How Not To Suck At Divorce: Divorce Advice You Need To Hear

Okay, boys, this one's for you! But girls, you should listen, too. There's some really helpful information given that we could all use! It's not just women who need community during a divorce. And it's often harder for men to ask for help.  On this episode we talk to Mike Rosen, who hosts a virtual support group,(that doesn't suck), weekly, through a non profit organization called Men Living. The power of knowing that you're not alone can help move somebody forward that's exactly why this group exists. Mike equates the group to an "umbrella in a rainstorm"...and we ALL could use an umbrella in a rainstorm.  So what's stopping you from checking this group out???  You can just listen on your first call, if that makes you feel more comfortable. This group is guys, just like you, from all around the world, here to vent, share, and help eachother through an exhuasting process.  Be proactive and start the process of feeling better. And don't worry, this group is completely FREE. NO strings, NO scams. Click the link below the calendar page on the Men Living site. The group is held on Tuesday nights. When you click on the "VIRTUAL CALL – SEPARATION/DIVORCE SUPPORTSUPPORT FOR THOSE WHO ARE TOUCHED BY SEPARATION/DIVORCE" there will be a place for you to register.  https://menliving.org/calendar-now/   So if you are wondering: Is there a divorce support group for men? How can men get free therapy? Where can I find a virtual support group for divorce? LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE!   And remember to add yourself to our PRIVATE communites: http://www.patreon.com/hownototsuckatdivorce http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity And follow us on Instagram! http://www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce

Inspired by a listener email, we bring you: "Should I Change or Keep my Last Name?" It can be a tough decision, but here's our bottom line: YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION RIGHT AWAY!! If you're struggling with: Is it okay if I have a different last name than my kids? Will keeping my spouse's last name prohibit me from moving on after my divorce? LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE!! And don't forget, you have the option to keep your martial last name professionally, if that's the best decision for you, and you can go back to your pre marraige last name socially! As always, we suggest that you run these thoughts about your last name by your therapist to get their opinion.   And Andrea wants you all to remember to not forget YOU in this decision making process. So often, we are consumed by what's best for our children-which is clearly important-but don't forget about you.   Whatever you decide to do, just know that there's no rush in this decision.   And yes, Major Dick Zucker is a real story. I know...I know. Hope this episode gave you some insight and a little giggle.    Remember to join our private communities!! Patreon (for private listening and extra information) Private Facebook Community (for community and relatable content)   And remember friends, we are here for you, always. Please message us with any questions! DM us on IG!   You've Got This and WE'VE GOT YOU, Morgan & Andrea       

Listen to this episode BEFORE you go into mediation.  It IS possible to have a positive outcome from mediation, even if you feel like you your soon to be ex spouse agree on NOTHING.  Here are 3 EXPERT tips (from a mediator herself) to help you reframe your mind before entering mediation:   1) You don't have to RESPECT your soon to be ex, but you still need to have some DIGNITY for them. In other words, treat them like a human who also has wants and needs (even if their wants and needs are questionable and they're acting like a total tool)   2)Start to think of the problem as something that's outside of you and your soon to be ex. Meaning, the issue is "who gets the kids this Christmas?" or "who gets the lake house?" or "who's going to get the collection of ketchup bottles?" (yes, that was an actual issue for one of Morgan's cases). The issue is not about YOU, and it's not about you soon to be ex, it's simply a "problem" that needs to be "solved".   3)Think about why you want what you say you want. This one is kinda about checking ego, and also just gaining some perspective on the situation.    It's important to keep in mind that everyone loses something in a divorce. You're not gonna come of this thing with EVERYTHING you want, it just doesn't work like that.  In fact, the old divorce joke goes, "if both parties are unhappy and feel they got cheated, then the attorneys did their job" I (Andrea) HATE that joke and it makes me want to scream, but that's the way it goes! And remember, mediaiton, divorce, all of this mess is just going to be ONE event that happened in your life. It's not your life, you have a lot more life to live when this is all behind you.  To find Joy online (and if you're in the great state of NY and would like contact Joy, visit: www.joyrosenthal.com And to access her course, head here! https://courses.joyrosenthal.com/landing-on-your-feet We are here for you, and here to help you not suck at mediation. As always, please message us with questions! http://www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce And join our private community! http://www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce

