Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

During this episode with therapist and coach, Lisa Anzaldua, we talk about ways in which the neurotypical/non-autistic partner can heal and thrive after experiencing "unknown neurodiversity" and Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome aka: Cassandra Syndrome. We address the ways in which Lisa helps others heal through her support groups, therapy and coaching. The topics discussed include the following: Establishing emotional safety within a group, or some other container to establish a sense of belonging and be validated. The importance of knowing you're not alone. The process for healing anger, resentment and confusion. Empowerment and "Post Traumatic Growth". Understanding attachment trauma. Focusing on your highest good and deepest well-being. Dissipating shame. How emotional micro-traumas occur when you're not believed. Being bonded and attached to your partner while a lot of energy is used to keep the peace. Questioning your reality. Unresolved issues and gaining clarity of patterns and ourselves. Understanding where our anger is coming from and resolving the shame around the anger. Triggers are windows of opportunity and mirrors of our needs. Our relationships can also be mirrors of what needs to be healed. Challenges establishing healthy boundaries and how understanding your needs can help with boundaries. How your adaptative parts have protected your vulnerable parts. Exploring early life issues using Internal Family Systems (IFS). The protective parts (managers and firefighters) in IFS Paradox of hope. Is hope the source of our suffering or is helping us determine what is possible? Radical acceptance and strengthening our core selves. Re-establishing a strong sense of self and truth. Understanding the values and core beliefs of your highest self. You can contact Lisa through her website at: www.thrivingbeyondcassandrasyndrome.com to schedule a free consultation with her for some additional guidance. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com. You can also follow her on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy access to the conference sessions today.   Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

