idea of going back to school. Something that I love to do in our homeschool and getting back to school with the kids, is an all about me time. Sometimes we take one, two, three days, just- - All about you, Jennifer? - No, not all about me, no, all about- - 'Cause that would be very nice. - All about me in quotations, where we talk about their likes, their dislikes, how old they are, what grade they're in, you get this little sheet and you fill it out, and then we usually do like a painted self portrait, which is really fun. That's my favorite part because the kids always express themselves very- - Differently. - Uniquely. So I thought today would be fun with a lightning round of all about me for you and I, for our listeners. - Oh, that's funny, I didn't realize that that was what this was, but okay, cool. - I mean, why not? So we could just take turns going back and forth, asking a question and say what's on the top of your mind. Fine? - Okay, so- - You willing? - Are we gonna go through these questions real? Those are good. Okay, I'm gonna ask you first, what's your age? - 36, although I keep telling everyone 37, I just keep forgetting, I don't know. I don't know. - I'm 38 and some change. - Getting old. - Yeah, I'm getting old. - Okay, how tall are you? - Pretty sure I'm 6'1". - We'll, at least used to be. - I think you start growing shorter after a certain age. At 40? Is that what happens? - I'm five five five. - Five, five, five? - 5'5" and a half. - 5'5" and a half, okay. What was your favorite subject in school? Was it all your AP classes? - No, but I really love history. - Oh man. - It incorporates art and writing. - I wish I had a better history experience in school because growing up, or being older now I wish I liked history more, but that was my least favorite subject. And to be honest- - Hold on, I don't think the next question was, why don't you like your sciences school subject? Just say what's your favorite. - My favorite subject in school was probably my psychology class I took. - Alrighty then. What's your favorite color? - I always say green, but that's just because it's always been green. - Is it really pink? - It's probably, yeah. So actually it's green, but I don't know if- - You're really confusing on these questions. - sorry, I'm a complicated person. - You're that kid when we're doing all about me, we had to keep crossing out the answer and putting another one? Okay, and I'm getting stuck on answering all these questions, but my favorite color is blue. You ask the next one. - What's your favorite food or meal? - Dessert. - It counts? Just all desserts? - I like burritos. - Burrito desserts? Okay. - Don't give me a reason to laugh. My favorite food is pizza probably. - Yeah. - Easily. I can eat that almost anytime. - I concur. What's your favorite hobby, interest, liking up to doing? - I like to keep those secret. - What? - I like just to spend time with my friends, like going on. - Me? - Yes, you of course. You're my favorite hobby, babe. - You like to go to the movies? - I used to a lot more, not so much anymore. But yes, spending time with a good friend. - Okay, my favorite hobby is doing something crafty, artsy, painting, something like that. - And you know what? I'm just gonna say this- - Or excursions. - You haven't done that in a long time and I think you should just go do something artsy one of these days. - Thank you, I appreciate that. - I'm just gonna give you- - Permission? - An hour, to go and you're just gonna... - You're wonderful. Okay, what's your favorite game to play with me? - Favorite game to play with you, it's definitely not Phase 10, or- - We've fought about that way too many times. - Or Catan, or, I'm just kidding. I'm supposed to say what my favorite game is. Actually, what is it? - Tag? - Tag, I don't know. - So obviously you need to play more games with me. - How many games do we play just us? I'm trying to think, I don't why I'm thinking- - Well, I don't wanna tell on us, but our last week's challenge was we were supposed to play a game together. - Oh no! - We didn't do it, we failed. - No we didn't. - So now we gotta do- - We didn't do our own challenge? - Sorry, everyone gets a pass for the first week challenge. - So technically we're recording this within this, we still have time. - Okay, we're gonna play a game this week and figure out what's our favorite game to play. - Yeah. - All right, mine lately has been pickelball, which is a little bit more active. - Oh, okay. I'm not even thinking like outdoor games. - It's okay, it's not your fault. - Pickleball is actually a lot of fun. I would say that one. - Okay. - Okay, I'm gonna say it's that one. - Let's go do that this week. - Okay. What are three words that describe you? That's an easy one I think. - To describe me or you? - I'm being facetious, because it's a lot of words to have to pick. - We can skip this question. - Okay, what do you want to do when you grow up? - I wanna be like you. - What? - No, I don't. I mean, I do, I feel like I stuck my foot in my mouth. - You wanna be like, that's cool. If you wanna be like me. - I just wanna have fun. - What do you wanna be when you grow up? You wanna have fun, okay. - I wanna be a, I'm gonna say the good thing, I wanna be a better father when I grow up. - Oh, that's really sweet. I'd love to be a guitar player, right now I'm in- - That is what you wanna be, you wanna play some instrument when you get older. - So can I just explain really quick? I was practicing the piano last year and then we packed it up and put it away when we moved. And so I told Aaron, I really wanna play an instrument, maybe I should get a guitar. And so him and Elliot really kindly bought me this guitar and I started trying to practice, but Aaron said that all my years of fake strumming and air strumming have messed me up. - It's just, okay. - I'm really stuck on strumming. - I did say that, but in context, she was asking me why she couldn't strum good, so I was just trying to let her know. - Okay, that's what I wanna be when I grow up. - Oh man, you are getting good. We should intro one of these with you playing a song for them. - No. - I'll put my microphone on the guitar. - No. - Your microphone to your mouth. She's getting good. Okay, well let's move on. Let's do this, we're gonna go onto the real topic for today. - Hopefully our listeners liked hearing about us. - I think so. It's funny, but I liked it. - Go play all about me with your spouse. - It's actually good to do it periodically because we get so in life that we forget to just say, "Hey, who are you? Has things changed in your personal life?" - Are your still your favorites? - Yeah, are your favorites still your favorites? 'Cause actually some of these favorites I don't know if they're my favorites. I have to go back and I have to totally self-evaluate my whole life. - Yeah. - Green, I don't know. I just don't know. - That's a good one. - All right, so why are you encouraged to talk about this topic, babe? - Well, in all honesty, our life this past probably five, six months have just felt a little chaotic, which we did talk about in last episode of life transitions, and I think a big portion of that was just losing grips on our rhythms and routines and things that had maintained for so long. And so we're just in this space right now of relearning and relearning what our pace looks like in a new home, and even new homeschool year, 'cause I- - Things are changing? - I decided, Aaron decided, we decided that we're gonna be utilizing CC, Classical Conversations Community, which is just different for me but I'm really excited about. - So is that CCC? - CCC. So this episode, I'm probably gonna be sharing a little bit extra on what I've been learning while working out with a trainer. But that's probably the only episode. I tried looking ahead, I don't think it comes in that much more often, so all my examples and things that I'm sharing, they have been inspired. - Well, I'd say it's a big deal because you've been really consistent with this and you are learning a lot. - Yeah. So today's episode, I thought about when I was working on the rower and my coach was telling me, "Hey, you need to slow down. You have way more intervals to do, and if you start out at a 10, you're quickly gonna be at a two. Whereas if you don't start so quickly and you say start at an eight, you'll slowly go down to a two over time and you'll just have more energy." - Well, we call that CrossFit as coming out hot. - Okay, okay. - When you come out hot, you're gonna fizzle out. - Didn't know that, but that's what I was doing and I was exhausting myself. And so he was trying to tell me to slow down, to reserve my energy and be able to go longer over time. And so as he's talking me through this and I'm watching my pace come down and maintain itself better, I realized how profitable that kind of mentality would be in homeschool, in family life, in other routines that I have. In fact, I was thinking back on my homeschool journey and I remember year after year, I would start really strong in September and do all the things that I wanna be doing, and then come spring, I'm burnt out, or the kids are burnt out, or we just feel like we wanna hurry up, wanna rush through everything just so we can have a break. And then I remember somebody posting on, I think it was Instagram, a book that she was reading, "Teaching from Rest" by Sarah Mackenzie. And it's so brief, but it's so packed with rich goodness about your pace. It was so encouraging for me to hear it, and that one specifically about homeschool and teaching from rest to try and find a rhythm that makes things peaceful for your family. And so applying those things that I learned really helped me in incorporating rest throughout our homeschool year, and like you said, not coming in hot, or what did you say? - Yeah, coming in hot? - Yeah. So anyways, that's kind of what inspired this whole thing. 'Cause I know I'm not the only one who struggles with pacing themselves with all different areas of life. - Yeah, tries to accomplish everything in the first month and then- - Fizzles out. - Fizzles out real quick. - Gets burnt out. So I guess the practical here, the thing that I hope would stick with you guys would be to start off slow. No matter what you aim to do, whether it's your marriage and trying to prioritize date night or the laundry. - Pretty much anything. So you're talking about homeschool and working out and those things, but it's in any sense. I've mentioned this a lot in the past, we had a whole episode on this, about what we're capable of, that we're limited, but we don't realize that we're limited. So we always try think we can do more, we can, as my mom always said, when you wanted to eat too much, like I fill my plate with too much food, it'd be like your eyes are bigger than your stomach. Meaning like, "Oh, look how much I could put on my plate." And then I'm halfway through it and I can't finish it. - Yeah, and if we do this in life or in marriage, we're gonna run ourselves into the ground. - We're gonna be miserable. - Yeah, everything. And the beauty about learning to pace ourselves is that we end up having more peace and actually more success. So going back to your analogy, just to give an example for this of the rower, if you come out hot, and I've done this in so many workouts, and I'm like, "Yeah," and I'm ahead of everyone, it feels awesome. - For about a minute- - Yeah, for like 30 seconds, I have all this energy and it's gone. And then I can't even keep up with everyone because I've already depleted everything in myself. And so actually, if you have a good pace, those are the people that have more success. - More progress. - They don't try and bite off more than they can chew, don't try all these, you named the analogy, we've all heard it. Not coming out hot off the gate. And so it affects every aspect of our life if we can just look at anything, the way we are in our marriage, the way with our kids, our jobs, our businesses that maybe that we're starting, finding a healthy peaceful pace and not trying to overdo it. So learning to have a pace is really about learning to make small steps of consistency and routines rather than large jumps of change. - That's good. - Which is funny, 'cause in our flesh, the large jumps of change always sounds more appealing. It's like, "Oh I just wanna get to X." You're like, "Well, no, you gotta get to B first," before we can get to C and then D. - Well, and usually when you try and do those large jumps of change, you wanna see change rapidly, and you get disappointed when things aren't changing quick enough, whereas if you study yourself and you make small, consistent steps towards your goals and be patient, we're gonna get in all these in a little bit. But it all kinda ties in really, really good stuff. Okay, so in talking about pace lately, Aaron, what areas have you been thinking about when it comes to pacing yourself, or what are you recognizing you need to pace yourself in? - I have a funny story that I'm gonna bring up, but lately I've been seeing myself trying to do too many things at once. And I think that's a product of me not having a good routine or pace. - Well, and then we move into this new house and there's boxes everywhere, there's things to unpack. There's always a project. - Well, there's tons of things. So many things, and they're all little things. And if I was to look at them all, a lot of them don't have to be done right away, but because of me maybe not doing enough, like being consistent and do chipping away and I did this little thing here, and that I took a Saturday morning and I did that, and I did this little thing, I don't do anything 'cause I'm little overwhelmed by all. And then I get this little boost of energy I'm like, "Oh, I'm gonna do all this stuff," and I don't finish any of it, which makes more of a mess I think. Here's an example of what I mean, by the way, this actually literally happened today. So I'm hanging out with the kids today, Jennifer's been working on a project that we're working on, we kind of mentioned a little bit last week, but I don't know if you're ready to share what it is. - Not yet. - Okay, we'll keep you- - Someone asked, is it a devotion? Yes, it's a marriage devotion. - So she's working on it, and so I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna be with the kids," and I'm letting her work away in the bedroom. And I'm trying to get all the kids to, we're working as a family of picking up after ourselves, and this is every one of us actually. Remember Jennifer was just talking about us kind of relearning how to be. And so we have this house and all of our kids and we went from a trailer to now this big space and everything gets left everywhere all the time. And so I'm trying to work with the kids. I'm just saying, if you walk into our house right now, you'd see. So I'm in their bedroom and I'm like, "Okay guys, you're all gonna get in here, all of you're gonna help get Olive's bedroom cleaned." And they're trying to work on it, I'm like, "Okay, cool. I have a few minutes while they're kind of busy." And a part came in that I've been waiting for, for a hot water heater. It just got dropped off and I'm like, "Sweet, I've been waiting for this." So I go grab that and I'm opening up in the counter and then I walk into the bedroom and I go, "Okay, make sure you get this stuff." And I'm like, "You guys need to stop playing around and get back to work," 'cause they forget that they're supposed to be cleaning. - They don't forget, they know you're not watching. - Exactly. And then I walk out and I get the part and I'm like, "Okay, cool, this doesn't look so hard," and I walk into the garage and I peek at the machine and I take the panel off and I put the part down and I go back inside and I'm like, "Okay guys, now we're gonna move to Elliott's room." And we move into Elliott's room and then the moment they walk in, I walk out to the garage, and scanning the machine I'm like, "oh, here it is, here's the part." And there's like this little clippy and I'm like, "Oh, it looks like all the pipes are just held together by these little clips. That's super easy, there's no screws or nothing." And so I just pull the clip right off, nine gallons a minute of water just start flooding my garage. And I'm freaking out, I'm trying to push the hose back in, and the clip won't go back on and I don't know what to do, and then finally I notice right under my nose is this big old red handle for the water shut off. And I just shut it off, praise God, it stops flowing, 'cause there was three red handles, I pulled the right one, and I'm just sitting there soaking wet and I'm like, would that work? And so finally I'm getting towels and drying up the floor, and I go inside the house and the kids are playing and not even cleaning, and I'm like, "Ah." And all my water's off. So anyways, just a perfect little example of trying to do too many things at once, when I could have just been focusing and doing a really good job on the one thing, I'm doing a pretty terrible job at all of the things. I don't know if that gives you a good example, but I'm not very paced currently. - We're working on it, that's how we're doing this. We needed this for us. - Yeah, I'm slowly trying to get back to this. And again, that's just a comical and kind of frustrating example of the choices I've been making and the way I'm kind of organizing my mind and my life and my heart with my family. - So I have a question for you. - Go. - Okay, so is there anything that you did this week that you were trying to change your pace or work on your routine or do, that was successful? - Well, yeah, I was gonna get at that is, I've been trying to get back into a morning routine, I'm trying to get up. 'Cause then I could get in the word, I can exercise, I have that few hours in the morning, and I did it like once, and so that's a success. I did it once. So I'm trying to have a better pace. And at the end of the day, like I said, if I am trying to do too many things, then I'm not doing all the things well. When I could have just focused on being with the kids, which is what I should have done. - So I think the practical here, 'cause mine was start off slow, yours would be, make a priority list. Make a list where you can really focus on what's right in front of you. - I like your workout list, you have like, you have to do this and then you have to do this, and then you have to do this. - I think those things are important. But part of pacing yourself is actually waiting to do those extra things that don't require your attention right now, or putting things off that would hinder what you're trying to work on right now. Does that make sense? - Right, so I'm trying to do too many things at once, which is not a good pace, that's trying to go too fast now. Now, I actually got the part in, but we still don't have hot water now. And that's the thing is, we essentially gotta keep the main thing the main thing. So today the main thing should have been me just hanging out with the kids, helping 'em clean their rooms, helping 'em figure out their own patterns and pace. And I was talking to them, I'm like, "We gotta learn as a family to be better at picking up after ourselves." That's a pace thing. That's thinking about- - Yes, for sure. - 'Cause that slows us down when we don't do that, 'cause now there's just the sinks full of dishes, which has kind of been our thing for our whole marriage, but we're working on that too. But yeah, keeping the main thing the main thing- - I like that. - Is a way of prioritizing and not trying to jam too much stuff into our momentum. - Cool, I like that. And there's a verse that came to my mind when we were thinking about pace, and the word endurance came to my mind. I thought about Hebrews 12:1-2, it says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking at Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." And so I love that picture of endurance and running the race that's set before us, getting rid of the things that are hindering us, and keeping our eyes on the prize. - So I look at this as that race, that pace of inner faith, because everything we're talking about can play out in our faith as well. Like I want to be in the Word more so then we make this crazy plan of, "I'm gonna read six chapters a day," and then we burn ourselves out and we're like, "Oh, I failed." - Yeah, because I can't do what I sought out to do, so therefore I can't do it on any of it. - Or I wanna pray more, so I go and set three hours aside, and I can't get myself to be that calm and quiet for that long, instead of just taking little steps to do it. - That's good. - I'm gonna just try and I'm gonna get in Proverbs every day and I'm gonna try and pray at that same time, and I'm gonna, adding these things in to pace myself in my walk with Christ so that I don't feel like I'm burdened in working for my salvation rather than enjoying my savior. - Yeah. Well speaking of enjoying our savior, the next practical point on pacing yourself for peace is, we need to include rest. We need to be intentional about creating rest within our work week. And so often we feel like we're just spinning a bunch of plates. I don't know if you guys guys feel like that, but I feel like that often where if I'm not being intentional and pacing ourselves, we're just spinning a bunch of plates. I like that analogy earlier of you saying- - Not really going anywhere, but doing lots of things. - And also that we can't take our eyes off of what we're focusing on doing. We believe we can't stop or take a break between sets when you're working out, because we feel like if we do that, we're gonna lose our pace. And so we're constantly just going, I feel this way with social media, especially as being someone who provides content online, I feel like I can't keep up with the constant changing of the trend, and so I get overwhelmed so I shut down and I don't do anything. And so anyways, it's feeling like we're constantly just spinning a bunch of plates and can't stop, but that's a lie. We actually need rest. The Lord actually created and designed our bodies for rest. - Well, if you just think about sleep, sleep is not the same thing as rest, it's a part of it. We would die if we don't sleep. Literally our bodies would shut down if we weren't getting enough sleep. But you're right, God designed us also spiritually and emotionally and mentally for rest. That we need it. Jesus now is our actual rest from the labors of walking in sin and death. Jesus is our actual arrest. - And He tells us to come to Him for rest. - And He tells us to come to Him and give Him our burdens and our weights. - Our anxieties. - Yeah, and that He gives us rest. So in Mark 2:27, it says, "And he said to them, 'the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.'" God made the Sabbath, this idea of rest for men, for people, because we need rest. And I think we as humans and especially in the social media world we live in, rest can be a bad word actually. I feel like there's this idea of that slowing down is looked down upon. - Yeah, hustle is the golden word, right? - Yeah, that's the word I was looking for. I was writing this note down, I said that crush it sort of attitude, and I was like, "There's another word that people use, hustle." It's glorified. No, no, you work 24/7. You wanna be successful. You can't take rest, resting is lazy, resting is not gonna get you to your goal. - Now the problem with that is as humans, we get weak emotionally and physically and mentally, we get tired. - Not when you're hustling. - We get exhausted. And when that happens spiritually, what happens? Temptation comes our way, boom. - Yeah, usually we fall in the sin, we get anger or we try and cope in negative ways. - We're easily frustrated or we're snappy with each other. - Yeah, never get that way. - 'Cause we lose sight of what's right, what we should be doing. - And so that's something that we gotta fight against is, rest is okay. We took a pretty significant break from posting on social media because it was exhausting. And what was hard is, we had to fight that temptation to believe that we were failing what we were doing, or that we were gonna lose it all or ruin it if we didn't do that. Which means that we're now not even in control of what we're doing anyway, we're in this feedback loop of, if we don't do it, we're failing. Rather than we're doing it because we want to. Rather we're doing it because it's a blessing. - Yeah, that's good. After Jesus sends out his disciples two by two, this happens in Mark 6:30-32, "The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, 'Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while,' for many were coming and going and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves." Jesus knew the importance of rest. - Yeah, well I read this and I don't feel like I've ever even heard this before. - Really? - Yeah, or I've just- - Your eyes are opened. - Yeah, it's really cool that was His encouragement. He's like, "Good job, go take a break. Go rest for yourself." - But how often do we allow ourselves to rest? - Yeah, I think we do. I think maybe we're like, "Oh, I just need to get a little more sleep." - Maybe some of us, but I don't think everybody makes that happen. Speaking of going to bed, Psalm 127:2 says, "It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil for He gives to his beloved sleep." When I read that I was saying, I really do better when I've slept well. - Well, there's quite a few success and hustle Instagrams that I follow, just 'cause I like to get some motivations and stuff like that. And a lot of times they say, some people believe that the most successful people sleep less, but they actually sleep more. - Like they program their sleep. - Yeah, and that's something that I struggle with is, and I was gonna bring it up in a little bit, but my mornings are predicated by my evenings. So speaking of sleep, I think, like I said this a second ago, rest is much more than sleep though. Yes, we need good sleep, but that doesn't always happen. Especially if you have new babies, or like us, our kids come in, we've been talking to 'em about this- - If it's not one, it's the other. - Yeah, they come in and, yeah, all five of 'em, just like a train. They're trying to get in our bed to sleep with us and snuggle. But rest is much more than sleep. A friend of mine once said, rest is doing something that recharges you. And he would give an example of, it wasn't that he got more sleep, he would wake up even earlier sometimes, And he'd go to do a hike that he hasn't done in a long time. And he'd come back rested like. - Rejuvenated. - Yeah, because he got away from the things that were stressing him, or he got to breathe fresh air and be out using his legs and muscles. So he may be more tired, but he's rested. - So I feel like a lot of these points that we're making today, come back to, you have to kinda know yourself. You have to know your limits, - Know myself. You have to know what rejuvenates you, you have to know- - Yeah, there's a term we've used, it's something that I think we've been decent at. We could be better at always, but this idea of self-awareness, having an understanding of self. Not selfishness, not like everything needs to be geared to me, but understanding at least, "Oh, I'm being a jerk right now." Or, "Oh, I'm overwhelmed." Or, "I'm irritable." Having these self-awareness instead of, I'm just doing things and reacting and I'm like, "Oh no, that's not what's going on." Having an awareness of ourselves is a huge thing. - So moving on to the next note that we have here for pacing yourself would be to be patient. Be patient with the process, be patient with yourself, be patient with your family. - Be patient and wait to put the part in for when I can have my attention on it. - Yes, exactly. This world lies to us and says that we have to keep running, keep going, keep buying, keep serving, keep doing. Does it sound familiar? Does anyone else feel it the way I feel like? - Yeah, don't stop. - Don't stop. I pulled out this quote from Ralph, - Ralph. - I pulled out this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson and it says, "Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience." - That's good because nature is patient. - It's so patient. You almost don't see it in it's working, but you know that it is because, look at the landscape of nature and life around you and it's beautiful. And it looks like it's really enjoying itself. I wanna be like that. Well, Jesus even brings it up several times, just about nature and how it doesn't toil and it doesn't worry about certain things because He takes care of them. And they just kind of do what they're made to do. And so patience, it's not just patience in the results, it's more so patients with ourselves, patience with the amount of time it takes to get to that result. - Preparing yourself for it. I have a story I wanted to share, actually about that. - Yeah, go ahead. - So I typically am not good at pacing myself, especially if we have some sort of appointment or something to do outside of the home, and getting five kids in the car, make sure everyone went to the bathroom and has their shoes and jackets and water bottles and all these things, it's like, "Come on, we gotta go." So I'm constantly rushing them. I use the word hurry a lot which, I was just thinking back to one of the episodes we shared in the past season, how I challenge myself not to use that word with them, and I'm gonna go back to that, 'cause I found myself using it a lot. - We've relapsed a bit. - Yeah. But I was taking the kids to jujitsu and I noticed that time and time again, I'd show up and this other dad would drop off his kid, but he'd always be there 15 minutes early. I knew this 'cause they were in the next class. He would come 15 minutes early, and they would kind of sit in the car and talk for a little bit, him and his son, and then his son would check up there and then he would go, and he walked so slowly, and there's nothing wrong with him, and he just kinda looks around like he's just got this leisure- - Not in a hurry. - About him, and he's not in a hurry. And I thought to myself, "I wanna be like him. That's who I wanna be when I grow up." - Somebody's not in hurry. - It was really encouraging, I don't know why over here. I want to not rush my kids, I want to not hurry, I wanna pace myself and my family in a way where I'm not pushing them so hard, and can enjoy that 10 minutes in the car before we actually go into a place. And that teaches them how to arrive early and how to be prompt and all these things, and so kudos to that dad, I'm learning. - That's a good example. - Oh, real quick before we move on, just about being patient is when we slow down and we're patient with ourselves and with our family and with the pace of life that we've chosen. We are more flexible, which means we can be disrupted by our kids or by circumstances without being bothered. We can have spontaneous invitations or events come up, and things that the Lord plans for us to deal with, and we don't get frustrated or flustered or anything because we've made time. - Margin. - Margin for that. - That's really good. It's convicting too. - I know. Let's do it. - Another tip is, and this is something that we all, it comes up all the time. - Our flesh does it. - Don't compare. Something we should not do is look to left or to the right, at that friend or that couple or the social media influencer or the friend at work and compare ourselves and say, "See, look how they do it." And I do this all the time, I see other children that are doing X, Y, Z, and I'm like, "Well, should I be doing that?" Or, "Why aren't my kids in that thing over there?" Or a person I see on social media, another dad, another husband, and I'm like, "Wow, look at that, what they're doing." And it puts this burden in my heart of like, "I'm not doing enough." Or, "I'm failing over here in that." Which it could be something that's good for me to be encouraged in trying to do, but the comparison is the unhealthy way of approaching that, of saying, "Look at them and look at me." - Yeah, there's a difference between looking at someone's life and being encouraged by it and saying, "Oh, I wanna adapt that goal." Or, "I wanna try that thing." - Like that gentleman that's going slow and enjoying his moment with his son. - I'll be honest, something I've caught myself doing, especially with homeschool is I look at five to 10 people at the same time and go, "Oh, look at what everyone's doing, I wanna do all of it." And then it's like- - You put it in one little bucket- - Very unrealistic. - Look at all these moms and how they do that. - And then I wonder why my life doesn't look like everybody's. Because it can't. We are all unique families and we all have a unique purpose that God has given us, and so we need to adapt to that first and foremost. But we just wanted to encourage you guys not to compare yourselves because then we get in this trap of feeling like we're missing out or we're failing. - Well, I think the actual act of comparison is like a scale. You are on the low end, they're on the high end. Or you're doing the opposite. You're prideful and you're putting yourself up above, putting someone low. Which is much different than looking at someone and aspiring and saying, "Wow, I want some of that in my life because that looks beneficial to me." Rather than, "Oh, look what they've done and look what I have not done." That's the difference. So Jennifer, why don't you share the last point that we have? - So the last one is, to check your expectations or set your expectations, I should say. Make it realistic and communicate with your spouse about what you desire for your family. What are some goals you can set to achieve, or things when you're considering your pace of life, what do you envision, what do you want to see happen? I like to do this in our marriage, especially if I know that we're gonna be in a season of heavy lifting, I like to sit down with you Aaron and go, "Okay, so this is what we have to do, and this is what we need to do in order to get there." So how do you wanna do this?" - Here's the sacrifices that might have to happen? - Exactly. - Me spending more time than I'm used to, watching the kids, being with the family, which is a good thing, but could be a hard thing 'cause I'm not used to it, but that's an expectation. It's like, "Oh we have to"- - Yeah, you kinda mentioned this earlier, but when I go to do my workout, there's a whiteboard and it's listed right on there, what I'm supposed to be doing, and I know start to finish, what my expectation is. And you when you were doing CrossFit, kinda had the same thing you could check in the night before and see. Which always drove me crazy, I don't know how you could sleep on that. I would not check it. - Know what that's gonna be? - I would not do that. - For a while I wasn't doing it, but yeah, I liked finding out what it was gonna be. - It's fun. - Help me know if I needed to bring the right shoes. - Okay. Well speaking of different shoes, there's different seasons and different needs for different paces when it comes to our families. And so we need to just take all this into account, Like for us, having a newborn looks a lot different than going on a seven-week road trip across the country. And our pace of life felt a lot different in both of those circumstances, won't you say? - Some people go on seven-week trips and then have a newborn. - That's true. Some people are amazing like that. For our family, that would be very difficult, and I know- - Or in the middle of it. But it's a good point though, 'cause it's one thing to set an expectation, it's another thing that if that expectation is totally unrealistic. - And it's another thing if we don't communicate our expectations, that gets messy. - Jennifer, do you ever do that? Do you ever have a list of expectations that you don't tell me? - Sometimes. Yes, I'm guilty. - So communicating 'em, and setting realistic ones that you can actually take actionable steps toward accomplishing. - Yeah. - It slows you down because the expectations will drop to a manageable size. - Which is great, 'cause that's the first tip on our episode today, slowing down. So see it all working together here symbiotically? Okay, I threw this little note in here 'cause I thought it was interesting when we talk about expectations. But one of the reasons for setting expectations is to avoid disappointment because we know what we're setting ourselves up for. And I was thinking about this last year, and just my own heart toward my beliefs and understanding scripture on end times prophecy, and a lot of people have been talking about it in social media lately, which is interesting, but just that heart of craving and yearning and desiring for Jesus and to be with Him one day, and knowing that that is coming. And so I pulled out James 5:8 and it says, "You also be patient, establish your hearts for the coming of the Lord is at hand." And I really like that verse, and I wanted to share it with you today. - Well, what I love about it is, this yearning and craving for the Lord's return is a good thing, something to look for. And the Bible even tell us to hasten the day, like we desire it to come quickly, but at the same time we are patient for it, knowing that God doesn't wish that any should perish. - So there's this tension of how do we pace ourselves, knowing that that will come but we don't know when? - But what I also love is, God made a way for us to be with Jesus now. So we don't have to wait for His return. We get to be in His word and in prayer, and boldly go before the throne room of God. - That's good. - And we can have him always at hand. - I love that. And he's our endurance. He's our strength, He's the reason that we pace ourselves. - Well, He's the reason we desire to learn and grow. It's not just to be successful, we don't share these things to be like, "Hey, here's how to be better human beings." When we work on these things and we grow and we mature, it's beneficial to our children, to our spouse, to ourselves, makes us more able to be used by the Lord. There are good things all around, but we don't do them to earn anything from God. God already gave us everything in Jesus Christ. And it had nothing to do with how good we are pacing ourselves. But if we can grow in these areas, it's a good thing, for our family, for our ministries. So that's what I just wanna encourage you and do a little caveat through it all. - I like it. Okay, so I just wanted to roll through our practicals for pacing ourselves to try and get that piece in our life. So from start to finish, don't start out full force or hot out the gate. Reserve your energy for a longevity- - Come in hot. - Yeah, reserve your energy for longevity. - Next one is, make a priority list to set up for success. Cut off the outliers, in the priority list, are there things that they're not necessary right now, but you kind of want them to be? - That's good. - Put them in order and try and, as some people say, do the hard thing first. - Include rest or else you'll burn out. - Yeah, and rest in Jesus. Be patient, and be allowing of disruptions. - Yeah, that's good. Don't compare yourself because it steals your joy along the way. - And then check those expectations at the door. - With all that combined, you can have a really steady pace. Okay, Aaron, you said something in the very beginning that I just wanna reiterate because it was really profound and good, and I want them to remember it. You said learning to have a pace is really about learning to make small steps of consistency and routines. And I think these small steps, in these practical ways to pace yourself is how you increase your peace. - And I'm trying to do that. I'm just gonna give a little note real quick, I know it's not on the notes, but I'm gonna say it anyway. A small step I took to help myself get back into a morning routine, even though I have not been crazy successful at it, - Crazy! - Is I set, is that's not crazy? I set a 5:00 AM alarm for every day of the week except for Saturday and Sunday. - So the challenge this week, not kidding. - Well, the challenge is not to hit snooze for an hour and a half. It's to wake up on the first or second snooze. But because I have the alarm, that's one step closer. It's a small step, and I got up once or twice last week. - Good job. - Really. So I'm nailing it. - That's great, high five. Okay, all these little areas will help you overall bring a sense of health and wellness to better your marriage and your atmosphere of your home. So we hope that this inspires you and encourage you to take hold of the conversation with your spouse and do something about it. - Take small steps. - Unless you're really great at pacing yourself, and then you're just awesome. - Some people are. And if you are, you should go encourage someone with this, and help them, 'cause a lot of people need help like us. - Okay, the weekly challenge is, - Well, last week's was, play a game. - Which we're gonna do. - We're gonna do that. Sorry we haven't. We're gonna do it. Okay, so I guess it's do a workout together. - Yep, it could be something fun, it doesn't have to be- - Some sit ups? - CrossFit. - Some squats. - Don't come out the gate hot guys, unless you really want to. - Pickleball is a game and a workout. - Okay, so we're gonna double up. You can double up like we are, if you want. - Double up. - It could also just be a stretch or some small weights, whatever you wanna do. We did P90X once together, do you remember that? - That was like 20 years ago. - That was amazing. - We still have the DVDs. - I know, we should do that again and record it and put on reels or something. - Oh, man! If you guys can find P90X, you should do it. - Have fun. - All right. - Have fun with it. - Let's pray. Dear Lord, thank you for the encouragement to evaluate our lives and how we pace ourselves. We pray we will consider the ways we get burnt out easily and make adjustments to our schedule as needed. We pray we would be better at resting. Please help us to find a rhythm that blesses our family and encourages good growth. When we do feel tired, stretched, or as if we can't continue on, please help us to lean on you and to rely on your strength. We pray we will apply wisdom you give us in your word. We pray we would find ways of recuperating and making them a priority. When it comes to support in marriage, we pray we would have a good balance of pushing each other to press on through the hard things, but also encourage one another to rest well. We pray your will would be done in our marriage and through us, in Jesus name. Amen. We love you and we'll see you next week. - Thank you for joining us for another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast. - If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends. - Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review? Reviews help to spread the word about our podcast. - Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And you can always check out more of our resources at marriageaftergod.com. - You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram, @marriageaftergod, @husbandrevolution, and @unveiledwife. - We hope you have an incredible week, and look forward to sharing more with you next week on the "Marriage After God" podcast. ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

In Todays episode we are going to talk about life transitions, unexpected circumstances, and how we can keep our marriage strong during high-stress seasons. This Episode is brought to you by The Unveiled Wife This is our first traditionally published book and in it we share those first four years of our marriage. It was definitely a strenuous and difficult  time of our lives, one of our biggest transitions as we share the details of getting married …and what we faced was definitely unexpected. So in sharing about life transitions in todays episode we also wanted to give a shout out to this book as it dives deep into how we handled it all and how God led our hearts through those tough times. You can get The Unveiled Wife on Amazon.comTranscript:- Hi, and welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast.- We're your hosts, Aaron and Jennifer Smith.- We have been married 15 years and have five sweet children who are growing up way too fast.- We love God and we love marriage.- And we love to be honest about it all.- Marriage is not always a walk in the park, but we do believe it has a powerful purpose.- So our goal here is to open up the conversation to talk about our faith and our marriage.- Especially in light of the gospel.- We certainly don't have all the answers, but if you stick around, we may just make you laugh.- But our hope is to encourage you to chase boldly after God's purpose for your life together.- This is "Marriage After God."- Well, we are actually doing this.- We're back!- We're recording an episode.- Yeah we are. It's been a long time.- I always think it's funny, the moment we start recording, stuff happens.- The doorbell rings.- And then we have two UPS drivers. I don't know why it took two for dropping off this little tiny package.- Or kids come in, "What are you doing in there?"- It's just funny. 'Cause we're like trying to psych ourselves up to do this after not doing it for so long.- But are you nervous, Aaron?- Oh, yes.- I am.- But, speaking of how long it's taken us to get this new season out, this episode is kind of about that.- Yep. So in today's episode, we're gonna be talking about life transitions, unexpected circumstances, and keeping our marriage strong during those high stress seasons. And speaking of life transitions, we wanted to let you guys know that today's episode is sponsored by my first book, "The Unveiled Wife." This is our first four years of our marriage story. So we're talking about that transition from being single to married and just the difficulty-- And all the hard things that happened.- Yep. Yep, it was a stressful time for us and we, in the book, share how God led us through that.- And what I love about the book is it's got your beautiful face right on the cover.- Thank you.- It's like memorializing you. I love it. Anyways, you should pick up a copy of "The Unveiled Wife." It's available on amazon.com or on our site shop.marriageaftergod.com. So, this week's topic is on life transitions. Everyone has life transitions and we go through them. All throughout our life, there's gonna be all sorts of different seasons in our life where we have to transition from one season to the next.- And I feel like, I mean I could be wrong but I feel like just everybody lately has been in really big life transitions.- Uh yeah.- People we know, people I see on social media. I just keep hearing this kind of same phrase, life transition, over and over again. So we know a little bit about this from this last year and we thought we'd kind of use today's episode to recap where we've been, what we're doing.- Our last episode for the "Marriage After God" podcast was over a year and a half ago.- That's crazy. Like, where does time go?- Which is, way longer than we expected. Because when we took our break, we were like, oh you know, we're gonna come back in the fall or like whatever the next- We were gonna just do another season. And that didn't happen.- But there have been so many times that we thought we were on the cusp of, okay, here we are, we're gonna start up again. And I think we even let people know on social media, "We're coming back" and then something got in the way and we weren't able to.- Yeah, and so the thing is we kind of started something that kind of got in the way of the podcast. Which is okay, 'cause things do happen. Seasons come, transitions happen. And what was that thing that we were doing?- So we decided to build a house, which is a really cool-- And big.- Investment and way to move forward with our family and our life and-- Especially having five kids, now we wanted something a little bit larger, so we were like, hey, why don't we build and let's get out of town? And so we moved south farther away from the city and built something. That's been a big deal for us. It's been over a year of us doing this and we finally just moved in actually. Which is awesome! But that, being between homes, which is why we haven't recorded the episodes for the podcast.- Well, all of our stuff was packed away in boxes and, seriously, the moment that podcast box came out and we started unboxing it, we both got super excited of the potential. Okay, how long is this gonna take? Let's start setting up now.- Yeah, so we kind of got the table set up, we got our spot in the room set up, and we were like, okay, let's start planning. And that's what we've been doing.- So for all of you who have been following along on social media and seeing those couple of times we said, "Hey, we're gonna start," and then it stalled, sorry, we're so sorry. But here we are.- We love you. Thank you for waiting.- We're here, we're so excited about this season. And we've had a lot of fun brainstorming, trying to figure out what can we bring, for your guys' sake to enjoy this podcast and to learn some stuff along the way, learn stuff about us, but also just take what we share and apply it to your marriage or evaluate where you're at in your relationship with your spouse and say, "God, what do you want? What do you want from us?"- Well, and what I'm excited about with this episode is, we kind of wanted everyone listening just to know that things happen. Like we can have all of these expectations for ourselves or these plans, we can kind of want something for ourselves and for others, something that's good. And just sometimes things get in the way and that's okay. It was hard for us 'cause there was many times we were like, man, we were on such a momentum, we were having such a momentum, we were excited about it and just, we couldn't do it. And so now we're excited to do it again. And we hope that you're encouraged by us starting back up and showing that even though you don't do what you want, you can get back up and you can try, try, and try again. Is that a song or something like that? Sorry.- Okay, so in getting them excited about what they might hear along the way, why don't you share what we've brainstormed for them?- We have some topics. We have some topics on money and even cryptocurrency, 'cause that's a thing now and everyone's into it. I'm into it.- You just went straight for that, huh?- I did, yeah.- You just want them to get super excited, okay. So we're gonna talk about money, inflation, all these different things that affect marriage, okay.- Yeah, our journey with pornography or against it, I should say.- Where we were and where we are today.- Yeah, and how to slow down when life feels so fast, which is another thing that we've felt. We have kids just growing up really fast and it feels too fast actually. And then an episode, we actually got this topic from someone from the audience, about past baggage, things from our past and how it affects us. And there's many topics like that.- Just a reminder for all of you listening that we don't come with all this authority in all these areas. This is just things that we've learned along the way that we wanted to kinda just talk about with you guys. And so it's not like a how to do X, Y, Z for a perfect marriage. It's more just like, here's what's going on and here's what we've learned or here's what we're struggling with.- Can I say something funny about that? Whenever someone asks me, "Hey, what do you do for a living?" I'm always like, "Uh, well my wife and I write books and we encourage people in their marriages and their faith." And they're like, "Oh marriage, huh?" And I immediately have to tell them like, "Well, we're not like marriage experts or anything."- Yeah!- We use marriage as a way of encouraging people. We just like to share what God's doing in our life. But what you're saying is true, we're not coming as marriage experts. We're coming to just share what God's doing in our marriage. We believe that God loves marriage and we like to use our marriage as a catalyst to encourage people to grow closer to God and to their spouse.- Definitely.- And get in the Word of God. And so, that's what we do.- Awesome. So I hope you guys can look forward to hanging out with us this next season. We have 12 episodes coming at you. And we also added a cool little feature of a Weekly Challenge. Something that you guys can engage with your spouse with and hopefully we'll have some fun doing it too.- That's gonna be awesome. So this episode, "Keeping marriage strong during life transitions," why does that matter to try and keep your marriage strong during transitions? Is that an opportunity for it to get weaker or to drift apart or for contention to come in?- Well, always. Our flesh is always being tempted and tried, right? When we say transition, we're talking about that process or period of time where life is changing. There's things shifting, there's that space between one another where circumstances come up and we get tried in how we respond to those circumstances.- I also look at it as like, we get seasons of comfort where we kind of we know each other a bit and we have our ways of being, we have our routines, we have our thought processes, and they've just gone parallel with each other. And then in any sort of transition or turmoil, those connections that we have get tested. And it's like, there's this drawing of like, a pulling, a tugging on each other because we get tried in new ways. And so that area of comfort gets totally shaken. And that's where we're trying to encourage in this episode, is what happens in that mix.- So we've been in a huge life transition for the last 10 months and we know that many other people and other families have been through so many different life transitions. Housing moves, across this country moves, job moves, having babies, losing babies through miscarriage, school changes and just so much more.- And some of these shifts may have been like just really small and micro and you don't notice them but over time they build up, and the effects on you and others, and you may be still feeling those effects as well.- Yeah.- And so our heart is to speak into that a little bit, I think.- Also just launching this season, season six of "Marriage After God," we're entering into that transition from summer to fall. So everyone is just feeling that.- Like a seasonal transition?- Yeah.- Episode about transition?- The season of pumpkin spice or bust, right?- I'm not a big fan of pumpkin spice but I know there are people that love it. So if that's your thing, cool. I'm a black coffee guy, so.- I'm like a pumpkin pie or bust.- I could do pumpkin pie. Yeah, and pumpkin spice cake. Okay, so I can do pumpkin spice in some ways but not in my coffee, for sure.- Okay, so our life transition, let's start there. We sold our house last year and moved out in October and had this dream of building a home together, which we thought was going-- Which naively, we thought it was gonna happen way faster.