Chew on this: It's not the divorce that hurts the children; it's the conflict.   Coparenting can be REALLY hard, everybody knows that. But coparenting with someone who's really difficult, and someone who gave you hell during your divorce process is reaaaaallllly hard, believe me, we know. We have heard it all.    So what the hell can you do to make this situation work? Well, we are going to tell you! Today, on the show we have Deb Conley, a therapist who specializes in high conflict coparenting.   Here are three ways you can reframe your mindset to help you BEGIN to coparent with someone who's not easy to coparent with: 1) Don't live in the past. (Look, we know they sucked when you were married to them, but not EVERYTHING they do as a coparent is sucking. Try your best to separate.) 2)Speak to them the way you would speak to a boss or a coworker. Take the emotion out of it. (Easier said that done, we know, but you have to reframe your mind to view this as a business relationship: the relationship of being effective coparents.  3) Let IT GO (of control) This one sucks, but it's important. You can't control everything. You just can't. You've got help yourself determine the issues that are MAJOR that warrant bringing up your concern to your coparent and things that you need to just LET GO OF. (If you are rolling your eyes and you want to scream, Andrea is with you. Having control is probably her favorite hobby) But wait, there's more!!   Deb Conley offers a course you can take to help you be a better coparent. It's done virutally and not both you and your ex have to take it! (Although it does work better if you both take it!) To sign up for the course, email: paralegal.petrichlaw@gmail.com Subject Line: CoParenting Course In the body of the text, mention you heard Deb speak on How Not to Suck at Divorce and they'll be extra nice to you! Course is available to everyone.  BONUS EPISODE on this topic over on our PATREON channel- go listen NOW!   Aside from that, Morgan loves girls' trips, Andrea does not.  Andrea is heading to Vegas this weekend with her kids to teach them how to gamble and party all night. (THAT'S A JOKE< CALM DOWN)   love you guys! Hang in there!!  

Here are three action steps you can take to put you in the best position possible to keep your martial home.    1) Learn how to best refinance/look at a buyout 2) Get creative with negotiations  3) Remember to keep a business mindset (We go deep into all of these steps, so make sure you take a close listen to this episode!)   If you've wondered: How can I refinace my home? How can I remove my ex spouse from my mortgage? How can I convince my ex to let me keep the house? How can I stay in my martial home? How can I pull equity out of my house to payback my ex?   THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU! Also, we are doing two BONUS episodes for this topic, both of those will be available on our Patreon channel! www.patreon.com/hownottosuckatdivorce *one of our bonus episodes will be with a refinacing expert!   aaaannnnnd Andrea is obsessed with the Target tank tops and they're only $8. So don't say we never nothin' for ya!   Hang in there, friends. We know this process is hard, but you've got this, and we've got you. 

The house.  A hot topic during divorce. And for good reason; it's the house where you made lots of memories, especially if you have children together.  But since the house is likely an asset that you have as a couple, now that you are divorcing, it's an asset that will need to be divided.  So, what the hell should you do with the house?? If you've been googling: "Can I keep my house in my divorce?" "How can I figure out how much my house is worth?" "Do I have to split my house with my ex husband/wife?" Then this episode is for you! Let's break this down into three steps that you can take to help you through "the house" process: 1- Determine the value (either by getting it appraised or by getting a CMA- listen to the episode to learn what CMA stands for!)   2- Have a better understanding of what the court would decide to do with the house should you and your ex not reach a conclusion together (you will rely on your attorney heavily here)   3- Be prepared to negotiate with your ex. Kind of goes without saying, but keep in mind that house is something that can be used as leverage at some point in your divorce process.   It's really difficult for a lot of us to view something as personal as our home as part of a business transaction, but that's exactly why we felt that this episode is so important.  And stay tuned for part 2 of "The House" where we are going to give you some pro tips on what you can do if your wish is to keep the house!   Oh, and Morgan is obsessed with Publix grocery stores...listen to episode to hear how she thought the name was pronounced when she was younger!!   If you need Morgan or Andrea for more insight and guidance, please DM or email...or come find us at the nearest Publix in the bakery section!!