We recorded this episode on March 31, 2023, which was International Transgender Visibility Day. During this episode, we talk about how differences in identity can be used as a way to divide people through fear. Whether you are neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, or different in some other way that some people may not understand, we hope you will find this episode enlightening and inspiring. According to the ACLU, there are over 400 Anti-LGBTQ+ bills that have been introduced in more then 40 states in the United States. Unfortunately, when people respond to differences with anger and judgment, it can lead to so much shame and emotional pain. Hurt people, hurt people, but healing is possible when we look at differences through an open heart and a lens of curiosity. The Neurodiverse Love podcast is about partnering with others to increase understanding of the strengths, differences and challenges in neurodiverse relationships and we hope this episode brings some insight and understanding into how we can all be more accepting of others. Greg talks a little about his trans-son's 5 year journey and shares a very powerful quote from Audre Lorde. In addition, the other topics we address are: How some people respond to differences and misunderstanding. Feelings and responses we may have in our neurodiverse relationships. How do we create deeper closeness, connection. safety, and calm? Self-care and self-love is an act of self preservation and political defiance. The impact of denying your identity. Understanding connections and disconnections to your body. The emotional, physical and spiritual pain of becoming your authentic self. We all want to be seen, heard, understood, cared for and loved. Owning your own feelings, struggles and reflections. Being self-aware and understanding your needs. Having positive assumptions and curiosity around the struggles in our relationships. What are you not willing to face in your relationship that may lead to being triggered? Stepping into your discomfort. Look inside, rather then externalizing your needs. Giving your partner space and understanding they still love you even when they aren't attuning or connecting. The internal experience of the autistic. Our thinking becomes our reality and we tell ourselves stories that aren't true. The importance and value of "connective energy" and collaboration. Trusting yourself and your relationship with yourself. Deepening connection to your "parts" and self-knowledge. The importance of telling yourself that you are "good" to counterbalance disempowerment. Sometimes it is hard to have healing conversations, but they are SO important! If you would like to contact Greg you can check out his website at: www.GregFuqua.com or contact him at www.LifeWorksDM.com.  You can also check out his profile on Psychology Today. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her  an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com. You can also follow her on Instagram @neurodiverse_love If you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Mona and her guest co-host Nicole Knowlton share how "unknown" autism and neurodiversity impacted the relationships they had with their neurodivergent father's (and other members of their families). In addition, they address how the issues in their "family of origin" impacted their relationships with their ex-husbands. The other topics addressed include: How reprocessing memories and past hurts makes it easier to have peace. Reparenting yourself and forgiving your parents. The value of understanding challenges with emotional intimacy through a neurodivergent lens. Understanding the addictions that family members may have had to help them cope with "unknown" neurodiversity. Learning how to accept and forgive, and focusing on healing, can help lighten our hearts. Misunderstanding communication styles during family gatherings and the possible impact of sensory sensitivities, emotional overload or socializing differences. How masking by family members can begin to make sense. Gaining better understanding of controlling behaviors or emotional abuse. Holding on to anger, resentment and judgement can increase ongoing suffering. The value of healing and identifying your stress responses. Having safe conversations about neurodiversity may create challenges, because of stereotypes and pathologizing. The need to create boundaries and share non-negotiables, even when family members don't want to accept or acknowledge neurodiversity. The importance of articulating how it makes you feel when a parent/family member communicates in an "unintentionally" hurtful way. Why some partners or family members may fawn/people-please or shutdown. The importance of better communication, expressing your needs, self-awareness, and being willing to work beyond the discomfort. The importance of family members educating themselves about autism and neurodiversity. Mona and Nicole end this episode with a few of the lessons they have learned on their journey to reprocess family memories and understand how their "family of origin" impacted their marriages. You can contact Nicole Knowlton at: NicoleMKnowlton@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter or Instagram @aspietherapist __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or ⁠click here⁠ to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. ⁠Click here⁠ to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Mona is joined by her guest co-host, Dr. Bronwyn Wilson. Together, they share information about masking and camouflaging from the neurotypical/non-autistic perspective. Some of the topics addressed include: What masking looked like in our families and relationships. How unknown neurodiversity impacts masking and camouflaging. Masking to avoid conflict and as a coping mechanism. Camouflaging or masking with others, but not at home. How the mask comes off when a relationship moves to a deeper level. The disconnect "behind closed doors" and what others see outside the relationship. Masking when you don't know the answer or you don’t want to get it wrong. Working "with" your partner to "work out" the challenges with masking. The importance of having the intrinsic motivation to change. The 3 things that can make change possible. Increased knowledge and understanding can lead to making informed decisions. Are women better at camouflaging because they want to fit in more? Masking is exhausting and can contribute to fear and anxiety. The impact of un-masking quickly. Understanding the importance of down time to unmask and re-charge. When you understand and accept each other's differences the mask can come off. If you want to contact Bron, or order a copy of her book, check out her website at: www.bronwilson.com. You can also buy her e-book on Amazon. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love or click here to sign up for the Neurodiverse Love Newsletter. Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27 AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode, Renee Rosales, the Founder of Theara shares the journey that she and her family have traveled to better understand the strengths, differences, challenges and learning opportunities that neurodiversity brings to their lives. Renee talks about how being an advocate for her son, took her down a path that helped pave the way for her passion for the "neurodiverse collective".   Through Theara she is offering the world an "acronym-based" system that can help build bridges for individuals, families, schools and organizations to learn how to better understand and support each other when there are neurological differences that may not be fully understood or appreciated. She also offers courses, coaching, consulting, links for life hacks, resources and tools for all types of neurodiversity. Other topics we discuss are: The road traveled to learn more about her son's differences. Fear of reaching out to others who may not understand. Grief and trauma that may occur with the discovery of neurodiversity. The importance of remembering that we don't just connect with words. Understanding the gift of curiosity and the importance of taking personal accountability. "Hybrid types" not "co-morbidities". What is a "sensory diet"? The shifts in her relationship with her husband. Why and when her and her husband separated and then reunited. Understanding dyslexia as a "processing disorder"- ie: "Dial-up" versus "broadband". The importance of understanding each other's communication style and needs. Respecting your partner, as you rebuild trust together. The value of being proactive, instead of reactive. You can't change others, however you "may" have some influence as you change yourself. Learning how you can be most effective individually, and in your relationships. Growth is painful! Both partners need to be invested in positive engagement. Turning trouble into training and obstacles into opportunities Determining what is going to be an obstacle to my JOY. Knowing love is in the "reaching"! You can contact Renee by email at: Theara@theara.com or on her website at: www.theara.com ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

During this episode,  Mona is joined by her guest co-host Greg Fuqua for a great conversation about unidentified autism, awareness and understanding of autism, recognizing and normalizing autism, and the Generation Gap.   Greg was also a guest on Season 4 of the podcast, so if you haven't listened to that episode please check it out. Other topics we discuss are: The change in prevalence rates and what it really means. How neurodiversity presents in different ways. Validating and understanding how people struggle. Recognizing traits in yourself when your child is diagnosed. Increase in stress may contribute to identifying autism. Secondary and tertiary clues of autism. Narcissism and control issues that may be related to "unidentified autism". Social disability model of autism. Awareness, education and self understanding are just the beginning. Relationship with self is critical. Understanding which of your "parts" are trying to protect you. Be aware of stress and capacity issues. Masking to be accepted. Understanding the internal autistic experience and how more traits show up "at home". Barriers to self-disclosure. Normalizing different wiring as a lens for understanding and growing. Misdiagnosis in women. Struggles with Theory of Mind. If you would like to contact Greg you can check out his website at: www.GregFuqua.com or contact him at www.LifeWorksDM.com.  You can also check out his profile on Psychology Today. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love,  an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Lastly, if you missed the Neurodiverse Love Conference you can still buy a ticket for $98 to listen to the 27  AMAZING  pre-recorded conference sessions. Click here to buy your ticket today.  Presentations will be available to watch until May 15, 2023 Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