- We thought that that was going to be a lot faster than what happened. And there were some hangups along the way for different reasons. I know one of them was just getting our permit to build took a lot longer than we thought. Lots of hangups from COVID and, you know-- Well then it starts snowing and that just slows everything down. So, it's not like it's anyone's fault. I think there's probably people laughing that are listening that have gone through this process. 'Cause there's always this thing, is like, oh, it's always gonna take longer than you think.- It's always gonna cost more than you thought.- And I'm an idealist and I'm like, no, it's gonna happen faster. And it's gonna be cheaper. Nope. That's exactly what everyone says, longer and more expensive. But, it's fine.- The cool thing about what happened was God just led us through a huge time of being humbled, having to rely on his resources and-- And the church.- The church.- We had friends that invited us in and helped us and were with us along the way.- We also took a little trip with the kids. I say a little but it was like-- It was huge.- Six or seven weeks. And it was really incredible just to have that time together as a family. That was one of the things we planned for and we thought when we were coming back, we'd be coming to a house and that wasn't what happened. And so, having to shift gears in the moment and be okay with that was a big deal to me. I think God taught me a lot about flexibility.- Yeah, so speaking of flexibility, how many houses have we lived in since October?- Yeah, it was over 30. But again, we took that trip and we stayed in Airbnbs, we stayed at parents' houses, we-- Friends' houses, trailer.- Yeah. It's been very interesting, to say the least.- I've actually really enjoyed it. It was long and I did want to be in a house, but it was actually really cool seeing how our kids and how we were able to do it, that flexibility. I think our kids are gonna just look back and be like, oh, we could do anything almost.- I hope so.- I hope they think that. That's not to say it wasn't difficult. That's not to say that we didn't have hard times. That's kind of what we're talking about. But I really enjoyed it, I wouldn't trade it. I wouldn't, I know you would.- No, no, no. I'd maybe trade parts of it.- Parts of it, yeah.- But no, it was good. Okay, so what was the hardest part of that whole transition, kind of living nomadically, displaced, not having a solid home, place to call home?- For sure, for me, the hardest part of that 10 months of just not having a single place with all my things where they go with all that stuff was routine and consistency just disappeared. It was gone. Now I probably could have tried harder in the midst of this stuff and kept something. There was times I tried that, but man, I feel like I lost all forward momentum with like exercise and diet and being in the Word and all these things that were just part of my daily routine. I'm having to fight for that again right now. What about you?- I think for me it was, if I put it in simplest terms, the setup and take down of each place we stayed at, even during traveling, it was like I'd go in and-- Yeah, it was rough.- Bring all of our clothes in or whatever we were using, and sometimes it was just a couple of days between places. And so, I felt really exhausted.- That was rough.- Yeah.- Just to go back, one of the things that I really regret dropping the ball on was not being consistent with our family Bible time. And that's something I've been trying to regain again since we've been in the house and even before that, like just working really hard at getting my family back into being in the Word of God every morning as a family. So I'm sad that that happened, it did, but we're working on it.- Something that I noticed between us personally in our marriage was usually we'd have these kind of routine dates where we'd vision cast or share, like, okay, what's on the agenda, what are we working towards, you know, goals? And I noticed that that kind of got put on the back-burner and neither one of us really brought it up for a while. And I think it was just 'cause we both felt super overwhelmed by our circumstance that, like, how could we think about the future without this other major thing happening and being final?- It was almost like we were waiting to get over this hurdle before we recouped that. But you can also look at it like we were on a 10 month date. This was like a one long amazing date.- I'll say this, God put something very specific on our hearts to pursue together at the beginning of the year that we've been diligent to work through. And I'm really excited about that.- Oh I think I know what you're talking about.- It's like the one thing that we were working towards aside from building a home. And I'm really excited to share that with everybody. But maybe we'll leave them hanging there for a minute. Or shall we just tell them?- That's up to you.- Okay, so just today, we turned in our manuscript for our next traditionally published book that I've been wanting to write for so long. I'm so excited about it.- And it comes out in the fall of next year.- Yep, so you guys can look forward to that. Do we wanna share what it is or we'll leave that part out?- Let's leave that part out.- All right.- You'll have to find out in future episodes.- Stick with us through three more seasons. No, I'm just kidding. We'll let you guys in on it soon.- So we talked about things that were hard during that transition this last 10 months, almost a year for us. But, like we do with our kids, we don't always just let them do their lowlights. What's a highlight? What's something that just stands out to you, like, man, that was awesome?- Real quick, if you don't know what Aaron's talking about, we will sit around the dinner table and just ask the kids, "Okay, what was the highlight from today?" And some of them will share a lowlight, but we always encourage the highlight 'cause that's the fun part, that's the praise. This is what makes it all worth it.- It's a gift. Yeah. So I think God showed me just really how flexible our family can be and especially our children. They really encouraged me in this area because I just saw them going, going, going, and like nothing was really affecting them the way that it was affecting me. And so there's a big encouragement there. And I don't know, like I said, at the end of it, I was pretty worn out. But in the midst of it, seeing our flexibility as a family, it was really cool. The other thing that was a super big highlight was that six, seven week trip we were on. I can't remember exactly how long it was but we went from here in Oregon across all the way to South Dakota. We got to see Mount Rushmore. We came down through Ohio and stayed with family, which was really awesome. We made it all the way to Tennessee, which we both have wanted to explore for a while.- We almost went to Florida.- We almost went to Florida and decided-- This is towards the end of the trip and we're like, let's go home.- Yeah, that would have been a lot of driving, which already was. We went through Arkansas, which Elliot was so excited 'cause in his history book we were reading about Crater of the Diamonds. And so we got to stop off there for the kids and-- And we hunted for diamonds.- For hours.- It was fun.- Digging in the dirt.- If you're ever in Arkansas, you should go do that. That was a lot of fun.- We made a stopover in Waco, which I'm sure everybody knows what I'm talking about, but I've always wanted to go see the silos at Magnolia, and so we got to do that. And I also hit up a couple antique stores while we were there. So we just got to do a lot. I feel like everyone in the family got to do something.- What state did we see that battlefield? Was that in-- That was in South Dakota.- That was in South Dakota? That was so cool. We got to see actual history, the historic sites of where battles took place. I had a lot of fun doing that.- Yeah.- For me, my highlight was seeing how simple we can live. 'Cause we did. Literally, all of our stuff was in these storage pods. So, we didn't have anything with us. And that was pretty cool. We didn't have any place to put anything, so we just had everything we could fit in our car. We had some buckets of clothes for the kids.- I didn't buy extra clothes throughout that time because I didn't have anywhere to put them. I'd only had the buckets.- So we had one small suitcase for us and we just did a lot of laundry whenever we washed.- We're actually gonna share in another episode on this idea of living simple.- Yeah, and so that was a lot of- It was really cool. I almost said it was a lot of fun. It wasn't always a lot of fun.- It was different.- We did have a lot of fun. But living simple, it's a pretty cool thing to see how little you need. We didn't need much. We had our car and our kids and I had my wife and we were like, let's go!- Yeah, don't forget me.- We did.- Do you think our marriage remained strong during this time?- I think you should answer that first and then I'll answer second.- Okay. My answer is yes and no. There were definitely times that I broke down emotionally because I wasn't getting what I wanted. I wanted to be in a home where I could be where I felt purposeful and doing homeschool the way that I envisioned. And I do wanna just say thank you to you, Aaron, because you were a pillar of encouragement throughout that time, reminding me constantly that we chose this, that this was something that we decided together to make an investment for our family in building a home. And so it rattled a lot of different areas of our life, but you reminded me that we are in it together. And that was really encouraging.- And I have always did it super gently.- Perfectly.- And with self-control and not emotional. No. Yes, I did encourage you. But at the same time, I didn't always do it well. But, we did do it and we made it and we survived. Here we are. I also really quickly just wanna shout out and say thank you to a friend of mine who in the midst of the times I would text her that I was having a hard time, where I need prayer, she asked me this question. She said, "What does God have for you in this?" And I love that question because, if I was ever just thinking about myself or what I wanted, that question comes in and kinda hits you in the face. You're like, oh, wait a minute. This is about him. This is about what his will is for us. And what does he have for me in this? It's definitely not to just complain or grumble or wallow in the emotional side of everything, but it's really to consider what's he teaching me. How is he shaping me? How is he using these circumstances to change my life?- Yeah, what's that old adage? He cares more about our character than he does our comfort. And he uses these opportunities in our life to shape us and mold us. So the question is, do you think our marriage remained strong during this transition? I think our marriage did remain strong. I know you said yes and no, but even when there were emotional breakdowns or discouragement or even regrets, I don't believe those things were evidence of our marriage being weak, but rather a test of our marriage's strength. Because those things come. We as individuals can have weak moments, but those weak moments don't define the entirety of our marriage. So when I look at this, I don't see like, oh, because we didn't perfectly have the right attitude the whole time, we must have been weak. Well, we're in the middle of hard things. We have sometimes hard responses. It doesn't mean that it should be that way, but that happens.- I love your perspective. And I wish it was easier for me to see things that way 'cause I do get stuck in that rut, that way of thinking where-- That you failed or something.- That I failed or something that I didn't do it right. Or here I went through four months and didn't pray like I should have, or been consistent in his Word and didn't respond to the circumstances with perfect attitude-- Perfection, yeah.- Like you said and so I get down on myself. But I love that you are saying this as a testimony of our, strength of our marriage, and how we're able to encourage each other throughout it.- Yeah, times will get hard. Emotions will be high. Regrets will creep in. Fears will manifest.- Yeah.- And this is normal and okay. But if they are walked through with Christ and the Spirit, then those moments of weakness become part of the strength that bonds us.- Yes.- And so, was it always great? Was it always perfect? Was it always peaceful and joyful? No. But I don't see that as evidence of our weakness, as in our marriage being weak. I just see those as normal responses to hard things in life. And it's how we chose to walk those out. That is how we practice that strengthening and that strength that we have.- That's good. Well, what do you think helped our marriage stay strong? Like, what's the practical? What did that look like between us?- You brought it up earlier, remembering that this was something that we wanted and actually looked forward to. There's that verse that talks about counting the cost before you build. Like a builder counts the cost. And we did but it's often it's really hard to actually count the emotional and spiritual cost of something, which is actually more important than the actual financial cost of things, which we should calculate all that. But we chose it, we were like, this is good, this is what we want. This is a good investment. It's gonna be good for our family. It's gonna be long but it's gonna be awesome. But it's so hard to anticipate what the 10 months, 12 months is gonna feel like when you're just looking from your moment in time. So I think just remembering, and like me reminding you and reminding myself, like, well, this is a good thing we're doing. This is gonna benefit our family. And yes, this is hard but it's temporary. And we did want this. We have to remember, we want- This was something that we decided as a family to do.- Yep.- I think that helped us.- Something to add to that list there to what you're saying that I think helped our marriage stay strong is prayer and being able to go to God and say, "Hey, we're feeling weak. Hey, we need help. Hey, this"-- I'd say it's a lot of that.- Yeah, there's ton of prayer. But also friends who saw what we were walking through and supported us in that time in different ways, whether it be prayer or encouragement or letting us stay at their house or just come over and use their shower. And I really appreciated that. I also really appreciated talking to you late at night about how I was feeling and you just listening. Not always having an answer, not always having the ability to fix it, but just being there to comfort one another and support each other in that way. Letting me know that crying is okay. That we shouldn't always cry, right? But-- Yeah, sometimes-- But it's gonna come.- Yeah, it's gonna come. Here's a little tip for you, you husbands out there. I've been trying to practice, I'm not good at this very well because I just wanna give the, here's the answer, here's the fix. But trying to practice saying, like, listening to you in the midst of it and then just saying, "Yeah, that's hard." And then you keep going-- It's called validation.- And then I'm like, "Yeah. Yeah, I totally understand." Which is not easy for me 'cause I may not even understand why it seems hard during that moment specifically. Or I wanna give an answer to that why it's so hard or I wanna give a fix, but I've been trying to practice, "Yeah, that's hard. Yeah, I understand."- You say it sincerely.- I do. Like right now, I'm sounding funny but I have been trying to practice that and it actually helps 'cause then you- The next day you're much better.- Yeah, 'cause I just wanna be heard sometimes. I want you to know what I'm going through. All right. We know that you guys are going through life transitions too and so we wanted to share some verses and scripture that would encourage you today through...- Through your transitions.- Through your transitions. So Aaron, you wanna share the first one?- Yeah, Ecclesiastes.- I only pass that off 'cause I hate saying that, Ecclesiastes.- Ecclesiastes 7:8 through 11, "Better is the end of a thing than it's beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry for anger lodges in the bosom of fools. Say not why were the former days better than these, for it is not from wisdom that you ask this. Wisdom is good with an inheritance, an advantage to those who see the sun.- Okay, when I read this, it was so convicting! It was so convicting 'cause I, well first, just being patient or being proud, it's like in my flesh, I think I know what's right and what needs to happen and how to get it done, but I'm not patient for those things to come about. Yeah, you want the results now rather than waiting for them, knowing that they will come if you continue on.- Yeah, so in my pride, I'm seeing what needs to happen and what I need for my life to be a certain way, and I get angry when it doesn't happen. And I feel really bad about that.- Or if you can't make it happen.- Yeah.- Usually it's like, I can't get this thing to, ugh!- And then being in that place where you think the former days were better and-- That happened quite a few times.- Even our kids say, "I just wanna go back to the old house." There was one time that they said that and-- It breaks our heart because we also missed the old house.- I know, and I almost wonder if they were saying that because they overheard one of us say it.- Maybe.- Yeah, it's just... Do you remember when I encouraged you? For those listening, there was an encouragement I gave to Jennifer during this season, kind of about this idea of always looking backward and always looking forward, but never looking in front of you, like looking right where you're at. Because often we do this in our flesh. We're constantly looking back.- Which in hindsight you can see very clearly.- Yeah, hindsight makes you think that you had all the answers, because it's in the past. And then we're constantly looking forward to the thing that we're anticipating but what that does is, if you're always living in the past and always looking to the future, then you're never experiencing the now. You're never in it now saying, "Okay Lord, I need the strength now. I need patience now, I need your grace now." So that's something that you can be encouraged with is, if you're constantly looking forward or backward, then you're gonna have a really hard time seeing the now.- And being content in that place where God has you in the present.- And in Ecclesiastes, Solomon says, "The only thing you have is today." Not tomorrow, not yesterday. You have today. So let's take advantage of that.- Amen. This next verse is pretty clear. I don't even know if we need to really explain it, but it's Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding." So when your pride does flare up and you do think you know what something should be, being able-- Your understanding.- Yeah, being able to lay that down at the foot of Christ and say, "I'm gonna trust you. If this is what you want me to walk through, I'm gonna trust in you."- What I actually think is funny about this is when we don't trust the Lord with all of our hearts, our understanding is usually, I don't understand. Why is it this way? Why is this happening to me? Which is a telltale sign that we're not trusting in the Lord. Okay Lord, you have a reason. What's going on is your will. I wanna trust you.- Sometimes we can look at life transitions and it can be easy to identify what was hard about that because it's what we complained about or what we focused on the most or what we were-- We felt the most.- What we were frustrated about, yeah. A good thing to practice though in hard life transitions is to take what James tells us to heart. James 1:2 through 3 says, "Count it all joy."- All.- Count it all joy.- Well that all really doesn't mean all. What it really means-- Aaron, stop.- "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." So here's the answer. We go through hard things and the testing of our faith produces steadfastness. We become better.- When we count it all joy. We don't become better when we count it all as suffering or hardship or complaint. But when we counted all joy-- We're able to receive.- Yeah. When we praise God like, okay, thank you for this hard season, teach me what you have for me. Help me in the season. And also what Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there's any excellence, if there's anything worthy of praise, think about these things, having a-- Wait, wait, wait. How can you think about whatever is pure and lovely and commendable when you are stuck in complaining?- Yeah, this isn't lovely. This is not commendable. This is ugly like, yeah.- So is your encouragement that those going through life transitions and it being hard, look for the things that are commendable or-- That's it. Philippians 4:8 tells us that's what we should be thinking about. There might be things that are hard or ugly in the midst of-- Or that we don't understand.- But what in the midst of it is good? What in the midst of it is lovely and pure and excellent and commendable? And so going back to that idea of, hey, we chose this.- Being thankful for it.- Yeah, okay. That's good and commendable, we chose a good thing. These things are also hard.- What happens if you don't choose it and you're going through a hard life transition?- Well, you're gonna be stuck in the, oh, if you didn't choose the hard transition now-- Because you can't rely on saying, "Well, we chose this." It's just something that's happening.- Well that was just one thing in our situation. That was a good and commendable and pure thing to consider, like, oh, this was a choice we made. And that's okay. If it's something that's being done to you, something that you have no control-- Out of your control.- For which, most transitions in life are out of our control.- I know.- In reality. We still think about what's good and commendable and pure. So it's a heart of thanks and thankfulness and looking for the good in God's will and it saves us from so much heartache and frustration. 'Cause the other way, it just leaves us with heartache and frustration.- I recently had re-posted this next verse on my Insta Stories, but I shared a graphic poster that was done by Scripture Type and it's so beautiful. And so I posted it I think on a Friday, Saturday, and that next Sunday, my friend came up to me and was like,- Oh yeah, so pretty.- Hey, I wanted to give you a heads up before I got here, but don't buy that for yourself 'cause I got it for you. And she gave it to me as a gift and I love it so much. So, if you love your friends, stop their stories and then get good gift ideas from that. Okay.- From things they post.- Here it is, Isaiah 48: "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God's will stand forever." And this is just that encouragement that our circumstances are constantly changing and shifts will occur and happen. What we have now will not always be, but what is faithful? The Lord's Word. And we can trust him and we need to be in the Word to be encouraged by it.- Yeah, I like that 'cause the grass withering, the flower fades, this in essence is-- Seasonal.- Well it's saying that sometimes the good things and the beautiful things that you hold onto-- Will come to an end.- They will come to an end.- Yeah.- But that's okay. Everything's gonna burn away. But the Word of God doesn't. And we can stand on that. And so in these seasons that are hard, husbands encourage your wives with the Word of God, which does not change. Remind them of the truth. And then wives, encourage your husbands with the Word of God, which does not change. And it's true.- Yeah. I admit that during our transition, I was not very good at pouring time into reading God's Word. Because we kept shifting so much, there was just no consistency. And I was dipping in here and there, but it just wasn't the same as what it had been. And I was in this cycle of staying busy, and then tired, busy and then tired, busy and then tired, just waiting for my circumstances to change. I can't implement another routine until this one thing is done.- I'll be better when this happens.- Yeah. And so looking forward and pushing everything off until that happened. And I'm just sharing that with you guys so that you don't do what I did. So just learn from my mistake and know that the number one way you can remain-- Constant.- Constant and-- And steadfast.- And steadfast in a season of life transitions is to be in God's Word and to be in prayer. And feeding your mind and your heart and your spirit with him.- Hm mm. We can't hope to remain strong if we're not feeding. Like if you're working out and you don't have the protein and the carbs and all the things your body needs, you're gonna have atrophy and you're not gonna be able to do it. You'd be too tired. It's the same in our spirit. God wants us to- We don't read his Word to earn anything from God. We do it to gain what comes from reading his Word, which is strength and power and steadfastness and authority and purity and all these things and transformation.- Yeah. Speaking of transformation, I've been going to the gym. I've been having a coach walk me through.- Jennifer's taken on all the things that I used to do. And I'm not doing them now and she is.- I had to jump in and do something for my body.- Proud of her.- Thank you. But remember that perspective that you were sharing earlier about just not wallowing in failure and being able to do the next right thing? Well, I had a conviction when I was learning a new lift. My coach encouraged me, he goes, "You're gonna be doing this thing. And while you're doing it, I'm gonna walk you through areas you can improve, like micro movements."- You love that when people tell you like how you should be better and-- What Aaron is saying is I don't like being told what to do. Okay, ha! I get it. But for the sake of lifting properly, I'm trying to pay attention to everything he's saying but I love that he came and gave me that encouragement first that, what he said was is, "Don't think about how you're doing it wrong. Just listen to me as you go and try and make adjustments to do the right thing." And as he is talking, I'm immediately thinking about God saying this to me about a conviction that I've had about my prayer life, especially during this life transition and being in his Word. And it's like he was saying to me, "Don't wallow in failure that you didn't"-- Do it right.- Do it right throughout this transition but I want you to do the next right thing. I want you to make adjustments. And so I have been taking those steps and I've been feeling so much better, so much closer to the Lord. And so I just wanted to encourage you guys that if you're in a place where you're like, well, I haven't been doing it right, or I see myself as failing, just pick up right now and do the next right thing. Make those adjustments that you need to do.- Hm mm. Yeah, that's really good. I'll leave it at that.- Okay then.- So even though we've been talking about life transitions and how circumstances can shift our lives and our routines up, other words that define transition are growth, development, progress, transformation. Like what you were talking about. We can look at these seasons of our life as negative things or hard things, like, oh, I hate when change comes or this is too hard, I wish we can go back to our comfort that we had. But that's really what a transition is, is going from, you got comfortable-- And now you're not.- Now you're not!- I was gonna say, when I go through life transitions, I don't feel like there's development or progress or transformation. Like you don't feel those things in the midst of it.- No, but if we don't recognize it, we might, as the Bible says, kick against the goads. We're trying to be led a certain way. The idea by being kicking against the goads is that the oxen would have a goad on their heels so that if they kicked to fight against where they're being led, it would hurt them. And it said, "No, you're gonna go where I want you to go." And so we could kick against the goads and then we won't. We'll just remain in our old way of thinking, our old way of being our old comforts. When I think God wants to use everything in our life to grow us and transform us and mature us.- So what you're saying is we need to remain humble and teachable.- Pliable.- And pliable and-- And joyful and count it all-- Count it all joy.- Count it all joy, yeah.- Philippians 3:12 says, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect but I press on to make it my own because Christ Jesus has made me his own." And this is the why we do what we do as Christians. This is why we counted all joy. We choose to be faithful and rely on God because Christ has made us his.- And it's not that we've already obtained any of it, but we press forward, we press on to what God has for us. So the perspective we hope to leave with you today is seeing how our life transitions move us toward growth, as we choose to do what is right, as we respond to those circumstances. When we change the way we think about them, we change the way we receive them and walk in them, I think we can- I don't think. We will grow and we'll mature and we'll be better for it. Amen?- Amen.- Weekly Challenge, 'cause this is the end of it. We're gonna do a challenge-- Ding, ding, ding, ding!- This is a new thing.- I feel like we need a little insert of chimes or something.- Some noise.- This week's challenge is to play game together. You might have one already that you can use. You could borrow one from a friend or just go buy it. Hit up Amazon.- If you don't have any games, you should go. 'Cause we've known friends that don't like games.- You don't have to like games to play it-- But you should own some.- You should have some. Okay, so here are just a couple that you could play with just two people. Chess, checkers, Scrabble. Card games, like War. But if you wanna be more active, pickleball is one of my favorite right now. I love pickle ball.- Volleyball is fun too but you need a few more people I think.- Yeah, probably. I mean you could volley but just with the ball.- Oh yeah.- You could play Catch.- That's true. So the challenge this week is get out or in and play a game with your spouse.- It'll be fun, I promise.- So Jennifer, we're gonna keep doing this and we always have done this. Will you close us in prayer?- Yes. Dear Lord, thank you for the transitions of life. Thank you for walking us through different seasons and circumstances to show us areas of our lives you want us to grow in. The varying seasons of life help us to learn to be patient. And they also teach us to be content where we are. Lord, we know transitions and changes will always come. Some may be anticipated and some may be unexpected. Some may even be tragic. But in all these things, please teach us to rely on you, to run to you for our hope and to remain in your Word, to sustain us and strengthen us. We pray for the husband and wife listening right now. We pray you would be their shelter and their strong tower. We pray they would walk in thanksgiving and joy during whatever transitions they're currently going through or about to enter into. Lord, you are so good. We love you and we ask that you would help us to keep in step with your Holy Spirit no matter what life brings. In Jesus' name, amen.- Amen. We love you all and we look forward to having you for our next episode next week.- Thank you for joining us for another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast.- If you found today's episode fun and encouraging, please take a moment to share it on social media or in an email to some of your married friends.- Also, would you please take a moment and leave us a review? Reviews help to spread the word about our podcast.- Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. And you can always check out more of our resources at marriageaftergod.com.- You can follow us on social media for more marriage encouragement on Facebook and Instagram @MarriageAfterGod, @HusbandRevolution and @UnveiledWife.- We hope you have an incredible week and look forward to sharing more with you next week on the "Marriage After God" podcast. ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪ ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪Weekly Challenge:Play a game together - you might have it already, you can barrow it from a friend or go buy it! Chess, checkers, scrabble, card games like war, more active pickle ball or horse or catchPrayer:Dear Lord, Thank You for the transitions of life. Thank You for walking us through different seasons and circumstances to show us areas of our lives You want us to grow in. The varying seasons of life help us to learn to be patient and they also teach us to be content where we are. Lord, we know transitions and changes will always come, some may be anticipated and some may be unexpected, some may even be tragic, but in all these things please teach us to rely on You, to run to You for our hope and to remain in Your Word to sustain us and strengthen us. We pray for the husband and wife listening to this right now. We pray You would be their shelter and strong tower. We pray they would walk in thanksgiving and joy during whatever transitions they are currently going through or about to enter into. Lord, You are good. We love You and ask You to help us keep in step with Your Holy Spirit no matter what this life brings.In Jesus’ name AMEN!  Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

The Passover feast was established by God to the Israelites in the time of Moses. It was a symbol of the Lord's deliverance of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. The feast was celebrated each year to remember the Lord's faithfulness and provision. The Passover feast had a number of components, including the sacrificing of a lamb, the eating of unleavened bread, and the drinking of wine. All of these components had great symbolic meaning in the Passover feast. In the New Testament, Jesus Christ is seen as fulfilling each of these components of the Passover feast. Jesus is seen as the ultimate Passover Lamb, whose sacrificial death was the fulfillment of the Old Testament sacrificial system. In the Book of John, Jesus refers to himself as the "bread from heaven" and the "true bread of life." In doing so, he is referring to the unleavened bread that was part of the Passover feast. Jesus was referring to himself as the spiritual sustenance that his followers would need in order to survive in a hostile world. Finally, Jesus refers to himself as the "true vine" in the Book of John. In doing so, he is referring to the wine that was part of the Passover feast. Jesus was referring to himself as the source of spiritual sustenance for his followers, which would give them strength and courage to live for him. Jesus fulfilled the Passover feast in his life, death, and resurrection. In his life, he lived a perfect life of obedience to the Father and set an example for us to follow. In his death, he sacrificed his own life as the ultimate Passover Lamb, fulfilling the old sacrificial system. In his resurrection, he demonstrated victory over death and the promise of eternal life for all who believe in him. The Passover feast was established to remind the Israelites of the Lord's faithfulness and provision. In Jesus, the fullness of the Passover feast is seen and fulfilled. He is the ultimate Passover Lamb, the bread of life, and the true vine. Through him, we can experience the ultimate deliverance from slavery to sin, and have the hope of eternal life. - [Jennifer] Welcome to the Marriage After God podcast. - [Aaron] We're your hosts. I'm Aaron - [Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer. - [Aaron] We've been married for 14 years. - [Jennifer] And we have five young children. - [Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other. - [Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together including our newest book "Marriage After God," the book that inspired us to start this podcast. - [Aaron] "Marriage After God" has a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose. - [Jennifer] to reflect his love. - [Aaron] To be a light in this world. - [Jennifer] To work together as a team. - [Aaron] Using what he has given us. - [Jennifer] To build his kingdom. - [Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey. - [Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together. - [Aaron] This is Marriage After God. - [Aaron] Hey, welcome back to the final episode of season five. We're Aaron and Jennifer Smith. - [Jennifer] Your host of Marriage After God. - [Aaron] And we're glad to have you. I hope you've enjoyed this season. All the various episodes we've had. It's been awesome. And I know that even though this is the last episode of the season, we wanna let you know that we will be back. So this isn't the end. We've been trying to do, I mean, we have five kids now we're doing a lot of things on the other side of this microphone and we're just trying to give ourselves breaks between seasons so that yeah we can bring you the best content and we don't get burned out ourselves because it's a lot of work being parents and doing this podcast. - [Jennifer] So you guys can expect us to begin seasons six in the fall, early fall, unless for some reason we're able to do it sooner. And if you wanna know when it will launch be sure to sign up for our daily prayer emails because we use those every once in a while to share information like when a new season's launched and you can sign up for that at https://marriageafterGod.com or you can follow us on social media. - [Aaron] Not or and. And follow us. Yeah. We like to post when we're gonna be doing new episodes. So follow us there. Speaking of seasons, we're just about in spring. - [Jennifer] We're in one of my favorite. Yeah, this is one of my favorite seasons. I love springtime. I love the change of crisp, warm. It's like crisp, cold warm weather. - [Aaron] Well, today when the clouds covered the sun it was cool and then when the sun came out, it was warm. It was awesome. - [Jennifer] Yeah it was awesome. And just the signs of life coming back. My passion for gardening comes back. 'Cause I take a break in the winter. - [Aaron] It begins to bloom. - [Jennifer] Yeah. Super fun. Hopefully you guys are gardening. Get your hands in the dirt a little bit. If you aren't, I just wanna encourage you to do that. It's a great learning tool for your children. Me and the kids like to get out there and we'll just look at stuff, growing and talk about it and pull weeds. - [Aaron] There's nothing better, I think than eating something that you grew. - [Jennifer] Yeah, it is pretty awesome. - [Aaron] When we get the tomatoes, it's like my favorite. - [Jennifer] Pretty cool. So anyway, spring I love it. - [Aaron] We're here. - [Jennifer] I was just thinking for some reason, I don't usually wrap up in a blanket to podcast with you, Aaron but I'm wrapped up in what we call the cuddle blanket. And I was just thinking that we've had this blanket for a really long time. I remember buying it right before we had Elliot and none of our kids have been attached to a blanket, a blankie or whatever. And which is fine. It doesn't matter if they did or not. But I was just thinking how they aren't but I am because this cuddle blanket has been everything to me. And the longer I have it, the more connected I feel like what would happen if I lost this? I dunno. - [Aaron] All the kids like it too. They play with it. This is the blanket they want when they're on the couch with everyone. - [Jennifer] Sometimes every once in a while. - [Aaron] So Jennifer has a blankie. - [Jennifer] Sometimes when I'm tucking the kids one of the kids to bed, they will ask me will you go get it and put it on top of me. - [Aaron] Do they call it the cuddle blanket too? - [Jennifer] Well just started calling it the cuddle blanket go get me the cuddle blanket. True, he likes to sit on the couch with me, but he is always chilly. And so he'll bring me the blanket. Yeah like mom come cuddle me anyway. - [Aaron] It's like their cue or cue like, okay. - [Jennifer] I have it right now. And I was just thinking if anything happened to it I don't know what I would do. It's like not replaceable. Now I feel for all those little kids who had a blanky and in it got tattered and washed to many times. Anyway that was a side tangent. - [Aaron] Yeah. Hey, I just wanted to thank everyone that if you've been one of our share warriors sharing on your social media or with a friend or an email or a text message about our podcast, we just. - [Jennifer] Thank you. - [Aaron] You guys are awesome. We've been seeing so many people posting about it and just sharing their favorite episodes. And if that's one of you and if you're listening right now we just wanna say, thank you. You've really blessed us this season. - [Jennifer] Also at the end of this episode would you guys please take a moment to leave us a star rating review or even a written review. Maybe if you've been following along this whole season, you can mention, what this season has meant to you. The reason that we ask that you guys do this is is just because when it comes to algorithms and people finding the Marriage After God podcast these ratings and reviews helps so much and they also bless us. So I just wanted to also give one final thank you to those of you who have posted a review or send out those rankings. So thank you to those of you who have and to those of you who have yet to do it please do that at the end of this episode. Thank you. - [Aaron] Yeah. Also with the thing, the free thing that we always talk about, we've been promoting it quite a bit this last season is the marriage prayer challenge. Since we're gonna be taking a break and if you haven't done this yet, this is the perfect opportunity for you to do it. It's completely free. And it's an email that we send you every day for 31 days, just reminding you to pray for your spouse. And we also give you a specific topic to pray for and some scripture to go with it. So we wanna bless you with that. It's completely free. We love making these kinda resources that you can access and that just encourage you on a daily basis. It's https://marriageprayerchallenge.com. And also while I'm at it I'll just tell you about parentingprayerchallenge.com for you, moms and dads, to take a challenge to pray for your sons or daughters or both. - [Jennifer] Cool and lastly, just in this beginning part, before we jump into today's topic. - [Aaron] Lastly, lastly, lastly lastly. - [Jennifer] Every once in a while, we'll share a resource, something that's encouraged us or inspired us on our, for so many different things. I was gonna say journey but it's really just life. Specifically for today's topic of Jesus being our Passover. There's two books that I wanna recommend. "A Family Guide to the Biblical Holidays," which at the end also includes some homeschool unit studies, which is pretty cool. So if you homeschool that could be something you guys are interested in and then another one called "Messiah "and the Feasts of Israel." So I know there's a ton more out there and it's good just to share resources. So there you go. - [Aaron] So as we start this topic, which was, this topics coming up because what's coming up. - [Jennifer] I was gonna say, we like Jesus. We like to talk about him. - [Aaron] Yeah we like talking about Jesus. But what's coming up soon? - [Jennifer] Well, we grew up celebrating Easter-- - [Aaron] Or resurrection Sunday. - [Jennifer] Resurrection Sunday and I think a lot of people listening go yeah yeah. And it was a pivotal time in the year that we celebrated specifically Jesus' death and resurrection. And for a lot of other people they would celebrate Passover. - [Aaron] Yeah. Specifically Jewish people. But there's a lot of people also that celebrate that aren't Jewish, but that and what we celebrate on resurrection Sunday have a lot to do with each other. And there's amazing symbolism and imagery in the Passover feast that point to Jesus in so many powerful ways. And so much of the Bible is that way. So much of the old Testament specifically is pointing to Jesus. And so much in the new Testament is pointing back to Jesus this idea of Christ centric that Christ is the substance. And we'll talk about that but that's why I wanna talk about this because that day that holiday's coming up soon and it's so important to know what the Bible says about Jesus and all these different pictures in the Bible. - [Jennifer] Yeah. There's actually seven biblical feasts that are split up in the spring months and the fall months. And each one is not only does it foreshadow Christ and symbolize his testimony in special ways but the first four, he has already fulfilled in their timeline, which I think is amazing and incredible. And I'm just gonna leave that right there for you listeners, go research that if you haven't done that, go research that. So it'll be interesting to see how God and Jesus fulfill the fall ones. - [Aaron] Yeah. And just to give a little insight of what you're talking about. So they have these feasts throughout the old Testament that God gave to the Israelites to commemorate certain things that he did for them. But when Jesus came, he actually fulfilled the purpose of those feasts in his life, death and resurrection. And so that's what you're talking about but fulfilling them. And so, yeah, although keeping the feasts, by the way and the ceremonial laws are not something that Christians are supposed to observe. It's not a part of our salvation. The are things that we could totally choose to do. There's no prohibition of it, but it's not necessary for our salvation. It's not necessary for our walk, but there's definitely something that we can and should look into and understand about these feasts because they tell us and help us understand that the mystery of the gospel - [Jennifer] And also the heritage of our savior. - [Aaron] Oh yeah, 'cause our savior is a Jew. He's Jewish. I think as Christians, we forget that. That Jesus was himself, a Jew celebrated all of these feasts and festivals, adhered to the law of God himself. And that's awesome. And so I just wanna read real quick, Colossians 2:17. It tells us "These are shadows of the things to come "but the substance belongs to Christ." So all of these things that God gave to the Israelites, the feast, the ceremonies, the things that they were to do were shadows. And so the shadow, isn't the thing. So if there's a tree casting, a shadow the shadow is not the tree. The tree is the tree. And so we have these shadows that they point to the substance, the substance is Christ. The thing that cast the shadow is the savior. And so when we see these feasts, we see the shape of the savior and that's what we're gonna see in the Passover. - [Jennifer] Okay. Okay. But this is a marriage podcast, Aaron. So I mean, why are we talking about this? - [Aaron] Well, first of all, we it's called marriage after God. So we like to talk about God and I like to look at it as we're not necessarily a marriage podcast. We are a gospel podcast and we'd like to use our marriage to present the gospel. - [Jennifer] I like that. - [Aaron] I don't know that that's how I look at it. Marriage is something that God's given us and we use it as a tool for him. And what a powerful thing that he's given us, is our marriage that we can grow and learn and be used for each other in our growth. I know that's so, yeah, it's our marriage. Also. I think about how we talk so much in our marriage about God, about things we learned in the Bible about things that we're reading things that we're thinking about, things that we see in the news, things that we hear we're like, Hey, what do you think of this? And we have, so it's actually the most important part of our marriage. It's the largest part of our marriage. And it also helps our marriage be strengthened and grow and we learn each other. So talking about God, talking about these things in your marriage is super important. - [Jennifer] Good, we, okay. So that's really good, really great. I like throwing those questions at you and see what you have to say. You're encouraging. We just wanna let you guys know we hope that this episode encourages you. We hope that it teaches you something maybe you didn't know before stimulate the conversation with your spouse like Aaron said, and just get your heart focused on what God has done and what he's doing. Because like you already mentioned, we're going into this season very soon of Passover and Easter and remembering what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross. It was death and resurrection. - [Aaron] So the name of this episode is Jesus is the Passover. And so the question is, is did we just come up with that? Or does the Bible say that? - [Jennifer] Well, first Corinthians 5:7 says "For Christ our Passover lamb has been sacrificed." - [Aaron] So Paul tells us and shows us that Christ is the Passover lamb. So our savior is our Passover. He's saved us from the wrath of God. That's what this is essentially talking about. - [Jennifer] So today we're gonna just talk about we're using this scripture to kind of set us up but we're gonna be talking about the correlations that we see in this Jewish feast and what Jesus has done. So let's start by taking a little history lesson the Passover, what was it? And why did it happen? - [Aaron] Well, if your note on this timeline is correct. It was about 3,400 years ago, which is a long time. - [Jennifer] A really long time if you think about it in light of family tradition. So I think about things in my childhood or things that I've seen other people do that are family ingrained family tradition. And they've been through the decades. - [Aaron] Have they lasted 3,400 years? - [Jennifer] That's what I'm saying is that's a crazy long time to continue to do something - [Aaron] One it just shows you that this feast this tradition that the Jews today still celebrate pretty much the same way. It's always been celebrated since it happened. And what we're gonna read about in Exodus chapter 12, it shows that it's not founded in anything earthly. It's something that God gave them. And so they still have it, which is a pretty amazing thing. So let's read it. It takes us back to the book of Exodus. I'm starting in chapter 12, verse one. And this is where the Passover feast began. And this is actually where a lot of things began actually. - [Jennifer] I was just gonna set up. So God's people had been in Egypt for like 400 years and became slaves. So, okay now go. - [Aaron] Yeah. And so God comes to Moses and says I want my people to be free. And so he commissions Moses to go talk to Pharaoh and God gives them 10 plagues to help convince Pharaoh to let the people go and to show his glory and his might and his power. And we're about to read about the 10th plague. And so leading up to this, the first nine plagues didn't really as you would say, touch the Hebrews. So everything was affecting the Egyptians but not necessarily them, but this plague, the 10th plague had the ability to touch anyone who didn't follow the ritual that God gives them, the command that God gives them to be saved from this plague. So let's start in verse one of chapter 12. "The Lord said to Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt "this month shall be for you the beginning of months. "It shall be the first month of the year for you. "Tell all the congregation of Israel that "on the 10th day of this month, every man shall take a lamb "according to their father's houses, a lamb for a household. "And if the household is too small for a lamb "then he and his nearest neighbors shall take according "to the number of persons, according to what each can eat "you shall make your count of the lamb. "Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male, a year old. "You may take it from the sheep or from the goats "and you shall keep it until the 14th day of this month. "When the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel "shall kill their lambs at Twilight. "Then they shall take some of the blood "and put it on the two door posts "and on the lintel of the house, in which they eat it. "They shall eat the flesh that night "roasted on the fire with unleavened bread and bitter herbs. "They shall eat it. "Do not eat any of it raw or boiled in water "but roasted its head with its legs and its inner parts. "And you shall let, none of it remain until morning. "Anything that remains until morning you shall burn. "In this manner you shall eat it with your belts, "fastened your sandals on your feet "and your staff in your hand "And you shall eat it in haste. "It is the Lord's Passover for, I will pass through the land "of Egypt that night, and it will strike all the firstborn "in the land of Egypt, both man and beast "and on all the gods of Egypt, I will execute judgments. "I am the Lord. "The blood shall be a sign for you. "on the houses where you are. "And when I see the blood, I will pass over you "and no plague will be fall you to destroy you "when I strike the land of Egypt." So we have Passover being instituted, right now to save the Hebrews from their firstborn being destroyed. God's gonna go destroy the first born of everyone in Egypt, unless there's blood over their doors. This is the beginning of Passover. And so we see pretty closely or pretty quickly the symbolism and what's happening. Salvation - [Jennifer] Yeah. I mean, overall, there's this picture of people in bondage and a miraculous rescue by God. And we can say there is the same picture in the gospel that we're all familiar with. People in bondage to sin and God providing a miraculous rescue. This is just like the overall big picture theme. - [Aaron] Yeah and there's-- - [Jennifer] Wait there's so more. - [Aaron] There's so much more. A cool note here. God used the first Passover to be a moment that he started the calendar over. He says, this will be the first month for you of years. So he literally gives them a fresh start. Not just that, but it's more than a fresh start. It's a new life. None of us can just go back and be like, Hey I'm just gonna start my life over today. The calendar starts now. - [Jennifer] How many of us have thought let's just start over. Let's just have that time back. - [Aaron] God did that for them. He said, you know what? You've been for bondage for 400 years, but let's just your year starts right now today, new year, new you. You're gonna be, but this is what God does with us when he saves us through Jesus. Behold the old is passed away and all things have become new. There is no more old man. He is dead. There's only the new man, the new creation. This is what we are in Christ. Born again, as Nicodemus would ask Jesus how am I crawl back up into my mom's womb. Yeah. But like, that's what happens. He's like, well, unless you become born again we have this new calendar with Christ. And I just, that was a really cool thing that I noticed is your day start today. - [Jennifer] That's so cool. Okay so the