Attention: Andrea tried accupunture and she's OBSESSED.  Did you know that accupunture can help with anxiety?? It can. I'm not lying.  In you're in the Chicago area, PLEASE check out Chicago Family Accupunture in Northbrook, IL.  100% worth, tell them Andrea from How Not Suck at Divorce sent ya! http://www.instagram.com/chicagofamilyacu   Okay, raise your hands if you're open to trying a new way of healing!! Apparently, talk therapy doesn't work for everyone who's stuggling with overcoming trauma.  Today's guest, Carrie Holladay, is a trauma healing coach and she's giving us an overview on somanic healing and how it could possibly with for you.  What is somantic healing? How to heal from trauma? How to heal from childhood trauma? How to heal from relationship trauma? This episode is leaning a little "woo woo", we know, but stay with us!! Healing doesn't look the same for everyone, and if you've tried everything else and it hasn't worked, why wouldn't you be open to something different?? Somatic healing works with your nervous system to help your body release the trauma that you're storing in your body.  The process can happen in groups on in one on one sessions. And, it can be virtual! To find Carrie: IG: @healwithcarriejean https://www.instagram.com/healwithcarriejean/ IG: @healinghubclub https://www.instagram.com/healinghubclub/ TikTok: @healwithcarrie https://www.tiktok.com/@healwithcarrie?_t=8ZkIPxkaTL0&_r=1   https://www.myhealinghub.com/   Andrea is on board and ready to heal, Morgan is still shaking her head.   Neither can pronounce "amygdala".    Moral of the story: healing from trauma is possible and somatic healing is just one more tool to have in your toolbox on your healing journey.    Got questions? Just ask us!

This episode is going to help you help your kids as you navigate your divorce.   Meet Sara Olsher. She's the founder of a company called Mighty and Bright, a company dedicated to helping parents help their kids through difficult transitions, like a divorce.  Mighty and Bright makes stylish coparenting calendars that are designed for your children! They are have books, games and tons of other resources!!   And wise words from Sara:   Here are three steps you can take to show your child EMPATHY: 1) Get on their level- physically.  Speak to them eye to eye so you're not looking down to them when you're talking 2) Validate their emotions- refrain from using phrases like "don't cry". Let them cry. It's okay for your child to be upset. Validate their feelings by saying, "I know that you're feeling really upset right now. That's okay. I'm here for you" 3) When your child is hurt by the other parent's actions, you can tell them: "Mommy and Daddy love you very much. We do not mean to hurt your feelings and we are sorry that your feelings got hurt. Thank you for letting me know and I will make sure we do better."  Go check out www.mightandbright.com to see how their resources can help you! And here's a special link to a book that Sara wrote to help talk to your kids about Divorce! Use CODE: DONTSUCKATDIVORCE for a special discount https://mightyandbright.com/products/ebook-how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-divorce And a nugget of wisdom from Morgan from our Fan Mail segment: If you find an attorney whom you cannot afford long term, but you really liked them ...you might want to consider paying them for a consultation. If can give you good feedback on your case!

Can you get divorced without f@cking up your kids??? In short: yes.  So, what can you do? If you are worried about screwing up your children by getting divorced, know this: 1) Your children are likely to sustain MORE damage by you NOT leaving an unhealthy marriage 2) There ARE things that you can do to help mitigate the pain your children experience during the divorce process!   In order to not totally mess up your kids by getting divorced, we suggest you: 1) Get insight from a children's therapist on how to talk to your kids  2) Keep the information you give your kids age appropriate information 3) Assemble a community for them (Make sure you listen to this episode to hear why Andrea is so passionate about step #3!)   Also, does anyone still watch the Real Housewives?? Andrea does, and make sure you listen to this episode to hear what Morgan thought of the hotel in Iceland that the Housewives cast stayed in a few years ago!   And remember, you've got this...and we've got you!  

Are you worried about how much your divorce is costing you?  Yeah, we bet you are.    Well, lucky for you, listeners, we have you covered! Here are some helpful tips on how to save money and avoid a major headache in your divorce: *Have a PLAN (sounds obvious, but it's not) You and your attorney should have a plan in place- and know that it's likely that this plan will CHANGE *Be mindful with how and when you're communicating with your attorney (billable hours, friends!!) *Be prepared for the UNEXPECTED  Avoid the "what the f#ck?!?" moments by ASKING your attorney what could possibly happen in your divorce case.    And remember, it takes a team to help you through a tranisiton. If you are struggling with an alochol problem, Soberlink is here to help you. If your soon to be ex spouse is struggling with an alcohol problem and you're concern about their abilty to safely parent, Soberlink is here to help.  Visit them: www.soberlink.com/notsuck You got this and we've got you.