If you missed the First Virtual Neurodiverse Love Conference, no worries...tickets are still available for $98 at: www.neurodiverselove.com.  You will be able to hear the 27 Fantastic pre-recorded conference presentations & check out some of the Q&A chats that were held during the conference.  All of the conference sessions will be available to watch until May 15, 2023. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ During this episode, Mona and Nicole Knowlton talk about the stigma and fear neurodivergent individuals and neurodiverse couples may experience when sharing their neurodiverse journey. Some of the topics addressed include:  The stigma and fear around diagnosis and self identification;  Stereotypes that impact the responses received; How social media content is helping;  When, or how, to share with friends, family, and coworkers;  Looking at the genetic component of  neurodiversity and reviewing your family tree; What it means to have a diagnosis and how it may impact you in the future (ie: discrimination and/or accommodations); The importance of seeing your partner for who they are and not what you want them to be;  Being "neuro-gifted" and "neuro-talented"; Why it may be challenging to stop masking or camouflaging;  Mind-blindness; and  Healing old wounds and finding a new way of relating. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you would like to contact Nicole for coaching, therapy and/or assessments.  You can find her on Psychology Today or on Twitter @aspietherapist _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love,  an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com. or visit her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com Also, if you are interested in buying a deck of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, the digital deck is now available for $11.  Click here to buy your deck today. Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Delve into the emotional journey of separation in a neurodiverse relationship. The speaker shares personal experiences, highlighting the complex feelings that arise during a breakup. Explore the impact of neurodiversity on relationships, emphasizing the importance of healing and forgiveness. Discover valuable insights on assessing relationship viability and navigating the turmoil of divorce. The conversation encourages embracing joy and comfort amidst pain, shedding light on both neurotypical and autistic perspectives.

During this episode, Mona talks about some of the emotions and feelings both partners may experience when one or both discovers they are a neurodiverse couple. She shares the shame she felt when she was struggling with postpartum depression for 2 years and attempts to normalize the feeling of not wanting to disclose to others what you are experiencing for fear of how people will respond or judge you.  In addition, she discusses the way guilt and anger may be experienced by both partners. She also talks about how one or both partners may experience denial around neurodiversity.  Although this may create some challenges, understanding how you and your partner are each hard-wired, and what may or may not be able to change, can be so helpful.  Mona also talks about how important it is for both partners to understand their own wants, needs, values, non-negotiables and boundaries and be able to discuss these with each other.  Sometimes love isn't enough and no matter what decision you make about your relationship, it's important to understand that your relationship is not a "community or family project". You and your partner can think outside the box and create the type of relationship that works for both of you.  Some neurodiverse couples enjoy living apart and planning dates together, others may live in different parts of the same house and eat meals together, others may be in open relationships or polyamorous.  No matter what you are feeling, or what type of relationship you are in, it's important to remember that your priority should be doing what works for you and your partner and not what pleases others. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!

Dr. Bronwyn Wilson is an educator, researcher and author.  In her personal life she is married to an autistic man and in a neurodiverse family.  Increasing understanding of neurodiverse relationships is her passion, and she will be one of the three guest co-hosts joining Mona for Season 5 of the Neurodiverse Love podcast. During this episode, we talk about the fact that many people still think that autism only occurs in children.  There is still  SO much misunderstanding regarding autistic adults.  We also talk about the stereotypes in film and  tv and how we need to do a better job of educating the world about neurodiversity and the strengths, differences and challenges of neurological differences.   Other topics addressed Include: The Lost Generation. How both partners in an neurodiverse relationship often "wish" they knew earlier about their neurological differences. The importance of accepting that you can't relive the past. Communication differences and understanding what you each need when you're in distress. How scripts can create challenges and misunderstandings. Everyone has needs they want to be met and learning how both partner get their needs met. Bron's research included survey's and conversations with 400 people throughout the world. Her next book is focused on educating counselors, therapists, family and friends. Cognitive differences that may be hard wired and how to understand each other's wiring Theory of mind difference and mindblindness. You can buy Bron's book: "Have They Gone Nuts? The Survival Guide to Social Interaction in Neurodiverse (Autistic-Neurotypical) Relationships" or contact her at: www.bronwilson.com  _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you are interested in learning more about the support groups that Mona offers for neurotypical/non-autistic partners or neurodiverse couples, please send her a DM on Instagram @neurodiverse_love, or an email at: neurodiverselove4u@gmailcom Thanks for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love Community!