first detail that we're gonna explore here from the Passover is blood, because that was the main thing that God was commanding them to do. And the thing that he gave them to be saved. - [Aaron] Yeah the blood was the thing. It wasn't all of the other things. Of course they had to obey but it was the blood that he would see. That was the sign was the blood over the door. - [Jennifer] I was gonna say, just as a reminder, Exodus, 12:13 says "The blood shall be assigned for you "on the houses where you are. "And when I see the blood, I will pass over you "and no plague will be for you to destroy you "when I strike the land of Egypt." - [Aaron] Yeah. So I wanna give a question that everyone listening has probably never thought of. And it's just boggles my mind, but it is what it is. Why is blood necessary for saving us? Well, Hebrews 9:22 says, "Indeed, under the law "almost everything is purified with blood. "And without the shedding of blood "there is no forgiveness of sins." And I just asked myself, why is blood the thing, okay? But it is. So we see Adam and Eve when they sinned, God said surely in the day that you ate that tree you're going to die, but what happened? Instead of them dying, God sacrificed an animal and covered them with skins of an animal. So there was this substitutionary atonement. That's the theological term for this. Instead of them dying, something else died. In Egypt, it was the Lamb's blood on the door, in the temple it was the blood of the sacrifices that atoned for the sins of the people. And ultimately all of this points to the fact that although blood is required for the forgiveness of sins, we have the will of God that he says it's not God's will that any should perish but that all would come to the knowledge of Christ. So he doesn't want our blood, but the blood is necessary. And in reality, what's the truth about our blood versus Christ blood? - [Jennifer] Well, his was perfect. His was the only one capable of doing this miraculous thing. - [Aaron] Yeah. So no animals, blood, no other human beings blood could cover any one sin let alone the whole sin of the world. But Christ's could the blood that he shed, makes white as snow, the blood that he shed, covers everything, covers every sin. And that's just amazing. I just wanted to point that out that Christ blood is more powerful even than Lamb's blood over the doorpost. - [Jennifer] Yeah. That's awesome. One thing that I did when I was looking into this a while ago is I looked at what's lentil 'cause you hear that word and you're like you assume what it is but just to make sure everyone's listening right now it's so he says to put the blood on the doorposts the two doorposts and the lintel that's just the horizontal beam above the door. And so you get this picture of the two sides and the top covered with blood and Aaron I don't know if you remember this but we did a family Bible time like a year ago or two years ago. And you were teaching the kids and you jumped up and ran to the door to show them where the blood would have been placed. And as you're doing it, you're making the motion and you do it over and over and over again. And the kids finally see, Oh, it's a cross. And I just think that that was so cool that that was all tied together like that visibly. How beautiful, God is so cool that he shows those pictures like that. - [Aaron] It's beautiful. And there's more, there's so many more elements to this that we're gonna see that God's using. Again these are shadows. This is what Hebrews tells us that these are shadows pointing to the substance. - [Jennifer] So let's look at something that we won't find at Passover is that weird to just go there. - [Aaron] Well, we're gonna talk about a bunch of things that you will find but we're starting with something that you won't find. - [Jennifer] Okay. In Exodus 12:8 God tells the people what they must do to save their firstborn from the destroyer. It says "They shall eat the flesh that night "roasted on the fire with unleavened bread." - [Aaron] That's interesting, right? Why unleavened bread? And if you don't know what unleavened bread is, leaven is yeast. You put it in bread and it rises. That's all yeast does. It's the sugars and it makes. - [Jennifer] It makes it all puffy and good. Why we like bread. - [Aaron] We love leavened bread. But God told them to eat unleavened bread. And so leavened here shows us something. So just first and foremost, they need to be ready to go right after eating the Passover which is an amazing thing to think about. God's like, I want you to eat this, but you better eat it in haste 'cause you're getting out of here quickly. So don't linger. Don't take your time. He even tells him to throw the goat or the lamb whole on the fire. Don't take the entrails out. Don't take nothing. He's like cook it. And he's like, then don't take it with you throw it on the fire and let it burn up. It shows you this urgency which is another cool picture. That word urgency. We always bring it up for salvation. But yeast, if you don't have looked back then they didn't have a little packets of yeast. What they would do is they'd put the bread in a bowl cover it in a towel and they'd set out on and the yeast is in the air and it takes time to rise. God's like, no, take it, flatten it out, cook it. - [Jennifer] You'll be fine. - [Aaron] Yeah. But he actually tells them, for seven days. - [Jennifer] To be cleaning it out. - [Aaron] To clean it out of the house, that there'd be no leaven. So on the first day, cleaned it out and then no leaven and they're supposed to eat unleavened bread for seven days. But this is this idea of of urgency quickly that they don't take time. But what other things does leaven represent in the Bible. - [Jennifer] Well it represents sin, pride, unbelief, impurity. - [Aaron] And so God's showing he's like, get it out get all of this out 'cause I'm taking you somewhere new. And I think it also represents this idea of lingering and waiting. Like I was saying, it takes time for bread to rise. And if they would have not done that, they're like, well it's God really, it's almost like an unbelief. It's a waiting rather than doing. I'm not gonna do I'm gonna wait. So I don't know. That was just a little thought I had about leaven 'cause it takes time to get that yeast in the dough. - [Jennifer] So Exodus 12:15 is where it talks about getting the leaven out of your houses. It says "Seven days you shall eat unleavened bread. "On the first day, you shall remove leaven "out of your houses for if anyone eats, "what is leavened from the first day until the seventh day "that person shall be cut off from Israel." So people clean up their homes like Aaron had already mentioned. - [Aaron] They remove everything they sweep it. But this shows us a picture of what Paul tells us in first Corinthians that we too, as believers must clean out the leaven. We gotta let the Lord sweep every corner of our hearts to cleanse us and transform us to remove that leaven from us. I want you to read first Corinthians five seven through eight. - [Jennifer] It says "Cleanse out the old leaven "that you may be a new lump "as you really are unleavened. "For Christ our Passover lamb has been sacrificed. "Let us therefore celebrate the festival "not with the old Leaven, the leaven of malice and evil "but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth." - [Aaron] So he shows us right here, the substance of this thing that God gave the Israelites. He's telling them about bread. We're seeing what he means by it. The unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. Jesus tells us that one day he tells the woman at the well he's like one day my people will worship me in spirit and in truth. And so he's showing us like, hey cleanse out the old leaven that you may be new lump. There's that word new again. But he says, as you really are unleavened. So the reality is is we are unleavened therefore get rid of the leaven. It's like this. And you see this throughout the new Testament a lot. Put the old man to death, continue to kill the old man. You're a new man you've died. So there's this dichotomy of I'm a new creation and I still have an old nature and we're working towards sanctification. But this is something that we get to look at as believers is like, is there any leaven that we're holding on to? That we're not letting the Lord clean out. We're fighting it and saying, well, no I wanna keep that. Paul warns us that a little bit of leaven leaven the whole lump. - [Jennifer] That's so good. We're gonna take this a little bit further. The Hebrew word for what we're talking about, this unleavened bread is called Matzo and it's like a flat bread. I've seen it and used it. It's got holes in it. And it also has like these burned stripes in it which I think is really interesting. It's just from the baking process but Matza is a picture of Christ's body. And so I just wanted to read Isaiah 53:5 It says, "But he was pierced for our transgressions. "He was crushed for our iniquities "upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace. "And with his wounds, we are healed. - [Aaron] And then which, by the way is it-- - [Jennifer] How beautiful. - [Aaron] Is a perfect picture of the gospel right there in Isaiah, thousands thousand years before Jesus give or take I don't know exactly how long it is, but in first Corinthians 11:24, it calls him the bread of life. It says and when he given thanks speaking of Jesus, he broke it and said, this is my body which is for you do, this in remembrance of me. And when he's doing this he's referencing the Passover feast, the last supper. This is referencing him taking the Matza and breaking it. And we're actually gonna learn about the second about what he broke. Why don't you read John 6:35. - [Jennifer] "Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life. "Whoever comes to me shall not hunger. "And whoever believes in me shall never thirst." - [Aaron] This verse is gonna be interesting in a minute about what we're gonna learn next. But this is all pointing to the fact that Jesus is our Matza. He's our bread. He is the bread that they ate on that night was an image of them consuming the bread of life, the savior, which is what we're told to do so - [Jennifer] Real quick. I just, I love you were talking about how, Jesus was at the Passover explaining to his disciples, what it meant. So he is the substance telling them, holding the shadow in his hand, telling them this is me. I just think that's so cool. - [Aaron] Well and the Jews have been doing it for years, decades, generations. And he just told them he was like, this mystery is me. - [Jennifer] The other thing to think about just really quick on it little silly tangent is Jesus grew up doing Passover with his family. And I wonder, I'm not gonna say I wonder how long he knew 'cause he knew, but participating in that way a Passover, knowing what he knew of who he was but not saying anything to anyone until this moment, I don't know. - [Aaron] That's amazing. Who knows if, it blows my mind. So moving on from the Matza, one of the traditions with the Matza during the Passover is a thing called the is it afikoman? - [Jennifer] Afikoman. - [Aaron] Yeah. Why don't you explain what that is 'cause it's a really beautiful thing. - [Jennifer] Yeah. The afikoman is three pieces of Matza that they placed in a special bag. And afikoman is common is actually a Greek word that means that which comes after or people know it as dessert. And in the beginning of the Passover meal they remove the second piece, the middle piece of matza, they break it, they wrap it in white linen, they hide it until the very end and then a child finds it and is rewarded. - [Aaron] If you don't see all the symbols in this, I don't know wat to say. - [Jennifer] I love that it's a child that goes looking for it. - [Aaron] So that was the first thing. When I read about this the first thing I thought of is Matthew 18:3. And Jesus said, "Truly, I say to you "unless you turn and become like children "you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." And up until this point the Jews have been celebrating Passover ever since they left Egypt and the children would find the Matza. The children would look for the bread of life, the broken bread. Think about that. So we just talked about his body being broken and also that three number, God the father, God, the son, God, the Holy spirit. And then you have this picture of them taking the one and breaking it and hiding it for till the end of the meal. And it just makes me think of Jesus being taken from the Godhead because it says he was, separated from the father that he, there was a moment when he the wrath of God was on Jesus for us. And he was broken for our inequities. Okay. And then he was wrapped in linen and hidden for three days. I just. - [Jennifer] I know, I know. And then, so when in my notes when I had put in there that it was a Greek word, Aaron this made you go on a little hunt and this is what you found about the afikomen. - [Aaron] So on Wikipedia, it explains the afikomen this way. It says the Afikomen is a substitute for the Passover sacrifice, which was the last thing eaten at the Passover Seder during the eras of the first and second temples and during the periods of the tabernacle. - [Jennifer] So the last thing during Passover, the last thing that they would eat and consume is. - [Aaron] The Passover sacrifice. - [Jennifer] The sacrifice yeah. - [Aaron] Which ended after the second temple was destroyed of course. So the Talmud States that it is forbidden to have any other food after the Afikomen so that the taste of the Matza that was eaten after the meal remains in the participant's mouth. Since the destruction of the temple and the discontinuation of the Corbin Pesach which is, these are words for the Passover meal Jews eat a piece of Matza now known as the afikomen to finish the Passover Seder meal. So. - [Jennifer] Even in this substitute. - [Aaron] You see this picture yeah. - [Jennifer] Of Jesus being the last thing consumed. - [Aaron] Yeah. And this actually makes me realize I'm wrong. So for generations they weren't doing the Afikomen but they had the Passover lamb that they would eat last which is awesome for a reason. I'm gonna read in a second, but I love this picture of this, the Matza being broken. I love this idea of it being the last thing that they taste 'cause Jesus says about himself in revelation 22:13 He says, I'm the alpha and the Omega the first and the last, the beginning and the end. So they eat the Matza that they're in the meal and then they eat that matza last. And so he's the first and the last he's the beginning and the end. And also once you taste Christ, there is nothing else. There is no more. It's like it is finished as he said on the cross. He said, you'll never hunger again. You'll never thirst again. - [Jennifer] That's a really cool time. You just said, he said it has finished so eating whether it was eating the sacrifice last or eating the Afikomen last it's consuming Christ. And he is blessed. That's wonderful. - [Aaron] It's done essentially. So we talked about the leaven, we talked about the Matza the afikomen. Why don't we move on to the next element that we see in scripture about this? - [Jennifer] So it talks about bitter herbs. Okay. So think like a horseradish. And there's this thing that they do where they dip the matza or the unleavened bread into the bitter herbs to remember, the pain and sorrow and bondage that they once were in. I'll just read Exodus 1:14 "And made their lives bitter "with hard service and mortar and brick. "And in all kinds of work in the field, in all their work "they ruthlessly made them work as slaves." - [Aaron] So this was their life under the Egyptians. - [Jennifer] Yeah. So the bitter herbs serve to remind the Jews that they once were this and their life was bitter. - [Aaron] And this is the picture of the life of a person without Christ. The bitter and hard service and the mortar and brick is building a life in your own building it in your own strength, trying to save yourself and being a slave to sin and death. This is what we are without Christ and it's bitter. And the end of it is bitter as well. The Bible tells us and that our enemy and our flesh and that's this being slave to that sin is as their work was ruthlessly made. It says in all their work, they ruthlessly made them work as slaves. This is what our sin and our flesh and our bondage to it does, which is why Jesus says, my yoke is easy. My burden is light. He gives reference to him being so much better than the slavery that we have without him. - [Jennifer] So in light of this, I wanna remind all of us about a scripture in John and something interesting that I read about. So John 13:22 through 26 says this, "The disciples looked at one, another "uncertain of whom he spoke." So this is them at the Passover meal. "One of his disciples whom Jesus loved "was reclining at the table at Jesus's side. "So Simon Peter motioned to him to ask Jesus "of whom he was speaking. "So that disciple leaning back against Jesus said to him "Lord, who is it? "And Jesus answered it is he to whom "I will give this morsel of bread when I have dipped it. "So when he had dipped the morsel "he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot." - [Aaron] They were wondering who was gonna betray him 'cause you said one of you is going to betray me and they were like, who? Who's gonna betray you. What are you talking about? - [Jennifer] Yeah. But this little part here, about Jesus taking the bread and dipping it. - [Aaron] Into the bitter. - [Jennifer] Yeah this is into the bitterness and that's exactly what Judas was. That was the picture of Judas. Was this bitter betrayal of friendship and intimacy and camaraderie to what he chose instead. - [Aaron] Yeah 'cause he chose the wrong path. And so Jesus, this is I just thought this was when you told me this. I was like, that is amazing that he dipped it into the bitter herbs. 'Cause that's what they did. - [Jennifer] And to take it one step further, Jesus says to take, two believers break this bread in remembrance of him and this is my body and drink the wine which we're about to dive into the cups of wine. But he doesn't say anything about the bitter herbs. And so I feel like him conquering death on the cross was put an end to that. - [Aaron] I think that's awesome because he takes the bitterness away. He's cleansed it now it's sweet. Another verse, Romans 6:17-18, it says "But thanks be to God that you who were once slaves "of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard "of teaching, to which you were committed and having been "set free from sin have become slaves of righteousness." So this idea of the bitter herbs to remind of being once slaves, we know, get the reminder at in communion, which is a picture of this and it's in a sense of, wow, Christ has saved me from all that. He's removed me from that life and put me in this new one. He's taken me from that land and he's putting me in the free land. I'm no longer a slave to sin and death. That is the truth. And so there is no more bitterness. There's joy and peace in the savior - [Jennifer] And hope, lots of hope. I love that. Okay. So I kind of mentioned this already but we're gonna jump into another element of Passover which are four cups of wine that they take in regard to this scripture in Exodus 6:6-7 and I'll read that first and then we'll kind of break it down. "Say therefore to the people of Israel, I am the Lord. "And I will bring you out "from under the burdens of the Egyptians "and I will deliver you from slavery to them. "And I will redeem you "with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. "I will take you to be my people and I will be your God. "And you shall know that I am the Lord, your God "who has brought you out "from under the burdens of the Egyptians." - [Aaron] So we have four cups and the four cups represent the various parts of this verse, these two verses. And so you have the first cup representing the statement I am the Lord, and I will bring you out of, out from under the burdens of the Egyptians and the second cup, I will deliver you from slavery. And the third cup that represents, I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. And then the fourth cup that represents, I will take you to be my people and I will be your God and you shall know that I am the Lord, your God. And so you have these cups that represent these statements. - [Jennifer] Really quick just others may have heard these cups named differently or defined differently just in one word, really simple ways and so I just wanna run through those really quick. The cup of sanctification, the cup of plagues, the cup of redemption and then the fourth cup is I will take you as my people. - [Aaron] Yeah. That's like a longer one, but that's a good one. But what's cool about these cups is we learned some I looked up some scriptures to tie in the imagery that we have as believers in this ceremony of these, four drinks, these four cups. And so the first cup, that represents this statement I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. So in Colossians 1:13, Paul says, "He has delivered us from the domain of darkness "and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved son." So this is what the Lord has done through Jesus. He will bring us out from under the burdens and he's done this through Jesus. And then, so just like God transferred them, he's transferred us. And so we're no longer in that world of darkness. We're no longer in Egypt. We're no longer a part of that system. We're a part of his own kingdom of light. And I just, that's a beautiful picture that you have in that cup. - [Jennifer] I love it. - [Aaron] When we get to drink that cup it's like a one-time we have it in Christ. - [Jennifer] That's good. The second one is I will deliver you from slavery. So Romans 6:22 says, "But now that you have been set free "from sin and have become slaves of God, "the fruit you get leads to sanctification "and it's an eternal life." - [Aaron] We've been set free from sin and death. So again, I wanna just tell everyone I try and reiterate this, realizing this truth in the Bible has been the biggest transformative thing for me. Jennifer, could you attest me. This truth never changed. I changed because of it. - [Jennifer] You believed it. - [Aaron] I believed it finally yeah. That I have been delivered from slavery. I am no longer slave to sin and death. I am now a slave of God. And so I'm not owned by that anymore. I don't have to obey those urges and temptations. And that's the same for every believer in Christ that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God. So the third cup and by the way, this cup which is represents, I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of judgment. This third cup is actually the cup that we take as Christians. This is the cup that Jesus says, take this cup and it remember me when he gives that statement and I'll read it in a second. So in Ephesians 1:7 it says, "In him we have redemption through his blood, "the forgiveness of our trespasses, "according to the riches of his grace." So the cup that we take is this cup of redemption in Galatians 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law, by becoming a curse for us, for it is written, cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree. So Christ pours out his blood. We learn this in Luke 22:19, when Jesus says, it says "And he took the bread. "And when he had given thanks he broke it "and gave it to them saying, this is my body "which has given for you do this in remembrance of me." And likewise, the cup after they had eaten saying this cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood. And I actually think this cup, I might be wrong on this. I think there's a feature of this cup where they actually poured and overflow it on purpose. And it shows that this redemption is over flowing from God. And that's what it's saying. This cup has poured out. It's overflowing like my blood is gonna overflow and it's gonna cover all your sins and make you white as snow. And he says, it's the new covenant. So when we take communion, we're actually participating in this third cup that the Jewish people would partake in. But it's the only part of this ceremony that Jesus has asked us to do is eat the bread, take this cup and remember his body and his blood, because it's what redeems us. - [Jennifer] Yep. The last one says I will take you to be my people and I will be your God and you shall know that I am the Lord your God. Titus 2:11-14 says "For the grace of God has appeared bringing salvation "for all people training us to renounce ungodliness "and worldly passions and to live self-controlled upright "and godly lives in the present age. "Waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing "of the glory of our great God and savior Jesus Christ "who gave himself for us to redeem us "from all lawlessness and to purify for himself, a people "for his own possession who are zealous for good works." - [Aaron] So this last cup, this is what God is doing through Jesus. He's purifying for himself, a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. So this cup, this what they would be drinking is this is being brought into the promised land. This is what we wait for our blessed hope. And there's actually a statement Jesus says, it's not quite in the right order but I think it has something to do with this. He says for, I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until I drink it with you in my kingdom. - [Jennifer] Which makes sense in light of the marriage feast and like. - [Aaron] Waiting for that. - [Jennifer] Yeah. For his people. - [Aaron] That there's gonna come a time that our blessed hope is gonna appear in glory and he's gonna receive us to himself. And so we wait to drink that with him. I'm excited to sit down at a table. It's probably gonna be the best tasting wine. I don't know if it's gonna be actually wining up but sitting with our Lord in his kingdom and his ruling. I'm just so stoked for that. - [Jennifer] So cool. What an emotional thing to have spent, speaking of Jesus like I had already mentioned before, but spending year after year, celebrating the Passover. - [Aaron] And knowing what it means. - [Jennifer] And then getting to this point where it's your last Passover, like with his disciples. - [Aaron] That's a big deal. And he loved them. And so he shared with them who he was and what he was doing and what it means. Not for their sake only but for ours also. That we can know Christ and him crucified which is the gospel. So looking at the pictures in Passover and the symbolism overlay with Christ and what he's done is just incredible. But this is just one of the feasts. So a little side note is like you should dig into some of these, go read them in the Bible and look with the eyes of where is Christ in this? What is he showing me? How is this a shadow of the substance? - [Jennifer] Yeah. Okay. So we've talked about parts of the Passover. Now we're gonna look at that Holy week and the events that took place especially that last week of Christ's life. - [Aaron] Yeah some of these are gonna blow your mind by the way. - [Jennifer] Well, let's see. - [Aaron] Yeah. And we didn't come up with all these like we've done research and we've looked into them. And some of the things that we've read about were like, Oh, when we see the pictures. We don't wanna take credit for everything. We're just gonna present it to you and hopefully you get blessed by it. - [Jennifer] Here we go. Okay. So we've talked about Passover and it being like a family tradition, but what would happen is Aaron when we first started this episode you read Exodus and it said that they should take a lamb for every household. So as a family tradition every household would select a lamb. - [Aaron] Perfect and a year old a male. - [Jennifer] And they would do it at a specific time at the beginning of this week and. - [Aaron] They would live with it. - [Jennifer] Yeah we're gonna get there. I just wanted to point this out. So on that day that they would select the one-year-old lamb was the same time that Jesus entered Jerusalem, greeted with Palm branches and other branches saying Hosanna signifying their desire to make him King. - [Aaron] They wanted to make him King. So what you're saying is they chose their lamb. - [Jennifer] Yes. And this is what we know as Palm Sunday. - [Aaron] Okay so Jesus rides on a donkey. Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest. - [Jennifer] They're cheering for him. - [Aaron] Yep. It's amazing. It's like this big thing, his disciples are like, Oh it's gonna happen. And he's going to be King. They're all thinking this. - [Jennifer] So collectively they've selected their lamb. - [Aaron] And by the way I remember how on was it last episode or two episodes ago about prophecy. - [Jennifer] The last episode yeah. - [Aaron] We were talking about how up to this time they had that they knew that all Jews for the most part had this feeling like, Oh we're in that timeframe. - [Jennifer] Yeah like it made sense. - [Aaron] That the Messiah is coming. So they actually believed that he was the Messiah that was about to be an earthly King for them. - [Jennifer] Which is just crazy how much changed over the course of a few days. - [Aaron] He's coming in and they've selected their lamb. - [Jennifer] Okay. So do you wanna share the next one? - [Aaron] Yeah. So if we're what we're doing is we're doing this parallel of Jesus and the Passover feast. So Jesus comes in and they select him. The Jewish family would select their lamb and bring it into the house, okay? Immediately after he comes into the city which is a really funny thing actually he's like, they're like praising him and their Palm branches and excited and he heads straight to the temple. - [Jennifer] His father's house. - [Aaron] His father's house. - [Jennifer] So the lamb in his father's house yeah. - [Aaron] And what does he do? In one of the gospels that says that he fashions a whip and he goes in and he starts whipping the money collectors, flipping tables. Money's going everywhere. Chickens everywhere, animals everywhere. - [Jennifer] He's cleaning out the leaven. - [Aaron] He's cleaning out the house, right? So he's going in getting rid of the impurities, getting rid of he's cleaning it out, which is I thought you pointed that out to me. And I was like, that's awesome. - [Jennifer] Okay so these little lambs are kept in the homes and they're examined over several days because they can't have any impurities no blemishes, nothing, nothing. And because they are only a year old it just takes that little bit more time to see, I guess I don't know, but it's during this time that, okay, Jesus was selected. He goes into the temple, he clears it out and then he's teaching, but he's also being interrogated. - [Aaron] They're testing him. - [Jennifer] Who? - [Aaron] The Sadducees and the Pharisees, the religious leaders. They're testing Jesus. Seeing if he is who he says he is, if he is perfect. - [Jennifer] Because the lambs must be determined, pure, and perfect in order to continue on with their sacrifice for Passover. - [Aaron] Which leads to the next amazing thing. Thinking about these parallels is that not only does Jesus standing for the religious leaders when they capture him to crucify him he gets grilled by them. But he also gets grilled by the ruling leader. Pontius Pilate. - [Jennifer] Well, he's put on trial and he's scrutinized. - [Aaron] So John 19:4 it says "Pilate went out again and said to them, "see, I am bringing him out to you "that you may know that I find no guilt in him." - [Jennifer] What a declaration. - [Aaron] So yeah, not a decoration of like, I dunno what you guys are talking about. I'm not having nothing to do with this. No. He says I find no guilt in him. And even in Matthew, 26:59, it says now the chief priests and the whole council were seeking false testimony against Jesus, that they might put him to death but they found none. Though many false witnesses came forward. So the religious leaders and the political leaders both found no guilt in him. So if you think about it in the house, the lamb was tested. Was he perfect? Yup. So then Jesus celebrates the Passover meal with his disciples, which I'm not going in order by the way of all these events. - [Jennifer] No, but this does happen where he goes to celebrate the Passover meal together with them. And I just, I can't imagine being one of the disciples experiencing this amazing intimate dinner with my Lord and hearing him talking strangely about breaking the bread and that's his body. And then the wine is somehow his blood, like, okay I'm trying to wrap my head around this, right? But then it actually happening and hearing or seeing and being a part of that whole situation where what Jesus had just said actually happens. Just being one of the disciples, that's crazy. - [Aaron] It didn't, but it almost did. Yeah. I don't even know. We see, we get to look it backwards and see it all in linear but they were experiencing it as it was happening. I couldn't imagine. And so on the fifth day, they would kill the lamb without breaking its bones. This is, what God said kill the lamb without breaking it's bones. Which is by the way exactly how Jesus died. No bone was broken. And the reason that's important is because one of the ways that the Roman soldiers would if they wanted to get through the crucifixions quicker, and you see this, they broke the legs of the thieves on the cross next to Jesus. But when they came to Jesus, he had already died. It says that he gave up the ghost, he gave up his spirit. And so instead of breaking his legs, so that he would suffocate, they just stabbed him in the side with a spear which went through his heart, but he was already dead. So no bone was broken in Jesus's body when he died. Which fulfills again, when we are talking about Jesus fulfilled these feasts. - [Jennifer] This is what we mean. - [Aaron] In his death, he couldn't have controlled necessarily the Romans not breaking his legs other than dying first. So he dies. No bone is broken. He fulfills that ordinance by God in his own body. And so then another note on this, by the way, eating the whole lamb, not leaving anything leftover in John 6:53, Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly I say to you," by the way this is one of the craziest things that Jesus says in the Bible. I think he says, "Truly, truly, I say to you "unless you eat the flesh of the son of man "and drink his blood, you have no life in you." - [Jennifer] Yeah that's kinda weird. - [Aaron] But he says this on purpose and hundreds of his disciples leave him in this moment because of this word. And this is when he looks over at Peter and says are you also not gonna leave? And Peter says, where are we gonna go? You have the words of life, right? But he literally says, unless you eat me and drink my blood and we get it now as Christians, we're like, Oh yeah, communion. We understand it. It's his body and his blood. But he's showing this idea of eating the lamb. - [Jennifer] Which it did the whole lamb and-- - [Aaron] And leave nothing left over. - [Jennifer] Well, what I see is the scripture talks about Jesus is the word. And so we as we believers get to consume God's word and not just parts of it. We get to consume the whole word of God - [Aaron] A side note for everyone listening you should go research the show bread in the temple. - [Jennifer] Yeah talk about pictures. - [Aaron] And learn about the showbread and how it remained fresh and how the priests were supposed to consume all of it and not leave any left. Just a beautiful thing. - [Jennifer] Okay. So that, it's really, really good. - [Aaron] Bring up this part 'cause this part's awesome too. All these parallels they're perfect. - [Jennifer] Okay. So you talked about Jesus being up on the cross. And at that moment, when he was suffering, before he died they reached up, I'll just read it. John 19:29, "A jar full of sour wine stood there. "So they put a sponge full of the sour wine "on a hyssop branch and held it to his mouth." So this was just to try and ease the pain of what he was going through and help them along. But - [Aaron] What's the significance of hyssop. - [Jennifer] The hyssop was used to put the blood over the doorpost in Egypt. That's what they used. And so there's this correlation, this overlap, this picture we see of the hyssop branch being used during Passover. - [Aaron] Interesting. I like all this. So another thing that's amazing. It just blows my mind. Jesus is dying on the cross at the same time as Passover happening. So at 3:00 PM the same time they would have slain the Passover lamb, Jesus was taking his last breath. So they were literally slaying the Passover lamb, Jesus. - [Jennifer] Well, remember they were a busy people that week, because they were there for him when he entered Jerusalem but then they had to select their lambs for Passover. And then there was the whole trial of condemning Jesus. And then he's dying on the cross and they need to get busy preparing for Passover. And so where are they? They're about to go sacrifice their Passover because they don't wanna neglect what God has commanded them to do. - [Aaron] Yeah. If you remember, is it Joseph wanted to take the body of Jesus and they wanted to do it quickly because Passover was about to begin. And they can't bury bodies on Passover. So they had to take him down and they put them in the tomb and you just see all these things happening. You don't realize that what they're doing is they're literally fulfilling the Passover feast in real time with the actual passive relay on the Messiah. - [Jennifer] It's just crazy. I was reading about the Shofar last year and I just came. - [Aaron] Which is the shofar again? What is that? What is a shofar? - [Jennifer] It's the horn that's they blow Yep. For special occasions. And I stumbled upon someone talking about how they blow the shofar during Passover. - [Aaron] Is it to announce it beginning? - [Jennifer] And I remember just sitting there thinking, like if Jesus was on the cross and they were getting ready to start the sacrifice of the Passover lamb and they were blowing the shofar, could he hear it? Or it happening right as he was going, like, there's, it's just, wow. - [Aaron] So Jesus is our Passover lamb. His blood, his sacrifice and resurrection sets us free from bondage of sin. Just like you said, the Jews free from bonds of slavery in Egypt, but better. 'Cause our land that we look forward to is forever. Their land went away. Now they have it again, but it's not permanent. Our land is permanent. We have an imperishable inheritance the Bible tells us. - [Jennifer] John 1:29 says "The next day he saw Jesus coming "toward him and said, behold, the lamb "of God who takes away the sin of the world." I just love that. - [Aaron] Yeah. So John proclaimed him the lamb of God. And he is the lamb. The Bible says who was slain from the foundations of the world. His death is eternal and his resurrection is eternal and his blood is eternal. And the salvation that we received through it is eternal, which is, I don't understand it. So he calls it a mystery but that mystery has been revealed to us. We have the Messiah. His name is Jesus. Yeah. I don't know what else to say about that. - [Jennifer] I wanna say that I recently found a really cool resource at Bible gateway, which shows the Holy week timeline and it uses colored lines running horizontally but then goes up and down in relationship to space and time during that week and each color represents a different person or people group. So like, Jesus will be one line. And then Peter's another line Brown Jesus, Peter's Brown. - [Aaron] Kinda what they were all doing at the time. - [Jennifer] What they were doing and how they intersected at different moments, Judas was black. And it just was a really cool picture. So go to Bible gateway type in Holy week, timeline, visit visualization and you should be able to find it. But it's really cool. - [Aaron] Well, that's what we had to share with you guys about Jesus being our Passover. - [Jennifer] He is our miraculous rescuer and Redeemer. He is he's our savior. - [Aaron] So as we go into this season of Easter or resurrection Sunday, whatever you wanna call it it's to celebrate his death, his resurrection and that he's fulfilled for us the thing that we could not fulfill for ourselves, reconciling us to the father. So to end our last episode of the season would you like to share what you're grateful for? - [Jennifer] I am grateful for you, Aaron You have loved me with the love that I've never doubted. You're steadfast. You're faithful. You're a rock. You have pushed me to great accomplishments to you've cheered me on. You've helped me reach goals that I've had since childhood like big time goals. And you've given me a really beautiful family. And so I'm super grateful. - [Aaron] I'm not, I'm not crying at all. You're crying. I'm not crying. Thank you. - [Jennifer] I'll say this too, every yes with you has been my best. And I look forward to many more. - [Aaron] I love you, babe. - [Jennifer] I love you. - [Aaron] Well, now I'm bummed 'cause. - [Jennifer] I know you can't top that. - [Aaron] I know also I didn't say I'm grateful for you. I am grateful for you, but I'm grateful for, it's funny. You just said all these like awesome things but I'm grateful for the hard things that we've been through as a couple. - [Jennifer] That's really sweet. - [Aaron] I know it's like a little different than yours, but well it just shows that with Christ, we can not only survive through many hard trials, but we can thrive as well. You brought up all these things that we've accomplished or that this thing you accomplishing dreams, but there was so many hard things that we've been through as well but it feels like we've invested a lot into our marriage and we get to see the fruit as we grow older. So I don't regret the hard things. I don't wish they didn't happen. I'm grateful for those things 'cause they've made us God made us who we are today through those things. And so now we're not gonna have any more hard things moving forward. 'Cause today's the first day of the year. The calendar starts now. No more. I'm just kidding. I'm grateful for you though and the things that we've been through - [Jennifer] Well we just wanted to do that this season share things that we're grateful for in hopes of spreading more gratefulness. - [Aaron] Be grateful. - [Jennifer] And so if you guys wanted to take time this week to consider what you're grateful for and share it with someone else, share it with the Lord, share it, your spouse And just have a moment where you just praise God in that thankfulness and gratefulness. - [Aaron] And also just reminder, go dig into the all the feasts and festivals and learn about them. We're not saying you have to do them all but maybe we want to maybe on an try mountain see how they work, but learn who Christ is and all of them. 'Cause there's so much. There's an infinite number of things that we don't even haven't even pulled out of any of this stuff, but you can find it. So as usual, we're gonna end this episode in prayer. Jennifer, would you pray for us? - [Jennifer] Dear Lord, thank you for your son and his sacrifice that we may have eternal life. One incredible gift you have given to us. Thank you for the gospel and the way it has transformed our lives. We pray we would boldly proclaim your gospel, so that others may know your truth and be saved. Thank you for loving us and for forgiving us. We pray for more understanding of your word and more wisdom. Please help us to be a light in this world Lord. May your will be done in us, in our marriages and in this world, we are patiently waiting to be with you and to spend eternity with you. Until then we submit our lives to you and ask that you would move through us to bring about your will on earth. We love you Lord in Jesus name. Amen. - [Aaron] Amen. We love you all. And we look forward to being with you next season of this podcast. Please take some time over our break to go listen to old episodes. And also as always would you be our share warriors and share this episode with someone who would be encouraged by it? We love you all and we'll see you soon. Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

Speaking of the end of days we wanted to tell you about a movie that we recently watched that was really exciting and encouraging. It shares about how the return of Christ is like a Galilian wedding. marriageaftergod.com/btwhttps://amzn.to/2Oj4PrB Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

What do we believe? The answer to this question will explain why we do certain things, or why we remain in certain sins. It will show us why we chose certain attitudes and behaviors. Why we treat people the way we do or ourselves for that matter. What we believe matters and if we are believing lies then we will walk in lies. If we believe the truth then we will walk in freedom and power. What do you believe?Connect With Us - Instagram | @marriageaftergod - Instagram | @unveiledwife - Instagram | @husbandrevolution - Check out our marriage resources! Sponsors Get our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage! Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

We want to invite you to take our 31-day marriage prayer challenge. These are made possible in part by our faithful prayer team patrons. Datenightconversations.com READ TRANSCRIPTWelcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast. We your hosts, I'm Aaron. And I'm Jennifer. We've been married for 14 years. And we have five young children. We started blogging over 10 years ago sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other. We have authored over 10 books together including our newest book "Marriage After God" the book that inspired us to start this podcast. "Marriage after God" has a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose. To reflect his love. To be a light in this world. To work together as a team. Using what he has given us. To build his kingdom. Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey. As you boldly chase after God together. This is "Marriage After God". Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast. We're are Aaron and Jennifer Smith, your hosts. I hope you have an awesome week. I just wanna start off by sharing a little thing that I'm doing with the van, Jennifer. You're going to tell him about the van? The van. Okay, but it was my idea, like give me a little credit. It was definitely your idea. So we love to drive which we'll talk about in the actually today's episode. I have a normal van. Like it's not a minivan. It's not a, what is it? Well, people call it... They call it, it's the full size. It's a Ford transit, it's a big old boy, it's huge. It's got all the seats you could want. For all the kids. But you know what it doesn't have until now, a toilet. But I put a toilet in that van. And the reason we did that is because we like to drive. We like to go on road trips, especially with all the kids. It's so easy to, that's how we go see our family. Yeah. We get in the car and we drive But it takes us like 15 hours to get there. So imagine being on the road with five kids, that's a lot of bathrooms stops and sometimes that's all we're stopping for. And so I told Aaron, we need a bathroom in here even if it's like something easy to sit on and... And it is, and so I've been work. Something I've been doing as a hobby is work at building vans. And so I took my van and I built this box out in the back and I put a toilet in there today. He showed me today, it actually looks really awesome. I'm really excited to use it this spring, summer, fall. All of our adventures. I told them, even if we go. It's gonna change everything. Even if we go to the lake for the day. Imagine how nice it will be when we're out on an adventure and even though we're kind of close to home we don't have to rush home. If someone has to use the bathroom, we can use that. And you're gonna put like a handheld shower thing. There is gonna be a hot water shower in the back? Not like to take a full-blast shower in the van. We can rinse the kids off. We can rinse the boards off. We can, it's just gonna be awesome. So cool, guys I'm stoked about it. I'm pretty proud of myself. I have a friend helped me and we're doing a pretty good job and it's coming out nice. So this is totally in our van now. Called the adventure wagon. Yeah, it's awesome and it fits all the kids. Plus one, if we needed another seat. Oh, interesting. Okay, moving right along. Guys we just want to thank you for being our share warriors. Aaron likes to mention that every week and I think it's an amazing thing that you guys have been sharing your episodes and it's just been a huge encouragement to us but it's also just a great way to get the news out or the the word out about the "Marriage After God" podcast. And so we just wanted to say, thank you, and. Before you move on to that part. Okay. I just wanna say we don't always do this but if you do share about our podcast to social media, we might repost it. Like if we catch it on time. Yeah, because we like to do that and it's really cool seeing people do it. So just a little . Okay, second part we don't always do but I wanted to take some time out to personally shout out a specific family who I think is probably listening right now. And it started with some friends of ours who I just wanna say these friends have been such an encouragement to us and we really appreciate them. So Stan and Jessica and I know you're gonna be listening to this episode. Thank you for being our friends. Thank you for all the personal encouragement that you have poured into our lives, especially about the podcast because you have asked us about it, asked us how it's going. You've asked us how you can help in any way that you can. So I just wanna say thank you to them. But I also wanna say hi to all of their extended family because I know you're listening to just actually sent me a screenshot of one of their families, group texts showing how they were sharing the episode on love. And she was sending it as an encouragement to me. And I just thought how sweet that they're all listening and talking about it. And then I see, I see her sister on social media shared every once in a while. So thank you to all of you who are listening and specifically Stan and Jessica's family. We appreciate you, we love you guys. All right, as usual we have a free thing that we want to promote to you guys. We love making these little resources and this one's been up for a while, but we haven't talked about it for awhile. It's our date night conversation starter download. It's totally free, and we came up with all these date night conversations, starters. So you can take them. You can go on a date and pick one of the topics and use it to start a conversation. But you don't have to go on a date to use it either. I mean, you could do that... You could sit at the table. In front of the fireplace. But dates are awesome. Yeah, true. So you should, you should use this as an excuse to go on dates with your spouse. Hey, like I have to. Yeah, so all you gotta do is go to datenightconversations.com all one word, datenightconversations.com. And it's completely free. You just fill out a little form and you download the little print out and print it out and you got all these conversations starters. All right, we're excited to share today's topic with you guys. We are gonna be talking about just a whole handful of ways that you can have fun as a family. And we think that it's really important to talk about episodes like this. They're not as heavy as the ones where we dive into scripture and we're talking about... Well let's go back and forth. Yeah. Serious, funny, light, yeah. And I think that this one's important because we're getting into a different season. So lighter weather and warmer weather, hopefully but moving on into summer, you know just getting some ideas out there to say, hey, are we, are we having fun here. But you have a note here it says, this is our funnest episode. And I actually thought, it said the funniest episode. And I was thinking, why is this gonna be so funny funny episode funniest, we should do a funny episode. This is like one of those kinds of episodes that just super inspiring. Like, I hope you walk away from it just going, like I want to do everything that was on their list. Yeah, and then we should redo everything. Then we should go back and read it. Why, and we're also gonna share about why it's important to create a fun atmosphere regardless of what you may be going through because joy. Because joy. We're Christian and we believe in God and he is our source of joy and so. We shouldn't make a shirt that just says, because joy. Because joy. Exclamation mark. Also, if you hear the word family and think, well this doesn't apply to me because we don't have any children. Let us encourage you that your spouse is your family. So if you're listening, remember this it only takes two to make a family. That's true, that's true, that's true. Should have called this the quote episode 'cause I have a few more good ones to share with you guys. Okay, but if you're listed, if you happen to be listening and you're not even married yet, I also wanna encourage you that you're still part of a family, if you... Family of God. Yeah, the family of God and and there's families within that family. And so you can, there's always people who spend time with and have a good time with, so. You can adapt this episode and adjust the ideas to create your, your fun with whoever you spend time with. It's true. Okay. And some people are just really good at having fun. I know, they don't even have to think about it. I know. We have to think a little bit about it but that's okay. And for those of them that are, those of them, those that are out there that are like us this is gonna be fun 'cause it's just some ideas and it's definitely not an exhaustive list but some stuff that we tried out this year. So we just hope that this episode encourages you and we hope this creates just some creative conversations in your relationship, right. Yeah, and if we learn anything from 2020 I don't know about everyone else but we learned how to have a lot more fun at home in the nature. And we did that. Yeah. And also last episode we talked extensively about building a strong marriage. And in this episode, it's kind of an extension of that conversation. True. Cause we've, we always talk about this that you gotta be able to have fun. Enjoying each other along the way. Enjoying each other delighting each other, being friends with each other. So what do you do with friends? What do you do with people like? You spend quality time together. Often doing fun things. Build memories. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I also wanna note before we get into some of these ideas because I never want people to, you know, cringe or get a little like, oh, I can't do that because of finances. And so if you hear us say something. That might cost money. That might cost money. I just want you to understand that everyone's gonna be in a different place and might take that idea and do it a different way and do it within their means and do it how they can. And so what I don't want you to do is hear the list that we're gonna share with you and say, well I can't afford that or I can't do it or we can't take the time or we can't fill in the blank. Because those are just negative thoughts and they justify upfront why you can't participate in having fun in these ways. But what you can do is just take this basis of an inspiration and create your own thing and do it in your own means. So I just, I just wanted to encourage you there, It's actually, it's actually beautiful that we can't all do the same things all the time. Our limitations help create diversity in our families and in the body of Christ and that's a good thing. Yeah, we're all, we're all in different places in our lives. Different walks, all for the same purpose for Christ. But yeah if we all don't do the same things and that's okay. That's good, it's all good. So Aaron, we were just gonna jump into kind of a list of fun things that we've done as a family or our friends have done as a family, just you know, to give them inspiration. So do you want to kick, kick it off? Yeah, this is one that I I've kind of been waiting for. We've been doing it and sprinkling it in here and there but now it's at the point where we can't get away from this. Well, so we when we got married, we we loved spending time with our friends and playing games, board games. And we had one kid Elliot, and it was awesome. And then we had two and then we had three. And what happened is we had the shift of like we couldn't do often like have game nights. We just, that's the phase of life we're in. Like you and me or us with the kids or what do you say? You and me with our friends. And so just, I mean, we wouldn't stay out late. We just, our way of doing things changed. And our kids were so little that we could do some things with them but not to the extent of like actual strategic games. But now we've, we've hit a little landmark. I don't know what you call it but Elliot and Olive I think we mentioned it before now that they can play games now. Yeah. And they love it. And that's what I meant by we can't get away from it because they beg us every night, "Can we please stay up after you put the boys today?" I wanna play a game with you. Yeah, we wanna play games all the time. But better than that, like they they'll play with our friends too. And so we're kind of now in this transition where we're going back to being able to play games with our friends and with our kids, oh man. It's so good. Unfortunately they're really good at it and it's frustrating 'cause. I know. They win a lot but that's awesome. So we grabbed a few classic games for the kids at Christmas. Do you remember those, "Guess Who". Oh, and they love that game. Yeah. Yeah, and it's such a simple game. So if you don't, if you have young kids guess who's an easy one to, for them to grasp. Yeah. It's fun. And then we got one recently. I think we've mentioned it in another episode but "Cover Your Assets". I know it seems kind of funny to say but it's a card game and it's super lighthearted and easy Super easy to learn. And it's really competitive and really fun because you build up these assets and you're trying to get as much as possible. And then someone can just boom, take it. Kind of like in a war, yeah you get to challenge each other, it's super fun. So game night, we wanted to start with game night because that's one that you invest in kind of upfront but then you have your closet full of games that you go to as a family and those are the ones you bring with you. If you go on a trip where to grandma's house or whatever. And so just building a family culture where you experienced games together. Well, another thing we like to do is a tent camping. We've done that only in the last five years. I don't think I ever did it when I was a kid. I did. Yeah, I did tent camping when I was growing up. And we did in Africa when we were first married. Yes, and that left a, not the greatest taste but I think I learned. Oh, it was fun. I learned to get it back with our kids because tent camping is awesome. I think something that's super memorable to me when I was a kid but also even now that we're making memories with our kids is just how you go to bed, you know, bundled up but it gets really, really cold in the middle of the night. And you're just like half asleep looking for extra blankets or sleeping bags. And when you have to go to the bathroom and you're like is there any animals out there? I heard like a little noise in the thicket and you have to go out and do it anyway. Yeah, the other fun, memorable thing is just, you know building fire pits at night and then smelling them in the morning. I always, always loved that smell. And then sitting around it in the morning it's cold and you're sitting around a fire. I love having a hot cup of coffee. That's true. Even smelling bacon, cooking on the barbecue but the kids love it because they can run around and just, you know. Get dirty. Yeah, get dirty, throw rocks, play in the creeks, throw sticks, they love it. Okay, so some of these examples that we give you guys today we'll also have options for. So the option here would be, maybe you can't get out to go tent camping but you can tent camp in your backyard. And we did this this last year. Which is a great alternative. It was so fun. It was so fun, things. There's usually not big animals in the backyard. I was gonna say things stayed a lot cleaner 'cause like usually the tent gets dirty and stuff like that but it was nice 'cause it was just on our grass and we had access to a really nice bathroom And shower usually the kids go to bed first and then I sneak into the, go take a shower. It was really fun. So tent backyard camping is good. What else do we like to do outdoors that's fun? I don't know if it's necessarily out doors, I guess kind is road tripping. We like to... That is outdoors. I guess we're in a car. Okay, we're indoors outdoors. Yeah, we'd like to, we'd like to drive places with our family 'cause we get to see a lot of things. We get to move, I don't know, we like driving. Yeah, we do like driving. We like to go and visit places. Think of things like a botanical garden. What's a botanical? A botanical. They are way better than botanical gardens. Or a historical site, you know, something that maybe you looked up along. We've had that's some really interesting like little pull, pull offs. Like you look on the map and you're like, Hey, there's this thing we need to go to and it's like, it's like the sidewalk roadside attraction but we're like. Yeah, sometimes we're way off, you know. Well we thought it was but they're often like really unique, weird things that you would never find This last summer, we went to one of those vortex houses. That was the one I was thinking about. Yeah, that was strange. I'm trying to tell you in your head, everything's like sideways and weird and we're in a vortex. That was fun our kids remember those things. Okay, and then while you're, while you're on the road trip you can play games, you know, old school games. Like we play the yellow car game and so anytime someone sees yellow car they get points for that. Yellow car. Yeah, "I Spy" is another one. And then if you see a yellow Camaro you win. That's like the winning point. In our house. I mean our car. The "ABC Game". So you can do this with just about anything that your family is interested in. We've done it with produce before where we go. Okay, so one person has a, they say apples the next person says. Bananas. Okay, you get the point. We've done it with people's names. The thing about road trips is junk food. That's a personal favorite of mine. Smoking bacon and junk food. And candy, candy bacon has really good. Your options for each of these is just like what snack goes with it. Well, I base all of our adventures off of what we're gonna eat. You're funny. Oh, I have a little note here. Having fun going on road trips can also include a visit to grandparents house or other family members. And those are often the simplest road trips for us. And then our kids love it 'cause they just get to spend all day, every day swimming or playing with grandma and grandpa or whatever and they love it. Speaking of road trips, this last year we got to go to a few national parks. And so if you happen to be close to one that's a great way to have fun as a family and just get outside and adventure together. But if you aren't close to one maybe taking time to plan out that trip. Yeah, yeah, it can be affordable. Just drive to one, go get the little pass for the day. I don't know, it depends on how far the air, I guess. Yeah. Spent a few days there. We wanna go back and see some more national parks that was actually a lot of fun. What park was your favorite this last year. Yellowstone of course, because of all the animals we got to see, which by the way we didn't see the animals until like the second to last day but it was awesome. But I really loved glacier and I want to go back to glacier and spend more time there. We didn't spend, I don't think we spend enough time there. Glacier was really cool. Also on that trip, we got to go fishing and we had, you know, gathered up some fishing poles And try fishing. It was a little cold for the kids. And so it got hard and then had baby Edith in the ergo on me and so I was a little bit worried with Wyatt having a fishing pole and Eliot working with the hook, you know. So I stayed back I didn't help you much. Yeah, well we didn't catch anything either but it was still fun when it was like on this little shore with rocks and casting it in and like get it reeling it in it was fun. Yeah, I think for fishing, the fun thing about fishing is just spending that time together and all the little intricate details of, you know, what it requires. Putting the bait on the hook and then like then casting it out and just holding it. Like they just love that stuff. Yeah, cool, we should do that more this year. Something that we do a lot as a family is we love like beaches. We love the sand. I was gonna say anything with sand. So lakes, rivers, oceans. We love going to the coast. Like we can go and just literally sit all day and the kids will just dig holes in the sand, make little same castles, go find shells draw in the pictures in the sand. They just love it. We don't even really go swimming. We just sit on the beach. We, our coast is the Oregon coast now and it's just, it seems like every time we go it's really cold and windy, even though we've gone different times throughout the year. And so we just make sure I pack up, you know sweat pants suits like sweaters and they bundle up and they go out there and play still. So they're happy campers. And then we got one day one time where the sun was out and the so the ocean was cold, but it was like low tide. And so the water was really far out and there's like these little pools leftover that were warm. And that was actually a lot of fun. We just sit there like shallow. So we just like sat in these little pools of warm beach water. It was a fun. So getting outside, you know, doing adventures it honestly even, I mean, for us, Aaron having fun as a family could be as simple as walking, you know in the evening around the neighborhood or exploring local parks and local trails. We've done that a lot. Going for walks around the neighborhood. It gets energy out for the kids. It's also just a different scene. It's like a different, like they're if they're in the home all the time or especially this last year just going and getting out. And like today I just took the kids to the park. Yeah. And they ran around and were playing and jumping on the slides and they loved it. I think if you have older children doing maybe a more more intensive height could be fun. You know, something that really challenges you guys to get up that mountain or hill or whatever it is. Yeah, to the peaks. Yeah, and see some really awesome views and I think for, I just wanted to share for, you know if you have younger kids something that I've been doing recently with our children is when we're out in nature we'll do these scavenger hunts where I get really energetic and I'm like, okay, everybody and everybody and mommy's going to count to three. And then I'm gonna say something and you have to go find that thing and then bring it to me. So, you know, I'll have them all count to three and they're getting all pumped and excited. And then I'll say, you know, pine cone or something green and they have to rush to go get it, go find it. I've done it before. Like find me a red leaf and they have to find me a red one and then a yellow one and then a green one and just. Oh, four is easy. Yeah, different things that they have to look for but at the speaking of scavenger hunts it makes me think of, do you remember a long time ago we did Geocaching? Yeah. I don't know if that's still a thing. That's probably a bunch of geocaches all over the world that no one even knows about anymore. If you guys don't know what geocaching is just Google it. Yeah, it's like it's like hide and seek for little items around the, all around the world though. That would be fun to do as a family. Yeah, yeah 'cause I'm sure there's one probably right around the corner from your house. Okay, the next thing that we wanted to share was just very simple but family movie night. This one also comes with options. So you could do forts it's in a movie. So a big sheet for pillow fort. I've seen on Instagram someone else recently posted a pillow pool. So they get to pick between a pool or a fort and the kids picked a pool and I'm like, what is that? And it was just a bunch of blankets and pillows in the living room and they all jump. Like a pile. Yeah, huge pile. That sounds really comfortable. That sounds fun. And then maybe I was just gonna say maybe added in a fun snack, like popcorn. Yeah, we've also done a movie on the ceiling where I set up my projector pointing it straight up and all the kids lay down on pillows and with blankets on the floor. They really love that. And they just they're looking at, and it's like weird. And so they love that and they love the weird like we're looking up at the ceiling watching a movie and it's usually a huge and all awkward because it doesn't get, it's not square on the ceiling. I also feel like for some reason it's something that they forget about. And so when we say, oh, we should do the projectors tonight. They get really excited about it. They do. And it's like, they forget and then they remember how fun it is. And if you don't have a projector, you can actually find them really cheap on Amazon. And you get these little small ones. They may not be the highest quality but at least it's fun. The kids won't care, they'll watch it. All right, so we mentioned this next one on one of the previous episodes in this season on delighting in each other. Do you remember this? Yeah. Why don't you go ahead and share. It's one of your favorite things. The kids love it, no I do. Dance parties, just get on some goofy, fun like dance music. And be silly. And you just dance. And what's really funny is all of the kids dance. Druid is the best. Like in my opinion he just sits there and he does, he has this you can't see how I'm doing it but his hips move. And like, he like hops around the house and like he flicks his hands. Like he's cleaning some off his pants. Do you think Druid's moves are the best part about that? But I think it's his facial features. He contorts his face and just directs, his jaws to the side and his nose screenshot. And you know, he's just having a good time. And the Elliot, like hardcore dances, like banging his head and like jumping around and then all of his, like, ballerina. it doesn't matter what the song is. She's like Ballerina by herself in her own ballerina world in circles and twirling and. Everyone's got their own little way. Yeah, it's it's really funny actually. So dance party, super fun. Another thing that kind of involves music, Aaron is when our kids love putting on a show for us with instruments and as they get. They just make it up as they go. They kind of make it up as they go and they have a lot of fun doing it. And so over the years, we've tried to invest or accumulate musical instruments, even though Aaron and I are not musically inclined at all. No background here but I did take lessons for a short while on piano and I, I was starting to pick it up. So I wanna stay doing that. But our kids put on a show. So they'll like have fun just making up songs, singing, dancing, playing the piano. Well, and because we went through a season of piano Elliot's done, has he done two recitals now? And I think, did Olive, do one? Olive didn't get to do the recital part but she's been picking it up and learning. But they saw how recitals work because we bring the kids to watch. And so when they do it, they'll they'll say I want everyone to sit down and they'll say, hi my name's Olive and Smith. I'm five years old and I'm going to play and then she just makes up a song. But it's now turned into like a band show where she'll then introduce all of her brothers and all of their ages and what song they're gonna be doing. And it's just super fun. So for those of you out there who have musical talent and knowledge and you guys are already probably doing this as a family I bet you have a lot of fun. So for anyone. It's probably match more musical. For anyone that maybe this sounds interesting and you have a musical instrument laying around you can play around with that or I don't know. So I actually did this today. We have like my, my. You did everything today. Yeah, my parents gave us a karaoke machine. God bless their souls. And so Elliot was on the microphone. All of had the electric guitar, Wyatt was on the, Wyatt and Edith were on the our little electric drum set. It's like this little thing that we got on Amazon, but Edith was literally lik hitting the. I'm only surprised because I know how much she really loves the microphone. Yeah, but she wasn't, she was drumming and it was so fun. It was fun, it was loud. It was like a big metal band. I don't know why they were playing like rock and roll. So funny, I think it's just a big noise making session and we love it. We love spending that time together For extended periods of time. Another way you can have fun with your family is building stuff as a family, creating something maybe it's a garden box. I'm sure we'll talk about that later but building a tree house, we have a tree house in the backyard. And you always let the kids, when you're in the process of making it, you let the kids participate here. So here Wyatt hold this hammer or. Or get up there with us to paint or to be up there while I'm building and it's just exciting. We did this other thing where the kids wanted to start saving money. And so we had all these Mason jars for them 'cause we did the three, you know, save, spend we give and you built boxes for them so that they had. We had Elliot go cut like the wood and then I used a nail gun and he would hold it, and we were, we made, he helped make, make all of them And they loved it they loved the whole process. And then we took them outside to paint them and so each one looks a little bit different and they got to be creative with that. So I think making projects together as a, it's just a fun family affair Along the lines of building here's some ideas to make your home more fun. Just having fun things like a tree house, a tire swing. If you have the right tree for it. I wish I had a tree that we had to put a tire swing on. That'd be awesome we don't a bird house, a trampoline. For those of you like the danger of ramblings. We had a friend who had a big dirt pile who let their kids have, you know those plastic dinosaurs, all different shapes and sizes. So it was like a dyno pit. And then we had another friend who did a fairy garden. And so there's a lot of different options for, you know what your kids are interested in to make different parts of your home or backyard, you know, a fun zone. I don't know, I think these are great, great ways to spend time outside with them and having with them. Yeah, one thing I wanna add someday is a zip line. Well, we went to a friend's house. He had a zip line and ever since then the kids keep talking about it too. Well, I keep talking about, 'cause I want the zip line. One day we'll have the zip line. We will do zip line one day. So another way that you guys can spend time together as a family is, you know, do you remember growing Aaron, it was getting into the evening and we'd turn all the lights off and play hide and seek or sardines. I remember those are some of my favorite memories as a child. And our kids love playing it. No matter the fact that, that we know all the hiding spots in the house now they still want to play it and they still go hide in those spots. And then I guess I enjoy pretending I don't know where they're at. It's fun and then actually every once in a while I can't find them. And I'm like, okay, how did you, where are you at? And then they like totally tricked me. So don't forget about those, those kinds of older games. And you know, maybe you guys, you listening can think back to your childhood and what memories you had and just bring those games back with your family. Reinvent them. Yeah, make them your own Some other things our kids love to do is make paper airplanes, not all of them but Elliot, specifically, all of we'll do it. They get intense about it. Our house is like the trying to make these, you know which one's gonna go faster, which ones look the coolest. Or how am I gonna tweak this and what's gonna happen. Then we just have paper airplanes everywhere in the house. Another thing that we like to build together, Legos. So I know there's some serious Lego builders out there. I consider myself a, I just really like it. You like Legos, yeah. I do. And all of our kids love Legos on different levels. Elliot has his way of doing Legos. Olive has her way. Her princess way. Wyatt's just now been getting more and more into Legos for for the first time, which is really cool. And then Druid, just tags along, whatever else is doing. I thought I put the boys down for a nap, you know like two or three days ago. And I walked my Wyatt's room and I could hear, I could hear like little it almost sound like a little mouse. And so I peeked through the door and Wyatt looks up at me with these big eyes, like. You got caught. Yeah, you got caught. And he's like, sorry, mom. I just, I had to build this. And he pulls up this like, you know it looked like a big Triton thing Like a sword, he makes like a swords or like fliers or yeah, weapons. But he just had a blast doing that. So building Legos together, you could even set up a competition if you wanted to. You know, who can build the best house or tower. Bridge, airplane, space ships. As a family flying kites, I don't know if it's how much talent is involved in this but. We have attempted a couple of times. Yeah, just getting a cheap kite and then wowing the kids with get senior. If you can get it to fly in the air, playing chess and learning chess. You and I like this one. I made the note of learning chess because I'm more of a learner when it comes to chess. But it's, it's like, this is a good one for like a one-on-one with one of your, your little guys or your older kids too. And it allows for time to talk and to be strategic which is a good thing. Okay, so something we did last year, that was really fun was we found a company in town that could rent these virtual. Oculus, if you haven't heard of it. It's called Oculus? Yeah, it's a. But it's virtual reality? 3D goggles, yeah you put them on. So you rent these goggles and we got two of them. And so two people could got the same time and you put them on and it's like, you can see, you can see in 3D and you have these wands in your hand and you're like playing the game. And so you might think, how is this a family oriented thing but it is because everybody else who's not playing is just sitting there watching you. You guys, when I tried it. You're waving in the air. Oh when I tried for the first time I actually fell, it was so disorienting. You make sure that you have like cushions around you. Yeah, but it is, that was really fun. The all and all of the kids liked it. And there was, of course there's games that we don't play but there's the simple ones that it was like you're flying. Or cutting fruit in half. Or you're cutting fruit in half and have you had an Ninja. There's one where it was like an office space. Wyatt love the "Ninja Fruit" by the way. Yeah, there was one that I kinda got into that was like an office space. And you could just go around and push buttons on the computer or the fax machine or pour a cup of coffee. And it was like, this is so strange 'cause it feels like you're really doing it and we just rented those for the day. I would say that again. Yeah, I would do that again too. Also speaking about that kind of style of fun video games and if you can pick one that's multiplayer Yeah, like or "Mario Cart". Yeah. You know, the games that you can play with, with your family. Okay. I was trying to look, I was like, what is this. So I put the note on here "Measure Game" but Aaron you're gonna have to explain this. So my, I have my like every household have a tool in the house and all my kids are like, "Can I just play it that tool?" And I'm like, no, you can't just play with the tool. One of them is my tape measure. And so I have a tape measure sitting there and all of my kids wanna play with my tape measure. They're fun, you pull this tape on and like slides back. And we're always terrified it's gonna hurt them. And finally, I just came up with this game where I would have all the kids go in the bedroom and I would measure something in the in the living room. Like the arm of the chair. Or like the length of the couch or the size of the, the how wide the door is. And I would, they come back and I said, okay you guys need to find something that's 42 inches, long, 42 inches. And then they go around the house, around the living room with the tape measure, trying to measure and find the thing that's where they'll find something that's like 40 inches. And I'm like, is it this? I'm like, well, it's 40 inches. It's 42 inches. And it was actually a really clever game and the kids love it. Like they just they'll run around and try and figure out is it the picture frame, is it the door? And it also is like an educational game. It's just, they're like, they're learning how to measure things and what, you know, working with numbers. And so that was interesting and fun. People listening with like 12 and 13 year olds are going that would never work like. They're just, our kids are little and they just get really wowed by simple things like that. But again, you can always adapt this to make it. I don't know to be honest, I think they'd be surprised. They should try this before they're 13, 14, 15 year olds to be like, okay. We have this really fun game. If you can find the thing, that's 32.7 inches I'll give you a dollar. Yeah. I think, I think they'll go around measure stuff. It's definitely the door knob it's not the door knob, no, it is the door knob. Along this line of like, you know, guessing game I came home one time and found a random kind of like shriveled up piece of paper on the table. And it looked like a map of our house. And I was like, what is this? And one of the kids told me it was a treasure map that you had drawn up for them. And you ha you were playing another game with them where they had to like go and find something according to the map that you had drawn. I think I put something under some rocks somewhere. So that's another fun thing you can do. Yeah, and then they had to, they had to follow it based off of the drawing. Like there was like a picture of a tree they're like, oh that tree is over there. And they're like, well, how far from the tree is it Okay, so moving on a couple of other fun things that you can do as a family is something creative or artistic. So getting the paints out, you know and this could be as simple as finger painting all the way up to like get some oil paints out or acrylic and buy a canvas you know, for each person in the family and do something really special that way. But Aaron, something that we, our family really likes is there's a tutorial guide on YouTube and the kids love it. And so we'll just stick that on and everybody will get a sheet of paper and. We do it with them because of course it's YouTube and we try to be safe. But the, the channel itself is totally safe. We're just not sure about the commercials and whatnot but we'll sit with them and they literally will learn how to draw something for the first time and they follow it. And then if they're like, they can just start over. They can put it on slow Mo to watch it in slower. And they they've learned to draw a lot through watching tutorials. Okay, so the next kind of group we have here is having fun with food ideas. So this my category. Yeah, here we go, bacon. I like food . So having a baking day. A bacon day? No, baking in general. No, you said bacon day. Baking everything. And this, this can be for special holidays, like think of Thanksgiving coming up and you set time aside to do that or could just be for no random reason. Wait, just for a random reason. Yeah. That you any random reason that you wanna bake with your kids. Maybe bake to bring some treats to people from your church to bless your neighbor with. That would be awesome. Yeah. And I think what I also think about with this one is creating a fun family dinner idea that maybe is unusual for your family. I can't think of anything specific right now but let's say you guys are used to getting pizza. Well instead of getting pizza, make pizza and make it your own. Yeah. So find a special way that your, you know your family is gonna like that thing that you yeah. Make bacon on top of the pizza. Yeah. It's gonna come up a couple more times. Something else fun that I did last year was for lunch, our lunches are usually pretty simple, you know a sandwich quesadilla things like that. But I thought are I wanna make this a fancy lunch and so I got, however many cake stands, I could find, I lit candles, I got a bunch of different types of finger foods and fruits and cheeses, like grapes and carrots and hummus and I may just this feast. Was it called, like a charcuterie? No it was . Yeah, it was, but they got to pick whatever they wanted. Yeah, and so then I, yeah, I kind of they were outside playing anyway. It's actually a really good lunch. I called them in. Nuts and apple slices and dried fruits and it was really good. It was really good and they came in, I'm like, they were so confused. They were like, what is this with the huge smile on their face. And I said, you guys can make your own plates get whatever you want, have fun with it. And they had a blast and so. And they all of it. Yeah, that's a fun idea. Something else you could do is a scavenger hunt. We've done this Aaron where we leave notes around the house and they have to go from one place to another. And then on the back of the last sheet of paper, you know tell them where you. Reveals the thing that yo are doing to. Either, what you're gonna have for lunch or where you're gonna go for dinner. You know, you can be fun with it Surprise them with Chick-fil-A. Scavengers hunts are fun. Another thing that Jennifer you've been getting into this over the last several years in loving this is gardening. Oh yeah. And all of our kids get into it and I've got it, you have me making garden boxes, getting soil and. I lightly suggest that you maybe help me. No, it's fun 'cause we like one of our going back to the whole, you know going out and doing like little road trips. One of the things that we love to do is going to nurseries. Yeah. And we walk around and the kids get into the carts and we look at all the plants and I'm like, oh, that tree's awesome. I want one of those trees, yeah. Or you know, we were particularly like fruit trees. And so we're often just looking at fruit trees and you know, we planted an orchard in our backyard and. It has definitely become a family thing to build the garden, take care of the garden, weed the garden. Prep the garden at the beginning of the season prep it at the end of the season. Harvest. Yeah, getting the, getting the fruits of our labor. Specifically we'll have areas of the garden like Olive last year, I think she had snappies Oh yeah, so the year before she did mostly flowers but she had planted some peas, you know, around on the outside. And she just loved being able to go pick them and eat them all the time. Whenever she wanted. And so last year. And it's veggies so good for it. Last year, she knew that I had previously given Elliot his own box for strawberries and other things, cucumber. And so she begged me, mom, can I have a box? And so I gave her my middle box. So now my tomatoes are dwindling down. I only have one box for tomatoes but. No, no this year we're gonna do tons of tomatoes. The kids have just had a blast doing that and so she filled hers full of peas and she would anytime friends were over or whatever, she just, you know have so much fun doing that. But something that I think about with gardening is just how the time spent out there exploring it and, you know maintaining it, really builds unity. It brings our family closer together and creates a culture where your, your kids want to be a part of that. Well, our specifically, because we have fun doing that but. It's also useful skill. Yeah, but when you think about having fun as a family, you're, you're creating a place that they're gonna want to come back to over and over and over and over again even long after they're gone, I believe, right. And I, and we get to enjoy it as it happens. We get to see it grow, we get to see it flourish. We also get to see when like there's mistakes and so there's a lot of stuff that happens and in it's over a long period of time, especially like when you go away for a few days and you come back and it just seems much larger. And you're like, oh my goodness look at all this. The tomatoes are red now, you know. And also it gives the kids something that they can own. So Elliot just loves that he can go and pick strawberries. He doesn't have to ask it. He just go get his own strawberries, eat them and enjoy them. Olive goes and gets her snap peas and then they get to share too. And talk about, you know, hey, you can have one you know, oh, that big one I've been waiting for that one. You can't have that one. Last year Olive did her own harvesting one day and she likes, she went out there with a little pot and she gathered whatever she could find that was ready. And she came in and she prepped lunch. Do you remember this? And she set out all the, all the plates, she set out a cups of water and a fork. And she put all these different veggies on the plate Some snappies, some cucumber slices. And then she called everyone lunch is ready. And I was just like, oh my goodness, all of your are so sweet. It was good. She even puts some edible flowers on there. Was pretty. Yeah, was so pretty. What are this called? Nasturtium. Nasturtium? Yeah, it was super fun. Something that we also really love as a family is bike rides, we love it. That's true. We, especially now that two of our kids, we're working on our third one to start bike riding his bike this year. But two of our kids ride their own bikes and they just love to go and we have to keep up with them or we have to tell them to slow down. Wait for me. But we, we like to ride around our neighborhood. We like to go to specific areas like parks that have big bike tracks. I think my funniest my funniest bike rides are when we're out there for like two, three hours just cruising. It's, it's easy. Yeah. Yes, it's takes time and it takes energy but you're out in nature. You get to see things you're in a new place and, you know, feel the wind. And it's just, it's so exciting. The kids love it. They like to go just adventure and ride and, you know, have freedom. I don't have this in my notes but I wanted to share that you know, we've talked about it but the children's books that we're working on Aaron, I wanted to share a little piece with them listening. Do it. Okay, so we've been working on the, there's two version, two versions of what we're working on. There's two different books. Two different books, so there's a story of a mom and a daughter and a story of a dad with the son. And in the dad and the son's version there's gonna be this really beautiful picture of the son with the mom riding bikes together. And I'm just so excited about it 'cause it's one of my favorite things to do in our family. And we're working with a friend who's illustrating this book and I'm just, oh, I'm so excited for you guys. So hopefully that will be out this year, stay tuned. Some other ideas just to move through a few of these Nerf gun Wars. Oh yeah. It's really fun. Just you can get cheap ones and just running around the house, shooting Nerf guns at each other. And also as a family going into Nerf gun bombing friends just showing up. Get the neighborhood involved. And, attacking them. Along these lines of water balloon fights. We've done more water balloon fights. Especially in the middle of winter. No, coming into summer. Summer, gotcha, yeah. I was trying to think of other outdoor things like this. Growing up that I did with my family, we played a lot of catch. We played something called home, run Derby. We played "500", these are all like baseball, hitting games and catching games are super fun and volleyball. So don't forget about all the sports you can play as a family to have fun. Doing science experiments with your kids. An easy one. I just did this the other day. I just, I'm like, Hey, let's take hot water and cold water. Which one do you think will freeze faster? And then they're like, oh, probably this one, this one. And I measured the temperatures and I wrote the the information on each cup and we put them in the freezer at the same time. And then we checked back at 30 minutes and an hour I was wrong, they were right. But just finding ways of getting them fascinated with science and learning. They're always fascinated by that and you're so good at them. So good with them at doing these experiments and I just wanted to encourage those listening that you, you know you don't have to homeschool to do exciting experiments. You can do these no matter what. And I know they have books at the library. They have books at Barnes and Noble or YouTube channels go on Pinterest and find really easy ones. So, yeah, that was a really good one. One, I don't know if this was an experiment, but we did. It was it like two years ago was the butterfly experiment. That's what we really called it? It was a kit, where you have the little cage set up and then you, you know send them this code and they ship, you live butterflies. No, they're worms. Oh yeah. Caterpillars. That's right, live caterpillars. You said, worms? Worms. Live caterpillars. And you put them in this little environment and they turn into butterflies and you get to watch the whole process. That's pretty bloody actually surprisingly. The kids are like, what happened. You could just said, messy. They were messy but, but do you remember being out in the backyard and I took some photos on my phone when we let them go because they kind of just stuck around for a little bit. Well, they, they just sat on that, Olive's finger and it wouldn't fly away and Olive was so stoked that I would just sit there and then it finally flew away and he's like, no, come back. That was really fun. Another thing that we wanted to encourage you guys with to have fun as a family, and you could do this every day, if you wanted to, but making work feel like play. And I have a good example for this. It's not our example, it's actually a friend's example. This is work for adults too, make work feel like play. Yes, of course we are getting better at this but our friends, they blast music after dinner and do this whole cleanup party. And I know because they've showed it on their stories before on Instagram and their kids are like smiling while they're doing the dishes and singing while they're sweeping and I'm, and I'm thinking, what magic is this. So you just, you just gotta find those moments and make the best of them. Something you came up with this last Christmas, Jennifer. Which was a pretty creative thing. It was a Christmas, a Christmas box maze. We got a bunk, a bunch of cardboard boxes, open them up on both ends and then taped them all together and made this like maze. We put with stuff like Christmas lights in them, so like. It took over our entire house for a whole day. Yeah. Because we made these tunnels, we made these tunnels that went through to the different rooms and it was so fun. Yeah, went to the living room and then I made a, I made a PVC pipe igloo and I we put sheets over it in the middle of the maze. It was a lot of fun. It was so fun, and then we, I put wrapping paper on the front that said, Christmas Maze. And, but you guys can do this without it being Christmas you could do it for no reason at all. You can actually just Google. Card board box maze. Card board box maze and you'll probably see different types different options to show up. But you can also have fun by just finding ways to squeeze in surprises as a family. So this is probably going to be the parents for the kids, but you know those random like let's have hot chocolate, you know, let's. And don't even tell him, just sit him down for normal lunch and then just serve hot chocolate. Everyone's like, what is this? Why are we having hot chocolate with marshmallows right now. Or you can go more extravagant and surprise them with family coming into town, or I dunno, a surprise birthday party just shows up. Grandma just shows up. Yeah. Grandma. So along those lines, celebrations, you know, just making sure that you're not skipping over those milestones. Like for example, just you know, one of your kids starts to read. You know, learns how to read code, get ice cream, go celebrate, go affirm them. I don't think we can have too many reasons to celebrate I think. Like we can't, like there's it's good to celebrate things. No, we should be celebrating every day for something. Yeah. Why not? Cause we're supposed to be grateful people. This is really our reminder to ourselves that our time together with our children is so short and brief. Yeah, so brief. You were just looking at pictures. A friend of us, a friend of ours sent pictures of our son and his friend, like how, how old was he? Three. Two, three and Jennifer was like, I just wanna start crying. Like, why are they so old? Like, it, it goes by so quick I was just texting with my sister-in-law about how big our kids are getting. And she said, she texted back to me and she said, time is a thief. And I now I'm like, yes, you're right it is. And I didn't even remember that in a way that is like, we don't get it back, you know We only have what we have. So that was a pretty big list. And I'm sure there's gonna be more things that we're gonna try this year and figure out. And I hope it was an encouragement to everyone listening. So might just some ideas. So they have this list, they can adjust it, they can use it, use it as an inspiration but more than doing the things that are found what kinds of things might stop us or get in the way of us having fun because that can happen. Yeah, I think the, the immediate thing I think of is the inconvenience of a mess. Like my mind, my flesh automatically goes to what's gonna require. Yeah, messing the living room for the fort. Or whatever, yeah. Yeah. All the different things or just being lazy. Lazy is a big word for big... Like get up and go through balloons at each other. That's another thing, I don't wanna be wet and cold. Sometimes it's just the lack of thoughtfulness. So I'm just in which is one reason why we wanted to have this for you know, inspiration for you guys today because sometimes our minds just not on specific ways of having fun as a family or, or in a marriage. And so it, it requires a bit of inspiration to go. Oh I wasn't even thinking that, you know I think another thing that could get in the way is when we're not right with each other like if you're just, if you're frustrated if there's little off attitudes that it's gonna be hard to be like, let's have fun. Yeah, totally. So being on the same page being right with each other, walking in unity with each other helps you to be like, hey, let's bless the kids. Let's do something creative and fun. I think another thing that can get in the way is technology. I think that, you know, if we allow ourselves to be entertained by things that have to do with technology and we're not really bored anymore, we're not gonna go to that creative level of, I need to make fun, you know. Yeah, which we used to do before cell phones existed. Well, we're a part of that generation that kind of grew up with the. Grew up without them Like we were born in our childhood and then the second part was technology. But I wanted to share this quote it's by Albert Einstein. It says creativity is the residue of wasted time. So that idea of like being bored is good and then from it comes some fun Yeah. Steve jobs said, "I'm a big believer in boredom. Boredom allows one to indulge in curiosity and out of curiosity comes everything." That's good. Which is true because when you're curious, when you wanna know how something works, when you wanna create something that's where that innovation comes from. That's so good and being bored, we will be motivated to create life as we know it, that was like an unknown. Yeah, there's got a name for that. Finances is something that could stop, I know I talked about it earlier and I, I wanted to make a point about that but. It doesn't need to. Yeah. And that doesn't mean spend money you don't have. It means that we can still have fun and creative. You just gotta figure it out. Yeah. Simple as good and it's not affirmed enough in our fast paced have it all kind of world. Yeah, often simpler is better. Yeah, like I've, there's been so many times we've actually just a quick side note. I was just thinking about what this simpler is better. When we've gone on a road trips in the past or go to see family. There's often things that are where our parents live that we don't have access to here. And so we're like, let's go do this thing. Let's go to amusement park with our kids. Let's go do something that's creative and it takes the whole day and it's exhausting. It's hard and it's expensive and then it's like, all our kids wanted to do is sit in the sand at the beach all day. Yeah. Right, so we've been learning how to say what's the thing that's gonna be the most memorable. Yeah. We have an idea of what it is and often it's not actually what would be so, simpler is often way better. And I think to that note, it requires knowing one another knowing your spouse, knowing your kids, knowing your likes, your dislikes and really utilizing that information to create that family culture of what is it that you guys do? What are you gonna choose? I think that that's good. Another unknown or anonymous quote that I have here is, we didn't know we were making memories. We just knew we were having fun. And I love that, I love the, the innocence of, of what's motivating us. It's it's just, it's pure joy. We just wanna have fun. And then biblically, probably 15. Yeah, there's some quotes here. Proverbs 15, 13 says a glad heart makes a cheerful face but by sorrow of heart, the spirit is crushed. And this idea just there's we can produce gladness of heart and have joy in our homes and have lightness of hearts because there's going to be times of sorrow and it, it does crush the spirit. And so we need to make sure that in the times that we're not like that, that we are having fun, that we are enjoying what God has given us. What I also like about this proverb is that it says a glad heart makes a cheerful face. And so the impact that we have in each other's lives to say, hey if my hearts posture is a certain way I impact or I affect you. Yeah, it's gonna show. Yeah, and we should know this. We should, we should know that we have this power to make a cheerful face. If you wanna make your child light up and smile or your husband, think your goofy. You know, like we have that power, so anyways Psalm 118:24, this is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it, yeah and it's true. God has made this day and we can rejoice in it. Okay, so we like I said this was kind of an episode of quotes, I like it. But another one that I wanted to share with you guys is by one of my favorite authors Dr. Seuss. It's easy to remember and conserve as a reminder that we should seek the fun in what we do with people that we love. And it says today was good, today was fun, tomorrow is another one. That's true, I like that. So we wanna encourage you to go on a date this week and talk about having more fun in your relationship with each other and as a family. Maybe we can brainstorm some ideas. Yeah, and write a list. Write a list of things that you'd wanna do and figure out your budget. And then, you know, strategically figure out who's going to do which part of it, you know. Well, maybe fun is like a way that you can surprise your kids, like making someone doesn't even know that's coming. Okay, we're definitely doing that. We're gonna talk about that, cool. Okay, well, that wraps up today's episode. I hope that it was super encouraging for you guys to hear fun ways to have, fun ways to have fun as a family. Yeah, ways to have fun as a family. Just do it guys have fun. Yeah, so we're gonna talk about some things we're grateful for. Okay. To end this episode. I'm grateful for nature. I love how it expresses the invisible attributes of God and you see it everywhere. I actually like, I love listening to a river. Oh, wait I just, I was reading about how the many rushes of water is like the voice of the Almighty. That's really cool. Yeah, and I love listening to, I love listening to as rushes over the ground, I love watching and listening to trees as they dance and singing in the wind. We were just listening, I said, look at the trees and it was quiet. And they were just wrestling back and forth. So pretty. And I was saying how much I love just listening to them sway like that. That's so good. I'm grateful for having the opportunity to write a set of children's books. I briefly mentioned it above about riding bikes Which are hopefully coming. Soon. This year, maybe. Yeah, it's been a really great process. We have a friend doing the illustration for it and I just met with her about it, and you guys are so beautiful. I wish I could show you some screenshots or something but it is coming and we'll let you know, as soon as it's ready, but we have those coming. I feel so blessed to have been able to write them and participate with Aaron and write them. And they are awesome. In writing them, it was a dream of mine since I think high school to do children's books. So this is really awesome. Yeah. God's good. There's two of them, not one, two. I can't wait to see what my children think about them. I think they're gonna treasure him. Yeah, and we hope we hope you guys like them too. So would you share what you're thankful for, what you're grateful for, with your spouse, with God and with a friend and let's just spread gratefulness. So we're gonna end in prayer. Yeah. Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of family. Thank you for the adventure of fun. We pray we would be people who seek to have fun and choose joy no matter what we are experiencing. We pray would be intentional to be the initiators of fun. Please infuse our minds and hearts with ideas and the will to make life fun for others. We pray our marriages would be seen as lighthearted and full of joy. We also pray we would not let anything get in the way or hinder us from doing even the most simplest of fun things with our families. We pray our joy and laughter is contagious. A reminder to those in this that you are our source of true joy in Jesus name, Amen. Amen, we love you all and as usual, our share warriors would you go out and share this episode. Share it with someone who needs some ideas for fun. Share it with a friend, with a family member. We love you, will see you next week. Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

We want to invite you to take our 31-day Parenting prayer challenge. http://parentingprayerchallenge.com/ Read Transcript` [Jennifer] Welcome to the Marriage After God Podcast. [Aaron] We're your hosts, I'm Aaron. [Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer. [Aaron] We've been married for 14 years. [Jennifer] And we have five young children. [Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other. [Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together, including our newest book, "Marriage After God," the book that inspired us to start this podcast. [Aaron] "Marriage After God" has a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose. [Jennifer] To reflect his love. [Aaron] To be a light in this world [Jennifer] To work together as a team. [Aaron] Using what He has given us. [Jennifer] To build His kingdom. [Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey. [Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together. [Aaron] This is Marriage After God. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Marriage After God podcast. We're Aaron and Jennifer Smith. [Jennifer] Your hosts, hi. [Aaron] And we're glad to have you, yeah, hi. Jennifer, what's going on in our world right now? Not the world, our world. [Jennifer] We don't have enough time to cover all of that. [Aaron] Exactly, very true. [Jennifer] But our world, meaning you and I. [Aaron] Yes. [Jennifer] What is going on? It's good to be recording again with you. [Aaron] Yes, it is actually. What are you drinking? What did I make you? [Aaron] You made me chai, thank you. [Aaron] It's like the world's best chai. [Jennifer] It's really good. [Aaron] It's Metolius chai. [Jennifer] But when you asked me if I wanted, when I was saying yes, 'cause I thought you were making yourself one and you didn't. [Aaron] No, I made myself a coffee. The chais are good, but the milk messes with my stomach. I can't do it, it's like too much. But I sprinkled some cardamom on the top of there. A little bit of vanilla bean sugar. [Jennifer] It's fancy. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] Thank you. [Aaron] You're welcome. So I just got a quick question for you before we move on, as usual. What's something that has brought you joy this week? [Jennifer] Something that's brought me joy. Well, okay, this was actually really funny. So much joy, I was like, I was laughing about it. I was in the score room with the kids and you know that song ♪ Come thou fount of every blessing ♪ Okay? You know which one I'm talking about? [Aaron] "Come Thou Fount." Is that what it is? [Jennifer] I was just letting you know what song it was, 'cause usually, I'll say a name of a song and you don't know unless I'm singing, you know? [Aaron] Yeah, I know, and you sung it really well. [Jennifer] Thank you. Poor everybody else right now. Anyways, Olive loves to sing and hum and do all of that and so she was, I think she was trying to sing this song, and I could hear her as she's like playing with math tiles and she was saying& ♪ Come old faithful ♪ And I think, 'cause I don't know. [Aaron] That's a good version. [Jennifer] This is so cute. And it made me think of our trip to Yellowstone and seeing Old Faithful, which the kids still bring up that story of being able to see it, you know, shoot out and everything, but she thinks he lyrics are come old faithful. [Aaron] Does she let you correct her? And that like with the character [Jennifer] I didn't, it was too cute. I was just laughing about it. [Aaron] Yeah, she loves to sing and she makes up her own songs. She's like more interested in making up her own songs than she is learning real songs which is great because she's probably been a songwriter. [Jennifer] Yeah. It was really cute. I tried recording it and then I got caught and she didn't like that very much. She said I had to ask her if I was gonna record her. [Aaron] You know, it's funny speaking about that. Our kids are like that from like day one, like Edith, all of our kids. [Jennifer] Are we trying to record something? [Aaron] They're like saying their first words and I'm sneaking the phone up so she doesn't see it. And then she like looks right over at me at the phone and she knows I'm recording and she just won't do it. She just sits there and then like strides to smack the phone out of my hands. It's like our kids now we don't wanna be on social media. Even though we don't ever post these things. [Jennifer] Yeah, it wasn't even for social media. I was just doing it because it was so cute. I thought one day I'll show her show, you know her future husband or someone this, but it's all right, I'll get it one day. [Aaron] You know what? Jesus is our Old Faithful, anyway. [Jennifer] That's true. I should tell her that. [Aaron] It's an accurate portrayal of the son. [Jennifer] When I do correct her I will be sure to add that in. [Aaron] Hey, we just, we love that you're all here. We're excited to be talking about this topic today. Before we move on to the topic I'd like to invite you, if you haven't yet to leave us a review today or a star rating, you could choose whatever amount of stars you want to give us. I often prefer five stars, but that's okay. If you want to do something less, that's fine. But we would love to invite you to give us a star rating and a review. Those are awesome. It helps people find the podcast. It also helps people know what people think of the podcast. And so with that being said, I'd love to read one of the reviews that someone left us and it goes like this. Oh, so I read before I read this, remember how when we first launched this season we talked about the new podcasts the new song we have the interest on. What's funny is this person mentions it. We talked about how catchy it is. He says this podcast has been amazing and highly influential in both my wife and my walk in honoring God with our marriage. Each episode is brought food for thought and encouragement to surrender our pride and give glory to God with our words, actions and thought life. There is humor as well as which is a plus, because some topics can be challenging and a laugh here and there helps lighten hearts while not taking away from the lessons learned or to be learned. Okay, if you're read this much, please help me out. I've been looking for this song "Can't Be Bothered" And only Miranda Lambert song "I Can't Be Bothered" It's coming up. I'm on the edge of going crazy. Who is the artist of this song? He keeps whistling inside of his head, it won't stop. So it worked and that's M Matthew's 51317 that wrote that review. And what's funny is it's not actually a song that's on any like album I think. It's from this like stock music site. [Jennifer] So how does he find it? [Aaron] They can go to artlist.com and look for "Can't Be Bothered" [Jennifer] Okay, hopefully he finds it. [Aaron] Yeah, but it's funny 'cause the song is really catchy, [Jennifer] I didn't know you're going to share this this review that someone left. And I was just thinking, I'm really encouraged to hear that. He says that we, you know spread in a laugh here and there and that it lightens the topic that we're talking about which is good because the topics can be challenging. And I always wondered how people viewed that because I get really insecure or like, I think are they gonna think that I'm taking this too lightly? If I laugh right here. [Aaron] They are not taking this serious enough. [Jennifer] No, but like, I never want to offend anyone that I'm not taking it more seriously than I should especially depending on what we're talking about. So this is encouraging. Thanks for sharing it. [Aaron] All right, so today we'll talk... All right, so today we're-- [Jennifer] I was gonna say, I think you just need a drum roll, hold on. [Aaron] Okay. So today we're talking about six things to build a strong marriage. We haven't done a list post, list podcast in a long time [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] That I know of. [Jennifer] I don't know. [Aaron] Maybe we have. [Jennifer] I feel like we have. [Aaron] It's possible. We like our lists, but this is a good one. It's a good reminder. We all need reminders and we all need encouragement and we all need just a little pep talk sometimes. 'Cause we're all building something pretty amazing. Well, we do specifically. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] So that's what we're going to talk about today is this idea of building a strong marriage and just some of the aspects that we can focus on to do that. [Jennifer] Cool. So we're going to take it way back to a few years ago. I guess that's not like way back. [Aaron] It almost been six years now. [Jennifer] Just a little bit. Oh yeah [Aaron] Yeah, In April will be four. [Jennifer] Well, I was pregnant with Wyatt and he just turned four 2016, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, five years. [Aaron] Five years in April. [Jennifer] Yeah. So we were both right. 'Cause I said four, you said six. [Aaron] We're like, we're in the middle, perfect. [Jennifer] Guys, this is where we're starting off on building a strong marriage [Aaron] Communication is one of the topics. [Jennifer] So we bought our first home. We had been married for nine years and we found this old and decrepit falling apart home. It had been abandoned for like three years and there's a big sticker in the window saying, you know gonna be online auction in a couple of days. And it just really, it was like a glowing opportunity for us and our family. Although we didn't know if we could actually pull off the remodel. [Aaron] It was pretty bad. [Jennifer] It was bad, but this is the house we're currently living in. And it felt really good to have a home that was ours. Even though, I mean from day one, it was work. We had to put the work in to build it to make it even something that we could move into because do you remember the electricity and everything was-- [Aaron] Yeah the wiring had to be pretty much re-done, the entire house. The plumbing had to be pretty much redone. [Jennifer] And then as we started taking stuff off like the roof, we'll talk about, we found more. So we're going to start here. [Aaron] Yeah, every bandage we pulled off there was another bandage that needed to be pulled off. But it was awesome. One of the first things I remember doing this project and there was a lot that went into this but this most memorable moment was when we started ripping off the old roof. Because you can, when we looked at the roof you could see just the roof, the tiles were old we need to replace it. And we're like, okay, we'll just scrape the tiles off and we'll put new tiles up. [Jennifer] Wasn't there like a layer. Like I remember looking at the edge where the gutter was and there was like a layer of different decades of tile. [Aaron] Yeah there was like three layers of tile. They didn't just, whenever they did new tile they just put it over the old which is what a lot of people do. And so were we start pulling the tile off and we realized that all of the sub floor, all the wood the sub wood underneath the tile was also bad. Like we were like falling through the wood. And so we can just tile right over it. So we're like, okay, great. And so we start ripping all of the wood off. [Jennifer] And when you say we, he's not talking about we 'cause I was not up there ripping anything off of it. [Aaron] There was people that helped. But one day I was up there by myself just like with a big old crowbar ripping up big old. And what was hard was every time I tried ripping it up all the wood would break, but where the nails were stayed. So I had to like pry off just the little strip of wood that was on the trusses by itself every single time. So we rip all that off and it was a lot of hard work. And so essentially for a while, all of the walls in the house were just open. There was no doors, there was no windows. It was just, you see through the whole house from the street. [Jennifer] But I mean, we didn't start this in the middle of winter or anything. [Aaron] It was the middle of summer. It was hot-- [Jennifer] Well, not middle of summer, it was end of spring, early summer because we closed in the end of March. So April, May, June, yeah. [Aaron] It was ideal time to do it. And it was, you know really nice weather and it was perfect. So the whole house is open and now we rip the roof off and there's, you literally could see through the roof you could see through the walls, like just nothing. It's just sticks, standing up and we're doing all this. And we're at a rental 'cause we were renting a house and it just starts pouring rain. We wake up in the morning, I'm like, oh, it's raining. So I run, I rush over to the house knowing that it's all open. And I'm like, oh gosh, this is not gonna be good. And I walk in and I go through the there's no door. So I just walk in and right in the dining room kitchen area is just a waterfall of water just pouring into the house and flooding in the house. And I'm like, this is like our first house we owning. All I'm thinking is 'cause all the wood floors in there we're trying to keep original. And I'm like, oh my gosh, everything's ruined. And so I called Jennifer and I'm like, yep there's a waterfall in the house. And we're freaking out. I'm freaking out my friend that helped me do it. Couldn't, wasn't available to come help. And I'm like, I don't what to do. So I just run to Costco. I bought a bunch of big old tiles, threw them on the ground. I run to home depot. I pick up a hundred foot tarp which is a huge tarp, by the way I've never held a hundred feet tarp until this time. And then I climbed up on the roof by myself. Jennifer was down watching me. [Jennifer] I was there to cheer you on. [Aaron] But she couldn't get up there. [Jennifer] I actually was really scared for you because of how windy it was, like I remember your jacket blowing over and like, you couldn't keep your footing. [Aaron] Yeah. And does anyone know what happens when you have a hundred foot tarp in wind? It turns into-- [Jennifer] Mass of balloon. [Aaron] It turns into like a. [Jennifer] A kite. [Aaron] Yeah. And so this thing's flopping around. I use the wind to my advantage 'cause I let it open up the tarp as much as possible. But without pulling me off the roof [Jennifer] Parts that were sagging down, I tried pulling over but I like was pregnant and holding all of them, my hips. So it was useless really. [Aaron] So we got this tarp pretty much to cover most of the roof of the house to keep the water out. It was like crazy, but we got it. And then I got the wood down. We put some dehumidifiers in the house all over the place and it definitely wasn't as bad as it I thought it was gonna be, but man, that was frustrating, scary. I was cold and it was hard and oh that was a big deal. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And it's so far behind us, which is crazy. [Jennifer] I know i&t is. I think in the midst of it though why it feels so frustrating is because you don't know the outcome you don't know how is this gonna how is this gonna damage the thing that we're working towards, you know. [Aaron] They just ruin everything. [Jennifer] What kind of impact is it going to have? So we're going to sprinkle in these stories today and I think it's good to relate it back right away to marriage to try and get this idea of what we're talking about when we talk about building a strong marriage. So like our marriage, when we realize, you know what it is, the value of marriage and how much it's worth, when those hard times come, I mean we're called to endure, we're called to persevere. But that doesn't mean we're not gonna be frustrated or scared or fearful of the unknown impacts of the choices that we make or the circumstances that come against us. Right? That's kind of like one of the things we want to share here. [Aaron] Yeah and then in the like manner being vigilant to do what it takes to mitigate and to take care of that issue so that it doesn't cause further damage which is kind of like getting the tarp and do getting the tiles and like, hey, let's fix this together. [Jennifer] Yeah, and even if the circumstance or the thing that you're facing seems impossible or even impossible for you as a couple and as a team to work together on we still need to do what we can to make it work. Right? I mean, that's what I felt like seeing you up there on the roof and about to be blown off. I'm like, I just got to grab this end of the tarp and like, act like I'm helping-- [Aaron] I'm cold and like frustrated, but we're going to do this and then we've got to get it done. [Jennifer] And we did. And we were able to protect a lot of the house during that time. And thank goodness. It was only one like day and night of that kind of rain. We were able to fix the roof and finish what needed to be done in order to close everything up and protect what was on the inside. [Aaron] Because-- [Jennifer] From the elements. [Aaron] To equate it to marriage, it's something that we're investing in. It's a valuable thing. It's not just an asset. It's one of the most valuable things we have in our life is our marriages. And we have to build them strong which is what we're talking about today and take care of them and protect them and be aware of the dangers of the weather of the things from within all those things that we, you know, we're gonna bring up some of it today, but that's kind of what we're talking about is, we have, we bought this house and it was something that needed to be built and taken care of and protected. And we did so and now we get to enjoy it. [Jennifer] Another thing I'd like to say is you as you're telling that story, you know, you said your friend who was helping us, couldn't make it at that time, in that moment to help you with the tarp. And that's okay. And that happens. And I just want to add that we can't rely on others to do the hard work of marriage. Like we can't like having friends, having family, even having pastors and therapists and people who are play really important roles in our lives. That's great. And that's so good in an impactful but ultimately it requires the husband and wife to put the work in to build that strong marriage. [Aaron] Yeah. That's good. Cause no one else can build that marriage for us. They can definitely help, they can participate. But when it comes to it like we're the ones that are going to protect it. We're the ones that sees the value. Right? [Aaron] Yeah, and we're the ones that have to make the choices. The choice to do it. To do it. That's good. Another story about our house, which all of this builds into this idea of building a strong marriage. Is something that we wrote about in our book, Marriage After God. And it's about a foundational thing that we had to do. We added an addition to the front of our house so that our living room will be bigger. And so we had to do a new footing and new foundation for that area that we're adding on. And so we had a foundation company come out and they framed it out. They poured the concrete and they did this whole thing. [Jennifer] And just getting to that point, sorry to cut you off. But just getting to that point took so long because we had to wait on permit. Then you know, waiting on the people that come and do that kind of work. [Aaron] The schedule yeah. [Jennifer] The weather, everything had to be. [Aaron] Just right. [Jennifer] Yeah. It took a while. [Aaron] And so they did it, they pulled the forms off and we go over it and we inspect and my friend who's helped me do this said that it was fine. But when I look at it and I saw there was like holes in it and it looked crumbly and there was like crack. Yeah, there was cracks in it and it just didn't look good. [Jennifer] It didn't feel perfect. [Aaron] It didn't feel right, for what I was the money was spending on it. And for what I'm thinking like, is this gonna like last 50 years, is this going to last 20 years? And so it wasn't quite done right. And so the company did come back& they ripped the whole thing out and they repoed the whole thing and then it looks perfect. And the reason we did that is 'cause I'm thinking long-term I'm thinking, is this going to last a lifetime? [Jennifer] Well, I remember you the value we were putting into the rest of the house. And you're like I don't want to be sitting in here, you know, 10, 15 years from now and then fall through the front living room because the foundation wasn't done right. [Aaron] Yeah, or the front corner of our house is sinking. And we see the cracks the walls because that foundation is important. If the foundation isn't firm, if it isn't strong. If it isn't structural, it's not gonna hold, all the weight that's going to be put on it. Everything that you build on top of it it's not gonna be there. And that's one of the things we're going to talk about today is our foundation. And we talk about that in our book how important our foundation is to build a strong marriage because without the foundation, doesn't matter what you put on top of it, it's gonna fall apart. [Jennifer] Or if it's slightly off kilter, it's the whole thing. It'll be noticeable, right? [Aaron] Especially as you build and build and build like none of the lines are gonna line up. The walls aren't gonna be straight. [Jennifer] You run into more problems. [Aaron] Yeah you run into more problems. [Jennifer] Well, after all was said and done, we did move into the house and we started to enjoy this labor of love that we kind of I don't know, it was an adventure for us. Right? [Aaron] Yeah and we enjoy it even to this day. [Jennifer] And what I loved was being able to make it our own especially coming out of rentals. 'Cause you try and do what you can around rentals to make them feel like your own. But that's just not the same. I don't know if other people have a hard time with that or not. Some people are, I've seen some people make rentals look like, you know it's so them, but just from what I experienced, when we were able to move into this house and seeing all the white walls, it was like, oh, clean you know, canvas for us to be able to then-- [Aaron] And our landlords didn't like it, when we knocked walls out and tried to make bigger rooms, they did not like that. [Jennifer] So anyways, it was fun to be able to look at it and go, okay, so how do we express ourselves? You know. And I love that. And just being able to hang pictures on the wall, you know this process didn't take one day. It didn't take two weeks. It was kind of something that we waited on and did as we went [Aaron] It's still not even finished. We're still always looking at different things wanting to paint walls, wanting to redo rooms. But it's been a fun process of making this house that we built into a home that we love. And we live in, which again is another analogy for our marriage that we were once two individuals and that we've come together. We've started something. And then there's this process this lifetime process of what is our marriage. [Jennifer] Yeah. It's kind of like the, the correlation here would be how do we express ourselves through marriage by the way we love each other, the way we interact with each other [Jennifer] What we build with each other the work we do with each other, our family, our children how we raise them, all of those things. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] They have long lasting effects but it's something that we could do together. Choose to walk in together and we decide how we're going to do it. [Jennifer] Yeah. Okay, so this would actually be fun to ask you what does this look like in our marriage? So how have you or I decorated our relationship? I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but why not. [Aaron] Really tapping into my sensitive emotional side here. I have to dig deep. [Jennifer] I'll say this, we choose to be generous. And I think that's a mark of our marriage. [Aaron] It's true [Jennifer] That we know each other to be generous to one another to our children and to others. [Aaron] I agree with that. That's something that is a mark of our marriage specifically, that's something that we strive for is how can our family be generous? Something I also think about is going back to when I proposed you, saying that I want to do whatever we did. I wanted to do it for God and I want to do it together. [Jennifer] That's true. [Aaron] And I believe that for the most part we've done that. [Jennifer] I was gonna say are our choices have been aligned with that sediment. [Aaron] Yeah. It was never, it wasn't perfect right away. But even what we get to do now was there was a bunch of stepping sets leading to this. And they were very in some intentional, some serendipitous but we are, our heart was always in this direction of like, well, how are we going to do this together? [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] What does that look like? And so I think that's one way we've decorated our home of our marriage. [Jennifer] That was cool. I just wanted to see what you think. All right. So I have another story. Do you remember? It was probably only a couple of weeks after we moved in and you were a little particular about the floor because you spent some money re-finishing [Aaron] It's the original floor. And we had to get it like, like laced in wherever the walls went away. We had to get new wood put in and I just was really happy about it. [Jennifer] We had this nice thing. [Aaron] It turned out really nice. [Jennifer] Super nice polish. It was almost like so beautiful. You're like, well, I don't want to walk on it. You know? And then here we have these kids that are like trying to ride their tricycles all over it. Sorry, we love them. [Aaron] They are the best. [Jennifer] Yeah. So this though was, it was hard, but-- [Aaron] God did invent humor. God, it was God. Humor was God's idea, right? So I have to just I have to know that God loves to laugh. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] He loves humor. He also loves to challenge us in our flesh. [Jennifer] I don't see challenges that he gives us opportunities to grow. And this is an opportunity for you. [Aaron] This is a great opportunity. [Jennifer] Our daughter, Olive who, you know, she was about a year and a half found like the brightest pink nail polish that one could-- [Aaron] It's still her favorite color. [Jennifer] Hot pink. [Aaron] Hot pink, bright neon, glowing pink. [Jennifer] And she came running down the hall, so excited and eager to paint her nails and dropped it all over the hallway for. [Aaron] All over and that stuff dries really fast, I don't know why. [Jennifer] By the time you got to it, it was like, you wiped up maybe a dot of it. But the rest of it was kind of stuck. And you were down there on your hands and knees with like Q tips and nail polish remover and anything you could find. But then that actually did lift up some of the stain. And so there's a couple of white spots, that we don't talk about in the hallway. [Aaron] Now it's a memory. [Jennifer] So what's my point with that hot nail Polish [Aaron] I wasn't frustrated or anything. I was so calm. No, that was a little, yeah. It was definitely a challenge for my flesh because-- [Jennifer] I got to encourage you there. That was, it was accident. And you know, it's fine. [Aaron] It's totally fine. Now when I look at these things, I think it's like part of our house, I was like, oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. I remember that. I see that scratch [Jennifer] But okay, so my point is this, even after building a home and making it what we want it like, it's perfect. Right? [Aaron] Wrong but I see what your saying. [Jennifer] Like a marriage having a great season or rhythm, you know and then all of a sudden you experience a really hard thing and it like bumps into it and you didn't expect it. You're like what just happened [Aaron] Or your flesh shows its face and you bump into your sin with each other and then. [Jennifer] Its gonna happen. [Aaron] Yeah, It should happen. If it's not happening. There's something I think wrong. Maybe not talking enough. [Jennifer] Life would be boring if everything was just super perfect and easy but we have these opportunities, like I said to grow from, to learn from, to identify and see, okay how's the Lord gonna use this one? So we need to keep our eyes open and out for that [Aaron] One, I think this is a good encouragement before we get into these six things, that, I mean we've thought this way, if only X, Y, Z changed or was different, man we would just be good to go. Like life would be peachy. And I think there's this, there could be a life is better or greener on the other side type thing. Like once we get here or if this change happens or if we can have this or we can attain this everything will be good. But the point is as the Bible talks about everything's in, we have seasons. Like we can have really good seasons. And then there could be really hard seasons like sickness can come in, we get confronted with our sins. Uncontrollable events could happen. There's lots of things are gonna happen. So if we get out of the mindset of one day, we'll be there and we get into a mindset of right now, we're here. What's the way to walk, where we're at. It changes everything [Jennifer] Perspective. [Aaron] Yep. [Jennifer] That's good. Another thing that I want to share is just that while I love that the Lord has led us to share about our marriage and create this place to encourage other marriages. And we've had to work on our marriage and we're still working on our marriage. I don't want anyone to think that we have built this strong marriage in that it's always strong. Like we have to maintain it. We have to keep it guarded. We have to protect it. We have-- [Aaron] We go through struggles. [Jennifer] You go through struggles. [Aaron] That's a light way of saying it. [Jennifer] Yeah, but today we wanted to remind you that much like building a home, marriage requires us to build and make it strong. So not a day goes by that. Aaron, you and I don't have to put that work in. And those listening, not a day goes by that you don't get to put that work in. [Aaron] And some days , it's like every minute it feels like we have to like focus on it. [Jennifer] Yeah, and our foundation is not like a home. Our foundation is not concrete. Our foundation is the word of God. So that daily work has to be laid on the foundation of God's word. We have to be in his word [Aaron] Which we'll talk about. [Jennifer] It's so important. I just want to just start that upfront 'cause it's really important. [Aaron] Yeah, so here are six things to do to make your marriage strong. [Jennifer] Right, let's do it. [Aaron] Number one and most importantly, working on making your marriage Christ centric [Jennifer] Keeping him in the middle, at the center. [Aaron] Yeah, It's not just in the middle of your marriage, but he's central to everything. Like what we do, how we talk, how we think how we raise our family, how we do church. Well, you know, all of it, he is central to all of it. It's not just like we have our marriage here. We have Christ over here. We have our parents over here. We have our friends over here. We have our church over here. [Jennifer] Got it. [Aaron] No, it's all centered on Christ. When you read that verse, 1st Corinthians 3:11 [Jennifer] For no one can lay a foundation, other than that, which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now, if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay straw each one's work will become manifest for the day will disclose it because it will be revealed by fire. And the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. [Aaron] And so this this scripture is not specifically talking about marriage. This is talking about the work that Christ has done in that our walks and in our Christianity. [Jennifer] Like everything we do. [Aaron] Everything [Jennifer] But marriage is a part of that. [Aaron] It's founded on Christ. And so he's warning against what we, how we build on that foundation. And that also there is no other foundation. Like he is the foundation and everything we do, our walk with him, our walking in the spirit our building for him, our working for him. Our marriages, our raising of children is built upon him. And that's what this is talking about. Are you building with, you know things that are going to burn up and fall apart? Are you building the things that are precious and won't get made more pure? And so starting there, this is the most important thing, it's central to our faith is building on top of Christ and our faith in him and our salvation in him. [Jennifer] So how do we do that? [Aaron] Well, that's a good question. First and foremost, we listen and obey what God has said through his son and his word. So Matthew 7:24 to 27 says everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat on that house. But it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock. This is exactly talking about the same thing. Who's the rock? [Jennifer] Christ. [Aaron] And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against that house. And it fell and great was its fall. And this is exactly this dichotomy of being a fool or a wise man and is based on whether we listen and do what God says in his word. [Jennifer] Be doers of the word, not just hearers. [Aaron] Or not. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And so if we think we can build our marriage on something else, we think we can walk a certain way and put Christ in the background. Great is that fall that's coming. But if we listen and do what he says and one of the things that his word tells us to do is husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church, wives submit to your husbands as to Christ as the church does to Christ. These things are, they're there for a reason. [Jennifer] So here's another one, Psalm 127:1 says, Unless the Lord builds the house those who build it labor in vain, unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. So my question is, are we supposed to build or is the Lord? [Aaron] I think both. So we are, yes we build our house 'cause we're called to be obedient, like we just read. Listen to his words, do what he says. But when you do that, think about what happens when you're [Jennifer] He's working through you. [Aaron] Well, it's his, it's his doing. So when you walk in his spirit when you listen to what he says. [Jennifer] When you align your heart with his, you're actually carrying out his will. [Aaron] Right. And so it's just a quick funny analogy. I think about Ikea furniture. Like, yeah, you get all the stuff and you have everything you need and they give you the tools. They give you the hardware, they give you all the wood. [Jennifer] But if you don't follow the instructions. [Aaron] You're not building nothing. [Jennifer] Or it's like all backwards, you know. [Aaron] Yeah, you follow those instructions and you get a chair that holds you up. [Jennifer] I am speaking of when we did move into the house, I was looking for a dresser, I think it was for one of the kids like the boys room. And I went on Facebook, you know, the marketplace. And I went to go meet someone that was selling this dresser. And it was an Ikea dresser and they lifted up their garage for me. And I walk in. [Aaron] I remember this [Jennifer] Remember there was like these strange holes in the in the front of the dresser. And I'm like I just don't remember those being there like that. There's a couple of funky things about it. And then I told him, thank you. And I'll let them know if it fits the space. And then I looked, when I got in the car and looked it up online, that same dresser. And I'm like, I think they put it together wrong. 'Cause look, there's no filter. It's so backwards. So anyways. [Aaron] Yeah, so when we do it his way, it is him building it. [Jennifer] Yeah [Aaron] Right? But through us because we're walking in his spirit, Proverbs 3:5 to 6 says. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him. And he will make straight your paths. Again, that goes back to you walk in what he says and it's going to produce good fruit. It's gonna take you to where you need to go. [Jennifer] And you guys might be wondering what does that verse have to do with marriage? But that verse has everything to do with marriage. Because well, from my own experience, it gets so easy to want to share with your spouse, your understanding what you think is right, your perception, how you view the perfect situation or that needs to be done. [Aaron] By your spouse's wrong and your rights. Why everything [Jennifer] But if you both trust in the Lord with all of your heart and you don't lean on your own understanding and you realize that you're one. [Aaron] And you acknowledge Christ and everything you do [Jennifer] His way is just better. Yeah. Okay. All right. Here's another one. Galatians 2:20. I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me and the life I now live in the flesh. I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. [Aaron] The gospel right there. [Jennifer] We are Christ's. So the Bible this tells us that anything we do, we should do to his glory for him as if we're working for him. That's our marriage is included in that. So husbands, are you walking with your wives, loving your wives, building up your wives as unto the Lord for him, Are you realizing that you've been crucified with Christ and it's no longer you who live but Christ who lives in you? Those things matter when we put our minds on that it actually changes the atmosphere completely. Changes when we have an argument and we realize, oh my goodness, I'm being a fool. And I am not. I'm walking in that dead guy, not in the new guy. So we need to keep Christ at the center as our foundation. So we just, we gotta make sure that we're keeping Christ that he is our center, that he is our foundation and that there is no other foundation in our marriage. [Jennifer] So real quick, just, I think that everybody understands the idea of oneness and how in marriage, a husband and wife are one and that's beautiful, but we still operate individually. Like you can't force me what I'm gonna do. I don't force you, what you're gonna do. Our days are set up a little bit differently. And then there's times that we come together. So could you just speak to the individual, how do they prioritize and keep Christ at the center of their life? What choices are they making to do this. [Aaron] As individuals, we need to realize that we have our faith in Christ that he loves us as individuals, that we are to seek him his face and be in the word of God and be praying for ourselves, for our family for our children and have that attitude. That Christ is our everything. And that shapes how we respond to our spouses, how we deal with our children, how we make choices in life, all of those things matter. And what's awesome is, Christ isn't divided, if my wife has the Holy spirit and I have the Holy spirit and even though we may be individually pursuing Christ it's going to cause us to pursue him together. And it's going to cause us to be more in one mind. Right? 'Cause it's one spirit that we're walking in. [Jennifer] That's good. Would you take a moment to speak to the couple, who might be listening, who may tend to rely on their spouse for spiritual connectedness to God? So like I guess my point is let's say your good at doing this keeping Christ at the center of your daily life. I know that you're in the word. I know that you're praying for me and for our family. And I just have been relying on you to do that. And so I feel connected to God but I'm actually not walking the way that I should be, speak to that person. [Aaron] I think you, if you're letting your spouse when you say this, I think more of a husband who's being passive, lets his wife take the kids to church. He lets his wife read the Bible to the kids and is not interested in necessarily and-- [Jennifer] Might even be present for it, but not speaking up or. [Aaron] Not engaging, not having their own [Jennifer] Personal pursuit of God. [Aaron] Yeah, I would say that needs to change for your own sake. And it's usually important is that what usually again it's massively important for your family but it's more important for you as an individual. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Like Christ loves you and wants, has a relationship for you in him and wants to know you and wants you to know him. [Jennifer] Yeah. And today we're talking about building a strong marriage, not an okay one not a mediocre one, a strong, powerful marriage. You both individually need to be chasing boldly after God. And then coming together to do that as one. Another scripture that we wanted to share was Philippians 4:13. [Aaron] I can do all things through him who strengthens me. [Jennifer] So who is doing the strengthening? [Aaron] Christ. Christ strengthens me. And what's interesting about that verse. Oftentimes we like to use that verse in a way of like, oh, I can do anything, but it's in context to living through certain kinds of situations. [Jennifer] Different seasons. [Aaron] Different seasons, suffering, poverty, wealth, all of these things, these different life stages these different things that we could experience [Jennifer] Tying your tarp up on the roof. [Aaron] We can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Yeah. So dealing with the things alive it doesn't necessarily mean like oh I can do whatever I want. [Jennifer] Right. [Aaron] Because Christ is gonna strengthen me to do it. It specifically talks about the heart. Normal hard things of life. [Jennifer] Endurance. [Aaron] Yeah, enduring. [Jennifer] Very cool. Okay. Well that was number one. I know we kind of spent some time. [Aaron] We only have five more. [Jennifer] The second one is, we've already mentioned it several times and it's so important but it's read the Bible and this-- [Aaron] The word of God [Jennifer] This is foundational to having a strong, powerful marriage, why? [Aaron] And this is, this is a hard thing is that many Christians in the, in this world mainly in the United States don't actually read the word enough. I don't remember the exact stat, but they're like very few people have ever read the whole Bible. Like very small percentage of people who claim to be Christians. And what's crazy about that is we claim to say we believe something like the word of God because when we say we believe in Jesus and we believe in God, like as a Christian. What we're saying is we believe what the Bible says about Jesus and God. But if we've never read the whole thing what are we actually believing? Like, do you know what you believe? And I just want to challenge you as a believer. If you have not read through the whole Bible this isn't a law thing. This isn't a working for your salvation thing. This is an encouragement as a brother to a brother or sister to a sister, read the Bible, read the whole thing front to back so that you know what you believe you know what you're having faith in. And so building a strong marriage or building a strong faith alone, you got to read the word of God. Read it with each other, read it alone, read it with your children make it a normal facet of your life. That the word of God is read out loud and in private always. [Jennifer] A few episodes ago, we talked about delighting in the Lord and delighting in each other. And it makes me think of reading through the Bible. And you know, some people, depending on the size of their Bible might feel like that's too daunting or that feels like a lot or I don't understand. But if we take it from an approach of delight in the Lord in this way, get to know him, you know, through his word, it's not daunting. It's not overwhelming. It's just an experience. [Aaron] Yeah. So I read this book a while back just about different translations and how they are translated. But the author said this thing that really changed the way I look at the Bible because we can look at the Bible and be like, oh there's stuff that I don't understand. Or you know, how am I supposed to study it? I'm not, I don't know how to study the Bible. And we look at it as this as like homework but he said have you ever just read the Bible to enjoy reading it? Cause he he's a literary major. He's a teacher of literature. And so he loves literature. And so he's, he encouraged the reader to read the Bible and just enjoy reading it. There's time to study and that's good and it needs to happen. But just reading it, reading straight through and enjoying the language, enjoying the flow enjoying the storyline and enjoying it like you would a good book. I thought that was just an a good encouragement. [Jennifer] So good. That's awesome. Deuteronomy 6:7 says, you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house. And when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up, so what are we teaching them? [Aaron] Yeah, this is specifically talking about God's laws, his precepts and it's this encouragement to the fathers and saying make every moment of your day habit that your children would know my words. Would know my commands. Joshua 1:8 says, the book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it, for then you will make your ways. Then you will make your way prosperous. And then you will have good success. Who doesn't want to be prosperous and have good success? Right? And he's saying, the way you do this is put my law in your mouth, meditate on it. And this word meditate is to chew. Like you repeat it and you remember it and you sing it and you hum it. And you think about it and you over and over and over again. [Jennifer] So I think we're mostly familiar with Ephesians 6 about the armor of God, but it talks about the word of God and the sword of the spirit. And that's how we wage wage war. Right? [Aaron] Exactly, when we think about defending our home, defending our minds, defending our hearts defending our wives, [Jennifer] Defending against what? [Aaron] The enemy his schemes that, that we have, we have an enemy his name is the devil and he hates us as believers. [Jennifer] So he can't wield that sword. We can't use it correctly if we don't know it. [Aaron] And so we have to pick it up and practice it and read it and know it. [Jennifer] Okay, so why be in the word every day? [Aaron] Well, Hebrews 4:12 says, for the word of God is living and active. It's a living being, it's an entity. It's not a stale book that only makes sense in the past. It makes sense every day. It's sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit and of joints and marrow and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. The Bible knows us. It's God's word and God knows us. And so when we read it, whatever we think about ourselves, we'll either align with it or contradict it. And so when we read and we say, oh, my life doesn't line up with that. Oh, I'm wrong. So we look at it and it reflects us and it shows a true reflection of who we are. And so the more we read it, the more we see who we are, who God made us to be, what we believe, what we have faith in. And it changes us the word about changes us. [Jennifer] There's also been so many times where a certain part of scripture that I read that day speaks to a specific circumstance or thing that I'm you know, struggling with or facing in that moment. And I'm not going to say that it's just a coincidence that those things line up like that. I believe that God knows exactly how his words gonna speak to us and that he leads us to those things-- [Aaron] By his spirit. [Jennifer] By his spirit to be reminded of them and to flip to them and read them or just, he's just a good father. And he wants to use his word to encourage us. And I think that you guys listening may have had experiences like that before. And I just wanted to encourage you. You know, that's part of why we read the Bible every day is because it's relevant. [Aaron] That's good. I just want to read one more scripture. I just thought it was a powerful image of this idea. And Ezekiel actually, there's a few more scriptures, they all go together. Ezekiel 3:3, when Ezekiel's an angel visits Ezekiel to give him this prophecy, to give him this vision. And he said to me, son of man Ezekiel 3:3 feed your belly with this scroll that I give you and fill your stomach with it. Then I ate it and it was in my mouth as sweet as honey. And I just thought that was beautiful. It gets this picture of he's given this scroll. That's written on the front and the back. And he tells him to eat it. And it's this picture of the word and he eats this scroll, which is a funny statement but it's kind of what we're supposed to do. In John 6:35 Jesus said, I am the bread of life. He that cometh to me shall never hunger. Isn't Jesus sweet to our taste. Like he is a sweet aroma of salvation of life. And then John 1:1-2 says this about Jesus in the beginning was the word. And the word was with God. And the word was God, he was in the beginning with God. And then down in verse 14, it says and the word became flesh and dwelt among us. So Jesus is the bread of life. His word is him. So when we consume his word, when we eat the bread of life, when we eat the word, it's sweet and it and it changes us. And it fills us. [Jennifer] Taking on this idea of eating and hunger. You know, some people fast, like, you're you intermittent fast. So your morning you go without food. But there always comes a point in the day where you're like so hungry. You're so hungry. And then you carry on with eating today. And then there's some people that fast, you know maybe a few days, but then there comes a point where they know they need to eat. But spiritually, I think, I don't think people are thinking this way, but we're when you're not in the word every day, you're fasting from it. And you can only go so long until you need it. You need that nutrients. You need the bread of life to sustain you. Otherwise you're not being sustained. Right? [Aaron] That's exactly right. [Jennifer] I was just kind of flip-flopping that in my mind. But anyways. [Aaron] So you don't eat the word? [Jennifer] Eat it. [Aaron] Number three, humility. So someone once said to me you can't fight with a humble person. [Jennifer] Honestly, it makes me more mad because like I started to internally wrestle because I'm not getting the same response to justify why I'm upset [Aaron] But it's true. You, if there's two people that, you know like the whole same, it takes two to tango. If one's not going to tango, there isn't a tango happening. And so humility, which is, it's a mark of a Christian like we're to be human, we're to I was gonna say humiliated, but where to be humble. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] I&n marriage, without humility you'd have two prideful people and that doesn't work. [Jennifer] I was going to say, if you want to see your foundation in marriage start to crack all it takes is a little unrepentant pride. [Aaron] And you, and you got it. And so that's just the best tactic for any fight is, is to be humble. [Jennifer] Real quick, going back to this idea, I get these pictures in my head and then I can't not share them. So imagine your spouse just staring at you wondering why you're hammering up the floorboards or the concrete patio. [Aaron] Right, cause one's humble and you're, and you're like, no I'm going to rip it up. [Jennifer] Yeah, you're just staring at them like, what are you doing? Why are you doing this right now? Knowing that you're gonna have to fix and repair it later. Anyways, that's just like a heart check, a visual for us to pay attention to in marriage. [Aaron] That was a good one. And referring back to number one, which is Christ centric. Humility is an example we're given in Christ and he's who we follow. So if we're Christ centric we're going to say, man, like Christ was meek. He was gentle, he was humble. [Jennifer] Psalm 25:9 says, he leads the humble in what is right. And teaches the humble his way. [Aaron] And that's what we want. We want to be led in the right path. This strong marriage we're trying to build. It's taking us somewhere. James 4:1-2 says, what causes quarrels? And what causes fights among you? I have, this is the answer to why this is going back to the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword. It discerns the hearts of men. This is why we fight, every single fight you ever have with your spouse is this, is it not this, that your passions are at war within you. [Jennifer] Duh! [Aaron] Seriously, you desire and do not have. So you miss word murder. Jesus said, if you hit your brother you've committed murder in your heart. So if you fight and quarrel because your passions are waging war within you I'm not getting what I want from my wife. I'm angry, She hurt my feelings, she's not doing this, she's not doing that. That's those are passions. There's something within me in me, I'm not getting. And then it says in verse two you desire and do not have the murder. You covet and cannot obtain. So you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. And it goes into this. [Jennifer] Sounds like the key is communication. [Aaron] Communication, that's true. So humility. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Put down those passions, put them aside. [Jennifer] Put the interest of others above yourself. [Aaron] It's trynna make sense. Number four. [Jennifer] All right, number four is intimacy. We got to have intimacy. If we're going to have a strong marriage, but not just-- [Aaron] Good. [Jennifer] And I was just going to say, not just physical all of that's really important connection and love come through being intimate, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. [Aaron] Yeah. We don't want dry cold relate, you know marriages as believers. [Jennifer] We want to go to. We want to go to those vulnerable places with each other and talk about the things that are on our hearts and minds. [Aaron] But I want to emphasize all the men are like come on, do it. I want to emphasize the physical intimacy aspect because it truly affects marriages so much. [Jennifer] Yeah. Like so many different areas of marriage. Yeah. [Aaron] And the reason I say this is because the Bible talks less about like, it tells her husbands do not be harsh with our wives. So that goes into this idea of a gentleness a compassion with our spouse, with our wives. So that that intimacy matters. But it talks in a heavy handed way about physical intimacy because there's an importance to it. And in, Song of Solomon, the Bible doesn't shy away from this. Song of Solomon or Song of Songs in 1:2, it says, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is better than wine. This book is prophetic and literal. It a love poem between a bright and a groom. Is there's a whole book in the Bible dedicated to this. This idea of this romance, this physical attraction, this seeing and desiring the beauty. [Jennifer] Lots of imagery. [Aaron] Lots of imagery, yeah. And that's important. 1st Corinthians 7:3 to 5. [Jennifer] Yeah, this is another good one. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife. And likewise, the wife to her husband the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband, likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for time. So you may devote yourselves to prayer then come together again. So that Satan will not tempt you through your lack of self control. [Aaron] This is a powerful verse. And I know some people have abused this verse but if you look at it in the context of two people who love Christ, you see it's saying that your unity, remember you are not your own person. I don't get to say like, oh no, it's my body, don't touch me. No, it's your body. This is your body. Which also means I can't just do with my body, what I want. I have a wife who gets a say in what my body does. And so if the men are listening, this is important that you don't get to just do whatever you want with your own body. You have a wife that is one with you and that you need to honor with your body and vice versa, that your wife's body is not her own, it's yours. So all the more why we need to protect as the Bible says, keeping the marriage bed pure. We protect that sexual intimacy with each other in such a mighty way. And then right here, it says do not deprive each other, sex should never be a tool to get back at your spouse or do it with hold that from them. [Jennifer] Or if you're struggling with something and this is something that I've had to learn in our marriage. When you're struggling with something that affects you wanting to be physically intimate. I struggled to communicate that. And so then there's this like it the Bible says except by mutual consent. And that's the part that I've missed is coming to you and communicating to you, what's going on. [Aaron] And then it says, except by mutual consent for a time. So not permanently. And that time is something that has to be discussed, like okay, when what's a appropriate time, we need to make, let's take this break for this reason, for this reason, for this reason. And then it says, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. So if you are gonna take that time apart physically there better be prayer. And this has to come back together, this sexual intimacy this is one of the ways that the enemy and that's why it warns even that Satan will tempt you. This is one of the major ways that the enemy is destroying Christian marriages is this way right here. And as always say that your spouse is the only option you have. There is no other option. And so you need to keep that in mind and be aware of that. That this is one of the ways that you can be unified in a powerful way. And it's one way that you can powerfully protect your marriage, is having that communication. Of course, that there's no you don't demand stuff from each other, that you walk with each other in this and you communicate about it but it should be something that you both are on the same page with and you don't neglect it. [Jennifer] That's good. All right, we're talking about the six things that we should be doing to build a strong marriage. And we are, we have two more. So number five is learn to communicate well. [Aaron] Yeah, this is the easiest one for us, for sure. [Jennifer] It should say always continuing and never ceasing to learn to communicate well. We're still learning how to communicate with each other. So many ways. Every day. [Jennifer] I feel like we're generally good in the majority of you know, marriage areas or I don't know what to call them. all the categories of marriage topics that we could talk about. But I would say that our top two are intimacy, physical intimacy and the way that we talk to each other or the way that we communicate [Aaron] There are things that we need to definitely like work at. [Jennifer] Well we are always-- [Aaron] Pray about-- [Jennifer] Having ourselves checked on. I feel like, especially in communication, we can be abrasive or matter of fact and we lose that emotional connectivity [Aaron] We lack compassion with each other at times. [Jennifer] Like, we think we can handle it but then so conversation after conversation after conversation, it accumulates. And then our hearts are like, wait a minute, this isn't working. And one of us tends to bring it back to the table. But God's been really working on us in this area. I'd say since the beginning of our marriage and we're getting better. [Aaron] Yeah, he's been pruning us a ton in the way we talk, because it's an, it's a witness. The way we communicate is not just a it's a witness to the world, but it's a witness to our kids. And so I just, we want to encourage you that learning to talk compassionately, patiently listen well, those are there. We have to do it. Proverbs 19:11 says, good sense makes one slow to anger. And in his glory to overlook an offense. So I brought this verse up, Jennifer I told you I was gonna talk about this but you didn't know what it was. A friend encouraged me the other day 'cause I asked for prayers that I'm not communicating well with my wife. And he said, hey, maybe it was something that him and his wife were practicing. He said, next time when you're not in the heat of the moment, when you're in a calm time and there is no arguing, there's nothing going on. Take your wife aside and say, hey can we talk and ask her and say, hey can we work on overlooking things more? I was, I haven't talked to you about it yet but I wanted to bring it up. [Jennifer] That's good. It's to our glory to overlook an offense and think about how many arguments we've gotten in. And we even say like, this is over nothing. Like, 'cause we're like not communicating well. And we get easily offended by a little thing. And if we overlook those little things, think like, oh they didn't mean that that's not what they, yes they said and that kind of pricked my heart but that's not, I know that's not what they mean. We can overlook a lot of things that aren't going to turn into something bigger and it'll probably bring way more peace in our conversation. And I just thought that was a really great encouragement that he gave to me. And so I wanted to bring it up that it says good sense makes one slow to anger and is to his glory to overlook an offense. I think it's something that all of us as believers can get better at overlooking things. [Jennifer] Okay, remember at the beginning of this conversation we were talking about building an actual home and then moving in and decorating it. I feel like this would fall under that category of like you're going to hang that big massive picture above the fireplace. It better be this like, you know just overlooking on the fence. Like it's a centerpiece. It's a statement [Aaron] Yeah and it probably bring lot more beauty to the home and not being so easily bothered, offended by the little things. Now there's going to be big things that need to be talked about. [Jennifer] Sure. [Aaron] And real offenses that are like, hey, that wasn't right, we need to work on that. But I would imagine most of the things are probably things we can overlook. So just an idea, something that I need to work on 'cause I get that way. I think like, why did you do that? Or I'm now I'm rambling, okay. [Jennifer] It's good. All right. Should I share this Proverbs 18:21, death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits. I just think that's such a good one and how we talk to each other. [Aaron] And there is different kinds of fruits. There's life and death. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] So are we producing life in our with our words or are we presenting death with it? [Jennifer] Yeah and then Proverbs 15:1, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. I think this one reminds me of this one reminds me of going back to humility and how that is our example. And that's what we should be. A soft answer is based in humility is motivated by humility where a harsh word is more out of just that personal self-preservation and anger. [Aaron] And that's like my that's gotta be my theme verse for my life. And I get better at giving a soft answer. Cause I often give harsh answers. And I'm sorry for that. [Jennifer] No, you're forgiven, but you're not always harsh. [Aaron] Okay. Number six, which goes along with what you just did to me is love and forgive. They're kind of one in the same. [Jennifer] Look at this strong marriage being built over here. [Aaron] Love is an obvious one. But we, we did and we just did a whole episode on this. [Jennifer] You guys should go listen to that. [Aaron] So we're not going to go into all of those scriptures. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] Yeah, they should go listen to it as that it's the last episode, right? But what we will share is 1st Peter 4:8. Above all keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. This goes along with, I just read in Proverbs about overlooking offenses is to one's glory. Love does cover multitude. Think about what Christ did. It covered all of my sin. And so the least I can do in my marriage is love my wife to a point where I can overlook the little things that I see. Yeah. You know. [Jennifer] No, I think that's really good. I think it's good to be reminded that we are fleshly beings in these imperfect bodies in need of unconditional love from our savior who gives it perfectly but also from each other. [Aaron] I'm practicing it. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Like our savior. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Christ centric. Okay. So that was, that was our six. And we want to be builders as couple. Like we build in our marriage, we build strong. We build strong in Christ. Not couples who tear down but build. So I wanna, we need to be willing to dive back into the process of remodeling it sometimes. If we need to fix the foundation even, like sometimes we need to dig in and be like, oh, hey we need to go back 27 steps and start back right there and figure out what we did wrong and like move forward, 'cause we want to fix that. [Jennifer] And then I want to add, you know, there might be times when you're building that you need to throw a big hundred foot tarp on the roof to try and protect what's going on, 'cause it's a mess. But there's going to be other times where the weather's a little sunny and you just need to enjoy each other. You need to remember that you two have been through a lot and you should enjoy yourselves delight in each other. [Aaron] Yeah and delighting each other, which we did an episode on that too. So this is not about perfection. 'Cause I know we can look at these and be like oh I'm not following through with all six of these. No we don't. We're not, this is not for perfection. This is that we would have a heart posture of moving forward. [Jennifer] And building something great. [Aaron] Yeah and that our eyes are like, hey, what we've been building, not that great. Let's build something better and let's run to Christ. Let's look in his word and let's do that together. [Jennifer] And in his power and the Holy Spirit's power. [Aaron] Exactly, it's the only way we do it actually. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And our hardest grow and mature with our spouse. And we do this only in the power of the Holy Spirit. Like he's brought up. [Jennifer] Yeah. Cool. All right, hope that was encouraging to you guys. We are going to enter into one of my favorite parts of every episode, this season. [Aaron] ♪ Gratefulness ♪ [Jennifer] Gratefulness. So our hope is just by sharing things that we're grateful for at the end of each episode, you're encouraged and it prompts you to consider something that you're super grateful for and then share it with someone. It could be your spouse. You can share it with the Lord. You could share it with a friend or anyone else. Let's spread some gratefulness. Aaron, you want to go? [Aaron] Yeah. I'm grateful for my parents who by the way are probably listening to this episode right now. And then they're going to share it to their Facebook. And they're going to talk about how much they love us. They're really awesome. My mom and dad raised me to know God. They, again not perfect, but they loved God. And they did their best to teach me who he was teach me how to pray, teach me how to read the Bible and just taught me the gospel. And they showed us their lives and they still love the Lord. And I just, I miss them actually. I want them to like move in with us. But yeah, my parents I'm grateful for them. [Jennifer] That's awesome. I am also grateful for my parents and I don't feel like I can move on without saying that just because I am super grateful for my parents and that they also raised me to know God. Yeah. We can move into. [Jennifer] One big break. But I also want to say that I am super grateful for flowers. I got to a, I was reading some science stuff to the kids and we're learning about botany this year. And this book was talking about how God didn't have to make all the shades and colors that he poured into flowers and how unique each one is. It's kind of like that idea that he didn't have to make strawberries taste so good, which I don't remember where he got that from but it's so cool. Flowers are so beautiful. And we're entering into this season where we're going to see them popping up. And I've been a forced growing some tulips in the kitchen window, which I'm so excited. They're about to burst and they're red. And anyways, I'm just blubbering but I love and am grateful for the beauty of flowers. And it just shows God's character that he is creative. He is thoughtful. He cares about the detail. And I was telling the kids today that he's, it shows that he's patient. Because he's willing to wait all season until they bloom. So anyways. That's really pretty. [Jennifer] Flowers. [Aaron] Good answers you had two though. You're only allowed to be grateful for one thing. [Jennifer] You guys can have two this week, go ahead. [Aaron] All right, so we always end in prayer. And so would you join us. Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of salvation. Thank you for the gift of your Holy word. Thank you for showing us the way and helping us along. We pray would be couples who choose to build up our marriages to be strong. We pray we'd be fortified in any areas that are weak. If hard times come or storms rain down, we pray we would stand fast in faithfulness. We pray would be secure and strong in a strong foundation in marriage. One that glorifies you, please help us to be intentional and keeping Christ at the center of our lives. Reading your word daily, walking humbly with each other initiating intimacy and being good communicators. We pray we would love unconditionally and be quick to forgive one another. Please help us to build up and maintain our marriages so that we can be a help to others and magnify your name. May your will be done in our lives in Jesus name. Amen. We love you all. And we thank you. We pray this encourages you. As usual, your share warriors and you guys have been doing an awesome job. Would you share this episode with someone that needs it? Would you share this episode with a friend with a family member, email it, text message, post it to your social media. However you want to do that. It really helps. And tons of people have been doing and it is such an encouragement and blessing when people do it. We love you and get that join that free challenge that we got. Pray challenge and that I'll see you next week. 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We want to invite you to take our 31-day parenting prayer challenge. These are made possible in part by our faithful prayer team patrons.  https://marriageaftergod.com/patronjoin today! → Parentingprayerchallenge.com Read The Transcript  [Jennifer] Welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast. [Aaron] We're your hosts. I'm Aaron. [Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer. [Aaron] We've been married for 14 years. [Jennifer] And we have five young children. [Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other. [Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together including our newest book "Marriage After God," the book that inspired us to start this podcast. [Aaron] Marriage after God is a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose. [Jennifer] To reflect his love. [Aaron] To be a light in this world. [Jennifer] to work together as a team. [Aaron] Using what he has given us. [Jennifer] To build his kingdom. [Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey. [Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together. [Aaron] This is "Marriage After God." Hey everyone, welcome back to the "Marriage After God" podcast. We're in Jennifer Smith, your host- [Aaron] Yeah, we're excited to be back with another episode. [Jennifer] Do you know that we are more than halfway through the season? [Aaron] I know, crazy. It's going by really fast and it feels good. [Jennifer] Yeah. Hope everyone's enjoying it as much as we are. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] One thing I wanted to share with you guys just starting out the gate here, is took the kids for a walk, we have these really cool parks where we live in central Oregon, and just wide open nature, fresh air flowing river, awesome bridge to walk over, and we got outside. And sometimes it gets hard for me in the wintertime 'cause it's like, I don't know, it's cold. [Aaron] and you did it by yourself, I missed out on it today. [Jennifer] Yeah, usually I make you go along with me, huh? [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] More hands- I was impressed. [Aaron] And I missed it, 'cause I like going on those little adventures with you. [Jennifer] Well, a friend invited me, and it was just really good to get out despite it being cold, and the reason that I'm sharing this with you guys is because this friend of mine just is very enthusiastic and passionate about nature and being outside all the time, and so one of her ways of encouraging me is this challenge she gave me, this piece of paper that said the thousand hour challenge, and there's all these little bubbles that you get to mark off for every hour that you're outside with the kids, and I just thought how wonderful, and so it's been a fun little way of kind of keeping ourselves accountable to being outside every day, and the kids have loved being outside. I mean, they ask for it all the time anyways, so if anyone wants to take up that challenge, it's a thousand hour challenge. [Aaron] How many hours have you done outside? [Jennifer] I don't know, since I started it's been about a week. I think we got in I wanna say nine hours that I'm keeping track of. [Aaron] So I'm outside playing all day out back. So like that counts as like the, towards the hours. It doesn't have to be on an adventure just outside- [Jennifer] It could just be outside. [Aaron] That's cool. [Jennifer] Yeah, so anytime they're outside for an hour, I mark it off. [Aaron] I was actually kind of wondering what that thing on the refrigerator. [Jennifer] Yeah it doesn't really explain much. [Aaron] That's awesome. But I will try and go next time, 'cause it looked like you had a lot of fun. [Jennifer] It was a fun little adventure. Also the reason that I was bringing that up is because some of you may have seen me post on Instagram about it, just random pictures of us being out on our nature walk today. But I'm back on Instagram and that's new. [Aaron] So you're saying everyone should message and say hi to you. [Jennifer] Sure, say hi, pop in and say hi. I was off for pretty much all of January, and I had never taken a break like that from a social media. Like, so hands off, like, I mean, I deleted it from my phone and everything, and it felt really good. And then one day I just decided I missed it. So I came back and at first it felt weird to post, like I didn't know really how to, it felt new again. but I'm back. Do you wanna come see me? Come say hi. [Aaron] Awesome, I just want to invite everyone, if you haven't yet to leave a review today, that'd be awesome. Five star rating, actually doesn't have to be five-star you can get, you can start whatever you want. Five star would be appreciated, but yeah leaving a review or a star rating today would be awesome. If you have done that, we're just so appreciative and it helps the algorithms. We always mention it. So if you take a moment today, we'd really appreciate it. [Jennifer] Another thing that we wanted to offer you is very similar to what you may have heard in the last few episodes kicking off the season, but it's a little bit different. So we've been sharing about the marriage prayer challenge, today we wanna remind you and offer you and invite you to the parenting prayer challenge. And it's essentially the same concept. You can go to parentingprayerchallenge.com and sign up, and you'll get 31 days of prayer prompts to pray over your children. [Aaron] And you can actually choose whether to pray for your son or your daughter or both, if you have both, and it's completely free, and we'd love for you to join that and take that challenge. And you could take it even if you're taking the marriage prayer challenge already. So you can be praying for your spouse and you can be praying for your kids. You should do that today. [Jennifer] Again, that's parentingprayerchallenge.com. [Aaron] So Jennifer, why are we talking about... Just real quick, I know this isn't in the notes, but why are we talking about comforting each other during hard times. When we came up with this list of ideas for episodes? [Jennifer] Yeah, I think we already mentioned that the motivation behind the way we created our list this season was just, how we do every season is what have we been learning about? What have we been doing? What have we been walking through? What's God been teaching us? So partly from that just last year, there were times that you hard times that you comforted me and I comforted you. And it was a kind of relearning opportunity for us in our marriage of what it looks like to go through a hard time and be there for one another. And the other reason is just because I think that if you had, you know, a handful of categories that every marriage deals with, this is probably one, of the top ones where every marriage faces challenges and hardship and trials and hard times, and we get the opportunity as husband and wife to be there for one another. And so I think it's good to what we always say check our hearts or evaluate, you know, where we're at and how we're doing. And so we thought talking about how to comfort each other during hard times, would be inappropriate marriage topic for a marriage podcast. [Aaron] I think so. And it's good for everything, not just your marriage, but I'm just thinking about situations in my life where I needed to be comforted by friends, by my parents. [Jennifer] That's true, we are gonna go into more of just comforting others too. [Aaron] But it's good, especially with how the world's going, and things have just been going on. I think there's plenty of opportunities to be comforted into comfort. And personally, this has been something that's very difficult for me to do to others. [Jennifer] Comforting others or having compassion or empathy toward them? [Aaron] All the above. [Jennifer] Okay, I'm like, just clarify. [Aaron] I don't know why. I couldn't tell you why, but emotional sensitivity has been difficult pretty much my whole life. I don't know why. I feel like the last handful of years I've gotten better at it, I feel like I've been like changing that in me. You could probably attest to this, like going from just always, you know, logical and cold to getting a little bit softer and- [Jennifer] Well, let me encourage you, because I wouldn't say the word cold. I don't think you're a cold guy, I don't think you're a mean guy, I think that you're a very strong guy, and so sometimes some of the weaker ways that we humans walk through get overlooked because- [Aaron] Being very gentle to me, thank you. [Jennifer] I'm being honest. I do think that you... There are plenty of times you've been compassionate or have comforted me or others, I just wouldn't say that you're like that kind of tenderhearted always trying to be there. [Aaron] Yes, it's something that I need to work on for 100% sure. [Jennifer] Okay, let's just stick to the notes here. [Aaron] Yeah, okay. It's something that definitely doesn't come natural to me. I don't know why it is, but it just never really has. Comforting someone in hard times, someone who's going through painful situations, suffering- Like what to do in hard times? [Aaron] That, yeah, not knowing how to be that person for someone. [Jennifer] When you have someone in your life that is going through a hard time, do you automatically get challenged with the thought, like, I don't know what to do for them, or is it more just like this is so uncomfortable and I wanna like... I hope they get better and I'm gonna pray for them move on. Or I don't know. [Aaron] Yeah, I'd say there's a couple of things. Especially if someone who's going through something's not in close proximity to me. And like I said, I've been getting better at this, God's definitely shown stuff to me and highlighted this in me. But if they're not like indirect proximity to me, it's hard for me to like put my mind on them and my heart on them. But when I am in proximity to someone, I'm thinking of like deaths in the family, or, you know, friends going through hard things. [Jennifer] Where I see it. [Aaron] Where I see it and I'm present. And yeah, I think I want to, like, there's this, like I know I should do something, I know I should say something, I know should be a certain way, but I, yeah, I think it's both of those things, but I also feel uncomfortable. So it's something I'm wanting to grow in, and get better, which is why I'm glad we're talking about it, because it's been something that God has been teaching us, teaching me. [Jennifer] Me too. [Aaron] He's used you a lot to teach me, which we'll talk about. [Jennifer] I was just gonna say, marriage is awesome in that those moments where you haven't walked with compassion or comfort, I've been able to share with you how I feel in those moments. You know, if I've felt overlooked, or I felt like maybe you didn't respond to me the way I was hoping you would have in the way that I felt, over the years, you have been responsive to those moments that I've shared that with you. So you have grown in these areas. You might see yourself as not being super great at comforting others, but you have grown a lot since I've known you in this. [Aaron] Yeah, and I wanna grow more, I wanna be better for you at that. But I just know that even with you, there's times that I'm not understanding, or I see a situation differently, or I might be it come off as cold or un compassionate, because I'm just like, Hey, like we can get through this. Maybe I there's been times that I'm- [Jennifer] Quick to fix it. [Aaron] Yeah, like I, I just jumped to- [Jennifer] The solution or like- [Aaron] The solution. And I also think- Moving forward. Just now that I'm thinking about it, I think I get, because I'm uncomfortable with someone going through something, I want them to stop going through it. Like, come on- I see what you're saying. Like stamp out of it. Like let's move past it. Maybe because I don't usually get affected too much. [Jennifer] You're the type that if you're near Aaron and you're going through a hard time, he wants to grab you by the arm and go have a good time, like, come on, let's just go, let's move forward. Like that? [Aaron] Yeah, Sort of. It's like I want you to see it from my point of view. I don't know. And then that's not always right, right? Wrong, that's not right. [Jennifer] And this is what God's teaching you. [Aaron] Yeah, this is what God's teaching me. [Jennifer] That's good. Also, when were talking and explaining that just now, I was just thinking the silence. You know that people say the awkward silence. [Aaron] It's too awkward for me. [Jennifer] Well, yeah. But sometimes when people are sharing that they're going through a hard time, or are suffering or need that person, that friend to comfort them. Yeah, you're quick to say something, you're quick to move or quick to be actionable, because- [Aaron] I wanna give some sort of response. [Jennifer] You want to give a response to them. And so would you say that God is teaching you how to just be still in that moment, and kind of be there with that person? [Aaron] Yeah, well, it's something that we'll talk about in this episode, but it's, there's, I think He's showing me, He's been teaching me how to walk with individuals, because every situation isn't the exact same. I could see things like, this is always how I'm supposed to be, or always what I should say. But every situation is different, and I need to love someone enough to understand them and how they will receive love and comfort. So more of a putting myself in their shoes the specific person, I don't know, I feel like I'm- [Aaron] I know, I feel like we've kind of gone on this tangent of like, let's talk about and focus on Aaron, but we didn't kind of mean for it to go that way, but we'll run with it. [Jennifer] Yeah, I just wanted to bring up that this is a hard thing for me. [Jennifer] You're being honest, that's good. I think this is interesting because I get what you're saying, and I've seen what you're saying play out before with me and with others, just having known you for so long. But there's this other side of you that really is gentle and compassionate and comforting, I've seen it. And I've seen you treat people, everybody has as equal, like you don't put people on pedestals where there's like this person over here that's higher, and this person over here that's lower. Like you've always maintained this equal standing of like value with people, which I think is incredible. And you've also always kind of, I don't know how to say at the same time, you've been there for the underdog. At different times in our life, there has been people that are like hard to get along with, or people are struggling with them and you seem to be able to relate to them and be friendly and be there for them. Does that make sense? [Aaron] It goes back to that, seeing everyone the same. I, well, I do tend to not like knowing that there's someone that's being cast out or downcast or put aside. And so I feel like I gravitate towards those people, but at the same time, I don't treat them any different than I would treat someone else. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] I just, yeah, it is interesting. But that has come into play Now that I think about it, with some of the problems I've had, because like I was saying, treating everyone the same, isn't always... It's good to it's good to view everyone the same, but it doesn't mean I'd respond the same to everyone, or interact the same with everyone, if that makes sense. Especially when it comes to things like comforting, things like suffering, things like pain, something that I may not understand, something I've never gone through. So I feel like it's been opened my eyes to like how to, as Paul put it, be all things to all men so that I might win some. Like that idea of seeing where someone's at and being like, okay, good Lord. What do you, how do you want me to respond to this specific situation with this person? [Jennifer] Right. Well, I feel like we went through quite a bit of just how you engage and interact with people just now, And I don't want it for now. I just don't want it to sound super negative. So just as a reminder to you, Aaron, I have seen you in times where people are suffering an uncomfortable or needing comfort, you've been there. And even in the awkwardness, even in the not knowing what to do or how to respond in that moment, I do try. You do try. And you're really, you're a good friend, and you're a good husband. And I just wanted to remind you that. So without going more into me personally, this topic was meant for everyone. [Jennifer] And I think is the launching pad. [Aaron] Yeah, well It made sense, 'cause I was writing this and I had to start with, hey this is something that is hard for me, but I'm sure it's hard for everyone at different times. But it's also something that we desire ourselves that we ourselves want to be comforted, and as believers, we want to be good at being able to comfort because we can comfort the lost, and that could be an opportunity to bring them to Christ. We can comfort our family and our spouse and our children, and so it's a good tool in our tool belt, as we talk about in our book to all to have. And I think it's something that we should, like you said in the beginning of this, examine our hearts and say okay Lord, how can I... Teach me how to be compassionate and have a heart for the hurting? [ Jennifer] Yeah, and no one's exempt from or immune from having hard times, or facing trials, challenges, suffering. Right, it might look different for each of us, but we all experience it on some level, every marriage does, every individual within that marriage does, people we know friends, family, people who, neighbors. Yeah, everybody faces it in different ways. And I think if we keep our hearts tender, I think tender is such a good word when it comes to being able to comfort one another, I think we'll we'll know what the right thing to do is when those opportunities arise. [Aaron] Isn't it James that says that pretty much promises, we will have trials and tribulations in our life. Like it's a given not just for the believer, but for the world. You can't turn on the TV or go outside or drive down the street without seeing it or even experiencing it. Like there's just going to be trials and challenges and things that are hard. So having an eyes for this and I think you said tenderness is a good word, but like like a softness, like a heart that's ready. [Jennifer] Yeah, well that's good. Yeah. I like that. Before we dive into some of the meat of the message today, I thought it would be fun to answer this question, what is the most comforting thing I have ever done for you? [Aaron] There's been times when I've been really sick and you pamper me. [Jennifer] Pamper. [Aaron] I mean like you- [Jennifer] I call it babying, I baby you. [Aaron] Yeah, there was a time when I had a really bad earache, and I thought my brain was gonna explode. [Jennifer] I remember that, I've never seen you in so much pain, actually. [Aaron] I hadn't ever been in so much pain. But you like held me while I was like like crying on the bed, 'cause it was hurting so bad. [Jennifer] I was a little terrified, I didn't know what to do. [Aaron] Neither did I, it was so bad. But I remember you I prayed for you. [Aaron] Yeah I think of those times when I'm, there is nothing to do, but you just held me or, you know, prayed over me, and so that was the first thing I thought of. [Jennifer] And then I think I said, I think you should go to the doctors or had you already been? [Aaron] I did, I went to the doctors and I got a, some sort of antibiotic but it was like, it got worse after I got back. [Aaron] I remember that, that was intense. [Aaron] So what's the most comforting thing that I've ever done for you? [Jennifer] I'd say like you mentioned a very specific time but I think in general, just when you hold me close, when you pull me into you and hug me and yeah, just hold me. [Aaron] Remind you that I'm still here. [Jennifer] Yeah, that you're very close. I think the second thing is just when I hear you pray over me or for us, that's always encouraging. [Aaron] That's good. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Some tips for all those listening. [Jennifer] The only thing you need, physical touch and prayer. [Jennifer] I guess we're done. [Aaron] Yeah, let's move on to the... Yeah, now there's some things in scripture we can look at that can give us some I don't know if they're guidelines, but it's encouragement for us in our walk and comforting, learning to comfort our spouse, others. And I just wanted to go through some of those and hopefully it encourages you listening, it encouraged me when I was writing it. So the first thing is for the believer, we're told to comfort each other. [Jennifer] So do it. [Aaron] Right, so this kind of sounds oversimplified but sometimes I feel like we don't think have that responsibility. Or someone else will do that. That's not my job. And I know we've in various seasons, struggled with this. Like someone's going through something and we think to ourselves, no we shouldn't like maybe someone else will, maybe they don't want anyone over there right now. And just kind of questioning whether it's our role to go comfort someone. [Jennifer] Which the hard thing about that is the moment you justify it, or excuse yourself out of the situation, it only takes a fleeting moment to then forget about it. Like, forget that need, forget that that person needs it right then and there. And then when, by the time it comes back around you remember it, the moment has passed, the opportunity has passed, someone else has stepped in, which is good, and we're so grateful for those people that take over when we don't or choose not to, or forgetful but let's not do that. [Aaron] So yeah, the first thing is that we're told- [Jennifer] You said maybe it's over simplified and I just the next word I heard, but under done. So over simplified, under done. [Aaron] It's true. Yeah, because we do, we disqualify ourselves from that ministry, but we're we're told to comfort each other. And I would imagine, not imagine, I would say that the first person that you should be like prone to comfort is your spouse. Right, they're a part of you, you're one with each other. And so if you're not comforting each other you're not comforting yourself. Like if you look at that- [Jennifer] I would definitely say this, I'm trying not to use double negatives. If you're not comforting your spouse, you better not be comforting anybody else because the moment you show others comfort, and that ability and your spouse is sitting over here going what in the world? [Aaron] That's true. [Jennifer] That's so hurtful. And the other part of that is if you guys... We're gonna talk about this in a minute, but you guys should be comforting people as a team, like your marriage, your one, so you be comforting each other first and then step into that space of like being able to comfort others. Sorry, I had to get out of the way. [Aaron] That's good. So second Corinthians 13:11 is where we get this says: "Finally, brothers rejoice, aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you." So if we look at that os piece the God of love and peace will be with you. Do we want that? [Jennifer] Of course. [Aaron] Okay, then let's rejoice, let's aim for restoration, let's comfort one another, agree with one another and live in peace. This is how the brothers in the church, this is a Christians walk, [Jennifer] But this is such a great marriage verse. Like if you just replaced brothers for spouses. [Aaron] Finally spouse's rejoice, aim for restoration. And well, especially if you and your spouse are both believers like this totally applies. And even if you have a spouse that's not a believer, you can still aim for this on your side of the marriage. But we are to comfort one another. That's a, that's a command to us on how we walk. It's part of our job description, not only as husbands and wives, but as Christians, it's our responsibility to do this. So if you've been looking for permission to comfort someone, comfort your spouse, that you are qualified, that you are called to it, here it is. This is a part of your job. [Jennifer] Okay, so, because we're talking, it's kind of a mixed message or not a mixed, but- [Aaron] I love this note, by the way. [Jennifer] How do I say it's all encompassing message today on how to comfort others. So it is inclusive of your spouse and others, right? We need to- [Aaron] Like there is a caveat. [Jennifer] Yeah, we need to clarify that boundaries matter, And I'm saying this from experience being married to your Aaron for 14 years, that we've communicated and agreed upon boundaries that have, I think protected our marriage and protected our unity and our peace within our marriage. So do you wanna speak to that? [Aaron] And what you're talking about is specifically like so taking all of this advice for your spouse is great, and learning as a couple as an individual individual to comfort others is great, but we shouldn't just take that blanket across the board because it would be very dangerous if I got in the habit of personally and individually comforting other women or other people's wives, right? I mean, that was just, that would be wrong. Now, if someone needs to be comforted, what I can do is bring my wife into it with me, or encourage my wife to do it. [Jennifer] Hey, I noticed so-and-so is hurting over here. Have you reached out to them? Have you had a conversation? You know, things like that. And the reason that we bring this up, you guys is because our marriage matters and our relationship is sacred. Aaron and I's right. You would agree that our marriage is 100% special, special. Yeah. I don't know how else to explain that. And I think when you move into comforting others, there is a level of intimacy involved. And I'm not saying the same intimacy as a husband and wife, but emotional intimacy is something that's truly valued among human beings and how we experience life. And so if you're gonna move into that space where you're comforting someone, regardless of what it is like whether it's meeting a need of theirs, or sitting there and listening to some hardship that they're going through, that's something that we should be willing to look at and say, are we making sure that we are within our boundary, right? Just our boundaries is I don't. [Aaron] Our boundary is that I don't. I won't sit ever alone and comfort a hurting woman. I won't do that. And if I did, my wife would know about it immediately. It wouldn't be a secret thing, but that would be, that has never happened. So the, what would happen is I would call you I'd be like, Hey, I think we need to come up. And it sounded really bad. Like we should go pray for them, or you should go see if she needs to talk. And so we were, and the same with my wife, she wouldn't go and sit and have a really deep intimate conversation with someone listening to all of their hurts and the things they're going through alone, she would invite me, or she would tell me like, hey you should really chat with so-and-so, they really need some comfort, they need some, you know, someone to listen. [Jennifer] And we've actually found a really great blessing and benefit in this, and Aaron, you've had some really great conversations with guys who have needed that comfort from another brother and I've had the opportunity to comfort and be comforted by other Christian women. And it's been a good thing. And then together as a couple, we've been able to step into that and, you know minister to other couples and other people. So I just think that boundaries are important. And, and we kind of wanted to talk about it upfront and get it out of the way, because it'll apply to everything else that we're talking about. [Aaron] So we always want to just encourage boundaries and order and that it also encourages you to encourage your spouse to be a minister, to care for others. So working together helps with that, and it's not worth it. So if someone's going through something, just know that there's someone else that can comfort them, if it's not you. So find another sister, brother, "Hey so-and-so could totally use some comforting right now." And so that we protect our marriages. So I thought that was a really good note. Thank you for that. So I just want to give a quick definition of comfort. So comfort is, first of all, it's a verb. [Jennifer] Action. [Aaron] It's something you do, and you do it actively. And it's defined as a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. So physically comforting someone helping, you know, if they have a broken arm holding their arm up so that they're not in constant pain as a friend of mine, one time put his back out. And I had to take into the to the hospital and I had to like, hold up his whole torso so that he would put any weight on his lower spine. And it was wow. But that, that's what this is talking about is physical comfort. I'm comforting that physical pain with my body. [Jennifer] I'm thinking about labors. I've had the opportunity to be a part of, where you're just trying to help ease that woman going through, that you just helping in any way. Yeah. [Aaron] The other definition is the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress. So that's one, that's common of they're going through something painful emotionally, and you're there for them. And then another one is ease the grief or distress. [Jennifer] Console. To console someone. So that's essentially what comfort is. There's a physical comfort, which again, should be in a safe way with boundaries, but with your spouse like that, like you said, me being near you, holding you, coming to you, touching you you know, embracing you. And so that's what we're talking about when we talk about comfort. [Jennifer] As you're going through these definitions, the word that stood out to me is the word alleviate. And it reminds me of, you know, lifting up kind of like that illustration that you get so good. And I looked up another, you know, the source of synonyms in it, it means to take the edge off. So it's not just solving a problem or making something not painful ever again, that might be where that uncomfortable feeling comes from for you, that you had mentioned earlier. It's like this expectation to help in a way that that we just can't, you know sometimes some hard things won't ever be fixed, but in them we can help take the edge off by gladdening someone's heart reminding them of the good making them laugh or experience joy amidst what they're going through. So I just thought that word alleviate was I dunno, really cool. In normal times there there's plenty of reasons and seasons we go through that bring us to a point where we need to be comforted. I think everybody listening right now it's just like maybe sitting in that space right now saying I need that, you know hopefully our words bring you comfort today. [Aaron] I think a lot of believers right now look at the stuff going on in the world. Yeah. And we desire to be comforted. Like, is it gonna like, what? Like what's going on Lord? And so as believers, also, something to encourage you with is you can comfort because you're comforted. I know it kind of sounds funny but it's it's why we can comfort. That my next point is we are told to comfort but you can comfort because you yourself have been comforted. In 2nd Corinthians 1:3-5 Paul says this: "Blessed be the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of mercies and God of all comfort." Okay, right there just starts a God of all comfort, "Who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God, for as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ, we share abundantly in comfort too." This is true for every believer. Because no matter what, you're going through, you have the comfort of God on your life because you know that he has saved you by His son Jesus. [Jennifer] Okay, so just real quick, when we were sharing about the definition just a bit ago, a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint. Oh my goodness. This makes me appreciate and just attend a way to salvation that we have in Christ. [Aaron] Right, 'cause no matter what the world or our happens to our bodies, man, does our bodies or just happens through age or disease, that we are comforted with the knowledge and the truth that this isn't it, that we have a new body coming, that we have a new home, that we have a savior, and we're going to have eternity worshiping our father. [Jennifer] So every single one of us have felt broken, shame, unrighteousness, that sin that he set us free from he's given us freedom from that's the comfort that we're talking about. [Aaron] And on top of that, He sent us his us His Holy Spirit who also comforts us. So when we're in the midst of just life, he reminds us of the truth about us. This is something that we dealt with a lot this year, just us thinking about who we are in Christ. And that we're no longer that old man. And that God was, he reminds us like, no, that's not who you are. Hey yes, it feels this way now, but it's not true. Like the Holy spirit has comfort us many times by bringing to remembrance the truth about us. When the lies are making us sad, and feel broken the spirit isolator, he comforts us. And so I just want to encourage you listening that you have that same comfort. The God of all comfort comforts you in all your affliction. And this is why, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted. So we're not comforting out of our perfect situation, we're not comforting out of the fact that we don't have any afflictions. [Jennifer] We're not even comforting out of our own means. So when we're trying to, you know, help comfort someone by providing them something or, you know fulfilling a need for them. It's like, it's not even out of that physical response. It's literally because we've all been comforted by God himself. [Aaron] Right, so the comfort that we give, the comfort that we offer, the comfort that we attempt to walk in is his comfort, right? That's an incredible encouragement, because we can go sit with someone and know that any comfort we could offer, has come from God already in our life and in their life. I also think this is a good place to just say if we struggle with that awkwardness of or being uncomfortable with seeing someone suffering or going through a trial or something hard and the Lord's given us the opportunity to step into that to comfort them. And we don't know what to do. Like Aaron, you said that you've struggled with that. We can pray and we can ask Him and we can say, God, the God of all comfort, can you show me how you want me to comfort for this person right now? I know how you've comforted me, I know you, how you have set me free, you know, how can I do that for this person? [Aaron] That's a good point when there's times that I'm struggling when you're going through something, and I'm like, I have no idea what to do. I'm like, Lord, what do I do? And he brings to remembrance your words. I wish you would just like, hold me, like just come close to me. Which is you don't say that in the moment but you've said it enough. And I'm like, okay. And then I'm thinking to myself, this is hard. Why is this so hard to go? Just sit down right now. Right? [Jennifer] Our flesh will get in the way sometimes. [Aaron] Yeah, a lot. [Aaron] Especially in marriage, but- [Jennifer] All right, here's your third encouragement, Christian, okay, rise up and go to them to be present. What I was just talking about, like I'm sitting across the room or in the other room or like, I'm like, how do I help my wife right now? How do I fix this situation? And the Holy spirit says, go to her. So this is your call. So it's not just that we're told to do it, it's not just that you have the comfort given to you already to comfort others, but it's also you get up and you go, you, you do it. You don't wait for someone to come to you because we might have this thought, well if someone needs comfort they're going to come and ask for it, they're going to come and knock on my door and say, "Hey, I need to talk, I need to sit down and know that you love me, and that you're my friend. And I need to-" [Jennifer] Yeah, 'cause if, that's... Yeah, 'cause if we sit there and we say, I'm just gonna wait until they tell me exactly what they need, what are you off the hook? [Aaron] Well, I mean, this is, what's funny is like do we even do that? Do we go around and tell every single person exactly what we need? No, we don't. [Jennifer] So I'm going even tell you, I want you to read my mind. [Aaron] That's true. But you're in your marriage. I think there should be a lot more communication about this by the way. So if you need comfort, you should go to your spouse if you have it in you and say, I need to be comforted, or I just need you to listen or will you just sit next to me? Like I think... Now that doesn't get you off the hook, husbands if your wife doesn't do that, or wives if your wife or husband, if your wife doesn't do that. [Jennifer] Yeah, I think our hearts should be tender toward one another, and our eyes should be always scanning and seeing where's my spouse at? [Aaron] Right, but it wouldn't hurt for us to communicate more. [Jennifer] True. [Aaron] But we can't expect everyone outside of our marriage to be that way. So we have to have a willingness to get up and go. It's not easy. Here's some stories of this happening. Okay, Genesis 37:35, "All his sons and all his daughters Rose up to comfort him. But he refused to be comforted and said, no I shall go down a shield to my son mourning. Thus, his father wept for him." This is when Joe Joseph's father thought he was dead. And they all, they all rose up and went to him to comfort him. They didn't just sit back and say, "Oh, he's mourning in the other room." Now they got up and they surrounded him. 1st Chronicles, 7:22 "And Ephraim their father mourned many days and his brothers came to comfort him." They didn't comfort from a distance, they didn't sit back, let him go through what he's going through by himself, they got up and they went. [Jennifer] I was gonna offer to read this next verse, but I think I'm going to let you tackle it. [Aaron] Okay. Job 2:11, "Now when job's three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place. Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Namathite, they made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him." So this is another really cool thing. Now, if you've read job these friends don't do a great job of comforting, they do actually do a lot of what I would be prone to do saying how would they were wrong or like what they did, but what they do what they did do well is they came together as friends, and they said, "our friend is really going through something bad, we should go." And so this is just a note of sometimes it's appropriate to say, "Hey, we need to get some people together to go comfort this person, so they're not alone, so that they know that we're here for them." Make a little plan about it. Yeah. [Jennifer] That's really cool. The first verse you mentioned it says that he refused to be comforted. And I just had a note that because I think that's very human to reject or to resist comfort. I don't know why we do that, but I think everyone can agree. Maybe everyone that when someone does try to comfort us, sometimes our reaction is to refuse that or to reject it. We shouldn't get upset by this if we're the ones trying to comfort someone or our spouse, we shouldn't let rejection keep us from trying again or even trying with others. Don't let that become an excuse for why you're not continuing on and other opportunities. But I think that it's interesting that it did note that he said that. So I just wanted to make a little- [Aaron] Yeah, but what's awesome is someone can't have the opportunity to reject comfort if someone didn't go to comfort in the first place. [Jennifer] That's true. [ Aaron] I love that, let's not avoid going to someone 'cause we think there's no way they want to right now they wanna be alone, let's just leave them alone. Going to be there even if they reject you, at least- [Jennifer] They know you tried. [Aaron] Yeah, and also you give them the option, rather than they're just alone and there is no option. No one came to them, no one reached out, no one sought to comfort. And so going to comfort is right. And then rejecting it. shouldn't stop us from trying. [Jennifer] And we shouldn't reject comfort when someone's... 'Cause that's an opportunity that someone's trying to act in what God has said we should be doing, right? like the Bible says to comfort. [Aaron] Yeah, but in some cases especially with like mourning it's a process. [Jennifer] Yeah, that's true, that's very compassionate. [Aaron] We should try to receive comfort, but sometimes where you could be in a really deep mournful state. [Jennifer] All good things to talk about. [Aaron] Going to the next thing, what is the appropriate response? Right, so you, you brought up helping someone is like taking off the edge. You can't bring the person back from the dead, you can't take away the cancer, you can't change the circumstance, but you can soften the blow. [Jennifer] Yeah, but that doesn't just mean that when someone's in pain, or going through a trial that you insert a funny joke, or you know what I mean? [Aaron] Are you sure? That's a great way to like someone's hurting really bad, you make a joke and laugh. [Jennifer] Maybe it depends on the person, but you should be mindful of the person, you should be mindful of your spouse. Discerning, yeah. Yeah discerning, that's a good word. [Aaron] Which is what I was talking about at the beginning is... And a lot of people have these responses, when someone gets hurt, I actually used to do this, when someone would get hurt, I would laugh about it. You've talked about that before. And so we have these kind of natural fleshly responses that just for whatever reason how we were raised in our DNA- [Jennifer] What did it do or how to understand it. [ Aaron] But learning and asking the Lord to teach us what is an appropriate response? It's good to go comfort, we want to do that, but we got to ask, we just got to ask for that discernment, because we can have the right heart and bring the wrong response, which is something that I keep going back to. This is how I've been, I might want to, but then I to say the wrong thing. I'm trying to prematurely cheer someone up, like you said, the joke, I'm trying to push someone to move on from where they're, what they're dealing with, which is something that I would tend to do. Like, hey- [Jennifer] When there really is a process. [Aaron] Well, I skipped the whole process, which doesn't care about the other person at all, what it does is it cares more about my discomfort with this person's suffering. Talking too soon, which is something I struggle with, 'cause I want to just fill that, that like, let's just figure it out, let's talk. [Jennifer] I love you still. [Aaron] Romans 12:15 says: "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." This gives a picture of walking with what someone's walking through with them. Someone's weeping for something. If they're weeping over a lost child, over a over sickness over just you name it, there's lots of things to weep over in this life, We don't just come in and be like cheer up buck. And you know, like, we should break.... Our hearts should break with them. When someone's rejoicing, rejoice with them. This is probably another conversation. But this is something that plagues the church I think sometimes is when someone gets some sort of success or something to rejoice in, we might get jealous. [Jennifer] So there's a lack of rejoicing for one- [Aaron] Yeah, I don't wanna rejoice with them 'cause like why didn't I get that? Or why are they being raised up? [Jennifer] So that played the church, but I think that it's more just the worldwide thing, it's a flesh thing. [Aaron] But if someone is winning, someone's successful, or if someone's has a praise report, if someone is having success in an area that you wish you had success in, or is having freedom and an area that you don't have freedom in, or like these things, like rejoice, they're part of the church, rejoice for them like that is so praise God. It also keeps us from that just contentment and Jealousy. [Jennifer] Another verse that we wanted to share with you guys today is Ecclesiastes 3:4 starts, and seven. It says: "A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to tear and a time to sow a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." [Aaron] Yeah, and Ecclesiastes was written by the wisest man that ever lived. And he just talks about this idea of what time is it? Is it a time to weep with someone? Is at a time to laugh with someone? Is it a time to mourn with someone? You know, tear, like, are you pulling up that, you know, the plants are you planting, sowing, the seeds, are you to be quiet, are you to speak? And so there's these... We can look at the situation and say okay, what role can I play right now? How should my heart be in this situation? Proverbs 25:20 puts it this way: "Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day and like vinegar on soda." That idea behind this verse is singing songs is a great thing. But when you go to someone with a heavy heart and you try and seem to like artificially cheer them up, it's doing what I just, what I said a second ago is you're overlooking that person's heart altogether. [Jennifer] Yeah, there's no care. [Aaron] It likens it to taking off a garment on a cold day. So like someone's cold and they've got their coat on and I go rip their court off. And they're like, what? So you, you take away comfort. You don't- [Jennifer] Add to it, yeah. Did anyone else think when you said like vinegar on soda, the volcano experiment? [Aaron] That's what that does, it forms up- [Jennifer] Like they've been doing it that long. [Aaron] The word would be agitate. The last thing someone who's going through something needs is to be agitated. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] I'm sure everyone listening, knows someone like that, that every time you need some comfort they know how perfectly out of agitate. [Jennifer] Okay, so earlier when I had mentioned, you know this idea of taking the edge off of pain and how it means to alleviate, I said that it reminds me of lifting up. What if it's like lifting up a huge stone off their shoulders so that they can breathe a little better? Is that a good picture? [Aaron] Yeah, and that's a great analogy. [Jennifer] It's like lifting the burden of the hard stuff off them which you've done for me plenty of times. [Aaron] Right, and we have this list of the things that you there's times for. Sometimes it's sitting quiet with someone, sometimes it's encouraging what the word of God and advice, sometimes it's listening and not talking. [Jennifer] Sometimes it's giving them a thoughtful gift that comes with a sweet message. Sometimes it's watching a couples, children so that they can go have a date night and talk it out themselves. [Aaron] Yeah, lifting that Like, Hey, there's these responsibilities, how can we take some of these away? So they can go through what they're going through with less. [Jennifer] Sometimes it's offering to drop off groceries for them, so they don't have to worry about that. [Aaron] Sometimes it's cleaning the house for someone for your spouse. I love that you like lifting that load off their shoulders. [Jennifer] Sometimes it's a text reminding them of who they are in Christ or sending them a scripture verse. [Aaron] Sometimes it's a bouquet of flowers sent to their house. Sometimes it's a bag of goodies dropped off at the door. I like that one by the way. [Aaron] It's actually happened to me quite a few times. And I really appreciate all of you. Actually, I mentioned it once in "Wife After God" pure joy, great chapter, go check it out. And it just happened recently. [Aaron] That was a good goody bag. We have some good goodie bag dropper offers. [Jennifer] Maybe we should do an episode of just like how to put together a good goodie bag. [Aaron] That's true. [Jennifer] Okay, I'm so sorry. Sometimes it's a phone call just to hear their voice. [Aaron] And then sometimes it's a prayer. And I would say always a prayer sometimes said out loud [Jennifer] Like sometimes all of these and then always a prayer, always a prayer. [Jennifer] I think they get the idea. You know, at the beginning of this episode, I quickly said marriage is so awesome. It really is you guys, I hope you agree with me that marriage is awesome. But it's such an intimate relationship. What a gift We have to share with someone who can comfort us when we're at our lowest and Aaron, I can attest to this, you have comforted me at my lowest, and I hope that I've been that for you. [Aaron] You have, yeah. At least, I think that this is what marriage was intended for, right? To lift other up and to comfort one another for some. And at times Aaron, we were, this couple were the 'cause of our hard time was, was our marriage and our marriage. It was each other getting in the way. And we had friends that stood by us, friends and family who stood by us and comforted us through it. If this is you listening right now, this is where you are, I just wanted to say that we're truly sorry. And understand that this kind of pain. The pain that comes from a marriage, that's struggling. And we hope you will find comfort in this verse that I'm gonna share. Paul is talking to believers but this is our prayer for you today. And it's Romans 15:1-7, "We who are strong, have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Let each of us pleases neighbor for his good to build him up for Christ did not please himself. But as it is written through approaches of those who reproached you fell on me, for whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the scriptures, we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another in accord, with Christ Jesus, that together you may, with one voice glorify the God and father of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you for the glory of God." [Aaron] Yeah, I love that verse for couples that are going through this because the reminder is that, the God of endurance and encouragement grants them to live in such harmony with one another in accordance with Christ and so that they can, again like the God of all comfort, we talked about, that they can be comforted knowing that even though they're going through these difficult times, they themselves individually can run to Christ, be comforted by him and know that his heart is that they would walk in harmony. And that is what they should be praying for, Harmony. [Jennifer] And the comfort that we receive from Christ and the comfort that we receive from others does produce within our hearts and our minds this hope that better days will come. Even if circumstances don't change, even if the trials are still hard even if the pain is still prevalent, because of loss or or whatever the reason is, we have hope. Because we talked about this on the first episode of the season, and we have hope in Christ. We have hope for what's coming right? [Aaron] Yeah, and we should keep our eyes on those things. [Jennifer] So as husbands and wives, let us be quick to comfort one another during hard times. Let us lay down our lives and love for each other. Let us be slow to speak, quick to sit, fully present a good listener. [Aaron] Yeah, and let us walk this life out in humbleness. And when those feelings of insecurity and uncertainty or fear of rejection, rise up, be quick to push them away. We need each other. [Jennifer] Wait, I think you need to repeat that last line. We need ourselves know each other. [Jennifer] We need each other in marriage. [Aaron] We do. [Aaron] We need each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. [Aaron] And most importantly, we need each other to point each other back to Christ. like that's the most comforting thing we can do is constantly be praying for the other person in their walk with the Lord, in their mind being reminded of the truth of the gospel. It's the most comfort we can get is pursuing that. [Jennifer] And as we do, our eyes and our hearts need to be open. I'll say this, our eyes need to be open. And our hearts may be tender toward one another and take every opportunity. God gives us to comfort one another especially in our marriage relationship, and as we do this you guys, the greatest part is that God is glorified. [Aaron] Yep, and we can cover it because we've been comforted, so don't forget that. Hope that was encouraging to you. As always, we end the episode as always this season, I should say, we end the episode with what we're grateful for. [Jennifer] It might end up being a permanent thing. [Aaron] It might, yeah. Because we want to encourage you to be grateful for everything. [Jennifer] And we know that you are grateful but to acknowledge it and to vocalize it and to share it with someone that you know, and love. [Aaron] So we'll be grateful people, who know how to comfort each other. [Jennifer] Let them know what you're grateful for. [Aaron] I'm grateful for my children. They're so full of energy and life often more energy than I have. That's probably why I'm so tired. They love to have fun. Especially when we get down on the rug our new rug that we talked about, the one that's comfortable in my knees and wrestle and play with them. They're just awesome. I honestly thank God for them, they're so amazing. [Jennifer] I love them too. I'm grateful for modern technology. I realized that I have a great appreciation for my washing machine and dishwasher and just all the things that I get to use that have just been really awesome in my life. I was sitting on the couch the other day and I had a busy day with the kids doing school and playing and cleaning up after everyone. And I could hear the wash machine going. And I just thought, man I can't fathom everything that we did today and having to hand wash clothes. And so I just was really grateful that I have those ICM is a luxury. Like I, I never want to be blind to the provision that God's given us. And I'm just really grateful for those kinds of inventions. I think they're really cool. [Aaron] Yeah, so thank you to whoever invented the washing machine. [Aaron] As usual, we end our episodes in prayer. So would you pray with us, dear Lord thank you for comforting us in our affliction so that we may comfort others. We pray for the creativity and confidence as we comfort those around us, please us of how you desire to comfort others. Please show us thoughtful ways of showing our compassion. We pray we would be slow to speak and quick to listen. We pray we'd be quick to comfort one another in marriage protect our marriage in this way, that we would be comforters for each other. Help us to alleviate the burdens that bring us pain. May you be glorified as we choose to comfort others in Jesus name? Amen. We love you all. Thank you for joining us on this episode. We just ask if you haven't done so, would you leave us a review? And also would you be our share warriors and prayer warriors? Would you share this episode with a friend send him an email, send a text message share shared on social media. Would you just help spread the word about this podcast with someone, you know we love you and we'll see you next week. Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

We want to encourage you in your identity in Christ. We want to remind you that you are not lesser no matter what part of the body you are.And If you are struggling with doubt at all we want to encourage you to trust and know that God has given to you just like he has given to every other believer His spirit. READ TRANSCRIPT[Jennifer] Welcome to the "Marriage After God" podcast.[Aaron] We're your hosts, I'm Aaron.[Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer.[Aaron] We've been married for 14 years.[Jennifer] And we have five young children.[Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story in hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God, and closer to each other.[Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together, including our newest book "Marriage After God", the book that inspired us to start this podcast.[Aaron] "Marriage After God" is a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose.[Jennifer] To reflect His love.[Aaron] To be a light in this world.[Jennifer] To work together as a team.[Aaron] Using what he has given us.[Aaron] To build his kingdom.[Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey.[Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together.[Aaron] This is "Marriage After God." Welcome back to another episode of the "Marriage After God" podcast we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, your hosts.[Jennifer] Hi.[Aaron] How's it going? We're so glad you're here. And I just wanted to let we love you. And this episode is gonna be some Bible. I don't know if we, do we ever-[Jennifer] Some Bible .[Aaron] Do you ever talk about the Bible in this podcast?[Jennifer] It's kind of a lot of Bible. Actually, that's a good note. If you wanna follow along in this episode with your Bible, I think it could encourage you.[Jennifer] Yeah, we're gonna be first, not 1 Corinthians. We're in breathing Colossians[Jennifer] 1 Colossians.[Aaron] 1 Colossians. 1 Colossians 3.[Jennifer] So I know, we mentioned that we're gonna be in a lot of Scripture today. I wanted to start with one random scripture that doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about. And that's just because I was really encouraged by it. A friend was sharing from Proverbs:27,17. Which says, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." And I don't know if I just read the ESV version. Is that right? Okay. And he basically said, it doesn't say iron sharpens wood, or is sharpened by any other means it was the same compound, it was iron and iron. And I just loved that. It was such a small little tidbit of recognizing word choice in the Bible that I thought that's really cool because...[Aaron] What are you-It shows the importance of why we need other Christians in our life. Because we sharpen one another when we believe the same and we operate off the same principles and the same-[Aaron] And we rub up against each other.[Jennifer] Yeah.[Aaron] Being in relationship, and fellowship.[Jennifer] And fellowship and all of that is so important. And it wouldn't work. If it was any other compound. It wouldn't work if those people weren't Christians, if they weren't reading God's word or abiding in Him.[Aaron] They're made of the same stuff.[Jennifer] They're made of the same stuff. The same property, the same people, right?[Aaron] Yeah. I remember what you were talking about. It was really good. Because we need we need people in our life. We can't do this alone.[Jennifer] Yeah.[Aaron] An iron rod just sitting there by itself, it's not getting sharpened .[Jennifer] Right, not gonna do anything, just sitting there-[Aaron] I will actually just sit and corrode and not be useful.[Jennifer] Yeah. So just a small encouragement for... An actually is kind of what we're gonna be talking about today. But it is good to-[Aaron] Oh yeah, look at that.[Jennifer] Be reminded that we need people.[Aaron] I think people are gonna think we planned it that way.[Jennifer] I didn't, I promise. Here I'll throw in a freebie, a different thing. 'Cause I like to start these intros with something fun. For any of you who are parents of small children. I forgot how fun these are, but I grew up on a old telephone with a long cord.[Aaron] The rotary phones.[Jennifer] You know, the kind that plugs into the wall. We're also used to cell phones now. I don't know if people even have phones like this anymore that actually work. But I was at an antique store, thrift store, and I found one for really cheap. And I just thought, "Oh, the kids will have a blast playing with this pretend in the playroom." So I bought one, and Olive won't stop playing with it today. She literally, I'm not kidding you. I was doing some school with Elliot. And she was standing behind you had like this little kids kitchenette thing. And she was on the... It was one of those, what are they called? Rotary phones?[Aaron] The rotary phone, yeah.[Jennifer] And she has-[Aaron] With the cord.[Jennifer] Right, with the cord. And she's got one end up to her ear and she's playing with the cord with her finger. And I look over and she's got a pillow stuffed under her shirt. And she's talking to someone, her best friend on the phone about her pregnancy. And about how hard it's been lately. But she's talking as if like-[Aaron] Who taught her to do the finger twirl thing-[Jennifer] I don't know. It was so funny. So anyways, it was a very cheap piece of fun for the kids and a little bit of history.[Aaron] That's a really funny story. I think Olive's awesome. Getting into the episode. If you haven't done so yet, would you leave us a review today. Star rating a review, we love those. They're very impactful to us. And they help other people find the episode. We'd love if you did that. And one more thing, we've been heavily promoting our marriage prayer challenge this season. It's the beginning of a new year. We're just hoping to get a lot of people just getting in the habit of prayer this year. God wants us to be praying people. So we made this prayer challenge it's completely free, so that it encouraged you and inspire your prayer life for your marriage. It's marriageprayerchallenge.com. It's completely free. It's a 31 day challenge, where we send you an email with a prompt for something specific to pray for, for your husband or your wife. And if your husband and wife are listening, right now, both you go sign up together, it would be awesome, we can be praying for each other.[Jennifer] Do it. Okay, so the title of this episode is, Don't Forget Who is at Work Within Us, within you?[Aaron] Within Me. You.[Jennifer] Were all listening.[Aaron] Yeah. This is for all of us. Because we can forget.[Jennifer] But we're not gonna. Okay. Let's back it up just a bit. We wrote "Marriage After God", which This podcast was inspired because of. But the "Marriage After God" book which came out a year and a half ago now, it was a message that Aaron and I had been learning and experiencing in our own life in marriage. And it was a message we found incredibly impactful. So we wanted other marriages to experience it. So we wrote this book, laid it all out for you. And there's quite a bit to unpack in "Marriage After God". But the premise is that, everyone, everyone, you, me, everyone listening, especially marriages as a unit, we all have a place and a purpose in the body of Christ in the church. Operating in this world, not for ourselves but for God.[Aaron] When you say everyone, you're talking about believers.[Jennifer] Believers.[Aaron] In the body of Christ.[Jennifer] Yeah.[Aaron] Yeah. So there's not some believers that don't have a purpose?[Jennifer] No.[Aaron] There's not like, not like one or two that-[Jennifer] We all.[Aaron] Every single one of us.[Jennifer] This is a quote from "Marriage After God", it says, "The beauty of the body of Christ is that each and every part is unique, your marriage included. And God will use your uniqueness for his purposes, if you let Him."[Aaron] So that's what we wanna encourage you in this episode, is to recognize that you are not excluded from the body of Christ, or from usefulness to Christ in His body. You're a part of it.[Jennifer] God does use our uniqueness for His glory. Another reason why we shouldn't compare, right? Which is something else we talked about in the book. But even though we are all unique and our marriages are too, we are still part of only one body. One.[Aaron] Yeah, the body of Christ.[Jennifer] Yeah. And there's things about us that are the same as others. And it is in those bonds of unity and likeness, that we find camaraderie, comfort, support, as that one body.[Aaron] It's also where you find the message of the gospel of Christ in the church as a whole, but also in our marriages. It's another theme that we talked about in the book is that... I actually talked about this a couple Sundays ago, that our marriage is an earthly symbol of a heavenly truth. And that's what we're trying to get at is your marriage and you individually, what God has put in us and wants to use in us is important and valuable and shouldn't be overlooked. So it's awesome as though all of us may be unique and have unique giftings and talents and resources, and God's gonna use us with those but the purpose is the same, that we're used to share his testimony.[Jennifer] Of Jesus.[Aaron] Of Jesus, yeah.[Jennifer] What Jesus did.[Aaron] Is to be shared with all.[Aaron] Yeah, yeah. Those unifying principles, those bonds that I was talking about, those are the things that stand out in a Christians life. And they're from the Bible, right Aaron?[Aaron] Yeah, the word is living and active in our lives. And what we wanna do in this episode is we wanna encourage you because I've known people that don't feel used or useful. They don't feel capable. They look at other people and they say, "Well, I'm not like them. I don't have their gifts. I don't have their talents. God can't use me. I'm not in that position. I'm not a paid this or that." But that's so far from the truth. 'Cause the truth is that God has arranged the parts in the body as you see fit. And He's given gifts to all of us that He sees fit.[Jennifer] And I also wanna add, you just explained it from the standpoint of someone who may think they've never had enough or to share, or to do, or to participate in that way. And then I've also seen where some people do believe even for a short moment, or even a long moment, that they might be able to participate in the body of Christ but then there're seasons where they doubt, or there're seasons where they're just, don't feel like they're enough, or there're seasons where they are just conflicted in their belief of what is true. So we wanna encourage you guys today, we wanna encourage you if that's where you're at, we wanna encourage you in your identity in Christ in the body and the part that you do play, that you're not lesser. Just because you have a different purpose or function in the body. Right? And if you're struggling with doubt at all, a little bit, or a lot of bit , we're here for you. We're gonna often encourage you.[Aaron] We do this. There's been several times that we asked ourselves, "What are we doing? Why are we doing this podcast? Why are we doing this book?" And we have to submit it to the Lord and we get reminded that it's for Him, and He's gonna use us how He sees fit. And so we get to be encouraged that we're a part of that body, we're part of His body. Just doing our part. Just doing what He has for us. This is what the Bible says, listeners, Christians, about us. Colossians 3:10-11. "And I put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." I just wanna stop for a second. We put on a new self as a believer, there was the old self that's been put away that we constantly are putting to death, that old self. And it says putting on the new self, walking in newness of life, new creation, these are the words words that the Bible uses about the believer. So we put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. So we're being renewed by knowledge. So the Word of God, the Holy Spirit speaking to us working in us after the image of its creator. So the new self that we've put on the image of its creator is what we're being renewed in. And then it says in verse 11, "Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free, but Christ is all and in all." So raise your hand if you are part of that all.[Jennifer] I'm raising my hand.[Aaron] Yeah, I'm sure everyone listening .[Jennifer] Nobody's raising their hand babe.[Aaron] I think someone did. So if Christ is all and in all, so for the believer who's put on the new self and being renewed but in the image of its creator, Christ is you and in you because we are the body of Christ. Doesn't matter who you are in the body. This is true for you. It's not true for some believers. This believer over here that does this mighty thing. And this blue bar here that has this big ministry, no, it's true for every believer in the body of Christ.[Jennifer] So when it comes to identity, it's Him. Like, we're in Christ so we're one with his identity.[Aaron] So we put off the old identity that was a child of wrath, the Bible talks about, and we've put on a new identity which is Christ Himself.[Jennifer] Which also means that there's no distinction between who we once were, and who we are now in Christ.[Aaron] Which I think is a huge, like, we have this hard time as believers where we still see the old self, you know? And I think that that struggle happens, that's often where we feel disqualified, or we feel like we can't be used as we see that old self. And who we once were.[Jennifer] Yeah, we start to doubt when we see that person and say, "See, that's who I am." And not saying not reminding yourself who you actually are is in Christ.[Aaron] So we're reminding you that you are in Christ. And so He says up here, "No Greek or Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian." He gives all these categories, these groups of people. And as believers, we're not to dis divide ourselves into these groups. We're not to divide ourselves in any groups based on who we are, we're in the flesh. Instead, we live together with one identity, one identity.[Jennifer] The bride of Christ.[Aaron] We are the bride of Christ. We're his people.[Jennifer] I think we hear in terms like the bride of Christ, or the body of Christ, and we see this picture of a body, but full of people. I don't know if you see it like this, I see it like this.[Aaron] Like, all stacked on top each other.[Jennifer] Yeah, I kind of like just-[Aaron] I've never visualized that. Now I am 'cause you said it.[Jennifer] Sometimes I'd see it like that, which is beautiful. But let's not forget that Christ is the head of that body. We exist because of Him. And we're all here because of Him. And we're one with Him.[Aaron] Yeah[Jennifer] One.[Aaron] One, not-[Jennifer] It's not Christ over here. What I'm trying to get at, is not Christ over here and Christ body over here, it's all connected. Right?[Aaron] Exactly.[Jennifer] That's important.[Aaron] And so if you're in Christ, you're in the body of Christ.[Jennifer] And if He's the head, I was thinking about this. If He's the head, then He's the mind of the body which means that He's reminding us who we are and what our function is.[Aaron] That's true. Everything we need comes from Him. And it's Him that's that's in charge and controls what we do, and what the body does and where the body is going. So this is a good spot for us to, heart check for us. Do we divide ourselves in the body? Do we look... Often, this comes in the terms of those people over there are-[Jennifer] This way or that way.[Aaron] Elevated. And those people over there are lower. Or we do it with ourselves. I'm not like those people.[Jennifer] Comparison, yeah.[Aaron] So I must not be useful.[Jennifer] We put ourselves down.[Aaron] I don't play music. And these are just basic like the people you might see on a Sunday morning. The people that are playing music, or a pastor or you see these couple of ministries, which are powerful ministry is useful and needful. But maybe we look at that and we say, "Well, I'm not those. So I must not be anything. I must not be useful." Which is not true. They're needed, just as much as you are.[Jennifer] I think to just encourage people, 'cause I think sometimes when we give examples of specific things, I know we're trying to use it as a way of looking at something. But sometimes it can deter us from looking at even more things. And so when you're comparing yourself or dividing the body up, you mentioned Sunday morning but it can come in so many forms during the week as well within friendships, social media, who's blogging about what, or podcasting about who, you know? So I just wanna broaden that example and say this is far beyond just Sunday morning and what your purpose is, within the body. This is an everyday all day heart check that we can have?[Aaron] Well, here's one good example of this. And this happens probably in a lot of our lives. Let's say we hear of a friend who needs help, encouragement, some love, some advice. And we immediately think to tell ourselves, "I'm not the person to do that, what am I gonna say? I can't do that. I'm not qualified to go talk to them and encourage them. They need someone more knowledgeable."[Jennifer] So you kind of just talk yourself out of out of the opportunity.[Aaron] Yeah, what you've done is you've lowered yourself. You said, "I'm not capable. I'm not the one for the job." When you may very well be the only one for the job. I mean-[Jennifer] I will say this, I hadn't experience... I don't wanna share about it without asking that other person. But I had a friend walk through something difficult. And I didn't have any experience with that thing. And that justification that you're talking about did creep up into my heart, but I pushed it away. And I'm like, "No, this is important." And I thought at most I can go and sit and be present.[Aaron] And you did.[Jennifer] And that's all I did. And so for you listening, if whatever Aaron just said struck a chord in your heart, and there is someone in your life currently that is in need whether emotionally or physically or with intangible needs or maybe just going through a hard time, and you just wanna be present with that person, it means the world to them. It means a lot.[Aaron] So it's not loving the body if we divide the body that way. If we look at others and we judge them based on what they do. If we judge ourselves on what we can or cannot do.[Jennifer] It actually allows pride to creep up and start wreaking havoc on the body. If we're puffed up like that.[Aaron] yeah. What's funny is you might not think saying, "I'm not the one to do that" isn't pride, but it is. Because what it's not doing is being humbled for our Lord and saying, "Do you wanna use me?"[Jennifer] Yeah, I'll go do that hard thing that I don't know what to do. Yeah.[Aaron] Yeah. So we wanna remind you that you are needful in the body. And not just needful, you're necessary. If you're a believer, you are a necessary part of the body. There is no part not necessary.[Jennifer] You had a really good point about the Scripture you just read that I want you to share. Go ahead do that now.[Aaron] Yeah, one of the main things to notice between these different identities.[Jennifer] Go and read it real quick.[Aaron] In the verse it says, "Here, there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free." There's something that... Those are different identities, they're not just people, they're identities. And the difference between them is the forms of worship, their languages, and their positions. So you look at those things. You have Jews, they worship the one true God. You have the Greeks who worshiped either many gods or knowledge or self, right? You had the barbarians which was a term for anyone who spoke a different language that no one understood. So if someone spoke a language from a far distant land and no one knew it, they were a barbarian. And then the Scythians they were regarded as the wildness of barbarians by more by the civilized nations and have integrity. So back then they would look at Scythians and be like, "Oh, they're like, savage people that we don't know how they talk. We don't know their language." And then you have slave and free, those are positions. So you have a slave who is controlled by someone else, and you have a free person who they do what they want. So it's not just people it's talking about, it's talking about the way the identify. And so the reason all of these are to be discarded, none of those exist anymore in the church. And you'll see why, is because we now all have the same God to worship. We worship the same. We're unified. Whether Greek or Jew, nope, we worship Christ, all of us. We all now speak the same language. I'm not talking just like actual language like French or Spanish or English.[Jennifer] I heard the word christianese.[Aaron] No, we speak the same language which is the word of God.[Jennifer] 'Cause we're quoting Him.[Aaron] It doesn't matter what actual language you speak. So we could go to the church, the underground church in China. And even though we couldn't speak their language, an interpreter would be translating for us. We're still speaking the same words.[Jennifer] I think it's funny that you went to you went to China, which we haven't had experience with.[Aaron] I've never been to China.[Jennifer] But we have had experience with going to parts of Africa.[Aaron] I guess I should use that example, yeah.[Jennifer] I'm taking it personal. We have had opportunities where we've had even sometimes two to three translators between us and those listening.[Aaron] Yeah, there'd be like, all the different dialects. And that was actually really hard. But the thing is they heard the same words. And we all know have the same position. The Bible even talks about this, free or slave, we worship one God. We are free in Christ. We're in the position that we hold as God's chosen one's, holy and beloved. That's what the word says about us.[Jennifer] I really like that.[Aaron] So it talks about how no longer in the body of Christ, are there any of those other identities. All of those identities melt away and we all have one language, we worship one God, we have one position.[Jennifer] So you said earlier, this is a good place to have a heart check in it. I am just thinking how often do we stop to really think about our identity? It's something that might contribute to some tensions in our hearts at times, or some doubt that flares up. But when was the last time you sat down and maybe even wrote out what things do I cling to that I think are part of my identity? And when was the last time I really just owned Christ's identity? You know what I mean?[Aaron] And God's challenged me several times over the last few few years of my own identity, with the way I dress, or the way I look and things that I care about myself, and really saying, is there any part of your identity you're not willing to give up for me?[Jennifer] 'Cause then it would become an idol.[Aaron] Exactly.[Jennifer] Right?[Aaron] But challenging those identity markers in and me, I don't know what you wanna call them but in God's saying, "I want your identity to be in me only." But what's awesome about everything I'm saying this isn't about some Christians, this is-[Jennifer] About us.[Aaron] The church, it's about us. And in verse 10 it ends with, "But Christ is all and in all." So all those identities go away and now Christ is all and in all. So talks about Christ being the whole church, and Christ being in the individual members of the church. You, me, you listening, Christ is in you. Paul says it this way, in Romans 12:4-5, "For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function. So we though many are one body in Christ and individually members one of another." Which is awesome, because it's not just saying we're all members of one body and we're individually members of Christ. It says that as individuals, we're members of one another. So wherever you think your position is in the body, you're connected to the rest of us. So however you think you are in the body, you and me, we are members of one another. Me and my wife, members of one another. We are all together one. And it's a beautiful thing, because I just want to defeat the lies that some believers, hopefully if you're if you're listening and this is something that you're believing, that you are a an non necessary part of the body of Christ, or non useful, or haven't been given a gift, or that God doesn't want to use you for his kingdom and His glory, It's a lie from the devil. What the devil does not want you to realize is that you are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. He does not want you to realize that you are an unnecessary and active part of the body of Christ.[Jennifer] 'Cause if he can get you to believe that and you from that basis, talk yourself out I'm gonna help that person that's in need or fulfill whatever purpose God has for you in those moments that what I'm talking about when you're confronted with them. The enemy's winning if you can get you to believe the wrong thing.[Aaron] And we don't want to believe the wrong thing. We wanna believe the biblical thing. Who we are in Christ. It's incredibly powerful. Here's another lie you might be thinking. And this is about the Spirit of God in us. Don't ever think that you have less of Christ or His spirit than any other believer.[Jennifer] So this would be like if I was sitting back looking at you and going, "Wow, he's got way more spirit of Jesus, way more of him than I do. So I'll never be."[Aaron] Right. Don't believe that. You have no smaller or lesser portion of He's spirit or a smaller, lesser purpose. The purpose that Christ has for you is as important as Christ deems it necessary, because it's for His glory.[Jennifer] Yeah, we also can't believe that we're more broken than others.[Aaron] That's a great point.[Jennifer] Some people would use an object like say, this coffee cup. If it was broken and leaking, you'd wanna discard it. And I think we get there sometimes where we go, "No, I'm too broken. I can't be used. Discard me. Just don't let me participate in what's happening because I'm not worthy. I can't."[Aaron] Right. And this isn't a a point to say, if you're walking in unrepentant sin, "Oh, God will still use you". This is talking about if you're walking in that, you should repent.[Jennifer] Yeah.[Aaron] And be with Christ.[Jennifer] Yeah.[Aaron] But this is talking about a believer who is thinking that they can't be used because of XYZ. But Christ, it says that he picks the weak things to confirm the strong. And though and the foolish thing to confound the wise.[Jennifer] It also says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. So we all are right there in the same boat.[Aaron] And that's the truth is that Christ came for sinners, and that he didn't leave us there. He's given us a purpose. The same way, this is just a quick side note. The people of Israel before they became a nation, they were slaves. That's like the state of man before Christ, were slaves to sin, were dead, right? And then we pulled us out. He brings us into this, out of the world and He gives us His law. He writes it on our hearts by His Spirit. He gives us of His Spirit, He becomes our God. And this is what God did for His people. He said, "I will be your God, and you will be my people." He gives them their law, and He gives them a nation, and then He gives them work to do. He says, "Go build me a tabernacle." He gives them a laws and things to do. And so when he draws us into His kingdom, He does the same. He makes us a people for Him, to work for Him.[Jennifer] That's good. So we're talking about our identity being in Christ. And we really need to figure out if we're believing what His Word says about us, or if we're believing lies. Are we comparing ourselves are we doubting that we have been given enough to be able to fulfill his purposes that He has for us. And so just a reminder, getting past this kind of first portion of what we're talking about I think it's good to think about that this week.[Aaron] Yeah, in First Corinthians 12:12-13 it says, "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body though many are one body, so it is with Christ." Again, this is just reiterating what we just read in another place, in another way. "For in one spirit we were all baptized into one body, Jews or Greeks, slaver free. And all were made to drink of one spirit." So you have the Spirit of God just like I do. So if you're struggling, and Jennifer, me and you we've gone through this with ourselves, with things that we walk in like, "Why did I do that again? Why do I think that way again?" And the lie from the enemy os gonna say, "Well, maybe you're not saved enough." Maybe you haven't been given enough by God. And maybe you don't have enough of the Spirit of God. So you can't. Now, we've been given of one spirit. There's another spot in the Bible that says that we've been given all things that pertain to life and godliness in Christ Jesus. So in Christ, we have what we need because he has given us what we need. If you are in Christ, if you are a believer, God has sent His Spirit to live inside of you. That's the truth.[Jennifer] What if someone's listening right now and they're not a believer?[Aaron] If you are listening right now and you are not a believer, then Believe in the Lord Jesus. That God sent him. That he died to forgive you of your sins. And that not only did he die, but God raised Him from the dead so that you can have new life. And that is the only Way to the Father. That's the only way to be with God is believing in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection. That's it.[Jennifer] And then go read a phenomenal love story called The Bible, start in Genesis and just watch it unfold before your eyes. Okay, so this next part is pretty cool. I'm gonna jump into.[Aaron] So again, if you're doubting whether you have the Spirit of God or not or if you have enough of the Spirit, I wanna just read what it talks about in 2 Chronicles. There's a beautiful picture of this, how God fills every one of us so completely. And this is the truth. After Solomon, King Solomon completed the temple he prayed to consecrate the temple. And in 2 Chronicles 7:1 it says, "As soon as Solomon finished his prayer." This was a long prayer. "Fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering, and the sacrifices, and the glory of the Lord filled the temple."[Jennifer] So not just like parts of it.[Aaron] It filled it. It actually, I didn't put this verse in here but it says He filled it so much that they could not enter. He filled every part of it. He filled all of the temple, not just parts of it. Wasn't like, just the Holy of Holies was filled. Every ounce of the temple was filled with the Holy Spirit. And guess what friends? We are the temple. Not made with hands, but by God himself. And he doesn't fill a portion of His temple. So like me and Jennifer, we're filled with his glory. And that person over there was but this kind of area over here in the body was not filled.[Jennifer] Were those ones over there were completely filled with even, and some.[Aaron] Yeah, so they got more and we got a little bit. No. He doesn't just fill a portion of His temple or just the biggest parts of it only, He fills the whole temple. Okay? 1 Corinthians 6:19.[Jennifer] This is the verse that came to my mind.[Aaron] "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you whom you have from God. You are not your own." So our body is a temple, the body of Christ is assemble. We are filled with His spirit.[Jennifer] In 2 Corinthians 6:16. It says, What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God and they shall be my people."[Aaron] So what are we?[Jennifer] Were the temple of God.[Aaron] Right. And so He dwells among us. And He walks with us, and He's our God, and where His people. Doesn't matter who you are. If you're in Christ, He's your God, you're His people. You're His temple. He dwells in you. He's filled you.[Jennifer] Here's another, just after reading that verse I guess another place you can stop into a heart check and see are there any idols in your life that you've agreed to, or put up on a pedestal above the Lord? Sometimes we're focusing on one part of Scripture, but all of it's just as important. So if you guys.[Aaron] It's true.[Jennifer] I don't mean to be distracting, but it's important that we...[Aaron] Well, that's a good point 'cause knowing that God has filled us, there should be no room for idols. 'Cause what we're doing is we're pushing it in the place of where the Holy Spirit is. We're like moving it. And we don't want that. So what God has given us in Christ is enough. Believer, listen, what God has given you in Christ is enough.[Jennifer] And it's complete.[Aaron] It's perfect. Ephesians 3:14-21, "For this reason, I bow my knee before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named that according to the riches of His glory, He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit, in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, that you being rooted and grounded in love." We talked about love last episode, "May have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth, and length, and height, and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge. That you may be filled with all the fullness of God." that's incredible. All the fullness of God. "Now, to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us." Where is that work happening?[Jennifer] Within us.[Aaron] Within us.[Jennifer] Don't forget that.[Aaron] "To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever, amen.[Jennifer] Amen.[Aaron] So the spirit He's given us and the work that is happening within us is for the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations. So the reason He's given you everything, the reason he's given you what you need is for his church, and for all generations to partake in. So I don't know if you feel like you've been useless and not needed.[Jennifer] Overlooked.[Aaron] Overlooked. Know this, that what God is putting you is the very same thing that He's put in me. And is to be the for the glory in the church, and in Christ Jesus through all generations.[Jennifer] That's so good Aaron. And I really appreciate your passion when it comes to the word and how you read it and how you share it.[Aaron] Thank you.[Jennifer] As you're reading something that I noticed was... I mean, I've known it but it stood out once again is that when it says... Let me go back up really quick. "And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of God, and that knowing the fullness of God is tied in with knowing the love of Christ." I just love that. I think it's so beautiful.[Aaron] And what's amazing, so fullness of God. That's a lot.[Jennifer] I know.[Aaron] Right? It doesn't feel like it all the time. But it's the truth. Which is why we can recognize when we have walked in a way that's wrong. And we can return back to God and say, "Oh, that's not who I am. I don't walk that way anymore. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for changing and transforming and sanctifying me."[Jennifer] So even when we fall or sin, or choose unrighteousness, if we're able to see clearly and repent and be reconciled, we'll see that He's even still working.[Aaron] Well, I would say we can repent-[Jennifer] Because He's working.[Aaron] Because the fullness of God is in us. So my prayer today is that each of us would recognize what is living in us.[Jennifer] Who is living in us.[Aaron] Yeah. We must never forget who is working within us.[Jennifer] Colossians 1:27 says, "To them, God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."[Aaron] Man! I just hope everyone is being encouraged by this. Because we need to remember this. We need to be reminded of this week. I need a daily that Christ is in me. And the riches of that glory of that, and that mystery is in me. It's just awesome. Romans 8:10-11. "But if Christ is in you although the body is dead because of sin, the spirit is life because of righteousness."[Jennifer] His righteousness, right?[Aaron] Yeah. If the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.[Jennifer] I just love that it is so specific that it says it also gives life to your mortal bodies. And it's not immortal bodily bodies. It's not once we get to eternity then, it's right here right now in our mortal human bodies occupying this earth, He will also give life to through His Spirit.[Aaron] And it doesn't say if the Spirit dwells in you, it says, "through His Spirit who dwells in you." That person of God dwells in you. He's there. It's just, yeah. Okay. That was a lot.[Jennifer] So just to wrap this up, Aaron. For those who may be agreeing with you that all of this is true, what we're saying. But they've been wrestling, they've been in a place where they have seen themselves as less than or haven't been walking in that confidence of God in me and making those choices to participate in what God is doing in this world and choosing to fulfill those purposes that God has for them, What do they do now? Right now?[Aaron] One of the biggest messages in the "Marriage After God" book is say yes. Yes, God. "Yes, I will go. Yes, I will do. Yes, I will say."[Jennifer] Then step out of the boat.[Aaron] Yeah.[Jennifer] Like Peter did.[Aaron] Yeah. We talked about in the book. And it's looking at your life and saying, "What is mine is God's." It could be your dinner table. It could be your baking skills. It could be opening up your backyard. It could be-[Jennifer] Sitting with that friend.[Aaron] Sitting with that friend quietly. It could be writing a book. It could be writing a song. It could be... And we're mentioning these ideas, but God is so infinite. Like there's so many things. I have no idea what good work God has prepared for you before the foundations.[Jennifer] But we know this is true because it says so in Scripture. You're a member of the body and every member has a different function. And that function is important.[Aaron] Yeah, so be used.[Jennifer] Be used.[Aaron] Say yes to God. All right, we're moving on to the last couple parts of this episode where we talk about what we're grateful for, which is a beautiful thing that Jennifer been encouraging us to do.[Jennifer] Something I've been trying to walk in more.[Aaron] Attitudes of gratefulness this year. So what are you grateful for Jennifer?[Jennifer] I was thinking about this, and I was just thinking how grateful I am for photos, photographs, even home videos. I think being able to look back at old photos it just melts my heart, especially photos of my kids. I remember being little and as I got older, I like to look at old pictures of myself to remember what I looked like. Like, as a baby. I just thought that was fascinating. And I think for anyone, that's lucky enough to have photos of people that they love or photos of themselves, even. I think it's a gift of time travel and they tell stories. I don't think that we should get wrapped up in taking a bunch of selfies, although affects your thing.[Aaron] Are there albums full of pictures of yourself? There's probably.[Jennifer] I like that there's evidence. I like that there's proof of life in a photograph.[Aaron] One thing I remember about your grandma, I think it was right in the front doorway. She just had like tons of photo albums from like every year. I remember it's . And you've been doing a lot more printing of photos which I think is amazing.[Jennifer] I feel like I actually made a mistake, which is contrary to what I just said about photos. But I told myself that I was gonna give a gift to each one of my kids have a scrapbook. Like a very tangible, stickers and all.[Aaron] Mind you, you started this three days before Christmas.[Jennifer] Yeah. I said gift, and I didn't say Christmas gift. But yes, that was my intention. And I just got a late start on it. So now it has become a-[Aaron] Pile of beautiful photos.[Jennifer] A pile of beautiful photos that one day I will give to my children. But I know that it will make them feel good that mom has a little treasure trove of photos for them. And one day I will get to it. Scrapbooking's not easy.[Aaron] Well, yours is a beautiful thing to be grateful for. I'm grateful for merino wool.[Jennifer] You have to explain that one.[Aaron] Well, I've always had... How should I say this, moist feet. But ever since finding merino wool socks, and merino wool shoes, even.[Jennifer] This sound like an ad .[Aaron] I'm just saying. I've really liked merino wool 'cause it has changed my life.[Jennifer] Cool. So your feet don't sweat anymore.[Aaron] Nope.[Jennifer] Not that you know of.[Aaron] Not that I know of, yeah.[Jennifer] 'cause the wool just soaks it all up, nasty.[Aaron] They're also really comfortable socks and really comfortable shoes. But no, I'm really grateful for merino wool. That was God's invention. It comes off of a sheep somewhere. It's great.[Jennifer] Awesome. Well, we just share these for you guys in hopes of spurring you on to consider things that you're grateful for. It could be the smallest of things, to the greatest of things. And our encouragement is for you to consider that this week, what you're grateful for and then share it with someone. Share it with the Lord, share it with your spouse, share it with a friend, or a random stranger. We need more of that these days. But that's our message of gratefulness to you.[Aaron] Awesome. All right, let's close out in prayer. Dear Lord, thank you for the uniqueness of your body, the church. Thank you for the thoughtfulness you have put into each one of us individually and the thoughtfulness of how you have brought us all together to make up one body. Thank you for the many different functions we all contribute too, for your name to bring you glory. Thank you for your word which provides the message we all share. We are so grateful that your word encourages us and reminds us of your great love. We pray we would dive into your word this week and being encouraged again and again by it. We also pray we would have eyes to see how you are working within us and how you are working within our marriages. We praise you in Jesus name, amen. We love you all. And just again, please consider leaving a review. Would you also be our share warriors this week and share this episode with someone, anyone. Maybe your social media, and email text message. We wanna use you guys to spread the word. And yeah, we look forward to having you next week. We love you all. Connect With UsInstagram | @marriageaftergodInstagram | @unveiledwifeInstagram | @husbandrevolutionCheck out our marriage resources!SponsorsGet our new book The Marriage Gift - 365 prayers for your marriage!Our Sponsors:* Check out Mr. Pen and use my code MAG10 for a great deal: https://mrpen.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/marriage-after-god-biblical-advice-practical-tips-and-inspiring-/donations

Join the Free 31-Day Marriage Prayer Challenge Today!HTTP://marriageprayerchallenge.com READ THE TRANSCRIPT [Jennifer] Welcome to the marriage after God podcast. [Aaron] We're your hosts, I'm Aaron. [Jennifer] And I'm Jennifer. [Aaron] We've been married for 14 years. [Jennifer] And we have five young children. [Aaron] We started blogging over 10 years ago, sharing our marriage story and hopes of encouraging other husbands and wives to draw closer to God and closer to each other. [Jennifer] We have authored over 10 books together, including our newest book "Marriage After God", the book that inspired us to start this podcast. [Aaron] "Marriage After God" is a message to remind all of us that God designed marriage with a purpose. [Jennifer] To reflect his love. [Aaron] To be a light in this world. [Jennifer] To work together as a team. [Aaron] Using what he has given us. [Jennifer] To build his kingdom. [Aaron] Our hope is to encourage you along your marriage journey. [Jennifer] As you boldly chase after God together. [Aaron] This is, Marriage After God. [Aaron] Welcome back. We're Aaron and Jennifer Smith, your host of the Marriage After God podcast. How are you doing Jennifer? [Jennifer] I'm good. [Aaron] Yeah, what are you drinking? [Jennifer] I'm drinking hot chocolate. [Aaron] I got a cup of coffee. This is like our second time now doing like having drinks while we're- [Jennifer] Yeah, last time we both had tea, which was? [Aaron] Interesting. [Jennifer] Fun. [Aaron] I like tea. But I love coffee way more. So I'm having some coffee right now. [Jennifer] Speaking of drinks, me and the kids were learning about water this week, which is just fascinating. I think that if you haven't had a chance to study water, I just want to encourage you that you should, cause it's cool. But did you know that it takes like 45 to 50 gallons of water just to make one cup of orange juice? [Aaron] Are you talking about like from the ground, like the tree? [Jennifer] Yeah, like what's required to produce a cup of orange juice. [Aaron] Oh, the amount of oranges. [Jennifer] Yeah, not 50 gallons of water to mix with frozen orange juice concentrate. [Aaron] So, for the tree to grow the amount of oranges necessary, it takes about 45 to 50 gallons of water. That's actually incredible. [Jennifer] Cause it's over time, that the orange grows. [Aaron] So when I have a couple of oranges, it's like drinking 50 gallons of water. That's my water for the month. [Jennifer] I don't know, I thought it was interesting. [Aaron] That's awesome. [Jennifer] Little tidbit that I memorized this week. But also I gotta say one more thing about water, because as we were reading this book, this orange juice fact was one of them in there, but it also said that, and I didn't know this, Aaron did you know this? [Aaron] Nope. [Jennifer] Let me say it first. That a snowflake, how it's made, and you can look this up, like if you Google the definition of a snowflake. Although be careful, look up the scientific like. [Aaron] Of snow. [Jennifer] Of snow, a snowflake. [Aaron] Yeah, that's funny. [Jennifer] How it's composed is actually ice crystals forming around a piece of dust. [Aaron] Okay. [Jennifer] Okay, and I sat there and I, my jaw dropped and the kids were like, what mom? And I'm like, wow, the Bible talks about how, well, that hymn popped up into my mind, he washes us white as snow. And I thought, you know, the Bible talks about how as people we're made from the dust, Adam was made from the dust. And here's this picture of a dust molecule flying through the air, surrounded by snow, ice crystals, and that's what makes a snowflake. I just thought it was such a beautiful picture. So I had to look it up and Isaiah 1:18 says, "Come now let us reason together says the Lord, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow, though they are red, like crimson, they shall become like wool." And so there's this contrast of what we've done and that color of Crimson, that red, and they shall be as white as snow, pure white, no shadows. [Aaron] It's almost like God designed it that way. He had a cool, these pictures of the gospel. [Jennifer] I know but it's like hidden because no one goes around looking up, what is a snowflake? We all just assume it's snow. [Aaron] I've known about snowflakes for a long time but didn't know that they were formed around dust. I just thought they're formed in the air. [Jennifer] I think it's so phenomenal, I think it's so pretty, I love it. [Aaron] And it is, when the Bible tells us that, he is a hidden attributes, his divine nature is seen clearly in nature. I think that's awesome. And we're seeing little bits of this like these truths that God has in the Bible, but it's also shown in nature, which is amazing. [Jennifer] Yeah, I saw another verse, Hebrews 10:22, not quite about snow or snowflakes, but talking about water. And it says, "Let us draw near with a true heart and full assurance of faith with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience, conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water." I thought that was another really just great verse that happened to pop up when I was researching about snow. [Aaron] And these are good verses to remember as Christians because that's who we are. Because there's times that we don't feel that way. Cleansed, washed white as snow. You know, the enemy comes in and reminds us of our filth, reminds us of our sin, those things the wrong thoughts, the attitudes, and then the Holy Spirit says, well, no I'm cleansing you of that. And I'm growing you, and I'm maturing you. So let's move forward. [Jennifer] Let's be something beautiful, like the uniqueness of a snowflake. Which I love because it's covering the dust. The ice, it covers it. And I love that picture. And a bonus when I was looking up pictures of a snowflake online, and there was these pictures like super zoomed in, on a snowflake, and when light hits it, it reflects a prism, a rainbow, because the composition is still water, and I love that. I love that this whole picture within one of the smallest things that we see with our eyes is a snowflake. And you get the dust molecule, the snow surrounding it, God's promise of a rainbow right there. [Aaron] That's awesome. [Jennifer] I don't know, it was just mind blowing to me. [Aaron] So next time you see a snowflake, think about yourself, think about God making you white as snow. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] And that's awesome, it's a gospel. [Jennifer] Cool little intro there. [Aaron] That was a really good intro, yeah. [Jennifer] You're welcome. [Aaron] We just wanna invite you if you have not done so, but many of you have, so we just wanna thank you. Many of you have left reviews and ratings for this podcast, and you've done them in various places wherever you listen to this podcast, you've left reviews and we love that. But if you haven't yet, if you haven't given us a star rating or review and you've been blessed by this podcast, would you do that today? Would you bless us by leaving a review that helps people find the podcast? It helps all the algorithms know how to rank our podcast. And it helps people that, when they find our podcast to know what it's about and what peoples testimonies are. [Jennifer] It's also kinda like a virtual high five. So if you wanna high five Aaron and I for what we do for you here on Marriage After God, give us a high five. [Aaron] I like that, a virtual high five. This is a review that someone left, and it says this, I can't say their name. I don't know how to say that. Anyways it says me and my husband are literally all for this podcast. We love how real they are and how they use personal experiences to teach us from their perspective. I love you guys, excited for the next channel. Love that. I think they're probably talking about next episode maybe . [Jennifer] Or next season. [Aaron] Next season. Anyways, we just, we love getting these. We love reading them. And so if you wanna leave one of those today, that'd be awesome. And like Jennifer said, it'd be like giving us a high five virtually. So thank you. [Jennifer] We'd also like to encourage you guys to sign up for the marriage prayer challenge. You just go to marriageprayerchallenge.com and sign up and you'll get 31 prayers over the next 31 days, encouraging you to pray for your spouse. So if you're listening alongside your spouse make sure that both of you guys sign up. [Aaron] marriageprayerchallenge.com, it's completely free. [Jennifer] All right Aaron, you've been excited about this topic. This was kind of your desire, right? [Aaron] Yeah, probably because it's one of the biggest things I need to work on. [Jennifer] You didn't have to admit that. [Aaron] Well, I'm just tryna be honest. [Jennifer] All right. [Aaron] Yeah as I was rereading through the notes I'm like, yep, this is something that I need. So, I'm not coming from expertise in this, other than coming from what the word says. And it's something that me and you care about, and want to be better in, and want to walk in. [Jennifer] Always. [Aaron] Love, walking in love. It should be so easy, right? [Jennifer] It's easy to say. [Aaron] It's easy to say. That's kinda what we're gonna talk about today. It's so easy to say actually. [Jennifer] Should we tell them who said I love you first? This has nothing to do with our notes or what we're gonna talk about today but, let them guess, wait, ready? [Aaron] Let them have a few seconds. So if you're listening, who do you think told the other that they love them first? And we're talking about us. [Jennifer] Aaron or Jen? [Aaron] Aaron or Jen? Okay. [Jennifer] Okay, ready? I did. It was me. [Aaron] Everyone is rather like, yeah. [Jennifer] I was patient, I waited for you but that's okay. [Aaron] You wanted to say you loved me when you knew of me in high school, didn't you? Like and I didn't even know. [Jennifer] That's okay. [Aaron] That's right. I mean you loved. Yes you did, you said you love me first. Wait, did I actually, did I tell you I loved you back? [Jennifer] Of course, after some silence and making me nervous, and me wanting to like jump out of the car cause I was so embarrassed. You made me... [Aaron] Well it's a big word. [Jennifer] I was already like, what is it called? Blushed, blushed? [Aaron] Yeah, blushing. [Jennifer] Blushed you. Just kidding. I had already pink cheeks from being embarrassed from saying it because I just wanted to get it out there, and then you made my cheeks red. [Aaron] Red faced. [Jennifer] Red faced. [Aaron] Anyways we did pronounce our love for each other in my car. So that's a fun little tidbit for everyone listening about us, that Jennifer said she loved me first. [Jennifer] I'll say this, I think we both knew way before anyone ever said it. [Aaron] Yeah, so it wasn't that we had no idea. [Jennifer] And you weren't surprised by me saying it. [Aaron] I wasn't, it was more of a... [Jennifer] There it's out. [Aaron] Yeah, we were being slow. [Jennifer] Patient. [Aaron] To say the word. Because it meant something. Which is what we're talking about today, what it means. And this idea of love. And saying it, and other things around love. [Jennifer] All right, let's jump in. [Aaron] Love's a big word. Like I just mentioned a second ago. [Jennifer] I mean it's four letters, yeah I get your point. [Aaron] It's not a big word in length, but it's a big word in meaning, right? But here's the problem, and this is why I wanted to start this way, is that the problem with love being a big word is we use it in a lot of ways, right? [Jennifer] Yeah like I love my plants. I love my house. I love our cereal, ice cream, right? [Aaron] Yeah, music. [Jennifer] What do you love Aaron? [Aaron] Pizza, I love pizza. [Jennifer] You think being a pizza delivery guy would deter you from pizza loving. [Aaron] No in fact it increased my love for pizza. If you didn't know anything, at one of my earlier jobs as a pizza delivery driver, I loved it. It was actually, while we knew each other. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Early on in our relationship. But I do love pizza. I love trying new things, like a little adventurous things. I really love board games. I think you do too. We're like game people. [Jennifer] Why? I'm competitive, so it actually doesn't matter what we're playing or what we're doing, as long as I win. [Aaron] You like competition, you like winning. [Jennifer] I love winning. I love winning. Don't you guys love winning? [Aaron] Yeah. I love movies. So it's kind of unfortunate and actually nice because I watch less movies, but with all the movie theaters being shut and all that stuff, but I do love movies. Watch them way less than I used to but, we love lots of things. So, but there's other kinds of things that we love, right? With a different kind of love. [Jennifer] I'd say a deeper kind of love. [Aaron] Yeah. Like I love our kids. I love you. [Aaron] That's good. Do you love me like you like cereal? [Jennifer] Different. [Aaron] Those are different levels of love. [Jennifer] I like you both. No, but we love each other. We love our friends. We love God. We love Jesus. [Aaron] But that's definitely not the same kind of love. They're different. Like my love of pizza, or my love of my children, they're not even in the same planetary alignment. They're not in the same category. [Jennifer] That was a weird thing to say but I get you. [Aaron] But they're the same word. And I feel like in our modern day culture the word love is not as defined as it used to be. Like we use love for a lot of things. [Jennifer] It's used like on a broader sense. [Aaron] Yeah, it's diluted, it's used to have so much more meaning especially in the Bible. But now like we just, I love that, I love this. Like everything's, we love everything. But they cannot be the same kind of love. And it's obvious that there are different kinds of love, but it's hard when we use the same word for all different kinds of love. Would you agree? [Jennifer] Yeah, like when I say that I love you, it's not the same kind of love that I am saying that I love those other things. [Aaron] In essence when we use love it's more like I really enjoy these things. I really like these things, I desire these kinds of things, I want these things. [Jennifer] Well you know me, I love talking about definition. So, who gets to define love? Is it culture, modern history, poems, magazines? [Aaron] I would say currently those are the things that define current cultures word for love. The news, the magazines, movie stars or pop stars. How they are saying this is what love is. [Jennifer] How they use it we kind of all just follow along. But, I mean we do know as believers that, the creator himself has defined love. [Aaron] That's true. He's the one who gets to say what it is, and what it means. Not the world, not even ourselves, because we can even at times define what love is, which is kind of what I wanna discuss, we wanna discuss in this episode, is we do this ourselves, when we say, well, I love you. But it doesn't always add up. So with society using the word love in so many different ways, many things defining it, it's been watered down so much and used so many ways, it's become easy even in our most important things like our relationships to use the word flippantly. Where we just, we throw it out. I love you. But do we really mean it? [Jennifer] Yeah, it's like we have one word that encompasses so many other different words really. [Aaron] Right. And what's interesting is in that... [Jennifer] Not all words, sorry I meant all versions, like, we have the word love, that means a lot of different things. [Aaron] But it's one word. [Jennifer] But one word. [Aaron] Which can be very confusing [Jennifer] Which is why people use it in so many different ways. Is what I'm trying to say. [Aaron] Well, and it's important to realize that because you know when we talk about all the things that we love, and then we just also love our wife, also love our spouse, or you know, our kids, but there's something that's gonna make these mean something different. In the Bible, in the Greek, in the Hebrew, there are several different words for love. You can look those up. It's a great study to do, a word study on the word love in the Bible. And each one has a different meaning, each one's used for a different purpose, and they're much more defined, they make much more sense. And they're almost always in the situation of relationship. But in this episode, we're gonna not focus on the words necessarily for love, but rather the proof of love. [Jennifer] I love that. [Aaron] So to better illustrate this, I may say, I love my wife. Like I love you. But how do you know that to be true? How do you know that what I'm saying isn't just words but truth. [Jennifer] Because you show me. And your actions back up what you're saying. [Aaron] Exactly. So, but we do this. We say it all the time like, Oh, I love you. Like, I know this happened, but I love you. But what's hard is in our hearts and our minds. There's a disconnect. We can feel it, we may not able to verbalize it. [Jennifer] Real quick before moving on. I think that's important to note that when your words and actions are backing each other up, that's when trust is built. And you just use the word disconnect so when you say one thing, you say I love you but your actions don't back that up, that disconnect contributes to distrust. [Aaron] Right. [Jennifer] Right? I think that's important to note for marriage, marriage is listening. [Aaron] And that's what we wanna talk about. Because we all would say we love our spouse. And if you're listening and you're not in a place where you can say you love your spouse, then I pray that this encourages you in this episode, I pray that you'd go before the Lord and ask him to help you love your spouse. But it's important, because our words matter, and our actions matter. And someone brought up ones at our church about the actions of Jesus and how important they were because they lined up with his words. He did what he said. He said what he did. He fulfilled his own word. He fulfilled what God's word was. [Jennifer] Which is why we can trust him. [Aaron] Which is why we can trust him. [Jennifer] So real quick. We titled this episode, "Are you really loving?" But I think the real question what we're gonna look at today is, are we acting in truth when we say I love you. [Aaron] Right. And that's what we need to ask ourselves. And that's why we're going to walk through some things, just to kind of challenge us in keeping us from just throwing out the word and making that like a default, like, yeah I'm acting this way and this way and this way and, but you know, I love you, right? [Jennifer] Well that's actually a good question. Can we say that we love and are not necessarily required to act? Act on that, you know, act like we do. [Aaron] I don't know, how do you feel when I say that I love you but I don't act like it? [Jennifer] Yeah, like use the word proof earlier and I just love that because I think that it's proof. [Aaron] Right. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] So if I don't act like it? It doesn't matter what I said because I love you, but my actions aren't even close to showing it. Then you're thinking, do you really though, do you really love me? [Jennifer] And that's not good to place doubt in our spouses hearts and minds [Aaron] But we do love, and the Bible shows us. Jesus makes it very clear how we will know if we love him or not. With Jesus, it's not a, as long as you just say you love me I'm like, you can do whatever you want and we're good. Just say you love me. Now Jesus makes it very clear how we will know if we love him or not. And this is what Jesus says in John 14, verse 15, "If you love me," it is very clear, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." So he makes it very clear. He's not looking for as his term is, lip service. He's not looking for people to just say they love him, he wants people to show they love him. [Jennifer] So in deeds, like in your actions, obedience to his word. [Aaron] 1st John three, verse 18. He says, "Little children, let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth." Again, this clarifies this idea of what it looks like to love. We can use our words and let it be that only, which we do. I do this. I say it but I don't do it. But he says, "Let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth." [Jennifer] Before you go on and explain how really important this is, can I interrupt with one little story about Truet? [Aaron] Yes. [Jennifer] Okay. So our number four, he's two and a half and he's been slow to talker. Slower to talk. [Aaron] Yeah, slower to talk. [Jennifer] Out of the other kids. And I think partly is because he just gets away with it. Everybody like interprets what he's trying to say and just doesn't make him say much. So I've been trying to work with him on how, you know, how he talks. [Aaron] Speaking to us. [Jennifer] Speaking to us. And he runs up to my lap the other day and he says, "Love you mom." And it's like his first like big sentence where he's pronounced everything correctly, and his eyes were just so lit up and I just thought, oh my word, I love you so much. And then he kept doing it for like a whole minute. It was so sweet, over and over and over again. [Aaron] Cause he knew he got it. [Jennifer] Yeah. But you know, you're talking about this verse, it says, "Little children let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth." And in as much as that moment impacted me for Truet, and what he was sharing with me that he loves me, it was unprompted and out of nowhere and I know that to be true. I think that kids do less talking and more actions all the time if we're paying attention. They show us in what they give us and they don't have much, but they'll, you know, rewrap one of their gifts for us, they'll write or draw a picture for us. [Aaron] They crop and relapse and like when Truet runs up and just wants to hold my leg. [Jennifer] Yeah. They'll grab our hands randomly. And I think that all those little ways of them expressing what we mean to them is exactly that. So I love that this verse is saying little children because it's almost like he's talking to all of us as children of God, but really it's like a draw to, hey, look at the children. [Aaron] That's really good. Cause they do, they are less about just words. I think that's something that they grow into as they get older, but yeah, they're deeds. And I like that it puts deeds with truth. Cause you were talking about that. It's like lying. Like you say it but you don't do it, you're not telling the truth. But when you say it and do it, that's the truth. And this is the same for how we love our neighbors and fellow believers. Not in words alone, but in deed and in truth [Jennifer] It's in the action, it's in commitment, it's in obedience, it's in that heart posture toward the thing that you're saying it's the proof. [Aaron] Yeah. It's the doing, it's how we act. And as we always say, like in our book, our closest neighbors or spouse, so it gets to start in the home, where we get to practice, acting out our love for our spouse, for our children, and then our church, and then our neighbors, and then, you know, strangers. But it starts there and trickles out from there. So how often do you think we say we love each other? [Jennifer] Multiple times a day. I'd say definitely at the end of every phone call, and before we close our eyes at night, before we go to bed. [Aaron] Yeah a lot. We don't have a number. That was a rhetorical question. We say it a lot. [Jennifer] Oh, sorry. [Aaron] Yeah, it's good, cause it is multiple times a day. I would put a number if I knew exactly, but there's no way to know. It's a lot. [Jennifer] Here would be my question if I was to ask a question. How many of our disagreements, disappointments or contention between us, how often is that a result of feeling unloved in some way? [Aaron] Probably most of them, right? [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Like if it's me. [Jennifer] That was rhetorical too. [Aaron] Yes. But what's interesting about this is we just answered how we say we love each other a lot, but then we have contentions and disappointments and disagreements as a result of feeling unloved. So the amount of times we say it, and how often we act it out, is not the same. That equation doesn't work. But this is true, everyone that's listening is probably thinking like, oh yeah, because this is marriage. This is life we have to navigate this. But, if we have our minds on, Oh man, I'm not even acting in love right now, like I should even say I love you if I'm not acting like it. I need to make an adjustment in my behavior, to show you I love you. And that could come into just example. Humbling myself in an argument and saying, I don't wanna fight, I'm really sorry, how can I help this? [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] Like slowing it down instead of ramping it up. Which is something that I can tend to do. [Jennifer] We both do it when we walk in the flesh. You said we all get to navigate this in marriage. And I think that it's so important to acknowledge that love is a massively important part of the infrastructure or foundation of the marriage relationship. And if there's no love, then there's no trust, there's no hope, there's no purpose. Those things begin to crumble if the infrastructure, if the foundation isn't solid. And so as much as we say we love each other and we think that our marriage is going okay. I think it's really important to constantly reevaluate that foundation and say, are there any cracks, are there any places where I need to reinforce, affirm and better that structure. So does that make sense? [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] So why don't we look at how the Bible defines it? [Jennifer] Wait, are you going to thee, section. [Aaron] It's an important section. It's the love section. It's 1st Corinthians 13. Everyone calls it the love chapter in the Bible. [Jennifer] We gonna give you a piece now, and then the big chunk later. [Aaron] Yeah. And there's a reason it's quoted so much. It's because we need it to get this right. It says this in verse one, "If I speak in tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I'm a noisy gong or a clanging symbol. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned but have not love, I gain nothing." [Jennifer] So without love, we're nothing, without love we gain nothing. So we must learn what love is. And we must understand what love does and how it motivates us to action. [Aaron] Yeah. I wanna make one note. This is a little side note. But I noticed in this. So in 1st Corinthians chapter 12, and I even think 11, it's talking about all the gifts of the spirit. And like tongues and prophecy and all these things. And this is mentioning these ideas of gifts, which means that we can operate in giftings, but not be walking in love. So it's not the same thing as showing love to one another. And at the end of chapter 12, he talks about how he would show them in even greater way. And then he goes into talking about love. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] So the greater way it's like yeah, you can walk in these giftings, you can walk in these things that God's given you and not have love. And it's like a resounding symbol, a noisy gong. It's not the complete picture. God wants us to walk in love. And yeah, so we gain nothing, we are nothing if we don't have love. So I got a question for you listeners, and for you Jennifer. Do you know what the first mention of love in the Bible is? [Jennifer] No. I'm just gonna be straightforward, I don't. [Aaron] You didn't know before the, I mean you're probably looking at the notes, right? [Jennifer] I'm just being honest, I didn't know. Yes I see your notes, but I didn't know. [Aaron] Well, there's something for those that like like to study the Bible, and I hope you all do. There's something interesting about words and when you find the first mentions of them cause they have value of why they were mentioned there in the first place. That the first mention in the Bible of love is when God tests Abraham's faith. Abraham the father of faith. But at the same time in this story gives a foreshadow of how he plans to show the world his own love and faithfulness. It's in Genesis chapter 22, which by the way is really crazy that it takes 22 chapters in the Bible before you hear the word love. [Jennifer] That's what I was thinking. That's why I just, the first thing I thought it was God in the garden. I'm like duh, but I was surprised by this. [Aaron] It says this. He said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love and go to the land of Moriah and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you." So this is a pretty familiar story. Abraham's to go sacrifice his son, you know, and we hear it. We know how that goes. God stops him, but it was to test his faith. He says now I know you will not withhold anything from me, even your own son. But he says, the son whom you love, right? This was the son of promise. And it sounds really familiar. Read that verse right there in Matthew 3:17. [Jennifer] "And behold, a voice from heaven said, this is my beloved son with whom I am well pleased." Nice little tie in there. [Aaron] Jesus is God's beloved son with whom he is well-pleased, right? Like Isaac was Abraham's beloved son. And then read this one, John 3:16. I'm pretty sure everyone knows this one. [Jennifer] Everybody knows this one okay. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." [Aaron] And that is the gospel. God sent his son that he loved to be a sacrifice that whoever believes in him would not perish but have everlasting life. And there's a great correlation here, that God loves his son Jesus, and Jesus was motivated by love for us and for the father. And that same love compels us to live for him and not ourselves. And so we have this picture of Abraham and his son, and this is the first mention of love in the Bible, and it's a foreshadow of the gospel of Jesus coming in. That's the first time we hear love. Is when it's foreshadowing in the gospel. It's more specifically about Jesus coming to die on a cross, which is incredible I think. [Jennifer] That's amazing, I never tied those two together like that. When you see him, you know back to back it's just really powerful. So let's look at some more scripture in John 15 verses nine and 10 it says, "As the father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my father's commandments and abide in his love." So again we see this picture of love in action. Abide is an action word, it's not a passive word. So he says abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love. So he says how to do it. So Jesus has commandments to love your neighbor as yourself. To love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength. He says those are the greatest two commandments. And all the law of God hangs on those two commands. And so if you love God, you'll abide in those things and that's how you abide in God's love, and Christ's love. It's an action. It's not just I said it, I love Jesus. Great. How do you know you love Jesus? How does Jesus know you love Jesus? How does the world know you love Jesus? Here's another verse, it says, "See what great love the father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God." And that is what we are. Even God, it says, "See what great love the father has lavished on us." See. So here's the proof of God's love of what he lavished on us. [Jennifer] And then all you have to do is start in Genesis and read to revelation. [Aaron] Yeah exactly. That we should be called children of God. So him making us children of God, when we used to be children of wrath, right? Is him showing his love. He doesn't just say, I love you, figure it out. He says, I love you and I'm gonna lavish it on you by making you my children and my son Jesus. He shows it. [Jennifer] What I love is this verse right here. 1st John 4:19. "We love because he first loved us." [Aaron] There's an order to that action. [Jennifer] There's an order to that action because his love is what motivates us, it's what compels us, it's what draws us near to him and near to others. It's what we choose to walk out in. Not because we just understood one day what love was or read the dictionary definition of love, is because he loved us first. [Aaron] And I think there's a lesson there that I think in marriage, not I think, I know, we can get into the cycle of when you treat me right, I'll treat you right. [Jennifer] Conditions. [Aaron] When you love me well, I'll love you well. But we see this. We love because he first loved us. So we can actually initiate and love. We can walk in it, we can be quicker to forgive, we can get be quicker to give grace and understanding and patience, and we can go out of our way to do something for our spouse regardless if we think they deserve it or not. But the fact that they are your spouse means that they deserve your love. So they do deserve it. But we can initiate it. And I would imagine most spouses would recognize that, would see it, would be drawn into it, and would desire to reciprocate it. So rather than waiting for the other person to do it, and having a bad attitude about it like we do tend to have. [Jennifer] Or fall into the trap of hearing those lies of, well, I'm not gonna do it if dah, dah, dah, dah. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] If there are not. I'm not gonna, cause they don't. [Jennifer] Or because they did this, you know, xyz. [Aaron] Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." So we see this picture of the way a husband should love his wife, is the way Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. [Jennifer] This reveals that proof of love that Christ gave him self up for his bride. [Aaron] So how do we know Christ loved his bride? [Jennifer] He sacrificed himself. [Aaron] He gave himself up for her. [Jennifer] He gave everything. [Aaron] Yeah, he went to the cross. This is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. That's 1st John 3:16. All of these verses were showing that love is not a word, it's a way of being, it's a thing we do. All of these Christ showed it, God showed it, Abraham showed it. We have these pictures of what love looks like in the Bible. [Jennifer] So I know that Jesus is our Lord. He's our savior. He's a lot of things to us, but this next verse shows us he's also our friend. John 15, 13, "Greater love has no one than this to lay down one's life for one's friends." [Aaron] So Jesus did it. [Jennifer] He did it for us. And, again going back to that motivation of why we can love others, why we can do this and obey his word and live this way is because he did it first. [Aaron] Action. Luke 6:27, "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you." [Jennifer] So I put this one in here and then I bolded, do good, because it just shows that again it's something that you are doing. You're intentional, you're choosing. [Aaron] There's proof in your love. Colossians 3:14, "Put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony." So we have this action, put on love. It's something that you're going to act in, something you're gonna walk in, something you're gonna perform. [Jennifer] So, you know, I used the word compel earlier and some people might remember this verse, but it's in different versions, we hear it different ways. And so I'll read the ESV, but I'm also gonna show you where the word compel is. 2nd Corinthians 5:14 through 15 says, "For the love of Christ controls us, or for the love of Christ compels us because we have concluded this, that one has died for all, therefore all have died. And he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised again." So Aaron just thinking about what you just said about we don't have to, or you're talking about initiation and you were saying, what we do is not contingent upon the other person. We can actually initiate love and we can choose to walk that out. It's because of this, what this verse is saying that we live for Christ and Christ has called us to love one another. So if a husband has a wife that maybe is distant, isn't quite in love as she used to be, or there's something, this turmoil he can be controlled by Christ's love for her, right? So he knows Christ loves him, he knows Christ loves her. And so he can be as compelled or controlled by Christ's love because Christ died for him and he knows it. And so he can pursue her in that way. [Jennifer] To be that initiator. [Aaron] Which is incredibly difficult, which is an example of dying to yourself [Jennifer] And wives we can do this same thing. [Aaron] And that's what we wanna do. We wanna let the love of Christ control us so that he flows through us, not our flesh. Cause like we talked about earlier when our flesh gets in the way, it don't work so well. So if love is foundational in our relationships with God and with others. If we say we love, the proof will show in our actions. [Jennifer] Amen. [Aaron] It will show in our obedience to the word of God. And it will show on how we conduct ourselves toward others. [Jennifer] Namely our spouse. [Aaron] First and foremost. [Jennifer] I mean first and foremost. So going back real quick to when we were talking about what you know, what or who defines love, and I said, the creator himself. Do you wanna read this next verse? [Aaron] 1st John 4:7 through 16, "Beloved, let us love one another for love is from God, and whoever loves, has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love." In this, the love of God was made manifest among us that God sent his only son into the world so that we might live through him, in this is love. Not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son to be a propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God. If we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him, and he in us because he has given us of his spirit. And we have seen and testified that the father has sent his son to be the savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love. And whoever abides in love, abides in God and God abides in him. So not just that God defines love, God is love. So what he says love is, is what he is. So we do not get to make up our own definitions of love because then we're making up our own definition of God. Because he is love. So we should be careful to look at what the word says love is because it's showing us a picture of who God is. [Jennifer] Let's look at that. Let's finish reading 1st Corinthians 13. [Aaron] That's perfect. [Jennifer] Starting in verse four. "Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude, it does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, love never ends." [Aaron] Yeah, can we get rid of the irritable or resentful? [Jennifer] Only on Monday and Tuesday, sometimes Friday. [Aaron] And also the bears all things and believes all things. [Jennifer] What does that even mean. [Aaron] Well, this is showing us who God is. So it tells us that he is patient cause he's not willing that any should perish. That's bearing all things. He's waiting. But that's what we should be. When we're rude, we're not walking in love. When we're not being patient. This is the question we're always asking ourselves. Cause we'll say I love you but, and we have to ask ourselves, well like, was I really loving? Cause I actually was very impatient which means I'm not walking in love, because God is patient. So we can look at this, and this is God's definition. He's defining himself actually. But this is how he desires us to walk in his spirit. So it becomes really easy to find out if we are walking in the proof, or if we're just using words and the words don't line up with the actions. [Jennifer] Aaron, you've joked about the heart chart or the love chart. Do you wanna? [Aaron] Yeah, I'm gonna just, I tried making one, and it did not work the way I wanted it to work. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] But essentially it's just, whenever you feel like you, when you say you love and you're looking at a situation, you get to ask yourself, what was I being patient. If it's no, then you're not loving. And so you get to go back and repent. I want to love, I need to be patient. And then you're like, am I being kind? No. Oh, then I'm not loving, so I need to go back. Okay am I being patient? So it's this idea that you just, you look at what it says. So instead of defining, cause this man, we do this. I love you. I was just really frustrated, but I love you. And then you realize like how I totally acted just now was not loving. So why are we saying we love when we're not acting like we love. I do this, when I'm being impatient with the kids, I'm not walking in love with my kids. So I can all day long say I love my kids but if I'm not patient with them, how do they know I love them? They don't. [Jennifer] And that's just the first word then there's kind, does not envy or boast, it's not arrogant, rude, and it's on its own way, it's not irritable or resentful, does not rejoice at wrongdoing. It rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [Aaron] Yeah. When I'm being irritable, like the idea of irritable means easily frustrated. I can be triggered easily. I'm just sensitive. If I'm being that way, then I'm loving myself and no one else. Because I don't want anyone to bother me, don't touch me, like oh, you did it again, like making people walk on eggshells, it's not loving people. That's this idea that of irritability, like I'm easily offended. That's another word that the other translations use is easily offended. [Jennifer] So I love play on words and we have this section of scripture that is talking about love. And then at the very end, it says, love never ends. Which draws you back up to the beginning, and it reminds you that you keep, yeah, that God's infinite for sure. But that also that we're supposed to keep persevering, enduring, and living out this way of love. And I think so often, maybe I shouldn't use the word often, but in marriage I think just overall because I think we're fleshly people. [Aaron] What? [Jennifer] No. And I'm not just saying just specific to us, I'm trying to get this picture out that marriage can be difficult. [Aaron] In general we have a flesh. [Jennifer] We have a flesh, and I think we can be tempted very easily to put a quick end to those ways of being. Does that make sense? [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] Rather than just continuing on to doing the next right thing. [Jennifer] Yeah, to be to persevere in patience, to persevere in kindness, to keep extending these ways of love and proof that you actually do love. And here's an encouragement cause I think someone could take this and say, well I've been impatient lately it doesn't mean I don't love my kids or my spouse. No, the point is that because God loves us, the idea of abiding in his love and being given of his spirit, all these verses we just read that talk about these things is when we get convicted. When I recognize, man, I wasn't walking in patience. What happens is because I love my kids, I'm willing to repent and grow, and next time be more patient. Because if I genuinely didn't love, I would not care. I'd be like, yeah I'm not going to be more patient with you, I don't want to be more patient with you. No I want to be more patient with my kids. Something that we pray about often, like God give us more patience. God give us, help us be more kind, more gentle, help us to be more playful. So just because we make a mistake and we didn't walk in love in the moment, doesn't mean we don't love, it means that we didn't prove it in that moment. And so that's what's awesome about God is, he is patient with us because he loves us. And he's given us his Holy spirit to convict us of sin and righteousness. And so he's working on us. So praise God that he calls it out on us. [Jennifer] Amen. And as we abide in him, that understanding, and those reminders that we should be loving and how to love will be reinforced in our minds and in our hearts. But how do we abide in him? [Aaron] In his word. [Jennifer] Well in his word. So if you listening to this right now, if this is an opportunity for you to take a heart check and say, am I really loving? Am I loving my spouse? Am I loving my children? Am I loving God? And using the scripture that we've shared throughout this entire episode to consider if you're truly loving or not. But also, are you abiding? Are you in God's word? Because when we step outside of that and we are going week to week without being fed and consuming his word, we're gonna forget. And we're gonna let the flesh rule in our ways of being. [Aaron] Right, which is why we're told to abide. Which is a continual process that we... Cause in 1st John it says, "If you're gonna walk in the spirit, then keep in step with the spirit." The spirit of God's moving, we don't control it, he's moving. And so we need to be following, keeping in saved. And like you said, so getting in the word, again this isn't to tell you whether or not you are saved, this is because you're saved. Go look in the word and see how your actions line up with what it says, how your way of thinking lines up with what it says and let the word of God transform you by the renewing of your mind. Because that's what we need. [Jennifer] And this question of are you really loving? It's not really fair because it's not really a yes or no question, because every single one of us know that regardless of how we acted today, or even all the ways that we have proven our love, we know that we can be greater at it, deeper at it, wider at it, right? [Aaron] Yeah. With the holy spirit for sure. [Jennifer] So I think it's a good time to just dig in with ourselves and follow up with, what can I do to prove my love? Whether I'm proving it to God, proving it to you, proving it to my kids, my friends, my family, others. [Aaron] Yeah, so there were people that I love. [Jennifer] I think we should ask it every day. [Aaron] We do what we say. And you have a note here that says don't. You have a note here that says don't let your love grow cold. [Jennifer] Okay so I put that there because I was just recently reading Matthew 24. And you know, it's talking about the end times. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] And, yeah, it's just an encouragement. Don't let your love grow cold. [Aaron] It says in those days, the love of many will grow cold. And so we're seeing that, we're seeing people that they don't care. They're easily angered, they are frustrated, they're certain groups that they just don't like and that's the hearts of many, but it doesn't need to be hearts. [Jennifer] Yeah, let's not be them. [Aaron] We can have warm soft hearts. And the Holy spirit does that for us. [Jennifer] Okay Aaron, so since I like to be practical, you know this, everyone listening knows this. I always bring it up. But for those listening, we've talked about love and how to prove your love and the spiritual side of all of this, which is great. Let's do a lightning round of three practical ways a husband can show love and a wife can show love, or prove their love on a daily basis so that those listening can go home and activate. [Aaron] This is good for the husbands. Cause like me, they're probably thinking like, okay so what's the three-step program. How do I do this? What's the formula? I wanna do this. Like, what do I do tomorrow? [Jennifer] All right, gets and write these down. Ready? [Aaron] All right. [Jennifer] Hold on. Do you go first or do I go first? [Aaron] I'll read these ones cause they're for me to you. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] And they're convicting. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] Number one, sit with her, look in her eyes, maybe with your arm around her and just smile. Be close. So this is like a closeness, like intentional close proximity. [Jennifer] It's like the world's spinning around you but the two of you are not. [Aaron] Yeah, I'm here, look at me. [Jennifer] Things are still between us. [Aaron] Your eyes are beautiful. [Jennifer] It's calm. You're my everything. [Aaron] Yeah. Number two it says stick around after dinner and help clean up or encourage her to take a moment to herself. This is something that I've done. [Jennifer] You do this very well. You let me go like take a bath and you clean up or be with the kids. [Aaron] Yeah. Leave a note for her, number three, on her pillow or maybe before she wakes up, or on the kitchen counter, or I post it on the mirror. [Jennifer] You've written in the mirror before. [Aaron] Yeah, hopefully the steam stays and hanging it up. But these are just some real, these were really great practical, like ways I'm sure all the wives that are listening are like, oh I'd really appreciate that. [Jennifer] Look, we know these aren't the super deep, super wide, super, you know, great, greater ways of showing love, but I'll tell you what being in marriage, what, 14 years now? It's those small ways that add up over time that really do build that trust. [Aaron] Yeah. Then asking the Lord to help you be more creative. [Jennifer] Totally. He's the God of creativity. [Aaron] So how can a wife proof, show, act? [Jennifer] Okay. Affirm him with your words. Acknowledge something that he is doing right or something that he's growing in, something that you see in him, and encourage him. [Aaron] That's a good one. I love affirmation. [Jennifer] I know you do. Number two, encourage a conversation you know he's interested in and just sit back and listen. Be engaging, but you know, let him teach you something new or share something that's been on his heart or mind. [Aaron] That's a good one. [Jennifer] You like to do that with me. [Aaron] Number three. [Jennifer] I've learned a lot of things from you actually doing that. [Aaron] Your number three by the way you can practice tonight if you'd like. I'm just trying to help there. [Jennifer] Give them a back massage or a foot massage just because. [Aaron] Totally, I'll take it. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] That's a good one. [Jennifer] All right you guys, I hope that you were encouraged by this episode. Obviously there are millions of more unique ways to love your spouse, especially when you take the time to study them or know them well. So take the time to do that for your spouse. Our challenge for you this week is just to be thoughtful of how you show, improve your spouse, and affirm your love for them. [Aaron] That's great. [Jennifer] Okay. [Aaron] Speaking of great, what are you grateful for? [Jennifer] That was amazing. [Aaron] Continuing our challenge for the month or for the season I should say. [Jennifer] Yes. We kicked season five off with this section of the podcast where we thought it would be fun to share the things that we're grateful for, as encouragement for you to think about things that you're grateful for. And that we're just gonna share a bunch of gratefulness this whole year, right? [Aaron] Be grateful people. [Jennifer] Let's be grateful. [Aaron] So I'll start. [Jennifer] Perspective is key. [Aaron] Yeah. I'm grateful for health. I was just thinking about it when I was trying to write down like what am I grateful for? Well, it's interesting cause when we're sick, all we wanna be as healthy. [Jennifer] That's true. [Aaron] And then when we're healthy we forget about what it's like to be sick. And I was just really thinking like, I'm really happy that right now we're healthy. [Jennifer] Yeah. Mostly healthy. Do you wanna share with them what happened to your elbow? [Aaron] Oh Gosh. Yeah I was walking, it's been snowing and it's freezing outside, and I was walking with my stroller to take it into the garage from the van and I slipped on the ice and fell right on my elbow. [Jennifer] It's pretty swollen. [Aaron] It hurts really bad. [Jennifer] Sorry. [Aaron] I don't know what's wrong with it but it don't feel good. I'm healthy though. [Jennifer] You are super healthy. [ Aaron] I wrote this before I did this to my elbow by the way. No, but even with my elbow hurting, I am grateful for our health. It's been nice. Especially with five going through any sickness. [Jennifer] Yeah. [Aaron] It's a while. [Jennifer] Okay, and I'm grateful for testimony. Just the good deeds, the works, the things that happen and those who give God the glory for it. I know my faith has always been encouraged and increased when I hear of, you know, people's testimonies or things that are going on in people's lives because God is working and he is moving, and I love hearing about it. [Aaron] Yeah. And for those of you don't know. A testimony is simply what God has done in your life for you through you. Maybe you can be challenged to share that this week. Share your testimony with someone. [Jennifer] That's a good idea. [Aaron] Yeah. [Jennifer] Cool. All right, and then as always, we'd like to end in prayer. Dear Lord, thank you for sending us your son whom you love and who took what we deserve so that we can have a relationship with you, eternity with you. Thank you for your great love. Thank you for loving us and caring for us. We pray we would receive your love and share your love with others. We pray we would show our deep love through action and in truth. Please give us the courage and the boldness to love extravagantly and to love deeply. We prayer our insecurities and selfishness would knock it in the way of truly loving others. We pray the love we experience in our marriages would be extraordinary. We hope others would see how we love each other and know it is because of you. May you be glorified in Jesus name. Amen. [Aaron] Amen. Thanks for joining us on this episode. We love you. Again you guys are our share warriors and our prayer warriors. If you feel obliged, we'd love for you to spread the word about this podcast, share it in an email, or text message. Invite someone to listen to it with you, and get the word out. So we love you all, and we look forward to having you on our next episode. 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